Thinking..im def. kinda sad
I feel left behind in so many ways..I used 2 have awesome real friends and i fell behind and fucked up and now htey are all atr college adn im home. I graduated HS 6 months after them and am going 2 collefe a year after them..It really like makes me so angry ay myself and i just wish i was in college like them and feeling part of that crowd again. I had such awesome loyal friends and although we still talk its not the same....I dont think it ever will be. ONly with mea dn Jen will it always be teh same. BUt like when i talk 2 Randi, i know things are not like they used 2 be, we used 2 be inseperable and tell eachother everything, we used 2 be like 2 pees in a pod. ANd now its just different, i just know it is. SHe calls me her best friend and shit but its still differnet, like all her memories are with like Adrienne and Lisa and people and im just kinda Shari. I looked at her myspace and i wasnt even on her top 8 and it hurts me so bad. I wish i neevr thru these girls away, i wish things never were th way they used 2be with me and Randi. IM so dam jealous, im like hysterically crying. Me and randi were best friends since kindergarden, we grew up 2gether and i fucked her over and the percussions are hitting really hard. I know she loves me but itll never be teh same again. Just too much has happened in the past 3 years. I like feel my heart sink when i think aboutit, it hurts to even write this...I want my best friend back...I lover her so dam much!! i hate myself..i am such a bad friend!!