Dreaming the Wolf - Chapter 12
Title: Dreaming the Wolf
Rating: R
Category: Angst
Summary: After the events of Freak, Chloe finds herself changed more than she thought possible. A spin on the classic tale of girl becomes werewolf.
Spoilers: I haven't been actively watching SV for a long time now, so anything goes and I take liberties. This is set after the episode Freak and careens madly and gleefully towards AU.
Disclaimer: If I owned anything, then there would be no need for me to write fanfic or read it.
Chapter 12
“It is no good casting out devils. They belong to us; we must accept them and be at peace with them.”
D.H. Lawrence
Chloe found herself back in her car near Lex’s mansion. She’d left over three hours ago; but after looking over the files she had pilfered, Chloe found herself needing to be out. The files weren’t labeled; although she knew that Lex had a system to recognize the content, so she had no idea what she had taken. Regardless, Chloe had looked at them. Her hope going into it was that they were innocuous. They had proven anything but innocuous. An hour of pacing, crying, and cursing his name had seen her control erode into nothingness. Then she had gotten in her car and found herself here.
When she had resolved to work with him again, she knew that he’d had her kidnapped. She knew that it was probably not an experience that would leave her emotionally intact if she viewed the recordings. Chloe knew all of this and promised herself that she wouldn’t get so angry at Lex that she wouldn’t be able to work with him. But it was so hard keeping that promise to the alliance when she was sitting in her car at 4AM wiping tears off her face.
She gripped the steering wheel and heard it groan in protest. When she looked down, Chloe saw indents of her fingers and it was slightly warped. It was then that the frustration broke her. The yell she let loose turned into the strong howl of a wolf. It was full of anger and pain and raw grief. A signal cast out into the night with the hope that it would be answered and she would be given permission to just give up.
Chloe rested her head on the back of her seat and stared at the roof. Her eyes burned and she knew if she looked in the mirror they would be gold. She felt like the first time she had ever changed. Chloe shuddered at the memory. It wasn’t something she wanted to remember. All the feelings of being helpless and weak…the panic and confusion came back to her. Chloe ripped her thoughts away from that time. She wasn’t going to remember. Not now. It was too hard.
There was no reason to even be here again. She wasn’t going to confront Lex. She wasn’t going to rip him a new one or do anything to him. Chloe doubted she’d even bring it up, but the compulsion to be near him was strong. “I want this to be over.”
It wasn’t just the fact that she had been strapped to a table and some kind of scanner used on her. It wasn’t just the naked fear that could be seen in her own eyes. Or the fact that she knew she had been trying to scream because of the way her throat worked and how her chest heaved. Hell, it wasn’t even that she couldn’t remember no matter how hard she tried. The thing that made it so much was worse that what Lex had done had been nothing compared to what came after. Lex didn’t have those files because he hadn’t been a part of it; but she could extrapolate that something worse had happened because she was a werewolf. That thought terrified her and made her leave the comfort of her home to sit outside of Lex’s mansion.
Chloe had been powerless to do anything about what had happened and remained so in the face of the looming threat. Despite the fact that Lex had violated her, at least now she knew what he had done. Her imagination didn’t have fodder to work with in regards to Lex. She had seen the worst and could begin the process of assimilating it into a new reality and making peace with it. It in no way lessened the impact of his actions, but the wolf in her took away what the human was thinking.
The wolf recognized Lex’s mansion as the closest thing to safe. Her home may have been her den, but no one was there. There was safety in numbers and no matter what Lex had going against him; he was there as was Mercy and a slew of other guards. They worked. They had their place and she wanted to fit with them. It hurt to be alone…to be vulnerable.
“How is it possible that I think of Lex and Mercy of all people to be my pack?”
Chloe didn’t leave. She couldn’t force herself to leave. Her thoughts were heavy and she decided to change. The wolf form was relaxing because all of her focus wasn’t on anything other than the pulse of life around her. Lex’s mansion and the surrounding grounds were probably the safest place for her to change. The people who mattered knew what she was and the people who didn’t, she could avoid. At least that’s what Chloe thought. She didn’t feel like getting shot again and she didn’t feel like dealing with anyone. At the very least, the guards would avoid a bigger than normal stray dog. It might’ve been a thin hope but she chose to go with it.
If she had the choice, she wouldn’t change; but the persistent feeling of unease had wormed its way in and it wasn’t letting her go. Chloe could now recognize it as the need to release energy. The wolf didn’t like being bound and it rattled her control until she couldn’t stand it any more. Waiting would not go well for her; especially since she still had to deal with Lex even if she didn’t confront him about what he had done to her.
This was Lex’s place and she didn’t want to be an intruder anymore. She wanted…needed his permission. For him to welcome her. It would mean that he accepted her and it would allow her to accept him. Clark had acknowledged what she was and had responded in such a way that she could be comfortable with him. She knew her place with him and her father and she needed Lex to give her a place; even if it was begrudging acceptance.
Chloe reached to the passenger seat, picked up her phone, and dialed his number. “God, if you love me you won’t let Lana pick up the phone.”
“Luthor.”
Chloe let out a breath of relief and answered him, “Lex, I’m trying this not breaking into your home thing. What do you say about letting me through the gates?”
He was silent for so long that Chloe began to get worried. She just wanted him to do the easy thing for once because she was trying this time.
Lex was on the edge of sleep when she called; but when he heard her voice, it woke him up. Lana was next to him, but she was a heavy sleeper, “Chloe, what’s wrong?”
There was genuine concern in his voice. She was on the edge of just unloading everything. Her anger. Her fears. The overwhelming frustration, but she couldn’t do that with him. And definitely not over the phone.
Chloe ran her hand through her hair and noticed that it was slightly clawed. She lost herself in the sight of her claws because it wasn’t normal. She wasn’t normal and nothing she ever did would make this better. Clark had years to deal with what he was; and he still fought it. Chloe wanted to believe that she was strong, but some things just hit you with the force of a sledgehammer. Lex calling her name brought her back to the present.
“I don’t want to be at home right now,” she cleared her throat and continued, “I…just need to change, Lex, and your property is the best place to do it. Will you let me in?”
Lex had long since gotten out of bed, but now he put on pants and a shirt and left the room. “Pull up to the gate and meet me in my office.”
He registered her agreement and hung up his phone. Lex called Mercy and told her to meet him in his office as well. He only had to wait a few minutes before Mercy came into the room escorting Chloe. There seemed to be some sort of tacit agreement between the two of them. He took in every detail about Chloe. She looked tired and her face was red. “Like she’s been crying.” He wanted to say something but Mercy was present and it was clear from the way that Chloe held herself that she was not open to discussing anything with him at the moment.
Lex caught Mercy’s eyes, “Was the door to the grounds keeper’s office fixed?”
Mercy knew how to read people. She knew how to spot a danger to her employer from a mile away. It was a gift that she took pride in. Sullivan’s body was defensive. Her arms were crossed and she leaned away from both herself and Luthor. There was no trust there. From the previous encounters with the other woman, Mercy knew that it didn’t matter if Sullivan was feeling up for a round of violence or not. There was nothing she could do if Sullivan became violent except get in the way of the claws so that Luthor might have enough time to escape. Or defend himself.
It was with this keen eye for detail that Mercy saw the subtext and conversation that was taking place between Luthor and Sullivan. She saw the way Sullivan’s eyes tracked his movement. Mercy also noted the slight sway of her body towards his and the jerk away when she realized what she had done. Luthor generally stood in a strong position. His arms crossed. His body straight. Not slouching and well out of the personal space of someone. He always posed. Luthor was currently standing loose. His clothes were askew in the hastily thrown on way.
Lex again addressed Mercy but Sullivan’s and his eyes remained locked on each other, “Leave that door unlocked and remove all guards from that area. Tell them that there will be large dog on the loose and they are not to approach her. She won’t hurt anyone. Mercy, I will be displeased if my instructions are not followed.”
Mercy looked at Luthor and then at Sullivan. The feeling that something monumental had just happened didn’t escape her. Interesting times were ahead because if she wasn’t mistaken, Lana Lang was still in Luthor’s bed. There was a war brewing and she would have front row seats. She didn’t quite know how to feel about that, but her life would not be short of excitement. Not when it came to this new development.
She inclined her head and removed all trace of emotion, “Yes, sir.”
Mercy briskly walked out of the room. Lex had no doubt that everything would be in order. Mercy was efficient and scary as hell. They feared Lex because of the power his money gave him; but they feared Mercy because she could kill them easily and without remorse. This was what had been missing. Destroying a life was almost abstract but an ass kicking was an ass kicking and its effect could be clearly imagined. Mercy anchored the threat he posed in a real way to people.
Lex waited until Mercy was gone before he broached the topic of why Chloe was here, “Why are you here, Chloe?”
Chloe didn’t meet his eyes or even looked in his direction, “I told you already. I need to change and I got shot one time during an excursion. It’s just… dangerous and it’s safer here. You warned everyone away and I don’t have to worry anymore,” she trailed off.
Lex opened his mouth to say something, but she interrupted him, “I’ve never really enjoyed it, Lex. A lot of it was my own issues. Some of it was the fear that I’d hurt someone or be hurt,” her voice lowered to a whisper, “I just want to enjoy it for once, Lex.”
She sounded so tired. He could never forget that he may not have did this to her, but he made it possible for her to get to this particular point. The look on her face and the way her voice sounded in that moment would always be with him. The realization may have come earlier that he had failed as a person, but it wasn’t something that was real until Chloe stood in front of him with no fire. This made it real. This was something that he couldn’t shove aside and pretend that what he had done was the right thing.
Maybe his search for the truth was right, maybe someone did need to quantify the meteor rocks; but his methods weren’t something that could ever be right. Chloe put a face to everyone he had hurt. There was no escaping this. Even if he fixed the problems within his organization. When they had been arguing and she railed at him, he was well aware of the truth of her words. They weren’t new to him or a surprise. But knowing where your life was going wrong was a far cry from having the ability to make a meaningful change; especially if you chose to ignore the problem and fooled yourself into believing that nothing was truly wrong.
Lex may have had those thoughts himself, but he didn’t know how to go against his first training. The times he had done so were fumbling and it was never good enough. Not to his mother. Not to his father. Not to Clark. And not to himself. So he buried them deep where no one could see his failure. So that he didn’t have to see them anymore. In one fell swoop, Chloe made him intimately know his failures again and he didn’t know how to handle it. There was no frame of reference…no guide. He couldn’t fail. Not again. Not this way.
Whatever sixth sense that gave dogs the ability to detect when their masters were sad or feeling unwell made itself known to Chloe. She didn’t know if what he was feeling was pity or genuine remorse and concern; but she supposed it didn’t matter. Until he laid it all out there for her to acknowledge and absolve him of his wrong doing, she couldn’t help him. Or herself. Chloe wished that he would make it better for both of them. He had the power. He was just afraid to use it. Lex needed it just as much as she did.
After a few moments of strained silence, Lex finally answered her, “I’ll prepare a room for you.”
Chloe quirked a smile his way, “How about you not do that? I don’t want to smell you and Lana together. And by together I mean in the Biblical sense.”
Lex had no response to that. Well he did, but Lex figured that peppering her with questions on what she was smelling and when would get uncomfortable for them both. “Maybe later.”
He nodded, “I’ll have Enrique put some blankets out in the grounds keeper’s office. His name is Nicholas Pan by the way. Pick a room and sleep in it. I’m going to assume that you won’t want to be bothered by anyone.”
Chloe inclined her head and moved to leave the room. She stopped just at the doors, “Lex, disable your cameras or I will. And by disable I mean that I will physically break them and hurt anyone who tries to prevent me from breaking them,” at his look of protestation, Chloe continued, “Lex, the last thing I need is documented proof of what I am. It’s bad enough that there’s footage of me breaking in. We don’t know how compromised your people are; and until we do, I’d like to minimize what they could learn about me. Just give me your word, Lex, and I’ll believe you.”
This was a test and he knew it. No matter how much he wanted to protest, Lex realized that she made a very valid point. There could be no hard evidence of her capabilities. It would serve to keep her safe and make it harder for their enemies to create traps for them. He nodded his assent to her request, “Give me ten minutes before you change.”
Lex had a feeling that she just didn’t want him to see her change, but it didn’t mean her other concern was any less real.
He watched her leave the room. Lex couldn’t be sure, but her body language seemed marginally more confident. Sighing, Lex prepared himself to go back to his bed…with Lana in it. At least she knew that he liked his personal space in bed. She had been angry and had whined at him, but he managed to soothe her. Lex didn’t know what words he used, but they worked and he had peace. It was enough.
Twenty minutes after he had spoken with his camera personnel, he heard the triumphant howl of a wolf. Lex was in another room in the house that would afford him a relatively good view of where Chloe would exit his grounds keeper’s office. He saw a dark shape run to the less cultivated part of his property. It wasn’t a mad dash, but a fluidic, rolling gait. He couldn’t tell her color, but her conformation was exquisite in its beauty. Lex went to bed wishing that he could adequately express to her how beautiful she was in that moment.
********
Chloe knew that Lex wouldn’t lie about the name of the grounds keeper, but it amazed her. “Pan, the half- goat god of pastures and shepherds. The man couldn’t help but be a landscaper.” She waited the requisite ten minutes. Then she waited ten minutes more. Until the day she died, her life would always be about caution. “Clark, forgive me for every mean thing I’ve ever said and thought about you.”
She found the camera in the office and took it apart. It could be fixed, but she didn’t want this to be seen. Not when she couldn’t control who saw her change. Clark was different. He was her friend; and no matter what happened between them, she trusted him with her life. She trusted Lex with her life, but not her wellbeing. His curiosity never managed to burn him with its intensity; but it burned everyone who happened to be in his orbit. Lex was hard on people; but she knew there was something in him worth the risk. He just had to believe it as well.
This change seemed less manic in its intensity. The sensations didn’t bombard her this time. She was able to get used to the feeling before a new aspect of the change came. There was a new ebb and flow. If it had been like this the first time, she wouldn’t have been so afraid. Chloe only hoped that this wasn’t a one time event. Maybe it was indicative of her state of mind. Of her new found peace…semi-peace. There were still issues to be fixed, but at least now she wouldn’t shy away from them so violently.
There were a few moments when she wasn’t aware; but time came back to her and she was running. The burn of her muscles working furiously and the steady rhythm of her own heart was a joy. There had never been this kind of exhilaration. She wasn’t afraid that she’d hurt someone or be stuck or any number of things that marred every experience before this one.
Eventually, Chloe’s mind raced to a few of the day’s events. Heavy thoughts weighed her down. Even as she ran as the wolf and enjoyed the night. The irrefutable fact was that they were fighting the government. “How do you fight the government?” Sure, it would be a trivial matter to expose what was going on, but that would only make the situation worse. She could see how, even as the government destroyed lives, they were also protecting them.
She realized that they were opportunistic bastards capable of great evil; but she much preferred the evil of the United States government over governments like North Korea…or any terrorist organization. Your run of the mill, garden variety psychopath was capable of great destruction. The devastation wreaked in Smallville gave credence to that fact. All it took was one operative from a hostile government to become interested in the meteor rocks before wholesale carnage and destruction reigned.
The cynic in her couldn’t help but admire how the government had pulled the wool over the eyes of the world. The beast in her recognized that the small town of Smallville was nothing when compared to the lives and safety of this country or any other country that would be on the receiving end of any brutality perpetrated by meteor rock induced evil. The wolf saw the government as a ruthless alpha; necessary in the lean times, and cruel in times of plenty. But the human in her railed. It was unfair. It was wrong. She wasn’t a nameless person in a file.
She was a sentient being with desires, needs, and dreams. And they were taken away by some faceless bureaucrat that saw only chess pieces to be moved on some imaginary board. She wondered if the designers of this meta-project did this for altruistic motives; or if was done because it was the gateway to more power and influence. The military applications for meteor rocks alone were enough to whet the appetite of any number of powerful people.
Like Lex, Chloe simply hadn’t considered the rocks in a broader context. With that realization came another: the influence of the meteor rocks was not limited to Smallville. Not matter how hard the government tried to destroy meteor rock contamination; it could never get it all. The rocks fell in streams, it rained, and some animals ate rocks for digestion…birds being a very important example. If a bird ate a meteor rock, then migrated, and then died or became prey anywhere else, that place was now meteor rock contaminated.
Birds weren’t the only source either. There were streams in Smallville. Wherever those streams opened into a lake, and that lake opened into an ocean, there would be meteor rocks. Tilling the land and rain further embedded rocks within the earth. Soil chemistry would encourage particles to bond with meteor rocks. That didn’t even take into consideration the effect meteor rocks had on bacteria or insects. Meteor rocks were mutagenic to people. It had proven mutagenic to plants as well.
It stood to reason that bacteria could be supercharged or various bugs could be enhanced as well. The very face of disease was probably already irreparably changed and the world at large just hadn’t seen the effects yet. It didn’t improve matters when the natural population of bacteria and other microscopic organisms on human skin was taken into account either. The new dynamic could prove to be beneficial in that it enhanced the immune system; or it could kill everyone.
The bug question would probably prove even more dire. Eventually, humans would probably adapt to new disease; it would take time, but it would happen. But how could you stop bugs? They bred so quickly. Africanized bees were a major problem and that was just the natural result of crossing two kinds of bees. But what would happen when meteor rocks were tossed into the equation?
Everyone in Smallville was directly infected due to the impact; and those people moved in and out of Smallville. They would get jobs in other places. But the government knew that Smallville couldn’t fail. It couldn’t be rendered a ghost town because if it was, people would find a way to leave. And that desperate exodus of people without jobs would prompt an intermingling of the infected with the population at large on a much larger scale. It was why Smallville farmers and workers would be treated better than anywhere else on the planet. Smallville may have been the focal point, but the radius of the meteor shower infection was far larger than anyone could have imagined. It had to be. Nature itself encouraged it.
“Meteor rocks are forever a part of Earth.”
In the end, Chloe only hoped that someone at some point in time would have the same realization and plan accordingly. Eventually it would all come out. There had to be some way to minimize the impact. The new realities of science and Earth wouldn’t survive if something wasn’t done before all hell broke loose. Either way it was depressing.
There was a freedom and clarity to her thoughts despite how heavy they were. It was an epiphany she could work with. She could account for this new reality. Now, she could look for an enemy that wanted to keep that hidden from people. An enemy that wanted to reap untold benefits. This desire for power was subtly different from Lionel’s and Lex’s and the details were not entirely firm; but now she had an idea. She could tell Lex and they could work with this together. There was comfort in that thought. “Not alone.”
Chloe didn’t know how much time had passed, but she was relaxed. There was the delicious burn of muscle and her mind felt clear so she became human again. Chloe smelled Enrique’s unique cologne and deduced that he had left the blankets as Lex had instructed. Standing in the middle of the office, Chloe breathed deeply. Enrique had a wonderful scent. He used a European brand cologne. It was spicy in a way that was different then those brands popular in the United States.
She didn’t particularly want to put clothes on so she wrapped the blanket around her body and left to go to Lex’s office. When she got there, Chloe was bombarded with his overwhelming presence. His scent was embedded into the walls themselves it seemed. Chloe closed her eyes. It was comforting. Underlying his scent was her own, Mercy’s, Lana’s, and a number of indistinguishable individuals. But those didn’t matter because Lex’s overwhelmed everything else. He spent so much time here. She made sure the door was locked.
Chloe lowered herself to the couch and was comforted. There was no doubt in her mind that Lex had spent many nights on that couch. She could be close to him. Chloe drifted off to sleep. It had been a long, trying day and now she could rest.
Back to Chapter 11
Onward to Chapter 13