I'm Back
Hello
It’s been a while.
I’m going a bit crazy, I don’t know why. I feel a bit disconnected and a bit over it all. Some blog note worthy things have happened since my last entry.
First I deferred this semester because Edels was going mad and need more help, well actually that’s not true. I only enrolled in 1 subject this semester because Edels need more help then usual, I thought I could sort him out and get set up for next year so I could do more subjects but both his councillor and psychiatrist refused to give him any more appointments because he missed a few. I felt abandoned. It is a theme in my life, feeling abandoned. I got a councillor but I don’t know how useful she is going to be, not much so far. Except I think now I’m more aware of the abandonment tune I dance my life to. It is stupid, but I still have no idea how to dance any other way and I can’t seem to find out how to, not that I’ve really been trying. I kind of thought that is what councillors are for but it seems that all I get from them are more steps and then the whole abandonment theme starts again.
I abandoned my relationship with Hissy Kitty, but I didn’t know what else to do. I guess in the end I chose abandoning her before she abandoned me. I knew she would once I told her how I was feeling, and she did so I suppose we abandoned each other.
But back to the deferring uni theme, the one subject I enrolled in was Chinese, a hard subject for anyone but I thought I could do it but I started badly, I missed the first week of class because I got the semester start dates messed up and thought we started a week later and we where in Queensland the whole week, I didn’t find out until the Friday night of the end on the first week. Anyway I tried to catch up but it never worked, I was always a week behind so the classes never really made any sense so I stopped going which only made thing worse anyway I messed it all up so I had to drop Chinese or fail it and I couldn’t afford that.
So what have I been doing with all my time? Hissy Kitty being out of my life has reduced the stress which is nice, she was always so high maintenance and I’m not very good with high maintenance friends it drives me a bit crazy but I tried to keep her satisfied, although I don’t think I ever did. But I have been getting our lives on track, keeping the house clean, making sure we get to all our appointments, helping Edels finish his assignments, taking care of his OCD? No, I haven’t been doing any of that, I’ve been on Second Life having cyber sex and building stuff to sell and setting up a business. I found someone quite talented to cyber sex with and someone else who lets me have a shop on his land for free and so I set up a shop and now it is self sustaining and makes me money (only about $1 USD a week) but it is fun and I loved doing it, I spent tones of time on SL. Lets face it I was an addict; I would be on it every chance I got. Well, it is safe, no one can hurt you and it is clean nothing ever gets messy and ugly, it's utopia and it's fantasy but bad boring unimaginative fantasy where all the women look like stick figures with long hair and all the men look like body builders, and everyone is stupid, just like real life and convention still reigns supreme. People are still just interested in being normal it is a bit depressing. Anyway I’ve band myself from it for a while, it is hard to resist, it's the only thing I want to do, well, that and eat cake, and when I get board of those I sleep.
Which bring me back to another change, I’m dieting and for the rest of my life if things go right. I’m doing the Celebrity Slim shake thing, although I hate the idea behind the name, it's suppose to imply that the shakes will make anyone ‘Celebrity Slim’ another depressing thought. Anyway I have called off the wedding plans until I get thin (well at least a healthy weight).
Yes and then there is AL he is a friend from Brisbane and to tell the truth, the friend I was a bit naughty with in the pool a while ago, more then a year ago now. I’ve wanted to be naughty with him again but Edels, probably very wisely, stands firm in not allowing it. Anyway he is living with us now. He has an anxiety disorder too which makes things difficult sometimes because Edels and AL’s anxieties don’t ‘dove tail’ to well. But it is nice having him around.
Edels has been getting worse and I don’t know what to do about it, someone said he is the emotional barometer of this house and I hate to have to admit it but it is true and he is getting worse but I’m so lost as to what to do.
Anyway sorry to have to leave you on such a cheery note but by the time I post this it will be too late for me so I have to sign off now.
Good night.
It’s been a while.
I’m going a bit crazy, I don’t know why. I feel a bit disconnected and a bit over it all. Some blog note worthy things have happened since my last entry.
First I deferred this semester because Edels was going mad and need more help, well actually that’s not true. I only enrolled in 1 subject this semester because Edels need more help then usual, I thought I could sort him out and get set up for next year so I could do more subjects but both his councillor and psychiatrist refused to give him any more appointments because he missed a few. I felt abandoned. It is a theme in my life, feeling abandoned. I got a councillor but I don’t know how useful she is going to be, not much so far. Except I think now I’m more aware of the abandonment tune I dance my life to. It is stupid, but I still have no idea how to dance any other way and I can’t seem to find out how to, not that I’ve really been trying. I kind of thought that is what councillors are for but it seems that all I get from them are more steps and then the whole abandonment theme starts again.
I abandoned my relationship with Hissy Kitty, but I didn’t know what else to do. I guess in the end I chose abandoning her before she abandoned me. I knew she would once I told her how I was feeling, and she did so I suppose we abandoned each other.
But back to the deferring uni theme, the one subject I enrolled in was Chinese, a hard subject for anyone but I thought I could do it but I started badly, I missed the first week of class because I got the semester start dates messed up and thought we started a week later and we where in Queensland the whole week, I didn’t find out until the Friday night of the end on the first week. Anyway I tried to catch up but it never worked, I was always a week behind so the classes never really made any sense so I stopped going which only made thing worse anyway I messed it all up so I had to drop Chinese or fail it and I couldn’t afford that.
So what have I been doing with all my time? Hissy Kitty being out of my life has reduced the stress which is nice, she was always so high maintenance and I’m not very good with high maintenance friends it drives me a bit crazy but I tried to keep her satisfied, although I don’t think I ever did. But I have been getting our lives on track, keeping the house clean, making sure we get to all our appointments, helping Edels finish his assignments, taking care of his OCD? No, I haven’t been doing any of that, I’ve been on Second Life having cyber sex and building stuff to sell and setting up a business. I found someone quite talented to cyber sex with and someone else who lets me have a shop on his land for free and so I set up a shop and now it is self sustaining and makes me money (only about $1 USD a week) but it is fun and I loved doing it, I spent tones of time on SL. Lets face it I was an addict; I would be on it every chance I got. Well, it is safe, no one can hurt you and it is clean nothing ever gets messy and ugly, it's utopia and it's fantasy but bad boring unimaginative fantasy where all the women look like stick figures with long hair and all the men look like body builders, and everyone is stupid, just like real life and convention still reigns supreme. People are still just interested in being normal it is a bit depressing. Anyway I’ve band myself from it for a while, it is hard to resist, it's the only thing I want to do, well, that and eat cake, and when I get board of those I sleep.
Which bring me back to another change, I’m dieting and for the rest of my life if things go right. I’m doing the Celebrity Slim shake thing, although I hate the idea behind the name, it's suppose to imply that the shakes will make anyone ‘Celebrity Slim’ another depressing thought. Anyway I have called off the wedding plans until I get thin (well at least a healthy weight).
Yes and then there is AL he is a friend from Brisbane and to tell the truth, the friend I was a bit naughty with in the pool a while ago, more then a year ago now. I’ve wanted to be naughty with him again but Edels, probably very wisely, stands firm in not allowing it. Anyway he is living with us now. He has an anxiety disorder too which makes things difficult sometimes because Edels and AL’s anxieties don’t ‘dove tail’ to well. But it is nice having him around.
Edels has been getting worse and I don’t know what to do about it, someone said he is the emotional barometer of this house and I hate to have to admit it but it is true and he is getting worse but I’m so lost as to what to do.
Anyway sorry to have to leave you on such a cheery note but by the time I post this it will be too late for me so I have to sign off now.
Good night.