"I've gotta find my puuuuurrrrpooooose, before it's too late!"
I wonder if my taste in movies is changing, or whether it's always been malleable. It's interesting how my reaction to any given film will change depending on the people I'm watching it with (or, alternatively, watching it alone). When I watch a movie with Abby, I know it's okay to yell at the screen. With Alyssa, it's perfectly normal to have a conversation in the middle of an action sequence -- it doesn't mean it's a bad movie, it just means we have something to say. With Nate, I'm pretty much quiet the whole time, but with movies that I first saw with him, watching them alone causes particular scenes to jump out at me, for one reason or another, and I find it hard to concentrate on the movie at hand.
I used to be pretty hardcore into chick flicks. My DVD collection speaks to this in a big way. I'm fairly well-stocked for romantic comedies. But I'm finding that in the recent past I've gravitated towards movies with more complicated plots, or at least more complicated characters. Don't get me wrong, I still love chick flicks, but I've started picking out dramas more often than not.
I'm totally rambling, with no real purpose in mind. I feel like I have no purpose these days, just sort of....generally. I mean, what is our purpose, anyway? We live for a while, and then we die. During the years we're alive, we work to make money so we can live comfortably, and we fill the other hours with hobbies and friends and food. But then what? Then we're gone, and who knows if we're reincarnated or if there's an afterlife, or what? More importantly, why does it really matter? If reincarnation is the ticket, then we're basically pulled out of this life and into something else equally as pointless. If there's an afterlife, then....what do we do there? Seriously, don't tell me we sit around watching what goes on with the living....I can barely muster enough energy to feign interest in the lives of people who are closest to me, much less spend 100% of my time engrossed in a stranger's comings and goings.
My point is, I feel like I wake up every day and I go to work and I while away the hours and I come home and I watch a movie or a TV show on DVD, or on big days, I go to Nate's or my stepdad's and eat dinner and watch a movie or a TV show there, then I go to bed and I get up and do it all over again. Basically, I spend a third of my life droning, a third of my life sleeping, and the other third is wasted just filling the time in between. How lame is that?
Don't get me wrong, I don't think my life is completely pointless....I mean, without me, my life would....not exist. Profound, Sarah, way. to. go. I just feel like it's monotonous, and as much as I'd like to blame the monotony on my job, I know it's just how life is. I know that there'll be monotony to some extent or another regardless of how I fill those eight working hours a day. While driving home today that thought occurred to me, and a big black cloud opened up over my head. It was like....I finally touched on the grim reality, and it sucks.
I wish I could just not work. I wish I could sleep in every morning, read a book every afternoon, work out when I wanted to, learn how to cook, do fun crafty things, hang out with my friends, not worry about money or bills or responsibility....it would be totally awesome. Maybe it's the American in me, but I just don't want to do anything that would contribute to society. I don't want to be a corporate paeon. I don't want to wake up in 20 years and know more about mutual funds than about art, or music, or literature.
But then I think, what's the friggin' point, either way?
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. It's gotta be -- it's Friday.