You Send Me
Title: You Send Me
Pairing: Meredith & Derek
Show: Grey's Anatomy
Timeline: Post 3.22/23 The Other Side of This Life
Rating: M
Disclaimer: Shonda Rhimes. Not Me.
The new Grey's Promos have really almost kinda sorta left me inspired. And almost kinda sorta not hating the show as much as I did post-May 17th, 2007. haha. We'll see how long that lasts. ;)
So, this was hard to write. I kept having to ask myself "is that how Mer/Der would say that?"/"Is that how they would react? I think so. So, you know, lemme know! THANKS!
Part 3
Derek was running out of patience.
Twice in the last five hours he had come thisclose to asking her. The first had been when she’d come downstairs, finally dressed and ready to go out to dinner. Her hair was loose and somewhere between straight and wavy. Her eyes were big and wide and sparkling. The dress she wore was casual, simple black, and it fell right below her knee. The heels she wore were just high enough to elongate her already shapely legs. He was struck dumb by her beauty.
“You know I love you in a black dress,” he murmured into her ear as they walked toward the car, evoking memories of two of the most historic nights in their relationship.
She’d giggled, twirled around in his arms to implore him with brilliantly beautiful, laughing eyes. “I thought you loved me in anything.”
There. Right then. He’d stared into her face and the words had been on the tip of his tongue. She was gorgeous. She was fun. She was happy. And she was his. All his. Forever. He just wanted - needed - to make it official. He’d done the back-and-forth, boyfriend/girlfriend thing for long enough. He wanted all of her, bound to him, legally, for the rest of their lives. He wanted all of him, bound to her, legally, for the rest of their lives.
The second time he’d wanted to ask her had been much later when they’d gone back to her place. Alex and Izzie were nowhere to be found and there were two bottles of white wine chilling in the fridge. They had drunkenly indulged themselves in a bubble bath - for old times sake, Meredith had slurred - after polishing off the two bottles. He had to leave for his conference the next afternoon and the thought of three days away from her had driven him crazy, forced him to cling to her like some lovesick fool.
She was in his arms, her back against his chest as they sat dazed, drunk and giddy in the tub, the only light illuminating from the half dozen or so candles haphazardly scattered about the room. His arms were around her, tight, not groping, just holding, being, and his fingers stroked lightly down over the damp skin of her arm. His chin rested upon the top of her head and he adored over inhaling her lavender-scented hair. She’d giggled something about how Alex and Izzie were sleeping together again and shifted in his arms, flushing more lavender down his nostrils in two overwhelming jolts.
He’d moaned, almost pathetically, tightened his arm around her, fingered her hair, looking down his nose at her profile. Her pupils were dilated, her breathing and blinking slow, labored, almost confused. The words had bubbled up then, dying to come out, but he’d held back. Not now, he scolded himself through a slightly-inebriated haze.
All that foresight failed him when it mattered most, however.
They were lying in bed much later that night, naked and twisted in the sheets. They’d screwed the alcohol off and were now dazed and drunk on one another. His head was propped up by the foot of the bed while she rested up against the headboard. He was playing with her toes, running his fingers between each tiny digit, marveling over how smooth and soft the soles of her feet were.
The sex had been particularly spectacular. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been more pleasantly exhausted. Meredith looked insanely beautiful with her hair tousled, face flushed, lips swollen and red from his kisses. He felt like the luckiest man on the planet in that moment, so ridiculously in love with her he couldn’t stand it.
“You know I love you, right?” He asked quietly.
She grinned, so pretty he felt nauseous. “I do.” She sounded so happy. She looked so happy. He made her happy. He did that for her. The swell of pride that filled him was overwhelming, almost painful to set aside.
“You know I want to be with you, right?”
Her smile lessened just a bit but her eyes remind bright as she nodded. “Yeah.”
He ran his fingers up her bare leg, enjoying the way her eyes went smoky and she shivered slightly from his touch. “What if I said . . .” Deep breath. “What if I said I wanted to marry you too?”
Derek brought his eyes up now to watch her. She stared at him, her expression remaining blank and passive for several seconds before her eyes slowly, gradually grew wider and wider until she was gaping at him.
“I want to marry you, Meredith,” he murmured, continuing to lovingly caress her calf.
She sat up at that, pulling her leg from his embrace, her back stiffening. “What are you doing?” All traces of that beautiful smile were gone.
“I’m trying to propose,” Derek said wryly, ignoring the panic stirring in his gut.
“Don’t,” Meredith snapped, feeling the dread rising up in her esophagus, threatening to choke her to death. She rolled from the bed, attempting to get up and run before his hand darted out and held her steady. “Crap,” she whined under her breath as she felt the tears fill her eyes. “Crap shit.”
“You don’t.”
She whirled around to face him and he was immediately taken aback by the tears in her eyes. “Why are you doing this, Derek?”
“Doing what?” He felt angry now; anger at her for ruining what should be a happy, exciting, blissfully thrilling moment followed by four more hours of mindblowing sex whereby he was limping onto his flight the following afternoon and anger at himself for being naïve enough to think she really wouldn’t react this way. “Doing what, Meredith? Loving you so much I want to spend the rest of my life with you? Why am I doing that?”
“Don’t say that!” She cried, stomping her foot immaturely. She brushed the tears from her face, cursing herself for responding this way. Cursing him for making her. “Crap! Shit! Crap crap crap!” Her mind was held captive with exclamation points, unable to process . . . thought.
“Why can’t I say it?” He softened. “I love you. Meredith.” He pulled her into his lap, peered up into her eyes, locking an arm around her waist to prevent her from fleeing. “I want you to be my wife.”
She dropped her head, shaking it firmly. “No. No. Why? No.”
He tilted her head up so she had to look at him, had to see the pain she was causing him. “Two years, Meredith.”
Her eyes narrowed in confusion. “What? What are you talking about?”
He rolled his eyes. She could be so dense sometimes. “We’ve been doing it your way for two years. I’ve been taking you any way I can get you so you won’t . . .” His voice trailed off and he looked away.
Meredith gaped at him, a chill going through her. She knew what he meant. “Say it,” she hissed through clenched teeth. “If you feel it. Say. It.”
“I’ve been taking you anyway I can get you so you won’t give up and not swim again.” When she would have risen and completely pull away, he gripped her forearms tightly and forced her guarded, angry eyes to meet his. “But now? Now, Meredith? Now I. Want. More.”
“Derek-” She couldn’t do this. She didn’t want to do this. She hated him for making her do this. Why was he trying to change things? Why did he want to ruin something so perfect that they had?
“I want more, Meredith. I’m sick of a few days here, a few days there. I’m sick of calling you my girlfriend when you’re so much more than that. I’m sick of feeling like I’m walking on egg shells if I ask more from you emotionally than you’re used to giving.” He shook her slightly. “I love you! I want to marry you.”
“I don’t . . .” She tried to wrestle from his arms, desperate to get away and think. “I don’t know if I can give you what you want, Derek.” And it was becoming clear maybe he couldn’t give her what she wanted either.
“Why are you so Goddamned flighty?” Derek cried exasperatedly.
Her face blanched. She ignored, denied the shame she felt at knowing he was right. “I am not flighty; I’m cautious.”
Derek rolled his eyes almost violently. “Whenever something happens that you don’t like or think you can handle, you always run and hide. Pull away. Make jokes. Change the subject. Hide behind sex.” His face softened as he gazed at her. “Two years, Meredith. I’m in this for the long haul. If you don’t love me . . . If you don’t want me for the long haul, that’s fine. Just say so. ‘Cause I’m not settling for less anymore.”
She gaped at him in complete shock now. “Is that some kind of . . . is that an ultimatum? Are you kidding me?!”
He smirked. God, he loved her. “Yeah, I guess it is. And no I am not.”
She sputtered, panic boiling to the point of cataclysmic eruption now. “Why are you trying to change things?” Yeah, it’d been two years, but they’d been through a lot in those two years and for most of it, especially lately, they’d been happy. Blissfully so. Changing things could very well change that.
He deflected the question much the way she would, lifting her up to set her aside so he could rise to his feet. “Why are you so afraid to change things?”
“This is how you-” She whirled to watch him dress, absolutely flabbergasted. “No one knee, no ring, no asking me, just ordering me and threatening to dump me if I don’t!?”
He smirked again. “Meredith, baby, think about it. That’s all I’m asking for right now. I’m not threatening anything.” Not really. Not yet. Part of him was hoping it wouldn’t ever come to that. Part of him hoped she’d miss him so much in the next three days she’d be dying to marry him by the time he got back. Ha. Yeah right. In reality, Derek knew that he was acting much calmer than he truly felt. Deep inside, he was terrified his plan would backfire. But he couldn’t keep letting things go her way just because he was scared to lose her. He was in this relationship too.
Meredith wanted to weep. Her throat was suddenly thick and her eyes stung. She felt lost, empty, and scared. “Don’t ‘baby’ me. You never ‘baby’ me.” She finally realized that he was in the process of dressing. “Where are you going?” She almost whined as he pulled his sweater back over his head.
“Conference. In Fort Lauderdale. You knew that.”
“But you don’t have to leave until noon,” Meredith interjected, suddenly feeling empty at the thought of him leaving. Can’t have it both ways, Meredith, a tiny voice in her head said.
“Yeah but . . . we both have some thinking to do.” He patted his pocket to make sure he had his keys and then leaned over to frame her face in his hands and kiss her warmly. “I love you so much, Meredith Grey.”
Tears did spill over now and she nodded. “I hate you so much, Derek Shepherd.”
He smiled almost sadly. “Yeah, well, wouldn’t be the first time, right?”
She couldn’t even bring herself to laugh. She felt like her entire world was crashing around her - again. Everything had been so good for so long and now he had to go mess it up with some fairytale bullshit about marriage. She didn’t need marriage! He’d already been married! Look how that turned out! Her parents had been married - that was a real day at the beach. Her father and Susan - ended in heartbreak! Why should she do that to herself? Sure, Cristina and Burke seemed to make it work but she would never want that kind of marriage for herself. For one thing, they only invited she and Derek to the wedding and Meredith would want all her friends there and for another, Cristina still refused to wear a ring and Meredith would definitely want one and . . .
But no! She couldn’t get married! She was not the marrying kind. She thought she and Derek had their own Kurt-and-Goldie, Tim-and-Susan, Oprah-and-Steadman thing going on and now he wanted to redefine the very thing that made their relationship so wonderful? No! No! He couldn’t! She couldn’t! They - couldn’t.
“I’ll see you in three days,” Derek whispered as he kissed her once more for good measure, and then he was gone. She listened to the sounds of his footsteps moving and fading down the hall, strained to hear the front door close and then she curled up into a ball and cried.
It took everything Derek had in him not to turn around and go back in there. This had to happen, he assured himself. He couldn’t settle for less than all of her. It wasn’t fair. He wanted to marry Meredith.
And he wouldn’t give up until he had convinced her that she wanted to marry him too.
Now this is where it get tricky. this story might be a bit longer than I expected. But still not a novel or anything ;)
You might have noticed the song I was listening to during this postage is from "Say Anything". You know, the "hold a radio over my head outside your window" deal-y from Meredith's wonderful (yet frightening) Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me Speech. I love this movie. And this song. And it is SO Mer/Der.
And what the hell ever happened to Peter Gabriel?
Pairing: Meredith & Derek
Show: Grey's Anatomy
Timeline: Post 3.22/23 The Other Side of This Life
Rating: M
Disclaimer: Shonda Rhimes. Not Me.
The new Grey's Promos have really almost kinda sorta left me inspired. And almost kinda sorta not hating the show as much as I did post-May 17th, 2007. haha. We'll see how long that lasts. ;)
So, this was hard to write. I kept having to ask myself "is that how Mer/Der would say that?"/"Is that how they would react? I think so. So, you know, lemme know! THANKS!
Part 3
Derek was running out of patience.
Twice in the last five hours he had come thisclose to asking her. The first had been when she’d come downstairs, finally dressed and ready to go out to dinner. Her hair was loose and somewhere between straight and wavy. Her eyes were big and wide and sparkling. The dress she wore was casual, simple black, and it fell right below her knee. The heels she wore were just high enough to elongate her already shapely legs. He was struck dumb by her beauty.
“You know I love you in a black dress,” he murmured into her ear as they walked toward the car, evoking memories of two of the most historic nights in their relationship.
She’d giggled, twirled around in his arms to implore him with brilliantly beautiful, laughing eyes. “I thought you loved me in anything.”
There. Right then. He’d stared into her face and the words had been on the tip of his tongue. She was gorgeous. She was fun. She was happy. And she was his. All his. Forever. He just wanted - needed - to make it official. He’d done the back-and-forth, boyfriend/girlfriend thing for long enough. He wanted all of her, bound to him, legally, for the rest of their lives. He wanted all of him, bound to her, legally, for the rest of their lives.
The second time he’d wanted to ask her had been much later when they’d gone back to her place. Alex and Izzie were nowhere to be found and there were two bottles of white wine chilling in the fridge. They had drunkenly indulged themselves in a bubble bath - for old times sake, Meredith had slurred - after polishing off the two bottles. He had to leave for his conference the next afternoon and the thought of three days away from her had driven him crazy, forced him to cling to her like some lovesick fool.
She was in his arms, her back against his chest as they sat dazed, drunk and giddy in the tub, the only light illuminating from the half dozen or so candles haphazardly scattered about the room. His arms were around her, tight, not groping, just holding, being, and his fingers stroked lightly down over the damp skin of her arm. His chin rested upon the top of her head and he adored over inhaling her lavender-scented hair. She’d giggled something about how Alex and Izzie were sleeping together again and shifted in his arms, flushing more lavender down his nostrils in two overwhelming jolts.
He’d moaned, almost pathetically, tightened his arm around her, fingered her hair, looking down his nose at her profile. Her pupils were dilated, her breathing and blinking slow, labored, almost confused. The words had bubbled up then, dying to come out, but he’d held back. Not now, he scolded himself through a slightly-inebriated haze.
All that foresight failed him when it mattered most, however.
They were lying in bed much later that night, naked and twisted in the sheets. They’d screwed the alcohol off and were now dazed and drunk on one another. His head was propped up by the foot of the bed while she rested up against the headboard. He was playing with her toes, running his fingers between each tiny digit, marveling over how smooth and soft the soles of her feet were.
The sex had been particularly spectacular. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been more pleasantly exhausted. Meredith looked insanely beautiful with her hair tousled, face flushed, lips swollen and red from his kisses. He felt like the luckiest man on the planet in that moment, so ridiculously in love with her he couldn’t stand it.
“You know I love you, right?” He asked quietly.
She grinned, so pretty he felt nauseous. “I do.” She sounded so happy. She looked so happy. He made her happy. He did that for her. The swell of pride that filled him was overwhelming, almost painful to set aside.
“You know I want to be with you, right?”
Her smile lessened just a bit but her eyes remind bright as she nodded. “Yeah.”
He ran his fingers up her bare leg, enjoying the way her eyes went smoky and she shivered slightly from his touch. “What if I said . . .” Deep breath. “What if I said I wanted to marry you too?”
Derek brought his eyes up now to watch her. She stared at him, her expression remaining blank and passive for several seconds before her eyes slowly, gradually grew wider and wider until she was gaping at him.
“I want to marry you, Meredith,” he murmured, continuing to lovingly caress her calf.
She sat up at that, pulling her leg from his embrace, her back stiffening. “What are you doing?” All traces of that beautiful smile were gone.
“I’m trying to propose,” Derek said wryly, ignoring the panic stirring in his gut.
“Don’t,” Meredith snapped, feeling the dread rising up in her esophagus, threatening to choke her to death. She rolled from the bed, attempting to get up and run before his hand darted out and held her steady. “Crap,” she whined under her breath as she felt the tears fill her eyes. “Crap shit.”
“You don’t.”
She whirled around to face him and he was immediately taken aback by the tears in her eyes. “Why are you doing this, Derek?”
“Doing what?” He felt angry now; anger at her for ruining what should be a happy, exciting, blissfully thrilling moment followed by four more hours of mindblowing sex whereby he was limping onto his flight the following afternoon and anger at himself for being naïve enough to think she really wouldn’t react this way. “Doing what, Meredith? Loving you so much I want to spend the rest of my life with you? Why am I doing that?”
“Don’t say that!” She cried, stomping her foot immaturely. She brushed the tears from her face, cursing herself for responding this way. Cursing him for making her. “Crap! Shit! Crap crap crap!” Her mind was held captive with exclamation points, unable to process . . . thought.
“Why can’t I say it?” He softened. “I love you. Meredith.” He pulled her into his lap, peered up into her eyes, locking an arm around her waist to prevent her from fleeing. “I want you to be my wife.”
She dropped her head, shaking it firmly. “No. No. Why? No.”
He tilted her head up so she had to look at him, had to see the pain she was causing him. “Two years, Meredith.”
Her eyes narrowed in confusion. “What? What are you talking about?”
He rolled his eyes. She could be so dense sometimes. “We’ve been doing it your way for two years. I’ve been taking you any way I can get you so you won’t . . .” His voice trailed off and he looked away.
Meredith gaped at him, a chill going through her. She knew what he meant. “Say it,” she hissed through clenched teeth. “If you feel it. Say. It.”
“I’ve been taking you anyway I can get you so you won’t give up and not swim again.” When she would have risen and completely pull away, he gripped her forearms tightly and forced her guarded, angry eyes to meet his. “But now? Now, Meredith? Now I. Want. More.”
“Derek-” She couldn’t do this. She didn’t want to do this. She hated him for making her do this. Why was he trying to change things? Why did he want to ruin something so perfect that they had?
“I want more, Meredith. I’m sick of a few days here, a few days there. I’m sick of calling you my girlfriend when you’re so much more than that. I’m sick of feeling like I’m walking on egg shells if I ask more from you emotionally than you’re used to giving.” He shook her slightly. “I love you! I want to marry you.”
“I don’t . . .” She tried to wrestle from his arms, desperate to get away and think. “I don’t know if I can give you what you want, Derek.” And it was becoming clear maybe he couldn’t give her what she wanted either.
“Why are you so Goddamned flighty?” Derek cried exasperatedly.
Her face blanched. She ignored, denied the shame she felt at knowing he was right. “I am not flighty; I’m cautious.”
Derek rolled his eyes almost violently. “Whenever something happens that you don’t like or think you can handle, you always run and hide. Pull away. Make jokes. Change the subject. Hide behind sex.” His face softened as he gazed at her. “Two years, Meredith. I’m in this for the long haul. If you don’t love me . . . If you don’t want me for the long haul, that’s fine. Just say so. ‘Cause I’m not settling for less anymore.”
She gaped at him in complete shock now. “Is that some kind of . . . is that an ultimatum? Are you kidding me?!”
He smirked. God, he loved her. “Yeah, I guess it is. And no I am not.”
She sputtered, panic boiling to the point of cataclysmic eruption now. “Why are you trying to change things?” Yeah, it’d been two years, but they’d been through a lot in those two years and for most of it, especially lately, they’d been happy. Blissfully so. Changing things could very well change that.
He deflected the question much the way she would, lifting her up to set her aside so he could rise to his feet. “Why are you so afraid to change things?”
“This is how you-” She whirled to watch him dress, absolutely flabbergasted. “No one knee, no ring, no asking me, just ordering me and threatening to dump me if I don’t!?”
He smirked again. “Meredith, baby, think about it. That’s all I’m asking for right now. I’m not threatening anything.” Not really. Not yet. Part of him was hoping it wouldn’t ever come to that. Part of him hoped she’d miss him so much in the next three days she’d be dying to marry him by the time he got back. Ha. Yeah right. In reality, Derek knew that he was acting much calmer than he truly felt. Deep inside, he was terrified his plan would backfire. But he couldn’t keep letting things go her way just because he was scared to lose her. He was in this relationship too.
Meredith wanted to weep. Her throat was suddenly thick and her eyes stung. She felt lost, empty, and scared. “Don’t ‘baby’ me. You never ‘baby’ me.” She finally realized that he was in the process of dressing. “Where are you going?” She almost whined as he pulled his sweater back over his head.
“Conference. In Fort Lauderdale. You knew that.”
“But you don’t have to leave until noon,” Meredith interjected, suddenly feeling empty at the thought of him leaving. Can’t have it both ways, Meredith, a tiny voice in her head said.
“Yeah but . . . we both have some thinking to do.” He patted his pocket to make sure he had his keys and then leaned over to frame her face in his hands and kiss her warmly. “I love you so much, Meredith Grey.”
Tears did spill over now and she nodded. “I hate you so much, Derek Shepherd.”
He smiled almost sadly. “Yeah, well, wouldn’t be the first time, right?”
She couldn’t even bring herself to laugh. She felt like her entire world was crashing around her - again. Everything had been so good for so long and now he had to go mess it up with some fairytale bullshit about marriage. She didn’t need marriage! He’d already been married! Look how that turned out! Her parents had been married - that was a real day at the beach. Her father and Susan - ended in heartbreak! Why should she do that to herself? Sure, Cristina and Burke seemed to make it work but she would never want that kind of marriage for herself. For one thing, they only invited she and Derek to the wedding and Meredith would want all her friends there and for another, Cristina still refused to wear a ring and Meredith would definitely want one and . . .
But no! She couldn’t get married! She was not the marrying kind. She thought she and Derek had their own Kurt-and-Goldie, Tim-and-Susan, Oprah-and-Steadman thing going on and now he wanted to redefine the very thing that made their relationship so wonderful? No! No! He couldn’t! She couldn’t! They - couldn’t.
“I’ll see you in three days,” Derek whispered as he kissed her once more for good measure, and then he was gone. She listened to the sounds of his footsteps moving and fading down the hall, strained to hear the front door close and then she curled up into a ball and cried.
It took everything Derek had in him not to turn around and go back in there. This had to happen, he assured himself. He couldn’t settle for less than all of her. It wasn’t fair. He wanted to marry Meredith.
And he wouldn’t give up until he had convinced her that she wanted to marry him too.
Now this is where it get tricky. this story might be a bit longer than I expected. But still not a novel or anything ;)
You might have noticed the song I was listening to during this postage is from "Say Anything". You know, the "hold a radio over my head outside your window" deal-y from Meredith's wonderful (yet frightening) Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me Speech. I love this movie. And this song. And it is SO Mer/Der.
And what the hell ever happened to Peter Gabriel?