"Love's Burden" - Chapter 1
Chapter: 1 ~ “Normalizing”
Author’s Notes: Although this story is a sequel to “Two Lives”, I think it can stand on its own. It doesn’t pick up right after where “Two Lives” left off, but not too long after! That’s right…I’m writing more than one story at once…it’s more like seven…in one stage or another for CSI: Miami.
*~*~*
Calleigh smiled brightly as she stirred the eggs in the pan, it was part of the day she loved. It was before their nanny, Sheryl, arrived and it was her morning time with Emma. Though, she didn’t always see Horatio since he ended up showering and getting ready later than she since she got ready first. They hadn’t quite gotten to mastering sharing the bathroom and keeping up privacy. Sometimes she felt like having him just shower with her, but Calleigh wasn’t sure if she was ready for that yet… Sharing a bed in pajamas was one thing…jumping to the next step, she still was nervous about.
“Mama!”
Turning around, Calleigh smiled over to Emma, “It’s almost done, Darlin’! Mama’s just…distracted,” she told her daughter and went back to cooking the scrambled eggs. It was nice to be phasing from baby food to regular food. It made shopping easier…and it seemed to make breakfast faster for them all. After she transferred Emma’s eggs over to her little plastic plate, Calleigh left it to the side of the stove to cool. She started bacon in one pan and then started another pan of eggs. One thing she had learned about their morning ritual was that Horatio would only sit at the table for a couple minutes, so she had started to make him breakfast sandwiches so that he could be on the go, but also get in a meal.
“How are my favorite girls today?” Horatio asked as he entered the kitchen, straightening his dark blue jacket. He smiled over at Emma when she smiled at him; he felt that they were making progress on her knowing who he was… Horatio was just waiting for her to call him ‘dad’ and he thought that they’d be perfect. Whenever he’d try, she’d just giggle at him and then stuff a cheerio into her mouth.
Looking over her shoulder to the clock, Calleigh smiled, “Trying to make a record today?” she asked and when she merely received a smile she turned back to the two empty plates next to Emma’s plastic pink one. “Alright, family time this morning,” Calleigh announced and set Emma’s plate down in front of her with a toddler fork. She plated herself some eggs and two pieces of bacon and then made Horatio his breakfast sandwich.
Horatio got up from his seat feeling the need to help. Normally, he took longer and so Calleigh normally had everything waiting for him. “Let me get the coffee,” he offered and pulled down two mugs. Though Calleigh hadn’t seemed to drink much of it before she had been gone, upon her return she had seemed to need it more. Horatio figured it had to do with having a child. He poured the hot liquid into both cups and then added sugar to Calleigh’s. Setting them at their spots on the table, he looked over at Emma. “Do you want Dad to get you a cup, Sweetheart?”
“CUP!”
Calleigh smiled and shook her head, “Don’t worry, she’ll get it eventually…” Sometimes she felt bad, but then there were times when Emma was just so cute and completely oblivious at her very young age at what he had really wanted her to say.
Putting together the non-spill cups had become one of Horatio’s talents. It was nice that Emma wasn’t so depend on bottles anymore, but the cups had just as many parts. “Milk or juice?” he asked looking over at Calleigh as she sat down and started to help Emma to eat her eggs.
“Milk. The orange juice I’m still afraid is a bit too acidic for her. I don’t want her to give Sheryl a hard time if she gets an upset stomach.”
Horatio nodded and poured the milk into the cup and then took it over and set it down on Emma’s tray before taking his seat again.
“Morning Lieutenant! Morning Mrs. Caine!” Sheryl greeted. It was almost seven thirty, and she had already stopped by Starbucks and had consumed her morning dose of caffeine on the way over preferring the Starbucks over the Caine household coffee. She flung her bag down on one of the chairs not caring if the laptop inside seemed to argue with the clunk it made.
Horatio smirked over at Calleigh, who had been rolling her eyes. Sheryl knew very well that Calleigh’s last name was Duquesne and that they weren’t married, but she insisted on addressing her as ‘Mrs. Caine’. He was happy though, that that was the one thing that Calleigh didn’t like about the young woman. They had done extensive background testing on all of their candidates and how well they would do long term. He watched as Calleigh went back to eating her eggs before he went on to finishing his breakfast.
Setting her key down on the counter, Sheryl got down a bowl and quickly found her cereal in one of the cupboards. Setting it at the table before retrieving the carton of milk and a spoon, she sat down and started to shovel it in. It was part of her morning ritual to eat with the Caines, and Sheryl loved starting her morning off with the Coco Krispies. “Ya know…I was reading this case in my book for an assignment…” Setting down her spoon, she pulled her hair back and up and secured it into a bun with an elastic band before pulling out her laptop. “I was thinking…it would be SO awesome to go on a ride-a-long or something one time.”
“I’m sure we can try that one time,” Horatio told her after finishing his sandwich and helping Emma with her eggs as Calleigh had before.
Booting her laptop from hibernation, she waited and then continued to eat her cereal. When she realized it wasn’t normal for her to be on the computer right away, she quickly put out an explanation, “My one class has to meet online early. The teacher didn’t want to cancel our class session in our room, so she re-scheduled for eight…”
One of the things that really worked out for them was the fact that Sheryl attended college strictly online. Once and a while she’d have to drop things off in person, but she’d always be able to take Emma with her. She was also a Criminal Justice major, so they felt like she understood, or she would better so the life that those in the justice system lived. “You gonna be alright then with Emma?”
“Oh yeah, no prob!” Sheryl told her. “Emma here has a gift for art… I personally LOVE her scribble drawings…I have a bunch on my fridge at home, cuz you guys ran out of room here…” She logged into her school’s online website to get to the tools pages and the chat rooms. “Oh, and don’t worry Lieutenant! I’m trying to teach her ‘Dad’, but she seems to prefer ‘Mama’… Some kids, they just take awhile to learn other words than ‘Mom’. I wouldn’t worry too much. As long as she doesn’t know my name before ‘Dad’ you should be cool.”
Horatio just nodded with a smile. Sheryl was always good entertainment, but sometimes Horatio wondered what she’d do with her life when she got her degree. She was an interesting young woman that was for certain. “We better get going…” Horatio spoke up getting up from his place and putting his dishes into the sink.
“Mama?”
Calleigh frowned at her daughter’s sad tone. She hated leaving her, but she had to. Sure, she could stay home as a full time mom with her and sometimes Calleigh was tempted…but it just wasn’t something she could completely live with. She spent a good chunk of time though, at least she thought so…she had worked hard to get things done at work and then pass things off if she needed to. She put her dishes in the sink as well before moving over to her daughter. Calleigh gently placed a kiss to Emma’s cheek, “Time for us to go to work, Darlin’. You be good for Sheryl.” She gave her another kiss before adding, “Mama loves you.”
Horatio waited until Calleigh moved before placing a kiss on his daughter’s head, “Love you, Emma.”
Emma giggled and showed him a cheerio, “Look!”
He smiled and then kissed her head again before following after Calleigh. It hurt him to think that his own daughter didn’t know him as her father, but knew that eventually she’d know. But until then, he’d still feel a tinge of jealousy.
“Call us if you need anything, Sheryl,” Calleigh called out as she grabbed her purse off the counter and they both headed out.
*~*~*
Horatio sat in his office finishing up paperwork. It was a new part of his routine, it made it so that later in the day he could go home easily. He smiled when he saw Calleigh entering his office. They had gotten into the routine of not knocking or asking permission to enter…and ending up spending time in each other’s areas. “Hey…” he greeted with a smile. “Have you called?”
“No,” Calleigh responded with a bright smile. “I’m being good…” she told him. “I’ll wait until two thirty and then I’ll call and check up on Emma…” The first day, she had called every half an hour and then slowly she had gotten down with checking in at some random point in the day. It was usually when she needed a distraction from something…or when she wasn’t sure she’d get another break in her day until it was time to go home.
“What do you have?” Horatio asked putting his paperwork aside when Calleigh sat down across from him.
“Nothing work related… I was thinking…about Emma and-” She stopped and then looked down, and then looked back up at him. Calleigh wasn’t really sure how to go about what she had planned on talking to him about.
The look on her face scared him. Calleigh had become much happier and confident with life since they had settled in. “What’s wrong, Sweetheart?”
“Miller…” she whispered.
He tensed up and frowned, “He’s been put away, Calleigh. He can’t hurt you or Emma ever again.”
“I know that… I was just thinking about how much I lost because of him… We weren’t a happy family with Emma…” Calleigh told him. “He took…he took away my confidence, my security, and what felt like my soul… You’ve given me those things back, Horatio.” She leaned forward on his desk, “And I think…I think I’m ready to move on with my life.”
The tension that he had suddenly relaxed when he heard the last thing she said. He couldn’t help, but smile. “You’ve already started to move on with your life…”
“Remember when Speed died?” she asked tilting her head as she reached out for his hand. She squeezed it when he took her offering hand. Calleigh knew he didn’t have to say anything, they both remembered. “You told me that I saved you…well, you’ve saved me.”
Horatio smiled at her, “Sweetheart, I’m glad you’re feeling better-”
“I mean it, Horatio… I’m ready.”
They had talked about a lot of things over the last couple of weeks. They had shared a bed, but that had been it. Sharing a bed, fully clothed. Sometimes, Calleigh had needed to be held, but she drawn the rules in everything it seemed. He had wanted it that way. Horatio hadn’t wanted to overstep any bounds, or scare her. He hadn’t wanted to push her in anyway, but they had discussed moving forward in life…getting married…and sharing their lives together. He had told her that he’d always be there to take care of her and Emma, and that if she was never ready for that step, he’d still be there for them.
She could see the uncertainty in his eyes, and she wished he’d trust her more…but then she also knew that he had been really concerned about her being absolutely sure about being okay with things. Getting up, she rounded the table and leaned against the desk facing Horatio. “Darlin’, I promise you…that I’m not going to do anything that I’m not ready for…”
Smiling, he took her hands and ran his thumbs over the tops of them. “So, does this mean you won’t be so annoyed when Sheryl calls you Mrs. Caine?” he asked with a smile as he looked up at her.
“We’ll see,” she told him brightly.
“So, where do we go from here, Ma’am?” he asked looking up at her. Her hands still held by his. He hadn’t been making any moves, and he just wanted Calleigh to make the calls to make sure everything was okay.
Rolling her eyes, Calleigh squeezed his hands, “You stop calling me Ma’am.” She watched as his smile brightened. “I dunno…we just go on…” She stopped for a minute and looked down at their hands and then back at him, “We’ve talked about marriage…”
“Yes, we have…” Horatio agreed.
“What do you think?” she asked. “What you want, Horatio…not what you think I want to hear. All you’ve been doing is stepping carefully on thin ice with me… It’s okay to tell me what you want…not want you think I need… We’ve been going about things slowly…and I’m okay now. I am.”
He smiled at her, and then dropped his gaze to their joined hands. Calleigh feeling ready to go on with life more so than currently was something he’d been waiting for, but it felt odd for her to be asking him what he wanted to do. After so many months of making sure what she wanted and needed was taken care of…it was odd for him to make decisions for them both or even voice them. “I want us to be happy together with Emma…” he told her.
“We already are,” Calleigh told him, she pulled one of her hands from his hold and raised his face, so that she could see him. “I think we’ve accomplished that goal.”
“I want to marry you…” he finally said.
Calleigh leaned in and captured his lips with hers. She pulled back a bit and whispered, “You’ll have to come up with a better proposal than that though.”
He laughed softly and heard her giggle as well. “You know that the whole Crime Lab can see us…” he pointed out. Normally, they tried to keep as professional as possible at work, but it was nice to let down that guard once in a while.
“They should know we kiss,” Calleigh told him blushing a bit as she pulled back and looked back and saw they had stopped a couple people from their business, but they quickly hurried off. “Oh…we are gonna be the talk of the lab today…”
Horatio smiled, “I don’t think I’ll mind that…”
*~*~*
TBC
Author’s Notes: Although this story is a sequel to “Two Lives”, I think it can stand on its own. It doesn’t pick up right after where “Two Lives” left off, but not too long after! That’s right…I’m writing more than one story at once…it’s more like seven…in one stage or another for CSI: Miami.
*~*~*
Calleigh smiled brightly as she stirred the eggs in the pan, it was part of the day she loved. It was before their nanny, Sheryl, arrived and it was her morning time with Emma. Though, she didn’t always see Horatio since he ended up showering and getting ready later than she since she got ready first. They hadn’t quite gotten to mastering sharing the bathroom and keeping up privacy. Sometimes she felt like having him just shower with her, but Calleigh wasn’t sure if she was ready for that yet… Sharing a bed in pajamas was one thing…jumping to the next step, she still was nervous about.
“Mama!”
Turning around, Calleigh smiled over to Emma, “It’s almost done, Darlin’! Mama’s just…distracted,” she told her daughter and went back to cooking the scrambled eggs. It was nice to be phasing from baby food to regular food. It made shopping easier…and it seemed to make breakfast faster for them all. After she transferred Emma’s eggs over to her little plastic plate, Calleigh left it to the side of the stove to cool. She started bacon in one pan and then started another pan of eggs. One thing she had learned about their morning ritual was that Horatio would only sit at the table for a couple minutes, so she had started to make him breakfast sandwiches so that he could be on the go, but also get in a meal.
“How are my favorite girls today?” Horatio asked as he entered the kitchen, straightening his dark blue jacket. He smiled over at Emma when she smiled at him; he felt that they were making progress on her knowing who he was… Horatio was just waiting for her to call him ‘dad’ and he thought that they’d be perfect. Whenever he’d try, she’d just giggle at him and then stuff a cheerio into her mouth.
Looking over her shoulder to the clock, Calleigh smiled, “Trying to make a record today?” she asked and when she merely received a smile she turned back to the two empty plates next to Emma’s plastic pink one. “Alright, family time this morning,” Calleigh announced and set Emma’s plate down in front of her with a toddler fork. She plated herself some eggs and two pieces of bacon and then made Horatio his breakfast sandwich.
Horatio got up from his seat feeling the need to help. Normally, he took longer and so Calleigh normally had everything waiting for him. “Let me get the coffee,” he offered and pulled down two mugs. Though Calleigh hadn’t seemed to drink much of it before she had been gone, upon her return she had seemed to need it more. Horatio figured it had to do with having a child. He poured the hot liquid into both cups and then added sugar to Calleigh’s. Setting them at their spots on the table, he looked over at Emma. “Do you want Dad to get you a cup, Sweetheart?”
“CUP!”
Calleigh smiled and shook her head, “Don’t worry, she’ll get it eventually…” Sometimes she felt bad, but then there were times when Emma was just so cute and completely oblivious at her very young age at what he had really wanted her to say.
Putting together the non-spill cups had become one of Horatio’s talents. It was nice that Emma wasn’t so depend on bottles anymore, but the cups had just as many parts. “Milk or juice?” he asked looking over at Calleigh as she sat down and started to help Emma to eat her eggs.
“Milk. The orange juice I’m still afraid is a bit too acidic for her. I don’t want her to give Sheryl a hard time if she gets an upset stomach.”
Horatio nodded and poured the milk into the cup and then took it over and set it down on Emma’s tray before taking his seat again.
“Morning Lieutenant! Morning Mrs. Caine!” Sheryl greeted. It was almost seven thirty, and she had already stopped by Starbucks and had consumed her morning dose of caffeine on the way over preferring the Starbucks over the Caine household coffee. She flung her bag down on one of the chairs not caring if the laptop inside seemed to argue with the clunk it made.
Horatio smirked over at Calleigh, who had been rolling her eyes. Sheryl knew very well that Calleigh’s last name was Duquesne and that they weren’t married, but she insisted on addressing her as ‘Mrs. Caine’. He was happy though, that that was the one thing that Calleigh didn’t like about the young woman. They had done extensive background testing on all of their candidates and how well they would do long term. He watched as Calleigh went back to eating her eggs before he went on to finishing his breakfast.
Setting her key down on the counter, Sheryl got down a bowl and quickly found her cereal in one of the cupboards. Setting it at the table before retrieving the carton of milk and a spoon, she sat down and started to shovel it in. It was part of her morning ritual to eat with the Caines, and Sheryl loved starting her morning off with the Coco Krispies. “Ya know…I was reading this case in my book for an assignment…” Setting down her spoon, she pulled her hair back and up and secured it into a bun with an elastic band before pulling out her laptop. “I was thinking…it would be SO awesome to go on a ride-a-long or something one time.”
“I’m sure we can try that one time,” Horatio told her after finishing his sandwich and helping Emma with her eggs as Calleigh had before.
Booting her laptop from hibernation, she waited and then continued to eat her cereal. When she realized it wasn’t normal for her to be on the computer right away, she quickly put out an explanation, “My one class has to meet online early. The teacher didn’t want to cancel our class session in our room, so she re-scheduled for eight…”
One of the things that really worked out for them was the fact that Sheryl attended college strictly online. Once and a while she’d have to drop things off in person, but she’d always be able to take Emma with her. She was also a Criminal Justice major, so they felt like she understood, or she would better so the life that those in the justice system lived. “You gonna be alright then with Emma?”
“Oh yeah, no prob!” Sheryl told her. “Emma here has a gift for art… I personally LOVE her scribble drawings…I have a bunch on my fridge at home, cuz you guys ran out of room here…” She logged into her school’s online website to get to the tools pages and the chat rooms. “Oh, and don’t worry Lieutenant! I’m trying to teach her ‘Dad’, but she seems to prefer ‘Mama’… Some kids, they just take awhile to learn other words than ‘Mom’. I wouldn’t worry too much. As long as she doesn’t know my name before ‘Dad’ you should be cool.”
Horatio just nodded with a smile. Sheryl was always good entertainment, but sometimes Horatio wondered what she’d do with her life when she got her degree. She was an interesting young woman that was for certain. “We better get going…” Horatio spoke up getting up from his place and putting his dishes into the sink.
“Mama?”
Calleigh frowned at her daughter’s sad tone. She hated leaving her, but she had to. Sure, she could stay home as a full time mom with her and sometimes Calleigh was tempted…but it just wasn’t something she could completely live with. She spent a good chunk of time though, at least she thought so…she had worked hard to get things done at work and then pass things off if she needed to. She put her dishes in the sink as well before moving over to her daughter. Calleigh gently placed a kiss to Emma’s cheek, “Time for us to go to work, Darlin’. You be good for Sheryl.” She gave her another kiss before adding, “Mama loves you.”
Horatio waited until Calleigh moved before placing a kiss on his daughter’s head, “Love you, Emma.”
Emma giggled and showed him a cheerio, “Look!”
He smiled and then kissed her head again before following after Calleigh. It hurt him to think that his own daughter didn’t know him as her father, but knew that eventually she’d know. But until then, he’d still feel a tinge of jealousy.
“Call us if you need anything, Sheryl,” Calleigh called out as she grabbed her purse off the counter and they both headed out.
*~*~*
Horatio sat in his office finishing up paperwork. It was a new part of his routine, it made it so that later in the day he could go home easily. He smiled when he saw Calleigh entering his office. They had gotten into the routine of not knocking or asking permission to enter…and ending up spending time in each other’s areas. “Hey…” he greeted with a smile. “Have you called?”
“No,” Calleigh responded with a bright smile. “I’m being good…” she told him. “I’ll wait until two thirty and then I’ll call and check up on Emma…” The first day, she had called every half an hour and then slowly she had gotten down with checking in at some random point in the day. It was usually when she needed a distraction from something…or when she wasn’t sure she’d get another break in her day until it was time to go home.
“What do you have?” Horatio asked putting his paperwork aside when Calleigh sat down across from him.
“Nothing work related… I was thinking…about Emma and-” She stopped and then looked down, and then looked back up at him. Calleigh wasn’t really sure how to go about what she had planned on talking to him about.
The look on her face scared him. Calleigh had become much happier and confident with life since they had settled in. “What’s wrong, Sweetheart?”
“Miller…” she whispered.
He tensed up and frowned, “He’s been put away, Calleigh. He can’t hurt you or Emma ever again.”
“I know that… I was just thinking about how much I lost because of him… We weren’t a happy family with Emma…” Calleigh told him. “He took…he took away my confidence, my security, and what felt like my soul… You’ve given me those things back, Horatio.” She leaned forward on his desk, “And I think…I think I’m ready to move on with my life.”
The tension that he had suddenly relaxed when he heard the last thing she said. He couldn’t help, but smile. “You’ve already started to move on with your life…”
“Remember when Speed died?” she asked tilting her head as she reached out for his hand. She squeezed it when he took her offering hand. Calleigh knew he didn’t have to say anything, they both remembered. “You told me that I saved you…well, you’ve saved me.”
Horatio smiled at her, “Sweetheart, I’m glad you’re feeling better-”
“I mean it, Horatio… I’m ready.”
They had talked about a lot of things over the last couple of weeks. They had shared a bed, but that had been it. Sharing a bed, fully clothed. Sometimes, Calleigh had needed to be held, but she drawn the rules in everything it seemed. He had wanted it that way. Horatio hadn’t wanted to overstep any bounds, or scare her. He hadn’t wanted to push her in anyway, but they had discussed moving forward in life…getting married…and sharing their lives together. He had told her that he’d always be there to take care of her and Emma, and that if she was never ready for that step, he’d still be there for them.
She could see the uncertainty in his eyes, and she wished he’d trust her more…but then she also knew that he had been really concerned about her being absolutely sure about being okay with things. Getting up, she rounded the table and leaned against the desk facing Horatio. “Darlin’, I promise you…that I’m not going to do anything that I’m not ready for…”
Smiling, he took her hands and ran his thumbs over the tops of them. “So, does this mean you won’t be so annoyed when Sheryl calls you Mrs. Caine?” he asked with a smile as he looked up at her.
“We’ll see,” she told him brightly.
“So, where do we go from here, Ma’am?” he asked looking up at her. Her hands still held by his. He hadn’t been making any moves, and he just wanted Calleigh to make the calls to make sure everything was okay.
Rolling her eyes, Calleigh squeezed his hands, “You stop calling me Ma’am.” She watched as his smile brightened. “I dunno…we just go on…” She stopped for a minute and looked down at their hands and then back at him, “We’ve talked about marriage…”
“Yes, we have…” Horatio agreed.
“What do you think?” she asked. “What you want, Horatio…not what you think I want to hear. All you’ve been doing is stepping carefully on thin ice with me… It’s okay to tell me what you want…not want you think I need… We’ve been going about things slowly…and I’m okay now. I am.”
He smiled at her, and then dropped his gaze to their joined hands. Calleigh feeling ready to go on with life more so than currently was something he’d been waiting for, but it felt odd for her to be asking him what he wanted to do. After so many months of making sure what she wanted and needed was taken care of…it was odd for him to make decisions for them both or even voice them. “I want us to be happy together with Emma…” he told her.
“We already are,” Calleigh told him, she pulled one of her hands from his hold and raised his face, so that she could see him. “I think we’ve accomplished that goal.”
“I want to marry you…” he finally said.
Calleigh leaned in and captured his lips with hers. She pulled back a bit and whispered, “You’ll have to come up with a better proposal than that though.”
He laughed softly and heard her giggle as well. “You know that the whole Crime Lab can see us…” he pointed out. Normally, they tried to keep as professional as possible at work, but it was nice to let down that guard once in a while.
“They should know we kiss,” Calleigh told him blushing a bit as she pulled back and looked back and saw they had stopped a couple people from their business, but they quickly hurried off. “Oh…we are gonna be the talk of the lab today…”
Horatio smiled, “I don’t think I’ll mind that…”
*~*~*
TBC