"Suffering is the Best Punishment" - Chapter 12
Title: Suffering is the Best Punishment
Author: Shannon - shannyfish
Disclaimer: I do not own “The Mentalist” or its characters, CBS does. This is merely for entertainment purposes only.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Takes Place during Season Two. Red John attacks Jane using his own twisted type of psychological warfare.
Warning: Severe spoilers for season one.
Chapter 12 - “Fear”
Author’s Note: Sadly, back from Wyoming...though I am excited that in a few weeks we will have new Mentalist and I will have the Season One DVDs! Hehehe Also, I’ve decided already that I’m not going to like this Sam Bosco character that’s coming on for parts of Season Two...is that a bit pathetic?
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“You are permitted in time of great danger to walk with the devil until you have crossed the bridge.” - Bulgarian proverb
Jane Residence
“Just wait here,” Jane instructed.
He normally just didn’t bring people there, but as long as he kept Lisbon in the living room then he was sure that things would be fine. As long as she didn’t make it up to the bedroom then he didn’t fear her finding out about his dark secret. If Lisbon saw, Jane feared that she’d want him to be counseled. He’d been in psychiatric care for long enough. He didn’t need it anymore. Right now, he just needed to keep Lisbon and the others safe.
He made his way up to his room and stared at the crimson smiley face on the wall for a while. It had been some time since he’d paused there. He couldn’t help it, it made him angry. For the first time, he felt like wiping down the wall. He didn’t want the dreadful reminder. He didn’t need it. Red John kept reminding him of what he’d done so many years before and what he could easily do to the people he cared about now.
“Jane?”
He turned his head, trying to figure out how far away she was. If she was still waiting where he’d left her or if she was coming up the stairs. He still didn’t want her to see. Jane knew that he could explain, but he wasn’t sure that she’d understand. He wasn’t sure what the consequences of exposing this partial memory Lisbon to what lay inside his bedroom.
“Are you okay?”
She was concerned. He shook his head; it seemed odd for her to be concerned for him when she was the one in obvious danger.
“Just a minute,” he called.
Jane proceeded to where he’d hidden away Lisbon’s brown leather blood soaked jacket. It was still neatly packed just the way he’d left it. The jacket was still neatly folded inside the brown paper bag as he curled his fingers around the make-shift folded handle and picked it up. He placed a hand under the bag in order to support it.
Carefully and slowly, he made his way down the stairs, leaving the stark reminder of Red John behind him.
“Are you okay?” Lisbon asked, her voice was quiet and gentle.
He didn’t look up at her. “No.” Jane wondered if he’d been upstairs longer than he’d even realized and that was why she was concerned. Or maybe his face was giving him away. Whatever it was, Jane didn’t pay it much mind. Lisbon was important here.
He carried the paper bag to his table and set it down. Jane didn’t look up at Lisbon. He unfolded the make-shift handle and then reached inside to retrieve the neatly folded bloodied jacket inside. With one hand, he flattened the paper bag, so that it provided a place mat as he set down the contents. After a moment, he ventured to look at her.
She was just staring.
“This is yours, Lisbon,” he said. He stared down at the jacket, he took a moment to unfold it, so that it was displayed how he’d seen it on his bed.
Silence.
Jane looked up at her. Tears were staining her face. He frowned and moved around the table to quickly close the space between them. Reaching up, he placed his hand on her cheek and brushed the dark strands of hair back. “Shh...” he tried. He hated to see women cry and he wasn’t sure if he could stand seeing Lisbon cry. He didn’t even know if it was because she was scared or in pain. Either way, it clutched at his insides.
“He’s not going to hurt you anymore,” Jane promised. He placed his other hand on her other cheek and stared right into her eyes. Blue meeting green. “I’m not going to let him.” And he wasn’t. Jane didn’t have a plan, yet, but he’d put one together.
“I’m not worried about me,” Lisbon whispered. “This is bigger than me, Jane. This is all of us.”
He frowned when her face went down. He wanted to see her, to try to know what she was thinking. To know what was going through her mind. His hands were now just sort of sitting on her shoulders, thrown off from when she’d moved her head. So, he waited.
Eventually, her green eyes appeared again and he waited. Jane wasn’t sure how much time had already passed by, but he waited. He wasn’t going to push her right now. Lisbon didn’t need to be pushed. She was already beyond it and Jane was actually a bit worried now.
“I remember,” she whispered, her eyes meeting his.
Jane noticed that the tears were gone, but their trails were still visible on her face. “What do you remember?” he asked gently. At this point, Jane knew that any memory was valuable.
“Being up on that mountain,” Lisbon said. “I remember walking towards the tent and being grabbed. The stabs...feeling like I was going to die...”
How she looked at him, it was like she was looking right through him. It scared him a bit. Jane wanted to pull her into his arms right then and there, but kept hold of himself. She didn’t sound like she was done, it was just hard for her to convey.
“I watched him paint the face on the tent,” Lisbon said and was surprised as well.
Jane knew that he was being messed with now. Red John had spared Lisbon for this very moment; so that she could remember...remember feeling like she was going to die... He didn’t wait now; he pulled Lisbon to him, holding her tightly in his arms. Jane didn’t want to let her go. He wanted to keep her safe inside of his arms forever.
“He’s not going to hurt you anymore,” Jane promised.
He had an idea.
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Midnight
Jane Residence
Jane had put Lisbon to sleep on the couch downstairs. She’d fallen asleep in his arms and when she’d stirred to tell him she’d go home, he’d shushed her and told her to go back to sleep. He was going to protect her. He didn’t need to worry about her moving from his home to hers now.
He’d wondered exactly how to go about this. It was something that he hadn’t ever outright tried to try. His method had seemed juvenile, but it was the best one that he could come up with. He’d taken care to pack a few things into his car and then to leave Lisbon a note. He hadn’t wanted her to worry. He especially didn’t want her going after him.
Teresa-
I know that you said that when we found Red John that he’d see justice, your justice. That isn’t an option now. I won’t let him take away the only family I have anymore. Please don’t look for me. Stay safe.
- Patrick Jane
He knew it wasn’t a lot, but he didn’t need her to get any clues and come looking for him. What he had to do now, he had to do alone. It wasn’t just a matter of honor, but a matter of revenge. Right now, he had to play things out. He’d contacted Red John, he’d go away...so that Lisbon couldn’t find him and he was sure that Red John would contact him back.
He knew that he was doing what Red John wanted. He was destroying his life as he knew it, Red John didn’t even have to touch him directly to do so. He was leaving behind the woman he’d fallen in love with and those that he’d thought of as dear friends...as family.
He’d play Red John’s game...for now.
Jane felt like he’d crossed over to the dark side for some reason as he drove along. He knew that it was silly; it was just a reference that had popped into his head. But unlike Red John, he wouldn’t kill innocent people. Red John, on the other hand, was not innocent. If given the chance, he’d kill him with his bare hands. Jane had no qualms with that.
Lisbon would be safe.
Tears cascaded down his face and he tried to wipe them away as he drove. He hated to just leave Lisbon like that. He wanted to be able to ensure she’d be safe. He couldn’t do that if he was attempting to meet up with Red John. Of course, for all Jane knew, Red John would kill Lisbon right there in his house like he’d done with his wife and child.
He just had to believe that Lisbon would be safe.
Red John wanted him, right? Everything he’d done so far was just to get him where Red John could get him. He was helping him now. Getting himself away somewhere where he wouldn’t be followed. If it meant his own death, then Jane was at peace in the fact that others would be spared. Lisbon. Rigsby. Van Pelt. Cho. They’d all be spared.
Lisbon had once said that she thought that he’d choose life.
He hoped that she didn’t remember that.
He hoped she’d allow him to choose death, so that she could live.
He couldn’t hold it up anymore. The weight of the world was too much for him to bear. Jane just wanted to give up. Maybe he was a coward because of it, but it felt right. It felt like he was doing something. That he was preventing more death with his. Wasn’t that noble? Jane wasn’t sure, but he tried to focus on what he needed to do. Where he was going.
He wasn’t even sure he knew where he was going.
Jane pushed more tears out of his face. He found himself pulling over to the side of the road. He let his face fall to his hands and just sobbed. He’d finally found life and now he was going to face his own death. His sobs punctured the silence inside of his car. The sound was like thunder piercing a quiet unsuspecting meadow. It was severe and heart breaking.
All he could picture was Lisbon. She’d seemed so odd lately without all her memories and now he was worried for who would look out for her. Who would love her? He wished that he’d been able to give her a proper goodbye, one that she would remember. He hadn’t. He was afraid of waking her up and her not letting him leave.
He had to leave though.
He felt like he was abandoning her.
Jane pulled in deep breaths and wiped his face. He needed to move on. To continue with what he was doing. Lisbon could still wake and read his note and put out a BOLO for his car. After all, he didn’t quite have the most blending of vehicles. His would be spotted in minutes and he’d be pulled over and detained. He couldn’t have that. He couldn’t let that happen.
He had to keep going.
Putting his car back into traffic, what bit there was of it on the road, and proceeded towards his destination. The middle of nowhere was the best place, he thought, but he’d pushed it even farther. To another state.
For two reasons.
He knew Red John would be watching and would follow.
CBI wouldn’t have jurisdiction outside of California unless invited.
He just hoped that his body wouldn’t be found, that would keep the team from looking for him...for fighting for jurisdiction in his case.
Jane just wished them all peace.
Jane hoped that Teresa Lisbon would find someone worthy of her to love.
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TBC...