Life Problem
The only thing that overcomes hard luck is hard work.
- Harry Golden
Thats the quote of the day on my google homepage. Its good advice and seems to hit particularly hard at home for me. As most oof you may or may not know, I LOVE to write. In fact, its usually the only thing that makes me feel good. For awhile I was doing really well with writing everyday. I had the time and the inspiration. Then I met the people who moved into the house behind ours. And my life changed. I'm not upset about the change cuz to be honest I'm more content cuz I'm not constantly alone. I tend to suffer more deeply from loneliness than most. But while I love having friends and people to hang out with it has cut down on my free time to the point where I've stopped writing so much. I still play around with it a bit, but not steadily. And THe worst is that I seem to have lost inspiration. I can write peices of things but nothing much and I get blocked after just a bit. The longest peice I've written ever is a 19 page fanfic that I haven't yet finished. But it will never turn into a novel cuz its just a fanfic and so what good is it. I'm more inspired by that story than I am about much else but still it doesn't make it turn into somehting its not.
Now, I know that the only way to get better at writing is to practice and get as much helpful feedback as possible, but what can I do to get my sight back? I am just seeing the world in its reality state, not the state of my mind. I feel like I've tried everything except just shutting myself off from the world for awhile to sit and write. I listen to music and I see the stories the lyrics tell unfold before me but Thats not original. I was asked something in a fight and it was harsh, cruel enough to burn my soul, but it rang true. I was asked what I had ever finished and if I knew what it was to write. I have wanted to be an author since I was 6. I felt that maybe it was my true calling. I have so much inside that I don't know how to get out, I don't have the time to coax it out and so it stays inside gnawing at my bones eating my soul til I want to cry all the time cuz I'm failing. The one thing I want most and I'm failing at it.
I see all these instances of people wanting something since they were little and they drive for it. To the exclusion of all else. THey are so driven and they seem to not have to worry about working full time and never having time to do the things they need to get to their goal. I wish I was that driven. To be able to forsake everything else in life until I reach my one true goal. My dearest dream. I feel so torn and I'm not sure anyone will ever understand between what and why. I want to be DRIVEN! Even if it drives me insane at the time. I'm restless but how do I fix it?