First Day of the Rest of My Life
Today is the first day of Spring and my first day back at work after a mental-health-related month-and-a-half leave of absence. I start cognitive behavior therapy on Wednesday for anxiety-related stress management, and I'm feeling the anxiety settle and the depression start to lift.
I had a setback yesterday in the form of a fender-bender; my second at-fault accident in one month after 14 years of flawless driving. I feel shitty about it, but the SO's response was "I'm glad you weren't hurt" and generally everyone (including the other driver and the cop) has been awesome, so it's okay.
But generally, things are good, and I want to concentrate on that, so I turn once again to LiveJournal. It's 8:03 am and the day is off to a good start. I did not exercise, but I did get out the door on time and caught the 7:15 express bus. The smoker at the stop courteously shifted downwind and we had a pleasant conversation about how some cigarettes smell like ash trays and other brands smell good; hers was one of the "almost smells good" variety. I'm not a smoker, but I do like the way some cigarettes smell on a fresh, wet morning like today.
I knitted on the bus, and then ran into one of my classmates, sitting opposite me. I've been out of school almost four years, but my cohort is still my cohort and my classmates are still my classmates, and I haven't seen Amy in ages. It was great to see her, and I navigated the "how are things?" question without lying and without being a downer, I think. I've admitted in the past few weeks that I've been retreating from friends and family for a while now because I can't answer that question, so this went well. We both agreed we have to get together soon, and I think I might get the motivation to stage a Happy Hour soon.
I decided to walk through the park after I got off the bus. I've been avoiding it on my way to the office recently, for a variety of reasons, but today I decided to go through and I'm glad I did. There was a USCG buoy tender in the guest slip, black-hulled and bulky and shipshape with crew unloading coolers and engine running. I don't know why she's there or for how long, but it was good to see her there -- she smelled right, like that little bit of home that's never been mine. Buoy tenders are also interesting because their foredecks are low for, well, tending buoys, and you can see the machinery from the dock.
My own retired USCG boat (not a buoy tender, and I'm not her owner) just got back from the yard, and her sticks and stacks and rigging are fixed up and freshly-painted and looking good, and I walked by her with a little pride this time, despite how stressful the project has been. I took the long way through the floating docks, too (not that I had a choice; the cranes are here, as the contractor has been prophesizing) and looked at the knockabouts and the progress and felt good in the memories and the future. It's 55 degrees and damp cloudy, a good start to the spring and a good morning for reflection, and a good morning to try another re-start.
Now, to keep going.