"Suffering is the Best Punishment" - Chapter 19
Title: Suffering is the Best Punishment
Author: Shannon - shannyfish
Disclaimer: I do not own “The Mentalist” or its characters, CBS does. This is merely for entertainment purposes only.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Takes Place during Season Two. Red John attacks Jane using his own twisted type of psychological warfare.
Warning: Severe spoilers for season one.
Chapter 19 - “It ends with a teardrop”
Author’s Note: Please review! :D
............................
“Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.” - Anonymous
Jane Residence
“Jane.”
“Jane.”
“Jane.”
It was all a blur.
Jane felt like screaming. There was so much blur. Noise, touch, lights… His eyes snapped opened, panicked at his body being moved. At first he stared confused at Cho, but then practically screamed her name. “Lisbon! Lisbon!” And then he was pushed back down gently. He saw it now; medics had been called in and were making their way to him. “No,” he protested. “No, we have to find Lisbon.”
“Who took her?” Cho asked.
“Men…men who work for Red John,” Jane said.
“Can you describe them?” Rigsby asked.
He shook his head and dread washed over him. He hadn’t had a good look at them. It had been dark and he’d truly just been concentrating on Lisbon. And then it hit him, people were in his house. Jane’s head spun around trying to take in everyone. “We heard a noise and they jumped us here at the bottom of the stairs,” he said motioning to the area as he got to his feet. He wanted to make sure that they knew that they didn’t need to be upstairs.
“We found Lisbon’s gun,” Cho said.
“She brought it with her to investigate the noise.”
“We need to have you looked over by the medics,” Cho insisted.
“No, I’m fine,” Jane told him. He didn’t want to be looked at. He just wanted to find Lisbon. It was his fault. She shouldn’t have been taken. It was his fault. He’d noticed that small pool of blood on the floor but hadn’t said anything. He’d tried to ignore it. Cho hadn’t seemed like he was in the mindset that Lisbon was dead, so he figured that everyone figured that she was alive.
“Is it Lisbon’s blood on the floor?” Rigsby asked.
And there was the question. He’d only barely seen it before. Cho had been blocking it. Possibly for a reason. Possibly to protect him. He wasn’t the one who needed to be protected. Lisbon, Van Pelt, Rigsby, Cho…they were the ones that needed to be protected.
“I don’t know,” Jane choked out. “They put a knife to her throat and cut it…but not deep…just enough for it to bleed. I remember hearing her scream though before everything went black,” he mumbled, he felt incoherent. He felt useless.
The moments before he blacked out ran through his head again, like a movie reel. He relived every vivid and horrifying detail and nothing. He couldn’t think of anything. No way to save Lisbon. The continual blame circulated in his brain. This was his fault. He should have never gotten so close to her. He should have never opened his heart or allowed himself to be close at all to anyone. No friends. No family. No lover. He needed to have been invisible.
“You need to be checked out,” Rigsby repeated.
Jane was assaulted by a pair of medics before he could argue. They looked over his head and made him go sit at the back of their ambulance as they examined him. He knew it hurt, he didn’t need anyone else to tell him that. He’d been hit over the head by some kind of blunt object. Jane had a feeling that it was a gun that they’d been prepared to use if things didn’t work as well as they apparently had.
“I’m fine,” he repeated, this time with more irritation in his voice.
“You may have a concussion, Mr. Jane,” one of the medics said.
“I don’t think I was hit that hard,” he told them honestly. “Can I just take a few Tylenol or something and be on my way?”
“If you’re going to take anything, make sure you only take the recommended dose,” the medic told him.
“Two is the recommended dosage,” the other medic piped up.
“Two,” Jane repeated. “Got it.”
“Mr. Jane, I really think-“
“Well, if you need me to sign something to say that you told me that you want me to go to the hospital and I declined, I’ll happily sign it,” Jane told them. And was soon presented with a paper, which he quickly put his name to.
Going to the hospital and getting stuck there was not going to help getting Lisbon back. In fact, he’d not only have medical professionals trying to keep him there as long as possible but probably Minelli as well. He didn’t need to get stuck. He needed out. Out in the world, looking for Lisbon.
Once the medics officially released him, he walked back towards the crime scene. His house. He shoved his hands into his pant pockets and then froze. Something crumpled in one of his pockets. He didn’t remember putting anything in them. He was wearing a black t-shirt and blue, black, and white plaid print pajama pants. Pockets in pajama pants were rarely used anyways. He pulled out the piece of paper and unfolded it. There was a computer typed GPS coordinates on the piece of paper.
Lisbon.
This was some kind of showdown, he thought. Maybe now, maybe now it would end.
He couldn’t endanger anyone else’s life. He just couldn’t. He wasn’t sure how he’d get away from the watchful eyes of Cho, Rigsby, or Van Pelt but he’d do it.
…
The Middle of Nowhere, CA
Jane wished right now that he could be nothing more than invisible.
Invisible.
It was the existence that lay in a limbo-like state. It was the in between. In between this blissful life and one in which you just follow the motions. A state of all emotions, sometimes a state of all emotions flooding at the same time. A time of floating between the here and there.
Invisible.
A time when just one singular event could turn your world from grey to full color.
No…not invisible. He wished that he hadn’t ever existed or that his existence had been snuffed out before now. That he wasn’t causing any of those he cared about pain. But at the same time, he wished to be invisible…he’d been in that state for a while after his wife and child’s untimely deaths.
And then somehow, he’d chosen to live.
He feared for Lisbon as he stared down at the GPS unit and watched as the numbers climbed higher towards the numbers he was looking for.
It was dark and there were trees around. They were in the middle of a forest. He’d ducked out after quickly changing. He’d been very watchful for vehicles on the way and hadn’t seen any signs of being followed. He’d kept the note so he doubted that they’d be right behind him. He was only trying to protect them.
He stopped when the GPS read the exact numbers on his paper and then tucked it away into his pocket and looked around. He had a flashlight, but he hadn’t used it yet since the GPS had more than enough light with its screen. But now in the darkness he pulled it out and pressed the button. He focused on the light for a moment and then when he heard a crying sound and he swept the light beam until he came upon a figure on the ground.
His heart skipped a beat as he took it in. There was a dark pool around the body, which he could only interpret as blood. And then he noticed that the body was missing key pieces of clothing, only in her undergarments.
Lisbon.
“Lisbon?” he whispered as he hurried towards her. Jane knelt down and checked for a pulse first. He didn’t want to turn her over…not until he knew. She was still there; he could feel her pulse though he wasn’t sure how steady it was. Slowly and carefully, he rolled her onto her back. She was pale…so pale that she seemed to glow especially with the black bra and panties on. The contrast was almost unreal. Her side was slit open again and Jane noticed the dirt packing into it and immediately started to strip off his jacket first and then his vest. He quartered up his vest and pressed it against her side before slowly rolling her onto her side. He covered her with the jacket to try to keep her warm.
Lisbon needed help or else she was going to die.
He was certain of that.
Reaching for his cell phone, he hoped that 911 could route EMS to GPS coordinates. That was all he had. He started to dial when a gunshot rung out. He dropped the phone and lay down over Lisbon’s lifeless body.
“No phone calls, Mr. Jane,” came a familiar voice.
Red John.
“You have a choice,” the voice continued.
Jane looked up and saw that there were the three men surrounding him and another, presumably Red John, farther back. “You want me, not her… Let her get to a hospital,” he pleaded. He’d never been able to plead to Red John before. Not for the life of his wife. Not for the life of his daughter.
“You can allow Agent Lisbon to bleed to death out here,” he said. “Or you can hand her over to one of my associates and you have my word that she will survive…to live on to marry and have children and grow old…”
Jane held Lisbon in position, she was moaning in pain but still unconscious. He couldn’t trust Red John. Experience had shown him that. He stared down at her pale form, he was killing her. Not Red John. He was. His decision.
He’d end her life. He’d extinguish the life of the one he loved. No more smile that would make the world light up. He’d never feel the touch of her lips on his… Only teardrops… If she was going to die, then this time Red John had better kill him or he’d kill himself. He wouldn’t lose a second person he loved so deeply. His wife and daughter had been his life and their death had brought the frosty chill of winter to his soul and Lisbon had been like the sun…warming it and bringing new life… How could he possibly live without her?
“You won’t take her to a hospital,” Jane said. “You’ll let her die…”
“Mr. Jane, you don’t take me at my word?” Red John asked.
“She doesn’t matter to you-“
“On the contrary… she does.”
Jane just stared at him, tears rolling down his face as he listened to Lisbon’s moans. She was in pain and he couldn’t help her. All he wanted to do was to make it go away. Banish the pain that he’d caused her.
“Dumar gave you both a choice,” Red John said. “He said that if you cooperated that I’d end it quickly… You killed Dumar, you’ve killed others who believed in me, and now…now Mr. Jane I will fulfill my promise. You will suffer and you will receive no mercy. You either hand over Agent Lisbon to one of my men or she dies…that’s it. You can live on hoping to one day find her or you can watch her die here and now.”
“What do you mean?”
“One of my men has taken a liking to Agent Lisbon, not hard to see why…she is a lovely woman,” he said. “And if you agree to let her live then I promise you that she will lead a full life…”
“You mean you’ll make her your prisoner…like with the twins… You killed one and let Dumar keep the other one.”
“Exactly like that. I’m a reasonable man after all.”
“Reasonable?” Jane screamed.
“She’s dying, Mr. Jane.”
Jane looked down at her, torn at what to do. She’d already been through so much. How could he put her through more? But how could he lose her? He kept the tears back, but just barely. Was he being selfish? Jane was so torn as to what to do and it only made it worse as he listened to her labored breathing. “Lisbon,” he whispered.
For a split second her eyes were open and she moved her mouth, but he couldn’t hear the words. He leaned down, so that his ear was against her lips. “I love you,” she whispered and then sucked in air eagerly. Her eyes slipped closed again.
She loved him.
“You need to decide now, Mr. Jane.”
“Take her…save her…but know…know that I will find her,” Jane swore.
The men came forward and two of them guarded him while the other one scooped up Lisbon and carried her off into the darkness. The tears flooded his face and his chest racked with sobs. He doubled over and heard them all shuffling away.
“Consider her dead, Mr. Jane. Mourn her death like you have with your wife and child… Mourn her and continue on.”
He looked up to scream at him but found no one standing there. He reached desperately for his cell phone and dialed Cho. He needed help. He needed it now. There was still a chance that they could get Lisbon back. There had to be.
Lisbon wasn’t dead.
She couldn’t be.
He wouldn’t accept it.
Teresa Lisbon loved him.
…
TBC…
Author: Shannon - shannyfish
Disclaimer: I do not own “The Mentalist” or its characters, CBS does. This is merely for entertainment purposes only.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Takes Place during Season Two. Red John attacks Jane using his own twisted type of psychological warfare.
Warning: Severe spoilers for season one.
Chapter 19 - “It ends with a teardrop”
Author’s Note: Please review! :D
............................
“Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.” - Anonymous
Jane Residence
“Jane.”
“Jane.”
“Jane.”
It was all a blur.
Jane felt like screaming. There was so much blur. Noise, touch, lights… His eyes snapped opened, panicked at his body being moved. At first he stared confused at Cho, but then practically screamed her name. “Lisbon! Lisbon!” And then he was pushed back down gently. He saw it now; medics had been called in and were making their way to him. “No,” he protested. “No, we have to find Lisbon.”
“Who took her?” Cho asked.
“Men…men who work for Red John,” Jane said.
“Can you describe them?” Rigsby asked.
He shook his head and dread washed over him. He hadn’t had a good look at them. It had been dark and he’d truly just been concentrating on Lisbon. And then it hit him, people were in his house. Jane’s head spun around trying to take in everyone. “We heard a noise and they jumped us here at the bottom of the stairs,” he said motioning to the area as he got to his feet. He wanted to make sure that they knew that they didn’t need to be upstairs.
“We found Lisbon’s gun,” Cho said.
“She brought it with her to investigate the noise.”
“We need to have you looked over by the medics,” Cho insisted.
“No, I’m fine,” Jane told him. He didn’t want to be looked at. He just wanted to find Lisbon. It was his fault. She shouldn’t have been taken. It was his fault. He’d noticed that small pool of blood on the floor but hadn’t said anything. He’d tried to ignore it. Cho hadn’t seemed like he was in the mindset that Lisbon was dead, so he figured that everyone figured that she was alive.
“Is it Lisbon’s blood on the floor?” Rigsby asked.
And there was the question. He’d only barely seen it before. Cho had been blocking it. Possibly for a reason. Possibly to protect him. He wasn’t the one who needed to be protected. Lisbon, Van Pelt, Rigsby, Cho…they were the ones that needed to be protected.
“I don’t know,” Jane choked out. “They put a knife to her throat and cut it…but not deep…just enough for it to bleed. I remember hearing her scream though before everything went black,” he mumbled, he felt incoherent. He felt useless.
The moments before he blacked out ran through his head again, like a movie reel. He relived every vivid and horrifying detail and nothing. He couldn’t think of anything. No way to save Lisbon. The continual blame circulated in his brain. This was his fault. He should have never gotten so close to her. He should have never opened his heart or allowed himself to be close at all to anyone. No friends. No family. No lover. He needed to have been invisible.
“You need to be checked out,” Rigsby repeated.
Jane was assaulted by a pair of medics before he could argue. They looked over his head and made him go sit at the back of their ambulance as they examined him. He knew it hurt, he didn’t need anyone else to tell him that. He’d been hit over the head by some kind of blunt object. Jane had a feeling that it was a gun that they’d been prepared to use if things didn’t work as well as they apparently had.
“I’m fine,” he repeated, this time with more irritation in his voice.
“You may have a concussion, Mr. Jane,” one of the medics said.
“I don’t think I was hit that hard,” he told them honestly. “Can I just take a few Tylenol or something and be on my way?”
“If you’re going to take anything, make sure you only take the recommended dose,” the medic told him.
“Two is the recommended dosage,” the other medic piped up.
“Two,” Jane repeated. “Got it.”
“Mr. Jane, I really think-“
“Well, if you need me to sign something to say that you told me that you want me to go to the hospital and I declined, I’ll happily sign it,” Jane told them. And was soon presented with a paper, which he quickly put his name to.
Going to the hospital and getting stuck there was not going to help getting Lisbon back. In fact, he’d not only have medical professionals trying to keep him there as long as possible but probably Minelli as well. He didn’t need to get stuck. He needed out. Out in the world, looking for Lisbon.
Once the medics officially released him, he walked back towards the crime scene. His house. He shoved his hands into his pant pockets and then froze. Something crumpled in one of his pockets. He didn’t remember putting anything in them. He was wearing a black t-shirt and blue, black, and white plaid print pajama pants. Pockets in pajama pants were rarely used anyways. He pulled out the piece of paper and unfolded it. There was a computer typed GPS coordinates on the piece of paper.
Lisbon.
This was some kind of showdown, he thought. Maybe now, maybe now it would end.
He couldn’t endanger anyone else’s life. He just couldn’t. He wasn’t sure how he’d get away from the watchful eyes of Cho, Rigsby, or Van Pelt but he’d do it.
…
The Middle of Nowhere, CA
Jane wished right now that he could be nothing more than invisible.
Invisible.
It was the existence that lay in a limbo-like state. It was the in between. In between this blissful life and one in which you just follow the motions. A state of all emotions, sometimes a state of all emotions flooding at the same time. A time of floating between the here and there.
Invisible.
A time when just one singular event could turn your world from grey to full color.
No…not invisible. He wished that he hadn’t ever existed or that his existence had been snuffed out before now. That he wasn’t causing any of those he cared about pain. But at the same time, he wished to be invisible…he’d been in that state for a while after his wife and child’s untimely deaths.
And then somehow, he’d chosen to live.
He feared for Lisbon as he stared down at the GPS unit and watched as the numbers climbed higher towards the numbers he was looking for.
It was dark and there were trees around. They were in the middle of a forest. He’d ducked out after quickly changing. He’d been very watchful for vehicles on the way and hadn’t seen any signs of being followed. He’d kept the note so he doubted that they’d be right behind him. He was only trying to protect them.
He stopped when the GPS read the exact numbers on his paper and then tucked it away into his pocket and looked around. He had a flashlight, but he hadn’t used it yet since the GPS had more than enough light with its screen. But now in the darkness he pulled it out and pressed the button. He focused on the light for a moment and then when he heard a crying sound and he swept the light beam until he came upon a figure on the ground.
His heart skipped a beat as he took it in. There was a dark pool around the body, which he could only interpret as blood. And then he noticed that the body was missing key pieces of clothing, only in her undergarments.
Lisbon.
“Lisbon?” he whispered as he hurried towards her. Jane knelt down and checked for a pulse first. He didn’t want to turn her over…not until he knew. She was still there; he could feel her pulse though he wasn’t sure how steady it was. Slowly and carefully, he rolled her onto her back. She was pale…so pale that she seemed to glow especially with the black bra and panties on. The contrast was almost unreal. Her side was slit open again and Jane noticed the dirt packing into it and immediately started to strip off his jacket first and then his vest. He quartered up his vest and pressed it against her side before slowly rolling her onto her side. He covered her with the jacket to try to keep her warm.
Lisbon needed help or else she was going to die.
He was certain of that.
Reaching for his cell phone, he hoped that 911 could route EMS to GPS coordinates. That was all he had. He started to dial when a gunshot rung out. He dropped the phone and lay down over Lisbon’s lifeless body.
“No phone calls, Mr. Jane,” came a familiar voice.
Red John.
“You have a choice,” the voice continued.
Jane looked up and saw that there were the three men surrounding him and another, presumably Red John, farther back. “You want me, not her… Let her get to a hospital,” he pleaded. He’d never been able to plead to Red John before. Not for the life of his wife. Not for the life of his daughter.
“You can allow Agent Lisbon to bleed to death out here,” he said. “Or you can hand her over to one of my associates and you have my word that she will survive…to live on to marry and have children and grow old…”
Jane held Lisbon in position, she was moaning in pain but still unconscious. He couldn’t trust Red John. Experience had shown him that. He stared down at her pale form, he was killing her. Not Red John. He was. His decision.
He’d end her life. He’d extinguish the life of the one he loved. No more smile that would make the world light up. He’d never feel the touch of her lips on his… Only teardrops… If she was going to die, then this time Red John had better kill him or he’d kill himself. He wouldn’t lose a second person he loved so deeply. His wife and daughter had been his life and their death had brought the frosty chill of winter to his soul and Lisbon had been like the sun…warming it and bringing new life… How could he possibly live without her?
“You won’t take her to a hospital,” Jane said. “You’ll let her die…”
“Mr. Jane, you don’t take me at my word?” Red John asked.
“She doesn’t matter to you-“
“On the contrary… she does.”
Jane just stared at him, tears rolling down his face as he listened to Lisbon’s moans. She was in pain and he couldn’t help her. All he wanted to do was to make it go away. Banish the pain that he’d caused her.
“Dumar gave you both a choice,” Red John said. “He said that if you cooperated that I’d end it quickly… You killed Dumar, you’ve killed others who believed in me, and now…now Mr. Jane I will fulfill my promise. You will suffer and you will receive no mercy. You either hand over Agent Lisbon to one of my men or she dies…that’s it. You can live on hoping to one day find her or you can watch her die here and now.”
“What do you mean?”
“One of my men has taken a liking to Agent Lisbon, not hard to see why…she is a lovely woman,” he said. “And if you agree to let her live then I promise you that she will lead a full life…”
“You mean you’ll make her your prisoner…like with the twins… You killed one and let Dumar keep the other one.”
“Exactly like that. I’m a reasonable man after all.”
“Reasonable?” Jane screamed.
“She’s dying, Mr. Jane.”
Jane looked down at her, torn at what to do. She’d already been through so much. How could he put her through more? But how could he lose her? He kept the tears back, but just barely. Was he being selfish? Jane was so torn as to what to do and it only made it worse as he listened to her labored breathing. “Lisbon,” he whispered.
For a split second her eyes were open and she moved her mouth, but he couldn’t hear the words. He leaned down, so that his ear was against her lips. “I love you,” she whispered and then sucked in air eagerly. Her eyes slipped closed again.
She loved him.
“You need to decide now, Mr. Jane.”
“Take her…save her…but know…know that I will find her,” Jane swore.
The men came forward and two of them guarded him while the other one scooped up Lisbon and carried her off into the darkness. The tears flooded his face and his chest racked with sobs. He doubled over and heard them all shuffling away.
“Consider her dead, Mr. Jane. Mourn her death like you have with your wife and child… Mourn her and continue on.”
He looked up to scream at him but found no one standing there. He reached desperately for his cell phone and dialed Cho. He needed help. He needed it now. There was still a chance that they could get Lisbon back. There had to be.
Lisbon wasn’t dead.
She couldn’t be.
He wouldn’t accept it.
Teresa Lisbon loved him.
…
TBC…