Fic: Medicinal Purposes, 585, NSFW
Title: Medicinal Purposes
Author: sharpeslass
Pairing: 585
Rating: NSFW (in any way, shape or form)
AN: This was written for theskywasblue because she had a rough November and because I wuv her. The concept of Hakkai’s healing having a certain, erm... affect on Gojyo is not originally mine. I first saw it used by despina_moon in this lovely fic. But I loved the concept so I stole it and used it (with full permission from the author).
“Don’t be ridiculous, Gojyo!” Hakkai exclaimed. “Stay still. It will only take a moment and, trust me, you will be grateful for this.”
It hadn’t taken long for Hakkai to notice that Gojyo had been going to great lengths to avoid Hakkai’s healing touch. With lesser wounds, Hakkai had simply given a sigh and favoured Gojyo with a slightly injured look. But, as was inevitable in this line of work, Gojyo had finally sustained a more serious injury: a deep gash to his upper arm, a cut so deep that muscle and tendon were visible through torn flesh. He was pale with blood-loss and too weak to put up much in the way of vocal protestation and anything in the way of physical resistance.
One hand pressed down on Gojyo’s chest, holding him unresisting to the mattress of the hotel bed, as another hovered over the deep gash in his bicep. Gojyo found himself tensing in anticipation of what was to come - namely, he suspected, based on long experience, himself. He closed his eyes tightly as the electric tingle began, easing the ache in his arm as another more pleasant ache started up in his groin. By the time the chi energy had fully enveloped his injury, he was clenching his teeth in an effort to hold back a groan of unasked-for sexual pleasure. He fisted the hand of his uninjured arm, gripping the blanket beneath him and willing his hips not to rise off of the bed.
“Relax, Gojyo,” Hakkai ordered, his voice heavy with concern and confusion. “This shouldn’t hurt.”
“Doesn’t,” groaned Gojyo. “You almost... uh, aah!” An orgasm ripped through him with the sudden force of a lightning bolt. Sparkling flashes of light danced before his eyes followed by a velvety darkness through which he could hear only the rapid beating of his own heart and feel only Hakkai’s hand, still pressed innocently against that pounding beat. Gojyo’s arm was in perfect condition but his boxers were damp and a sticky slickness was pooling on his abdomen, concealed by the fabric of his jeans. He opened his eyes cautiously. Green eyes peered at him, full of concern.
“Are you all right, Gojyo?” Hakkai asked.
“’M fine,” Gojyo muttered. He sat up and peered at his injured arm. Barely a mark remained. He rotated his shoulder and felt only a slight twinge. Not bad, he acknowledged, considering a strong wind probably would have blown the limb off just five short minutes ago. “Perfect.” He flashed what he hoped was a casual grin at Hakkai. “One hundred percent. Thanks man.” Hakkai smiled back at Gojyo, who allowed himself a silent prayer of thanks that his friend hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary.
“Honestly, Gojyo,” Hakkai said, rising to gather his supplies together. “I don’t know why you create such a fuss over this.” He moved about the room, tidying the mess Gojyo had managed to make in the two short days the ikkou had been in residence in this south-of-nowhere-town hotel room. “I promise you, I am not expending energy I don’t have. I appreciate your concern for me, but really, there is no need.” There had been times when Hakkai had healed others at peril to his own health and safety, and Gojyo had worried about him on those occasions, but that had little to nothing to do with his objection to being healed by Hakkai himself. Gojyo uttered a non-commital grunt and reached for his cigarettes. “Even Sanzo lets me heal him when necessary,” Hakkai continued. Gojyo said nothing, just lit his cigarette and took several long drags.
Shut up, dude. I’m trying to enjoy the afterglow, Gojyo didn’t say.
Hakkai clearly had no idea his healing touch was having this effect on Gojyo. Gojyo wanted it to stay that way. He’d had sexual thoughts about Hakkai before - fantasies, even. Lots of them. They’d started years ago - not too long after Hakkai had moved in with him. But those thoughts were almost wholly under his control - well, as much as any sex stuff was under any guy’s control. Sure, they’d worried him at first, because he’d never felt that way about a guy before. But, over time, he’d just stopped worrying and enjoyed them for what they were: totally private, and between him and his left hand and some version of Hakkai that existed only in his mind. It wasn’t hurting anyone. It was making him feel pretty good. And, since he’d still never had thoughts like that about any other dudes, he figured he probably wasn’t gay. Or he was only gay for Hakkai - or something like that. And nothing was going to happen anyway. Not in the real world.
But this healing thing was different. He had no control over it. It didn’t matter what he was or wasn’t thinking about. It was imposed from the outside and took over his body completely and inescapably. It was too strong and too fast and actually almost painful. And it scared the fuck out of him.
For a while, Gojyo had tried to convince himself that it was a natural part of the healing process and affected everyone the same way. He’d finally cornered Goku and asked him about it - not directly of course, but in general terms.
“Hey, Monkey, It ever feel funny when Hakkai heals you?”
Goku had shrugged. “It kinda tingles a little,” he’d replied, not putting down his meat bun.
“That’s it?” Goku had hesitated and Gojyo had felt a small swell of hope.
“It kinda feels... safe, you know? Like I get this idea everything’s gonna be okay, and that Hakkai’s kind of taking care of me.”
“Yeah?” That was intriguing, but not the answer Gojyo had been hoping for. Still, Goku was just a kid in a lot of ways. So that left the fucking monk.
“What the fuck are you babbling about?” had been Sanzo’s fairly predictable first response.
“Just, I dunno, do you ever feel anything kind of weird when he does it?”
“No.”
“Nothing, you know, physical?”
Sanzo had narrowed his gaze and exhaled a long stream of smoke into Gojyo’s face. “You mean a sexual response?” he offered.
“Yeah!” Gojyo breathed in relief. “Just like...” Oh, fuck. Sanzo hadn’t smiled - he didn’t do that, generally speaking - but his eyes had been lit with a wicked gleam of amusement nonetheless.
“Nope. Nothing like that,” he’d said, grinding out his cigarette and rising from the table where they had been sitting.
“Shit, Sanzo,” Gojyo had panicked. “Don’t tell anyone, okay?”
“Tch,” Sanzo had shrugged. “It’s none of my business if you’ve got a hard-on for Hakkai. But he’s not stupid. He’s going to figure it out.”
***
Why was Sanzo always right? That thought, not the pain, was what rose to the surface of Gojyo’s mind as Hakkai peeled torn and bloody denim from the vicious gash on his upper thigh several weeks later. At least the monk had the decency to leave the room while Hakkai tended to the wound - and to take Goku with him. This was going to suck hard enough without an audience.
“Oh, dear, Gojyo,” Hakkai said calmly, surveying the damage. “Another inch to your left and this could have been very bad.” It could have been, too. The youkai weapon could have quite tidily castrated him. And, right now, in many ways, Gojyo considered that a preferable outcome. He shut his eyes and felt Hakkai’s hands, felt the slight tingle begin and silently prayed for death to take him as the warmth turned into heat, as the pain receded, as his flesh filled and swelled. Gojyo made barely a sound when the inevitable occurred, but it didn’t matter this time. And now the sounds he’d made every other time would suddenly make sense to Hakkai. Gojyo could practically hear things clicking into place in his friend’s mind as the clock on the wall ticked loudly through the screaming silence.
“Gojyo?” Hakkai’s voice trembled slightly as he spoke. Gojyo heard shock, uncertainty... probably disgust. He kept his eyes shut tight and didn’t move. Hakkai didn’t speak again, nor did he leave. Gojyo felt the tremor in Hakkai’s usually firm and confident hands as he washed the blood from Gojyo’s healed leg. The blood and... Gojyo wanted to push him away, but that would have required motion; it would have required unfreezing his stiff limbs and possibly opening his eyes and maybe seeing Hakkai’s appalled face, and that he couldn’t do. Instead he fisted his hands at his sides and struggled against a groan of despair. Hot tears of humiliation pricked at his eyelids. That’s it, cry, too. This is only getting better... What the fuck is wrong with me? Still trembling hands drew a thin, cool sheet over Gojyo’s exposed and flushed body, and he heard Hakkai exhale a shaky breath as he stood unmoving over him. Maybe he’ll kill me... God, I hope so. Instead he heard and felt Hakkai crossing the room toward the door - then the door closing behind him and footsteps receding down the hallway, toward the stairs to the inn’s common room.
Gojyo lay still and hoped for death for a very long time. His eyes were still squeezed shut half an hour later when Hakkai re-entered the room. Gojyo heard him sit in the chair beside the bed, heard the clink of a mug being set on the bedside table.
“I’ve brought you some tea, Gojyo,” he spoke softly. “You should drink it.”
“Thanks,” Gojyo replied, not moving. Go away, he thought. Please, just go away. Hakkai didn’t go. Instead he cleared his throat. And time passed. Finally Gojyo sucked it up, took a deep breath, opened his eyes and pulled himself into a sitting position, blanket over his lap. He glanced at Hakkai for a moment, but found himself unable to meet the green-eyed gaze.
“Is this why you haven’t been letting me tend to your injuries, Gojyo?” Hakkai asked. His voice was still quiet, the question tentative.
“Got it in one,” muttered Gojyo, reaching for the tea - not because he was thirsty, especially, but because it gave him something to do with his hands... something to stare at. He searched its green depths and found nothing else to say written in the steaming liquid.
“It isn’t your fault, Gojyo,” Hakkai said. “I rather suspect... actually, I know it’s mine.”
Gojyo looked up then. “Eh?” he asked. “How d’you figure that?”
Hakkai sighed heavily and looked down at his own hands, folded tightly in his lap. “I believe I’m projecting my own feelings when I heal using my chi. Please believe me when I say it was never deliberate. I didn’t even realize I was doing it. Don’t be afraid to come to me when you are hurt, Gojyo. I’ll make a real effort to stop that from happening again.”
Gojyo’s mind spun a bit. He sipped his tea and burned his tongue. “Your feelings...?” he asked.
“Yes. I’m sorry. I hope this won’t ruin our friendship.”
“I... Wait. So you...?” want me? Like, sexually? Gojyo found he couldn’t voice the question. He didn’t need to, of course.
“I’m afraid so,” Hakkai sighed again. “I haven’t been close to many people, Gojyo. I have trouble separating types of affection.” Gojyo glanced at Hakkai again. He was still staring at his hands and he looked very pale and very unhappy. This is harder for him than for me, Gojyo realized. He could have just let it be my fault... could have made this easy. He fought the urge to reach out and touch Hakkai’s tightly fisted hands. Instead he gripped his mug and stared back into its depths. “For me there is really only one type of love,” Hakkai continued. "I can... I am capable of caring for people like Goku and Sanzo on one level, but when I,” he stumbled a bit on the words. “When I truly love someone, that person becomes all things to me - sister, brother, friend, lover. It seems very difficult to separate. The sexual feelings just... I’m afraid they are part of it. To put it very bluntly, I have trouble separating my dick from my heart.” Hakkai looked at Gojyo then and his eyes seemed to be begging. “I would be very unhappy if you were to think less of me, but I couldn’t let you believe that you were the one having these... thoughts.”
“Hakkai, I...” Gojyo wanted to tell Hakkai that it was all all right, that he’d been having “these thoughts” on his own, but he found he couldn’t. “S’okay, man,” was all he managed. Not nearly enough, dammit. He read the disappointment in Hakkai’s unhappy eyes.
“I am truly sorry, Gojyo,” he said. “Just know, that these feelings - this reaction, it should have no long-term effect. I can’t,” he gave a shaky and utterly humorless laugh. “Turn you homosexual, or anything like that. It is a purely physical and completely temporary response to my own subconscious and conscious thoughts. But it is still a wretched violation and I...”
“Hakkai,” Gojyo said more forcefully. “I mean it. It’s totally okay. I’m not mad. I don’t hate you.” I love you, he didn’t say.
“Would you like me to switch rooms with Goku?” Hakkai asked, sounding tired.
“Fuck no!” Gojyo answered, trying to push all of the things he just couldn’t say into those two words. It worked to some small extent. Hakkai gave him a small smile.
“Then... I’m very tired. I think I’m going to go to bed. Leave the light on as long as you like.” He rose and moved to the other bed. He began to undress (because they’d always dressed and undressed in front of each other, after all) but then seemed to think better of it. He picked up his pajamas and wandered into the bathroom, returning moments later in his sleep shirt and pants. Once he was under the covers Gojyo reached out and flicked off the lamp.
Gojyo lay and stared into the darkness for a very long while... long enough to hear the sounds from the other bed even out and deepen, until he was enveloped by the darkness and the silky sounds of Hakkai’s breathing, long enough for his eyes to adjust to the night, for most of the night to pass. In the very early hours of the morning, he turned his dark-adapted eyes toward his sleeping friend.
Hakkai was facing the wall, his back to Gojyo, creating a vulnerable lump beneath the blankets. Vulnerable... hah! He was looking at a man capable of murdering hundreds with his bare hands and a pocket knife; a man who had ripped eyes from their sockets, torn limbs from their joints and disemboweled men, women and... Gojyo stopped his train of thought right there on the track. As much as he knew, there were still some things he couldn’t quite believe. And he had no wish to push the mental cow from where it stood blocking the tracks in his mind.
“Moo,” he said, giddy with lack of sleep and amused by his own analogy.
“Pardon?” A sleepy voice cut through the semi-darkness. Shit, he’d woken Hakkai. “Did you just say ‘moo,’ Gojyo?” Hakkai sounded amused, and that was a nice change from earlier, in any case.
“I was... umm.” Gojyo thought hard for a minute. “Counting cows.”
“I see,” Hakkai said, levelly.
“You know, to sleep, you count stuff... like cows.”
“I think, conventionally, it’s sheep.”
“Yeah, well... Fuck convention.”
“Yes.” Hakkai sounded vehement in his agreement. “Fuck it most soundly.” The obscenity mildly surprised Gojyo and he wondered what Hakkai’s conversation was about and if it related at all to his own. Gojyo got Hakkai most of the time, but not always.
Perhaps because he couldn’t quite reach him mentally, Gojyo suddenly found himself wanting to be nearer to Hakkai physically - to be touching him. It wasn’t the first time by any stretch. Gojyo had fought the urge to crawl into bed next to Hakkai on and off for years. He’d always stopped himself out of fear of Hakkai’s reaction, but suddenly he remembered that everything was different now. What the fuck am I stopping myself for? Hakkai had as much as admitted - no had admitted that he had sexual feelings for Gojyo; he wasn’t going to look at Gojyo like he was some kind of flaming perv if he just slid in right beside him. In fact, he would probably welcome the move.
For the first time since Hakkai had entered the room, full realization crashed down upon Gojyo. Waves first of surprise, then relief and then a sort of blazing happiness hit him all at once in a sort of delayed dam-burst of revelation. Gojyo was across the room before it had fully sunk in, propelled by another belated realization - that Hakkai was very likely experiencing every horrible doubt and fear Gojyo had himself been having just hours ago. He slipped quickly in behind Hakkai, pressing himself against his curved spine and tightening an arm about his waist. Hakkai’s body went instantly rigid in the embrace.
“Gojyo,” Hakkai protested - the name coming out in a rough, uncharacteristic croak.
“Let me stay, huh, Hakkai?” Gojyo murmured into Hakkai’s hair. “It’s nice... better than counting cows.”
“That may be so.” Hakkai’s voice had regained some of its calm. “But it isn’t a good idea. It’s not... safe.”
“I’m not worried.”
“You aren’t the one who could break.” Hakkai now sounded cold and distant. How many moods can the man fit into forty-five seconds? Gojyo wondered, feeling a little dizzy with daring and with Hakkai filling all of his senses. He’s supposed to be the smart one? Clearly Hakkai believed all that stuff he’d said about those thoughts and feelings being his and his alone. Gojyo didn’t believe it. He was happy to hear it wasn’t one-sided, but he was also quite certain Hakkai’s chi couldn’t affect him the way it did unless his mind was already leaning quite firmly in that direction of its own accord. With his mind made up and bent on seduction, Gojyo pressed one of his armory’s most sensual kisses against the nape of Hakkai’s neck.
“Ah! Gojyo, don’t.” It sounded like begging now. Gojyo ignored the plea, stroking his tongue along the spot he’d just kissed, and Hakkai whimpered softly.
“This is cruel, Gojyo.” Bitter now... hot-and-cold-running Hakkai. What’s next? Bring it on. Gojyo leaned up to breathe, hot and heavy, into Hakkai’s ear.
“S’okay, Hakkai. I know you want me now, remember?”
“It isn’t... it... I don’t...” What is he so worried about?
“Don’t what, baby?” Gojyo whispered silkily, wondering briefly and belatedly how Hakkai felt about the “baby” that had slipped out so naturally.
“It hurts,” Hakkai groaned, in a voice low and desperate.
“Heart or dick?” Gojyo wondered aloud.
“Yes,” Hakkai groaned.
“I can help with one of those,” Gojyo whispered. He slid a palm smoothly down Hakkai’s pajama-clad torso and delved beneath the elastic of his pants, finding and grasping Hakkai’s erection. It was all hot and hard and smooth and when Gojyo closed his fingers around it, it jerked and throbbed against his hand. Felt good - really good, like being wanted... Hakkai’s hips jerked along with his dick.
“Gojyo!” he gasped.
“Shh...” soothed Gojyo. “Just relax, baby.” Like coaxing a reluctant virgin. Gojyo pressed on. “I’m not gonna hurt you, Hakkai.”
“How can you say that?” hissed Hakkai, moving his hips, seemingly in spite of himself, thrusting into Gojyo’s grasping fingers. “I know... I... Ah! Good. I know... this is so...” Gojyo let Hakkai’s voice wash over him, focusing on tone and timbre and ignoring the half-expressed thoughts behind the few words that didn’t mean ‘keep going.’ “You don’t... ah! Hah! Gojyo! Stop!!” The fear in Hakkai’s voice finally edged its way past the barrier formed by Gojyo’s single-minded desire for touch, and he all at once understood Hakkai’s not-sentence. He released Hakkai’s dick and, in spite of his earlier pleas, Hakkai let out a low moan of protest. Gojyo took Hakkai’s hand in his own.
“You think I’m doing you some kind of favor here, Hakkai?” he whispered. He pulled Hakkai’s hand back and down, scooting away from him just enough to create a small space between their bodies. “Uh-uh, Hakkai. I don’t do charity work.” He pressed Hakkai’s unresisting palm to the front of his boxers and took immense satisfaction in the startled gasp of discovery as he stroked Hakkai’s hand over his own hard-on. Hakkai struggled in Gojyo’s arms, turning himself around, awkward in his attempt not to break the contact of hand, on hand, on dick. But he managed it and Gojyo found himself staring into wide and astonished green eyes.
“You...?”
“Yeah,” replied Gojyo, somewhat sheepishly. “I should have said earlier, I know.”
“It would have been appreciated.” Hakkai didn’t sound angry, though, just really relieved. Gojyo knew the feeling.
“It took a while to sink in,” he explained.
“I suppose I can understand that,” Hakkai smiled weakly. “I think I’m having the same problem.” Unable to wait any longer, Gojyo pressed his lips to Hakkai’s. Hakkai let out a small gasp and then pressed himself enthusiastically into the kiss. It went on and on and Gojyo was breathless when he pulled back. He released Hakkai’s hand to let it explore under its own power and returned his attention to Hakkai’s abandoned dick.
“Did you really think I’d do this out of... what? Pity or something?” he asked gently as he resumed his stroking - palming, tickling and teasing in turn.
“Hah! Ahh... You have,” Hakkai spoke between kisses and breathy moans. “You have a very big heart, Gojyo.”
“I thought, uh... I thought you knew me, Hakkai.” Hakkai gave a short laugh, and Gojyo considered the concept as much as he could with Hakkai’s hand on his dick. If he hadn’t wanted Hakkai and he’d found out Hakkai had wanted him... Well, he was his best friend after all. “Okay,” he admitted. “I might’ve tried.” He gently nipped at Hakkai’s lower lip. “But I’m not now. I mean, that’s not why. I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time.”
“Really?” Hakkai breathed. Gojyo just nodded and kept kissing and touching because talking was getting really hard. “Is that why...” Hakkai stammered a bit as Gojyo cupped and stroked Hakkai’s balls. They were tight and hot and Gojyo thought he might be very close to coming. “Is that,” Hakkai continued. “Why you thought the response to the healing was your fault?” Gojyo nodded again and groaned and Hakkai finally abandoned the conversation in favor of exploring Gojyo’s body with his hands. He was demonstrating less finesse with his own fingers than Gojyo had, but just as much enthusiasm. The eager fumblings were more than enough for Gojyo, who found himself matching Hakkai, gasp for gasp and thrust for thrust as they both pressed unevenly into each other’s touches. A low moan from Hakkai caused Gojyo’s whole body to quiver.
“Oh, Gojyo! Gojyo... I’m sorry. I think I’m going to...”
Gojyo responded to Hakkai’s breathless words by quickly releasing his grip on the other man’s dick. Pulling himself away with a real effort, Gojyo sat up and scooted himself back toward the foot of the bed. Hakkai sat up, too, and stared at Gojyo in rumpled confusion, and perhaps a little fear.
“I’m sorry...” he began again.
“It’s okay, Hakkai,” Gojyo reassured him in a shaky voice. “I just kinda want more... you know, before... you know.” He gestured helplessly.
“Oh! Oh, yes. I’m sorry.” Gojyo wished he would stop apologizing, already. Hakkai’s hand strayed toward his right ear, lightly stroking his limiters. It was a nervous habit Gojyo doubted Hakkai was even conscious of. “What should I do?” Hakkai asked, looking worried.
Gojyo gave him an apologetic grin. “Well,” he answered. “I guess we can’t really fuck.”
“No?” Hakkai asked, now sounding politely curious. “Oh. Why not?”
“Not prepared,” Gojyo said with a shrug. “It’s not like with chicks, you know? We’d need some help.”
“Oh,” Hakkai said, brightening. “Lubricant? Yes. Well, actually, I do have that.”
Gojyo stared at him for a moment, dumbfounded.
“How...?”
“I bought some before I came up to speak with you,” Hakkai admitted, ducking his head and blushing slightly. “I wasn’t optimistic, but...”
“You knew this was gonna happen?” Gojyo interrupted, incredulous.
“No,” Hakkai answered, slowly. “I was rather certain it wouldn’t. But... I had hoped and I wanted to be prepared... I know it was presumptuous of me-"
“You’re fucking incredible, you know that?” Gojyo said, meaning it.
Hakkai gave Gojyo a small smile. “You aren’t offended?”
“No, man. I’m fucking horny. Where is it?”
Hakkai slid off the bed and crossed, with a somewhat wobbly gait, to the chair where his carefully folded trousers sat piled on his tunic. He retrieved a small tube from one of the pockets and handed it to Gojyo before sliding back onto the bed next to him. He looked concerned. “Is that right?”
“Yeah,” Gojyo shook his head, still amazed at the forethought. “This should work. Not much here... but, yeah.”
“I told you,” Hakkai said apologetically. “I wasn’t optimistic.”
“Next question...” Gojyo looked meaningfully at Hakkai.
“Ah, yes.” Hakkai folded his hands carefully on his lap and stared down at them. “I am perfectly willing to accede to your more extensive experience in this. I will accept whatever you think best.” Gojyo marveled at Hakkai’s calm tone. He felt on the edge of hysteria himself. “Only,” Hakkai continued. “Can we hurry, please, Gojyo? I’m feeling a bit desperate...”
Thank fuck. “You and me both, baby,” Gojyo grinned. Relief over the fact that Hakkai’s composure was just another of his skillful facades had left Gojyo feeling generous. “How ‘bout you do me this time?” Hakkai‘s eyes fluttered shut and his breathing went ragged.
“You okay, Hakkai?” Gojyo asked.
“This time...?” Hakkai murmured faintly and Gojyo smiled again.
“Yeah. There’ll be lots of times... I mean, if you like it... um, me.”
“Oh, Gojyo, yes. Please.”
Hakkai watched with a hungry look as Gojyo lay back, bending his knees and spreading his legs. Gojyo held the bottle up between thumb and index finger. “You wanna? Or should I?”
Hakkai bit at his lower lip uncertainly. “I should probably do it, don’t you think?”
“I think so, yeah.”
Hakkai crawled toward Gojyo and took the bottle, kneeling between his spread legs. He simply stared for a few long moments - long enough for Gojyo to begin feeling fairly self conscious.
“I want you so much, Gojyo,” he finally whispered.
“I’m right here,” Gojyo meant that to sound smooth - reassuring. But his voice sounded shaky to his own ears. He wondered if Hakkai assumed he’d done this before. If so, he wasn’t sure it would do either of them any good to let him in on the truth. It might be easier for him if he thought at least one of them knew what he was doing.
“So... I...” Hakkai’s hands were shaking as he poured a measure of oil into his palms and rubbed his hands together, slicking palms and fingers and dripping a generous amount onto Gojyo’s parted thighs in the process. “Do I put my fingers... ah, inside you?”
Gojyo felt his body tremble in response to the question. “That’s the idea,” he paused, wondering if Hakkai found the idea distasteful - possibly unsanitary. “I can,” he started to offer and then yelped as Hakkai leaned in close and eager fingers touched him very intimately and without hesitation. Gojyo’s eyes rolled back at the insistent pushing and, suddenly, the probing finger was wiggling inside of him.
“Ah. It’s very tight, Gojyo,” he whispered. “I don’t...”
“Ah! Fuck! What the...? Oh, God. No. Don’t fucking stop,” Gojyo groaned when Hakkai began to pull away, but, at Gojyo’s final words, Hakkai stopped and instead pressed in more deeply, sliding a second finger in to rub and curl with the first. “Holy hell, Hakkai. That is... Ungh!” Gojyo tried to keep his eyes open, to sneak a glance at Hakkai through the rolling waves of pleasure that Hakkai was, somehow, against all reason, managing to create with two - no three - fingers moving insistently inside of him. The first light of dawn was filtering through the half-shuttered window and Hakkai was flushed, lips parted in fascination and evident delight at the reaction he was provoking.
“You are so lovely, Gojyo,” he whispered and Gojyo bucked beneath his touch as Hakkai’s fingers curled and rubbed firmly at an incredibly sensitive spot somewhere deep inside him that he’d never even known he had. I’m going to come, he realized with surprise. He’s not even touching my goddamned dick and I’m gonna... “Ah! Fuck!! Hakkai, stop!” The amazing fingers withdrew quickly and Gojyo lay gasping and panting, struggling for control. When he finally managed to open his eyes, Hakkai was looking confused and miserable again.
“Did I hurt you?” he asked quietly.
“No! Fuck no... just the opposite. You’d better just,” Gojyo gestured helplessly, but Hakkai got the idea. Gojyo watched, panting, through half-lidded eyes as Hakkai poured out the remaining oil and slowly coated his dick, shivering lightly at his own touch. I shoulda done that, thought Gojyo blearily. But before he could reach to lend a hand, Hakkai was pushing him back, positioning himself over him, weight on one elbow. He leaned in and their lips met, mouths gulping gratefully at one another. Gojyo felt Hakkai’s free hand fumbling between them and the thick head of his slick cock pushing at his entrance. He was surprised to find that he didn’t feel nervous about this. He might have done if it hadn’t been for his unexpected response to Hakkai’s touch. Now he just wanted to feel that again - and he knew the best way to get that feeling back would be to get some part of Hakkai back inside of him where it clearly belonged... and fast.
“Tell me if it hurts,” Hakkai gritted. “Stop me if it hurts. Make me stop...” The words were an insistent wish against Gojyo’s lips.
“Yeah, I will,” Gojyo lied. Because it was going to hurt and Gojyo didn’t fucking care at that point. And then a second later he did.
“Ah! Ung... gah!” Fuckfuckfuck! He clenched watering eyes and clutched at Hakkai’s shoulders, trying to breathe.
“Ahh...hah! Oh, Gojyo... It’s so... oh, Gojyo!” Hakkai’s moans cut through the throbbing ache and surged through Gojyo’s heated blood, fluttering at the pit of his churning stomach and re-filling his momentarily flagging cock. “Ah... ah!” Gojyo swallowed Hakkai’s groans of pleasure as he tensed and clenched around his deeply seated dick. “So good, Gojyo... Oh!”
And it was good - the pain was rapidly receding, subsiding to a dull and not unpleasant throb, and then to the point where Gojyo could feel and savor the fullness - the connectedness, the tremble of Hakkai’s hard flesh deep, deep inside his body.
Hakkai stayed still inside of him, his moans finally fading into deep, laboured breaths, hot against Gojyo’s mouth between kisses. “Gojyo? Oh, Gojyo.. is it bad? Should I stop?”
“Stop and I’ll fucking kill you,” Gojyo promised, allowing his hands to unclench from Hakkai’s shoulders and stroke downward to press firmly against his tight butt. “Feels, ngh...” Ow. “Good.” Hakkai let out a low groan in response and slowly, very slowly, rotated his hips - not thrusting, but just sort of rubbing himself inside of Gojyo, creating a friction against that spot. And then it did feel good - really, really good - and he pressed back, tilting his hips up toward Hakkai and taking him deeper.
“Mmm... Hakkai. Fuck me.”
With a relieved groan Hakkai obeyed: out - pulling Gojyo’s insides along with him, and in - filling and rubbing, hurting and satisfying some deep, previously undiscovered craving that went on and on until all he could feel was the wonderful ache and throb within, the deep slick churning as Hakkai pumped steadily into him, and the smooth, heated chafe of Hakkai’s abdomen against his own swollen and dripping dick.
Gojyo didn’t know if hours or moments had passed, but he was huffing each breath and Hakkai’s long moans and cries had morphed into a wordless, primal growling that sent electric shudders through Gojyo’s spine as each nudge and thump of Hakkai’s cock inside him sent sparks of intense pleasure rippling out from the point of impact to his very fingertips.
Hakkai’s fingers curled and tightened against his shoulders. “So, close,” he husked. “I can’t... Gojyo, please... come for me, please...”
“It’s so good, Hakkai...” Gojyo murmured. “But I don’t think I... Ah!”
“Hah!” Hakkai let out a triumphant sound, as Gojyo’s unexpected orgasm ripped through him. And then, “Oh! Ahhh...!” Hakkai followed as Gojyo’s body contracted around his thick length, feeling him jerk within him. And Gojyo heard them both making sounds like maddened animals as they came together, rubbing and clutching at one another in a frenzy of passion. The edges of Gojyo’s vision went dark.
Hakkai’s concerned voice brought Gojyo back to consciousness. “Gojyo? Are you all right?”
“Yeah,” Gojyo groaned. “Just gimme a second, okay, Hakkai?” Hakkai’s body relaxed next to him and he allowed himself to be pulled into a tight embrace.
“Did I hurt you?” Hakkai asked, gently stroking Gojyo’s tangled hair back off of his face and out of his eyes.
“No way, Hakkai,” Gojyo promised. “It was really fucking good.”
“Yes,” Hakkai sighed. “It was.”
In spite of the words, Gojyo felt gentle hands slide over him as Hakkai tenderly tested for bruises and sore spots running through his typical healer’s inventory of possible hurts. A palm slid between Gojyo’s legs and he flinched and hissed in spite of himself at the touch of probing fingers against his sore flesh. Hakkai’s hands stilled and, a moment later, Gojyo felt a familiar heated tingle.
“Hah! Hakkai, no!” Gojyo grabbed at Hakkai’s hand, pulling it up toward his chest and dispelling the gathering chi. “Don’t,” he said quickly. “Please.”
Hakkai sighed in exasperation. “You are in pain, Gojyo. And surely you can’t be concerned about your reaction to healing after what we just-"
Both men jumped and Gojyo almost rolled out of bed when someone began a loud thumping on the door.
“Get up. We’re leaving.” Sanzo’s usual early morning greeting invaded the room. Gojyo realized he’d somehow forgotten the monk’s existence during the night and he did not welcome the reminder.
“Fuck,” Gojyo swore, feeling deeply disappointed by the idea of spending the rest of the day not in bed beside Hakkai, but crammed into the back seat of Jeep with Goku. He shot Hakkai a dismayed look but Hakkai appeared unruffled. He slid silently out of bed and quickly into his pajamas.
“Hakkai!” Gojyo protested. Hakkai ignored him and padded over to the door. He opened it, catching Sanzo’s descending knuckle before it rapped him on the nose.
“I’m afraid Gojyo still isn’t fit to travel, Sanzo,” Hakkai said calmly, releasing Sanzo’s fist.
“What do you mean?” Sanzo growled. “I thought you healed the idiot last night?”
“Yes, Sanzo, but he’s rather sore this morning,” Hakkai explained. “I offered to work on him again, but he refused. You know how Gojyo gets about being treated.” Sanzo glanced over Hakkai’s shoulder and gave Gojyo an appraising glare. Gojyo tried for a moment to look innocent but couldn’t quite manage it, so he flashed the monk a grin and fumbled for a long-overdue cigarette. “I’m sure he’ll be fine by tomorrow,” Hakkai said patiently.
“He’d better be.” Sanzo looked put out, but, as usual, didn’t argue with Hakkai. “We’re leaving tomorrow,” Sanzo snapped at Gojyo. “So fucking let him heal you.” With that, Sanzo turned heel and stalked off, doubtless in search of coffee and a newspaper.
Hakkai shut the door and turned back toward Gojyo. “You heard Sanzo, Gojyo. I’m afraid I have no choice.”
“Hah,” Gojyo exhaled a stream of cigarette smoke. “I don’t take orders from that prick.”
“Of course not, Gojyo,” said Hakkai, stripping off his pajamas as Gojyo watched in silent appreciation. “But I do. I’m afraid I’ll have to heal you very thoroughly.” He climbed back onto the bed. “Roll over.” Gojyo smashed out his cigarette and complied with a lazy grin. He suddenly couldn’t think of a reason to protest... He tensed in anticipation at the light tingle against his skin.
“Hey, Hakkai.”
“Yes, Gojyo,” Hakkai’s voice was a drowsy hum above him.
“Feels different.”
“Hmm. I know. I think I’m a bit more relaxed than usual.” Hakkai replied, stroking him gently.
“S’kinda nice,” Gojyo murmured and, for the first time ever, drifted off to sleep beneath Hakkai’s healing touch.
*fin*
Author: sharpeslass
Pairing: 585
Rating: NSFW (in any way, shape or form)
AN: This was written for theskywasblue because she had a rough November and because I wuv her. The concept of Hakkai’s healing having a certain, erm... affect on Gojyo is not originally mine. I first saw it used by despina_moon in this lovely fic. But I loved the concept so I stole it and used it (with full permission from the author).
“Don’t be ridiculous, Gojyo!” Hakkai exclaimed. “Stay still. It will only take a moment and, trust me, you will be grateful for this.”
It hadn’t taken long for Hakkai to notice that Gojyo had been going to great lengths to avoid Hakkai’s healing touch. With lesser wounds, Hakkai had simply given a sigh and favoured Gojyo with a slightly injured look. But, as was inevitable in this line of work, Gojyo had finally sustained a more serious injury: a deep gash to his upper arm, a cut so deep that muscle and tendon were visible through torn flesh. He was pale with blood-loss and too weak to put up much in the way of vocal protestation and anything in the way of physical resistance.
One hand pressed down on Gojyo’s chest, holding him unresisting to the mattress of the hotel bed, as another hovered over the deep gash in his bicep. Gojyo found himself tensing in anticipation of what was to come - namely, he suspected, based on long experience, himself. He closed his eyes tightly as the electric tingle began, easing the ache in his arm as another more pleasant ache started up in his groin. By the time the chi energy had fully enveloped his injury, he was clenching his teeth in an effort to hold back a groan of unasked-for sexual pleasure. He fisted the hand of his uninjured arm, gripping the blanket beneath him and willing his hips not to rise off of the bed.
“Relax, Gojyo,” Hakkai ordered, his voice heavy with concern and confusion. “This shouldn’t hurt.”
“Doesn’t,” groaned Gojyo. “You almost... uh, aah!” An orgasm ripped through him with the sudden force of a lightning bolt. Sparkling flashes of light danced before his eyes followed by a velvety darkness through which he could hear only the rapid beating of his own heart and feel only Hakkai’s hand, still pressed innocently against that pounding beat. Gojyo’s arm was in perfect condition but his boxers were damp and a sticky slickness was pooling on his abdomen, concealed by the fabric of his jeans. He opened his eyes cautiously. Green eyes peered at him, full of concern.
“Are you all right, Gojyo?” Hakkai asked.
“’M fine,” Gojyo muttered. He sat up and peered at his injured arm. Barely a mark remained. He rotated his shoulder and felt only a slight twinge. Not bad, he acknowledged, considering a strong wind probably would have blown the limb off just five short minutes ago. “Perfect.” He flashed what he hoped was a casual grin at Hakkai. “One hundred percent. Thanks man.” Hakkai smiled back at Gojyo, who allowed himself a silent prayer of thanks that his friend hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary.
“Honestly, Gojyo,” Hakkai said, rising to gather his supplies together. “I don’t know why you create such a fuss over this.” He moved about the room, tidying the mess Gojyo had managed to make in the two short days the ikkou had been in residence in this south-of-nowhere-town hotel room. “I promise you, I am not expending energy I don’t have. I appreciate your concern for me, but really, there is no need.” There had been times when Hakkai had healed others at peril to his own health and safety, and Gojyo had worried about him on those occasions, but that had little to nothing to do with his objection to being healed by Hakkai himself. Gojyo uttered a non-commital grunt and reached for his cigarettes. “Even Sanzo lets me heal him when necessary,” Hakkai continued. Gojyo said nothing, just lit his cigarette and took several long drags.
Shut up, dude. I’m trying to enjoy the afterglow, Gojyo didn’t say.
Hakkai clearly had no idea his healing touch was having this effect on Gojyo. Gojyo wanted it to stay that way. He’d had sexual thoughts about Hakkai before - fantasies, even. Lots of them. They’d started years ago - not too long after Hakkai had moved in with him. But those thoughts were almost wholly under his control - well, as much as any sex stuff was under any guy’s control. Sure, they’d worried him at first, because he’d never felt that way about a guy before. But, over time, he’d just stopped worrying and enjoyed them for what they were: totally private, and between him and his left hand and some version of Hakkai that existed only in his mind. It wasn’t hurting anyone. It was making him feel pretty good. And, since he’d still never had thoughts like that about any other dudes, he figured he probably wasn’t gay. Or he was only gay for Hakkai - or something like that. And nothing was going to happen anyway. Not in the real world.
But this healing thing was different. He had no control over it. It didn’t matter what he was or wasn’t thinking about. It was imposed from the outside and took over his body completely and inescapably. It was too strong and too fast and actually almost painful. And it scared the fuck out of him.
For a while, Gojyo had tried to convince himself that it was a natural part of the healing process and affected everyone the same way. He’d finally cornered Goku and asked him about it - not directly of course, but in general terms.
“Hey, Monkey, It ever feel funny when Hakkai heals you?”
Goku had shrugged. “It kinda tingles a little,” he’d replied, not putting down his meat bun.
“That’s it?” Goku had hesitated and Gojyo had felt a small swell of hope.
“It kinda feels... safe, you know? Like I get this idea everything’s gonna be okay, and that Hakkai’s kind of taking care of me.”
“Yeah?” That was intriguing, but not the answer Gojyo had been hoping for. Still, Goku was just a kid in a lot of ways. So that left the fucking monk.
“What the fuck are you babbling about?” had been Sanzo’s fairly predictable first response.
“Just, I dunno, do you ever feel anything kind of weird when he does it?”
“No.”
“Nothing, you know, physical?”
Sanzo had narrowed his gaze and exhaled a long stream of smoke into Gojyo’s face. “You mean a sexual response?” he offered.
“Yeah!” Gojyo breathed in relief. “Just like...” Oh, fuck. Sanzo hadn’t smiled - he didn’t do that, generally speaking - but his eyes had been lit with a wicked gleam of amusement nonetheless.
“Nope. Nothing like that,” he’d said, grinding out his cigarette and rising from the table where they had been sitting.
“Shit, Sanzo,” Gojyo had panicked. “Don’t tell anyone, okay?”
“Tch,” Sanzo had shrugged. “It’s none of my business if you’ve got a hard-on for Hakkai. But he’s not stupid. He’s going to figure it out.”
***
Why was Sanzo always right? That thought, not the pain, was what rose to the surface of Gojyo’s mind as Hakkai peeled torn and bloody denim from the vicious gash on his upper thigh several weeks later. At least the monk had the decency to leave the room while Hakkai tended to the wound - and to take Goku with him. This was going to suck hard enough without an audience.
“Oh, dear, Gojyo,” Hakkai said calmly, surveying the damage. “Another inch to your left and this could have been very bad.” It could have been, too. The youkai weapon could have quite tidily castrated him. And, right now, in many ways, Gojyo considered that a preferable outcome. He shut his eyes and felt Hakkai’s hands, felt the slight tingle begin and silently prayed for death to take him as the warmth turned into heat, as the pain receded, as his flesh filled and swelled. Gojyo made barely a sound when the inevitable occurred, but it didn’t matter this time. And now the sounds he’d made every other time would suddenly make sense to Hakkai. Gojyo could practically hear things clicking into place in his friend’s mind as the clock on the wall ticked loudly through the screaming silence.
“Gojyo?” Hakkai’s voice trembled slightly as he spoke. Gojyo heard shock, uncertainty... probably disgust. He kept his eyes shut tight and didn’t move. Hakkai didn’t speak again, nor did he leave. Gojyo felt the tremor in Hakkai’s usually firm and confident hands as he washed the blood from Gojyo’s healed leg. The blood and... Gojyo wanted to push him away, but that would have required motion; it would have required unfreezing his stiff limbs and possibly opening his eyes and maybe seeing Hakkai’s appalled face, and that he couldn’t do. Instead he fisted his hands at his sides and struggled against a groan of despair. Hot tears of humiliation pricked at his eyelids. That’s it, cry, too. This is only getting better... What the fuck is wrong with me? Still trembling hands drew a thin, cool sheet over Gojyo’s exposed and flushed body, and he heard Hakkai exhale a shaky breath as he stood unmoving over him. Maybe he’ll kill me... God, I hope so. Instead he heard and felt Hakkai crossing the room toward the door - then the door closing behind him and footsteps receding down the hallway, toward the stairs to the inn’s common room.
Gojyo lay still and hoped for death for a very long time. His eyes were still squeezed shut half an hour later when Hakkai re-entered the room. Gojyo heard him sit in the chair beside the bed, heard the clink of a mug being set on the bedside table.
“I’ve brought you some tea, Gojyo,” he spoke softly. “You should drink it.”
“Thanks,” Gojyo replied, not moving. Go away, he thought. Please, just go away. Hakkai didn’t go. Instead he cleared his throat. And time passed. Finally Gojyo sucked it up, took a deep breath, opened his eyes and pulled himself into a sitting position, blanket over his lap. He glanced at Hakkai for a moment, but found himself unable to meet the green-eyed gaze.
“Is this why you haven’t been letting me tend to your injuries, Gojyo?” Hakkai asked. His voice was still quiet, the question tentative.
“Got it in one,” muttered Gojyo, reaching for the tea - not because he was thirsty, especially, but because it gave him something to do with his hands... something to stare at. He searched its green depths and found nothing else to say written in the steaming liquid.
“It isn’t your fault, Gojyo,” Hakkai said. “I rather suspect... actually, I know it’s mine.”
Gojyo looked up then. “Eh?” he asked. “How d’you figure that?”
Hakkai sighed heavily and looked down at his own hands, folded tightly in his lap. “I believe I’m projecting my own feelings when I heal using my chi. Please believe me when I say it was never deliberate. I didn’t even realize I was doing it. Don’t be afraid to come to me when you are hurt, Gojyo. I’ll make a real effort to stop that from happening again.”
Gojyo’s mind spun a bit. He sipped his tea and burned his tongue. “Your feelings...?” he asked.
“Yes. I’m sorry. I hope this won’t ruin our friendship.”
“I... Wait. So you...?” want me? Like, sexually? Gojyo found he couldn’t voice the question. He didn’t need to, of course.
“I’m afraid so,” Hakkai sighed again. “I haven’t been close to many people, Gojyo. I have trouble separating types of affection.” Gojyo glanced at Hakkai again. He was still staring at his hands and he looked very pale and very unhappy. This is harder for him than for me, Gojyo realized. He could have just let it be my fault... could have made this easy. He fought the urge to reach out and touch Hakkai’s tightly fisted hands. Instead he gripped his mug and stared back into its depths. “For me there is really only one type of love,” Hakkai continued. "I can... I am capable of caring for people like Goku and Sanzo on one level, but when I,” he stumbled a bit on the words. “When I truly love someone, that person becomes all things to me - sister, brother, friend, lover. It seems very difficult to separate. The sexual feelings just... I’m afraid they are part of it. To put it very bluntly, I have trouble separating my dick from my heart.” Hakkai looked at Gojyo then and his eyes seemed to be begging. “I would be very unhappy if you were to think less of me, but I couldn’t let you believe that you were the one having these... thoughts.”
“Hakkai, I...” Gojyo wanted to tell Hakkai that it was all all right, that he’d been having “these thoughts” on his own, but he found he couldn’t. “S’okay, man,” was all he managed. Not nearly enough, dammit. He read the disappointment in Hakkai’s unhappy eyes.
“I am truly sorry, Gojyo,” he said. “Just know, that these feelings - this reaction, it should have no long-term effect. I can’t,” he gave a shaky and utterly humorless laugh. “Turn you homosexual, or anything like that. It is a purely physical and completely temporary response to my own subconscious and conscious thoughts. But it is still a wretched violation and I...”
“Hakkai,” Gojyo said more forcefully. “I mean it. It’s totally okay. I’m not mad. I don’t hate you.” I love you, he didn’t say.
“Would you like me to switch rooms with Goku?” Hakkai asked, sounding tired.
“Fuck no!” Gojyo answered, trying to push all of the things he just couldn’t say into those two words. It worked to some small extent. Hakkai gave him a small smile.
“Then... I’m very tired. I think I’m going to go to bed. Leave the light on as long as you like.” He rose and moved to the other bed. He began to undress (because they’d always dressed and undressed in front of each other, after all) but then seemed to think better of it. He picked up his pajamas and wandered into the bathroom, returning moments later in his sleep shirt and pants. Once he was under the covers Gojyo reached out and flicked off the lamp.
Gojyo lay and stared into the darkness for a very long while... long enough to hear the sounds from the other bed even out and deepen, until he was enveloped by the darkness and the silky sounds of Hakkai’s breathing, long enough for his eyes to adjust to the night, for most of the night to pass. In the very early hours of the morning, he turned his dark-adapted eyes toward his sleeping friend.
Hakkai was facing the wall, his back to Gojyo, creating a vulnerable lump beneath the blankets. Vulnerable... hah! He was looking at a man capable of murdering hundreds with his bare hands and a pocket knife; a man who had ripped eyes from their sockets, torn limbs from their joints and disemboweled men, women and... Gojyo stopped his train of thought right there on the track. As much as he knew, there were still some things he couldn’t quite believe. And he had no wish to push the mental cow from where it stood blocking the tracks in his mind.
“Moo,” he said, giddy with lack of sleep and amused by his own analogy.
“Pardon?” A sleepy voice cut through the semi-darkness. Shit, he’d woken Hakkai. “Did you just say ‘moo,’ Gojyo?” Hakkai sounded amused, and that was a nice change from earlier, in any case.
“I was... umm.” Gojyo thought hard for a minute. “Counting cows.”
“I see,” Hakkai said, levelly.
“You know, to sleep, you count stuff... like cows.”
“I think, conventionally, it’s sheep.”
“Yeah, well... Fuck convention.”
“Yes.” Hakkai sounded vehement in his agreement. “Fuck it most soundly.” The obscenity mildly surprised Gojyo and he wondered what Hakkai’s conversation was about and if it related at all to his own. Gojyo got Hakkai most of the time, but not always.
Perhaps because he couldn’t quite reach him mentally, Gojyo suddenly found himself wanting to be nearer to Hakkai physically - to be touching him. It wasn’t the first time by any stretch. Gojyo had fought the urge to crawl into bed next to Hakkai on and off for years. He’d always stopped himself out of fear of Hakkai’s reaction, but suddenly he remembered that everything was different now. What the fuck am I stopping myself for? Hakkai had as much as admitted - no had admitted that he had sexual feelings for Gojyo; he wasn’t going to look at Gojyo like he was some kind of flaming perv if he just slid in right beside him. In fact, he would probably welcome the move.
For the first time since Hakkai had entered the room, full realization crashed down upon Gojyo. Waves first of surprise, then relief and then a sort of blazing happiness hit him all at once in a sort of delayed dam-burst of revelation. Gojyo was across the room before it had fully sunk in, propelled by another belated realization - that Hakkai was very likely experiencing every horrible doubt and fear Gojyo had himself been having just hours ago. He slipped quickly in behind Hakkai, pressing himself against his curved spine and tightening an arm about his waist. Hakkai’s body went instantly rigid in the embrace.
“Gojyo,” Hakkai protested - the name coming out in a rough, uncharacteristic croak.
“Let me stay, huh, Hakkai?” Gojyo murmured into Hakkai’s hair. “It’s nice... better than counting cows.”
“That may be so.” Hakkai’s voice had regained some of its calm. “But it isn’t a good idea. It’s not... safe.”
“I’m not worried.”
“You aren’t the one who could break.” Hakkai now sounded cold and distant. How many moods can the man fit into forty-five seconds? Gojyo wondered, feeling a little dizzy with daring and with Hakkai filling all of his senses. He’s supposed to be the smart one? Clearly Hakkai believed all that stuff he’d said about those thoughts and feelings being his and his alone. Gojyo didn’t believe it. He was happy to hear it wasn’t one-sided, but he was also quite certain Hakkai’s chi couldn’t affect him the way it did unless his mind was already leaning quite firmly in that direction of its own accord. With his mind made up and bent on seduction, Gojyo pressed one of his armory’s most sensual kisses against the nape of Hakkai’s neck.
“Ah! Gojyo, don’t.” It sounded like begging now. Gojyo ignored the plea, stroking his tongue along the spot he’d just kissed, and Hakkai whimpered softly.
“This is cruel, Gojyo.” Bitter now... hot-and-cold-running Hakkai. What’s next? Bring it on. Gojyo leaned up to breathe, hot and heavy, into Hakkai’s ear.
“S’okay, Hakkai. I know you want me now, remember?”
“It isn’t... it... I don’t...” What is he so worried about?
“Don’t what, baby?” Gojyo whispered silkily, wondering briefly and belatedly how Hakkai felt about the “baby” that had slipped out so naturally.
“It hurts,” Hakkai groaned, in a voice low and desperate.
“Heart or dick?” Gojyo wondered aloud.
“Yes,” Hakkai groaned.
“I can help with one of those,” Gojyo whispered. He slid a palm smoothly down Hakkai’s pajama-clad torso and delved beneath the elastic of his pants, finding and grasping Hakkai’s erection. It was all hot and hard and smooth and when Gojyo closed his fingers around it, it jerked and throbbed against his hand. Felt good - really good, like being wanted... Hakkai’s hips jerked along with his dick.
“Gojyo!” he gasped.
“Shh...” soothed Gojyo. “Just relax, baby.” Like coaxing a reluctant virgin. Gojyo pressed on. “I’m not gonna hurt you, Hakkai.”
“How can you say that?” hissed Hakkai, moving his hips, seemingly in spite of himself, thrusting into Gojyo’s grasping fingers. “I know... I... Ah! Good. I know... this is so...” Gojyo let Hakkai’s voice wash over him, focusing on tone and timbre and ignoring the half-expressed thoughts behind the few words that didn’t mean ‘keep going.’ “You don’t... ah! Hah! Gojyo! Stop!!” The fear in Hakkai’s voice finally edged its way past the barrier formed by Gojyo’s single-minded desire for touch, and he all at once understood Hakkai’s not-sentence. He released Hakkai’s dick and, in spite of his earlier pleas, Hakkai let out a low moan of protest. Gojyo took Hakkai’s hand in his own.
“You think I’m doing you some kind of favor here, Hakkai?” he whispered. He pulled Hakkai’s hand back and down, scooting away from him just enough to create a small space between their bodies. “Uh-uh, Hakkai. I don’t do charity work.” He pressed Hakkai’s unresisting palm to the front of his boxers and took immense satisfaction in the startled gasp of discovery as he stroked Hakkai’s hand over his own hard-on. Hakkai struggled in Gojyo’s arms, turning himself around, awkward in his attempt not to break the contact of hand, on hand, on dick. But he managed it and Gojyo found himself staring into wide and astonished green eyes.
“You...?”
“Yeah,” replied Gojyo, somewhat sheepishly. “I should have said earlier, I know.”
“It would have been appreciated.” Hakkai didn’t sound angry, though, just really relieved. Gojyo knew the feeling.
“It took a while to sink in,” he explained.
“I suppose I can understand that,” Hakkai smiled weakly. “I think I’m having the same problem.” Unable to wait any longer, Gojyo pressed his lips to Hakkai’s. Hakkai let out a small gasp and then pressed himself enthusiastically into the kiss. It went on and on and Gojyo was breathless when he pulled back. He released Hakkai’s hand to let it explore under its own power and returned his attention to Hakkai’s abandoned dick.
“Did you really think I’d do this out of... what? Pity or something?” he asked gently as he resumed his stroking - palming, tickling and teasing in turn.
“Hah! Ahh... You have,” Hakkai spoke between kisses and breathy moans. “You have a very big heart, Gojyo.”
“I thought, uh... I thought you knew me, Hakkai.” Hakkai gave a short laugh, and Gojyo considered the concept as much as he could with Hakkai’s hand on his dick. If he hadn’t wanted Hakkai and he’d found out Hakkai had wanted him... Well, he was his best friend after all. “Okay,” he admitted. “I might’ve tried.” He gently nipped at Hakkai’s lower lip. “But I’m not now. I mean, that’s not why. I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time.”
“Really?” Hakkai breathed. Gojyo just nodded and kept kissing and touching because talking was getting really hard. “Is that why...” Hakkai stammered a bit as Gojyo cupped and stroked Hakkai’s balls. They were tight and hot and Gojyo thought he might be very close to coming. “Is that,” Hakkai continued. “Why you thought the response to the healing was your fault?” Gojyo nodded again and groaned and Hakkai finally abandoned the conversation in favor of exploring Gojyo’s body with his hands. He was demonstrating less finesse with his own fingers than Gojyo had, but just as much enthusiasm. The eager fumblings were more than enough for Gojyo, who found himself matching Hakkai, gasp for gasp and thrust for thrust as they both pressed unevenly into each other’s touches. A low moan from Hakkai caused Gojyo’s whole body to quiver.
“Oh, Gojyo! Gojyo... I’m sorry. I think I’m going to...”
Gojyo responded to Hakkai’s breathless words by quickly releasing his grip on the other man’s dick. Pulling himself away with a real effort, Gojyo sat up and scooted himself back toward the foot of the bed. Hakkai sat up, too, and stared at Gojyo in rumpled confusion, and perhaps a little fear.
“I’m sorry...” he began again.
“It’s okay, Hakkai,” Gojyo reassured him in a shaky voice. “I just kinda want more... you know, before... you know.” He gestured helplessly.
“Oh! Oh, yes. I’m sorry.” Gojyo wished he would stop apologizing, already. Hakkai’s hand strayed toward his right ear, lightly stroking his limiters. It was a nervous habit Gojyo doubted Hakkai was even conscious of. “What should I do?” Hakkai asked, looking worried.
Gojyo gave him an apologetic grin. “Well,” he answered. “I guess we can’t really fuck.”
“No?” Hakkai asked, now sounding politely curious. “Oh. Why not?”
“Not prepared,” Gojyo said with a shrug. “It’s not like with chicks, you know? We’d need some help.”
“Oh,” Hakkai said, brightening. “Lubricant? Yes. Well, actually, I do have that.”
Gojyo stared at him for a moment, dumbfounded.
“How...?”
“I bought some before I came up to speak with you,” Hakkai admitted, ducking his head and blushing slightly. “I wasn’t optimistic, but...”
“You knew this was gonna happen?” Gojyo interrupted, incredulous.
“No,” Hakkai answered, slowly. “I was rather certain it wouldn’t. But... I had hoped and I wanted to be prepared... I know it was presumptuous of me-"
“You’re fucking incredible, you know that?” Gojyo said, meaning it.
Hakkai gave Gojyo a small smile. “You aren’t offended?”
“No, man. I’m fucking horny. Where is it?”
Hakkai slid off the bed and crossed, with a somewhat wobbly gait, to the chair where his carefully folded trousers sat piled on his tunic. He retrieved a small tube from one of the pockets and handed it to Gojyo before sliding back onto the bed next to him. He looked concerned. “Is that right?”
“Yeah,” Gojyo shook his head, still amazed at the forethought. “This should work. Not much here... but, yeah.”
“I told you,” Hakkai said apologetically. “I wasn’t optimistic.”
“Next question...” Gojyo looked meaningfully at Hakkai.
“Ah, yes.” Hakkai folded his hands carefully on his lap and stared down at them. “I am perfectly willing to accede to your more extensive experience in this. I will accept whatever you think best.” Gojyo marveled at Hakkai’s calm tone. He felt on the edge of hysteria himself. “Only,” Hakkai continued. “Can we hurry, please, Gojyo? I’m feeling a bit desperate...”
Thank fuck. “You and me both, baby,” Gojyo grinned. Relief over the fact that Hakkai’s composure was just another of his skillful facades had left Gojyo feeling generous. “How ‘bout you do me this time?” Hakkai‘s eyes fluttered shut and his breathing went ragged.
“You okay, Hakkai?” Gojyo asked.
“This time...?” Hakkai murmured faintly and Gojyo smiled again.
“Yeah. There’ll be lots of times... I mean, if you like it... um, me.”
“Oh, Gojyo, yes. Please.”
Hakkai watched with a hungry look as Gojyo lay back, bending his knees and spreading his legs. Gojyo held the bottle up between thumb and index finger. “You wanna? Or should I?”
Hakkai bit at his lower lip uncertainly. “I should probably do it, don’t you think?”
“I think so, yeah.”
Hakkai crawled toward Gojyo and took the bottle, kneeling between his spread legs. He simply stared for a few long moments - long enough for Gojyo to begin feeling fairly self conscious.
“I want you so much, Gojyo,” he finally whispered.
“I’m right here,” Gojyo meant that to sound smooth - reassuring. But his voice sounded shaky to his own ears. He wondered if Hakkai assumed he’d done this before. If so, he wasn’t sure it would do either of them any good to let him in on the truth. It might be easier for him if he thought at least one of them knew what he was doing.
“So... I...” Hakkai’s hands were shaking as he poured a measure of oil into his palms and rubbed his hands together, slicking palms and fingers and dripping a generous amount onto Gojyo’s parted thighs in the process. “Do I put my fingers... ah, inside you?”
Gojyo felt his body tremble in response to the question. “That’s the idea,” he paused, wondering if Hakkai found the idea distasteful - possibly unsanitary. “I can,” he started to offer and then yelped as Hakkai leaned in close and eager fingers touched him very intimately and without hesitation. Gojyo’s eyes rolled back at the insistent pushing and, suddenly, the probing finger was wiggling inside of him.
“Ah. It’s very tight, Gojyo,” he whispered. “I don’t...”
“Ah! Fuck! What the...? Oh, God. No. Don’t fucking stop,” Gojyo groaned when Hakkai began to pull away, but, at Gojyo’s final words, Hakkai stopped and instead pressed in more deeply, sliding a second finger in to rub and curl with the first. “Holy hell, Hakkai. That is... Ungh!” Gojyo tried to keep his eyes open, to sneak a glance at Hakkai through the rolling waves of pleasure that Hakkai was, somehow, against all reason, managing to create with two - no three - fingers moving insistently inside of him. The first light of dawn was filtering through the half-shuttered window and Hakkai was flushed, lips parted in fascination and evident delight at the reaction he was provoking.
“You are so lovely, Gojyo,” he whispered and Gojyo bucked beneath his touch as Hakkai’s fingers curled and rubbed firmly at an incredibly sensitive spot somewhere deep inside him that he’d never even known he had. I’m going to come, he realized with surprise. He’s not even touching my goddamned dick and I’m gonna... “Ah! Fuck!! Hakkai, stop!” The amazing fingers withdrew quickly and Gojyo lay gasping and panting, struggling for control. When he finally managed to open his eyes, Hakkai was looking confused and miserable again.
“Did I hurt you?” he asked quietly.
“No! Fuck no... just the opposite. You’d better just,” Gojyo gestured helplessly, but Hakkai got the idea. Gojyo watched, panting, through half-lidded eyes as Hakkai poured out the remaining oil and slowly coated his dick, shivering lightly at his own touch. I shoulda done that, thought Gojyo blearily. But before he could reach to lend a hand, Hakkai was pushing him back, positioning himself over him, weight on one elbow. He leaned in and their lips met, mouths gulping gratefully at one another. Gojyo felt Hakkai’s free hand fumbling between them and the thick head of his slick cock pushing at his entrance. He was surprised to find that he didn’t feel nervous about this. He might have done if it hadn’t been for his unexpected response to Hakkai’s touch. Now he just wanted to feel that again - and he knew the best way to get that feeling back would be to get some part of Hakkai back inside of him where it clearly belonged... and fast.
“Tell me if it hurts,” Hakkai gritted. “Stop me if it hurts. Make me stop...” The words were an insistent wish against Gojyo’s lips.
“Yeah, I will,” Gojyo lied. Because it was going to hurt and Gojyo didn’t fucking care at that point. And then a second later he did.
“Ah! Ung... gah!” Fuckfuckfuck! He clenched watering eyes and clutched at Hakkai’s shoulders, trying to breathe.
“Ahh...hah! Oh, Gojyo... It’s so... oh, Gojyo!” Hakkai’s moans cut through the throbbing ache and surged through Gojyo’s heated blood, fluttering at the pit of his churning stomach and re-filling his momentarily flagging cock. “Ah... ah!” Gojyo swallowed Hakkai’s groans of pleasure as he tensed and clenched around his deeply seated dick. “So good, Gojyo... Oh!”
And it was good - the pain was rapidly receding, subsiding to a dull and not unpleasant throb, and then to the point where Gojyo could feel and savor the fullness - the connectedness, the tremble of Hakkai’s hard flesh deep, deep inside his body.
Hakkai stayed still inside of him, his moans finally fading into deep, laboured breaths, hot against Gojyo’s mouth between kisses. “Gojyo? Oh, Gojyo.. is it bad? Should I stop?”
“Stop and I’ll fucking kill you,” Gojyo promised, allowing his hands to unclench from Hakkai’s shoulders and stroke downward to press firmly against his tight butt. “Feels, ngh...” Ow. “Good.” Hakkai let out a low groan in response and slowly, very slowly, rotated his hips - not thrusting, but just sort of rubbing himself inside of Gojyo, creating a friction against that spot. And then it did feel good - really, really good - and he pressed back, tilting his hips up toward Hakkai and taking him deeper.
“Mmm... Hakkai. Fuck me.”
With a relieved groan Hakkai obeyed: out - pulling Gojyo’s insides along with him, and in - filling and rubbing, hurting and satisfying some deep, previously undiscovered craving that went on and on until all he could feel was the wonderful ache and throb within, the deep slick churning as Hakkai pumped steadily into him, and the smooth, heated chafe of Hakkai’s abdomen against his own swollen and dripping dick.
Gojyo didn’t know if hours or moments had passed, but he was huffing each breath and Hakkai’s long moans and cries had morphed into a wordless, primal growling that sent electric shudders through Gojyo’s spine as each nudge and thump of Hakkai’s cock inside him sent sparks of intense pleasure rippling out from the point of impact to his very fingertips.
Hakkai’s fingers curled and tightened against his shoulders. “So, close,” he husked. “I can’t... Gojyo, please... come for me, please...”
“It’s so good, Hakkai...” Gojyo murmured. “But I don’t think I... Ah!”
“Hah!” Hakkai let out a triumphant sound, as Gojyo’s unexpected orgasm ripped through him. And then, “Oh! Ahhh...!” Hakkai followed as Gojyo’s body contracted around his thick length, feeling him jerk within him. And Gojyo heard them both making sounds like maddened animals as they came together, rubbing and clutching at one another in a frenzy of passion. The edges of Gojyo’s vision went dark.
Hakkai’s concerned voice brought Gojyo back to consciousness. “Gojyo? Are you all right?”
“Yeah,” Gojyo groaned. “Just gimme a second, okay, Hakkai?” Hakkai’s body relaxed next to him and he allowed himself to be pulled into a tight embrace.
“Did I hurt you?” Hakkai asked, gently stroking Gojyo’s tangled hair back off of his face and out of his eyes.
“No way, Hakkai,” Gojyo promised. “It was really fucking good.”
“Yes,” Hakkai sighed. “It was.”
In spite of the words, Gojyo felt gentle hands slide over him as Hakkai tenderly tested for bruises and sore spots running through his typical healer’s inventory of possible hurts. A palm slid between Gojyo’s legs and he flinched and hissed in spite of himself at the touch of probing fingers against his sore flesh. Hakkai’s hands stilled and, a moment later, Gojyo felt a familiar heated tingle.
“Hah! Hakkai, no!” Gojyo grabbed at Hakkai’s hand, pulling it up toward his chest and dispelling the gathering chi. “Don’t,” he said quickly. “Please.”
Hakkai sighed in exasperation. “You are in pain, Gojyo. And surely you can’t be concerned about your reaction to healing after what we just-"
Both men jumped and Gojyo almost rolled out of bed when someone began a loud thumping on the door.
“Get up. We’re leaving.” Sanzo’s usual early morning greeting invaded the room. Gojyo realized he’d somehow forgotten the monk’s existence during the night and he did not welcome the reminder.
“Fuck,” Gojyo swore, feeling deeply disappointed by the idea of spending the rest of the day not in bed beside Hakkai, but crammed into the back seat of Jeep with Goku. He shot Hakkai a dismayed look but Hakkai appeared unruffled. He slid silently out of bed and quickly into his pajamas.
“Hakkai!” Gojyo protested. Hakkai ignored him and padded over to the door. He opened it, catching Sanzo’s descending knuckle before it rapped him on the nose.
“I’m afraid Gojyo still isn’t fit to travel, Sanzo,” Hakkai said calmly, releasing Sanzo’s fist.
“What do you mean?” Sanzo growled. “I thought you healed the idiot last night?”
“Yes, Sanzo, but he’s rather sore this morning,” Hakkai explained. “I offered to work on him again, but he refused. You know how Gojyo gets about being treated.” Sanzo glanced over Hakkai’s shoulder and gave Gojyo an appraising glare. Gojyo tried for a moment to look innocent but couldn’t quite manage it, so he flashed the monk a grin and fumbled for a long-overdue cigarette. “I’m sure he’ll be fine by tomorrow,” Hakkai said patiently.
“He’d better be.” Sanzo looked put out, but, as usual, didn’t argue with Hakkai. “We’re leaving tomorrow,” Sanzo snapped at Gojyo. “So fucking let him heal you.” With that, Sanzo turned heel and stalked off, doubtless in search of coffee and a newspaper.
Hakkai shut the door and turned back toward Gojyo. “You heard Sanzo, Gojyo. I’m afraid I have no choice.”
“Hah,” Gojyo exhaled a stream of cigarette smoke. “I don’t take orders from that prick.”
“Of course not, Gojyo,” said Hakkai, stripping off his pajamas as Gojyo watched in silent appreciation. “But I do. I’m afraid I’ll have to heal you very thoroughly.” He climbed back onto the bed. “Roll over.” Gojyo smashed out his cigarette and complied with a lazy grin. He suddenly couldn’t think of a reason to protest... He tensed in anticipation at the light tingle against his skin.
“Hey, Hakkai.”
“Yes, Gojyo,” Hakkai’s voice was a drowsy hum above him.
“Feels different.”
“Hmm. I know. I think I’m a bit more relaxed than usual.” Hakkai replied, stroking him gently.
“S’kinda nice,” Gojyo murmured and, for the first time ever, drifted off to sleep beneath Hakkai’s healing touch.
*fin*