Fat is a state of mind...?
Yeah, so I know I said I probably wasn't going to blog about my life anymore... but I guess I lied. Here I am!
( I think, somehow, sort of, that I kind of understand how anorexic girls can look in the mirror and think to themselves that they're fat. Maybe. )
( I think, somehow, sort of, that I kind of understand how anorexic girls can look in the mirror and think to themselves that they're fat. Maybe. )
I wandered over to this post over from Twitter and this topic is something every female grapples with. It's almost like some sick rite of passage for a woman where we dissolve into insecure and extremely self-critical creatures.
You've already answered your questions correctly to yourself since it is largely a change in mind. For years you came to terms with the fact that you were a particular size and you were extremely comfortable with that realization. However, now that you're undergoing some pretty massive physical changes your mentality will need to change accordingly and it just needs some time to catch up. It's like in music where you've been playing on a junky, beat-up instrument but you've learned to love it despite it's flaws and you've even tweaked your technique to compensate for its quirks. However, you realize that if you're going to be a professional musician it is time to make an investment in a professional instrument. Suddenly, you buy this new instrument and everything is suddenly so much easier! No more weird technique compensation techniques for your previous sub-par instrument and you're finally playing an instrument with so much possibility! However, even though you're sounding better than you ever did before... you're still not satisfied because you have the potential to be so much better and the instrument beckons you to do so. All musicians are perfectionists in their own way and we can't settle for less once we've seen the possibility that we are able to achieve.
In that sense, all you can do is strive to achieve the very best with the instrument and body that you have. It's easy to say and much harder to do but I guess I just think to myself that the world isn't perfect, therefore, there is no perfect weight. In my mind, I'm not sure if anything will ever be good enough: grades, weight, life in general, but in order to make myself not crazy and happier overall, I've just learned to accept that I have done the very best I can do and that works for me. In a way, it's kind of like settling, but I don't feel like it's settling when you have done your very best to change. The result may be different than what I initially anticipated but it brought be farther along in achieving my goal than doing nothing at all.
If you've read this whole reply, thanks for indulging me! I kind of started typing without realizing what this response would turn into :)
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I really like your analogy about the musical instrument - I did go through that a few years ago when my old upright piano finally bit the dust. It makes complete sense. And I don't think you can call anything "settling" - be it a skill you're learning or a body you're loving, or anything else - if you know in your heart it's the very best you've got.
I'm sure my mind will catch up at some point :)
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