Santa Pub Crawling...err Skate!
This past Saturday was the 2008 Atlanta Santa Pub Crawl in Midtown and the first year I participated. Basically, you dress up as Santa and visit a handful of different bars throughout Midtown.
Pack and I decided to do it, so I bought my Walmart Santa suit, cut the wig into a mullet, put on the roller skates, popped the "porn" shirt into my bag along with a pair of shoes, and away we went. Pack and I had already downed a good bottle of Pinot Noir before we ever made it to the first bar. We got to the bar right at 6:00pm, ready for a long night of drinking. Pack wore a black and red Santa hat while I went full-on roller Santa.
I got a few cheers from the Santas as I skated into the Leopard Lounge with Pack. I never knew so many people participated in this event. There was a ton of naughty elves and drunken Santas. Pack did his thing, finding the one pack of Elven cougars, and away we went.
We drank heavily for several hours at the Leopard Lounge then we would hit the Twisted Taco. It was there that Santa put on his porn shirt for the masses, his porn star shirt patched with various pornographic shots of women's face during or immediately after the money shot. It was a rousing success. Finally, we decided to leave the Twisted Taco for Sutra, another bar that was formerly the Crescent Room...and that's when the night got crazy. I was thoroughly wasted, skating in the street as the other walked to Sutra. When we entered the building it was wall-to-wall with people. The floor was wet from spilled drinks but it was so packed that whenever I would slip and fall, someone below would break it so I managed to stay on my feet. I got a few more cheers as I downed drink after drink of double-shot Captain and Cokes. At one point I finally bit it in the floor, due to a spilled cocktail, but it was ok! HO HO HO! I was just holding on to consciousness as I tried to reach my goal of making it to Opera, the final stop of the night, on the skates. It was going to be close, it was 10:45 and the club didn't open for another fifteen minutes.
Finally, I felt a firm hand grab me at Sutra and it was a bouncer. He said, "Santa, You've got to go." I was drunk but I wasn't belligerent or obnoxious, just filled with Holiday Cheer. I asked why I was being tossed and he said he'd tell me when I got outside. So I toe stop walked up the steps and out the side door.
The guard looked at me and said, "Dude, you were just knocking people over left and right. This isn't roller derby!" Oh yeah! Oops! There was another stop on the crawl that I had missed, Flip Flops, but I had lost Pack and the cougars and I also didn't know where the hell that bar was located.
So, I grabbed my bag and skated across the street and hopped in line for Opera, where I actually busted my ass for the first time. I had made it to my goal, so I finally took the skates off. I sat on the ground, in line, wasted and pondering my previous eviction from Sutra. As I laced up my shoes I tried to not lose anything out of my bag I had brought with me. Security told us there was a special line for the Santa Pub Crawl and away I went, through the side door at Opera, ready for more holiday debauchery. I was lucky that Kevin Dispain was DJing outside, so I had a place to lay my bag and chill for a bit. I had to take a breather because I wasn't going to make it at the rate I was going.
I drank a water and cooled off a bit and disappeared through the mass of people; dry-humping, booty shaking, and just plain out dirty dancing with anyone who wanted to dance with a naughty Santa. It was at this point that I realized I had lost my mullet wig so I just put on my cap, got on stage, and danced like Santa is supposed to: hot and nasty!
The night ended with Pack, his elven cougar, and I hailing a cab out front. Luckily another good DJ friend and mentor, J-Luv, was loading his minivan in front of the club. He gave Pack and I AND the cougar a ride home.
I hurt all over the next morning. My knee was shot for several months after the event. As they say, Sometimes it's good to be the Santa! And Sometimes it isn't!
Pack and I decided to do it, so I bought my Walmart Santa suit, cut the wig into a mullet, put on the roller skates, popped the "porn" shirt into my bag along with a pair of shoes, and away we went. Pack and I had already downed a good bottle of Pinot Noir before we ever made it to the first bar. We got to the bar right at 6:00pm, ready for a long night of drinking. Pack wore a black and red Santa hat while I went full-on roller Santa.
I got a few cheers from the Santas as I skated into the Leopard Lounge with Pack. I never knew so many people participated in this event. There was a ton of naughty elves and drunken Santas. Pack did his thing, finding the one pack of Elven cougars, and away we went.
We drank heavily for several hours at the Leopard Lounge then we would hit the Twisted Taco. It was there that Santa put on his porn shirt for the masses, his porn star shirt patched with various pornographic shots of women's face during or immediately after the money shot. It was a rousing success. Finally, we decided to leave the Twisted Taco for Sutra, another bar that was formerly the Crescent Room...and that's when the night got crazy. I was thoroughly wasted, skating in the street as the other walked to Sutra. When we entered the building it was wall-to-wall with people. The floor was wet from spilled drinks but it was so packed that whenever I would slip and fall, someone below would break it so I managed to stay on my feet. I got a few more cheers as I downed drink after drink of double-shot Captain and Cokes. At one point I finally bit it in the floor, due to a spilled cocktail, but it was ok! HO HO HO! I was just holding on to consciousness as I tried to reach my goal of making it to Opera, the final stop of the night, on the skates. It was going to be close, it was 10:45 and the club didn't open for another fifteen minutes.
Finally, I felt a firm hand grab me at Sutra and it was a bouncer. He said, "Santa, You've got to go." I was drunk but I wasn't belligerent or obnoxious, just filled with Holiday Cheer. I asked why I was being tossed and he said he'd tell me when I got outside. So I toe stop walked up the steps and out the side door.
The guard looked at me and said, "Dude, you were just knocking people over left and right. This isn't roller derby!" Oh yeah! Oops! There was another stop on the crawl that I had missed, Flip Flops, but I had lost Pack and the cougars and I also didn't know where the hell that bar was located.
So, I grabbed my bag and skated across the street and hopped in line for Opera, where I actually busted my ass for the first time. I had made it to my goal, so I finally took the skates off. I sat on the ground, in line, wasted and pondering my previous eviction from Sutra. As I laced up my shoes I tried to not lose anything out of my bag I had brought with me. Security told us there was a special line for the Santa Pub Crawl and away I went, through the side door at Opera, ready for more holiday debauchery. I was lucky that Kevin Dispain was DJing outside, so I had a place to lay my bag and chill for a bit. I had to take a breather because I wasn't going to make it at the rate I was going.
I drank a water and cooled off a bit and disappeared through the mass of people; dry-humping, booty shaking, and just plain out dirty dancing with anyone who wanted to dance with a naughty Santa. It was at this point that I realized I had lost my mullet wig so I just put on my cap, got on stage, and danced like Santa is supposed to: hot and nasty!
The night ended with Pack, his elven cougar, and I hailing a cab out front. Luckily another good DJ friend and mentor, J-Luv, was loading his minivan in front of the club. He gave Pack and I AND the cougar a ride home.
I hurt all over the next morning. My knee was shot for several months after the event. As they say, Sometimes it's good to be the Santa! And Sometimes it isn't!