question of faith
So. I didn't get a call back, but Alex did.
I cried a lot last night. I've been having fits so far today where something will spur tears again and I have to push them back. So far, it sucks.
It hurts feeling as though I worked harder, prepared longer and more than anyone else (knowing that I did prepare more than a lot of the ones who received call backs) and it amounts to nothing.
I'm going through a question of my faith in myself. I've never received a call back. I've been working the better part of my life to be good at this, and it doesn't seem to be working. When is enough enough? When is it time to count my losses and try a new game?
Randy, a guy here, once said "I act because I must". The cynical part of me now believes that a more accurate statement would have been, "I act because I can". I can't, or it seems as though I am not decent.
What am I doing with my life? All I want to do is crawl into bed, starve myself, and never come out again.
I cried a lot last night. I've been having fits so far today where something will spur tears again and I have to push them back. So far, it sucks.
It hurts feeling as though I worked harder, prepared longer and more than anyone else (knowing that I did prepare more than a lot of the ones who received call backs) and it amounts to nothing.
I'm going through a question of my faith in myself. I've never received a call back. I've been working the better part of my life to be good at this, and it doesn't seem to be working. When is enough enough? When is it time to count my losses and try a new game?
Randy, a guy here, once said "I act because I must". The cynical part of me now believes that a more accurate statement would have been, "I act because I can". I can't, or it seems as though I am not decent.
What am I doing with my life? All I want to do is crawl into bed, starve myself, and never come out again.