It's like riding a bicycle
Y’all, I bought a bike. Which might not sound weird, but I am honestly the least willingly-mobile person ever. The closest I come to moving myself from one place to another is to climb the one flight of stairs from the parking garage to my office. And that’s only if there is no available parking on my office’s level. Every so often I’ll forget my lunch, and while there are 5 MILLION food places around here, I usually sit at my desk and think, “oh well, I wasn’t that hungry anyway.”
So in an attempt to be less of a slug, I decided to start riding the paved trail I live by. I went to REI to pick out a bike, and was shocked by the prices. For what they were asking, I thought the damn thing should pedal itself along. But I figured whatever, I’m on a healthy kick, I might as well spend the money before I lose interest. I think spending as much as I did, I’m a lot less likely to give up after a month, like I usually do. This fucker was an investment.
So I took my out-of-shape ass out last night after work to bike. I remember from trying to bike years ago that I have a Speshul Snowflayke Princess Ass™, and even though it is more than sufficiently padded on its own, most bike seats still hurt. While I was at REI, I got me some fancy bike shorts, which are basically spandex nightmares with a giant cloth diaper sewn into the rump. I also bought some baggy shorts, because I have some dignity, and I’d rather keep my extra-padded ass covered, since it’s going to be right on display as I pedal along bent over my handlebars. It’s bad enough that I’m wearing shorts as it is, since I’m such a ghostly shade of pale; I might have blinded passers-by with the sun reflecting off my fish-belly legs yesterday. Not that I’d notice at the time, I was lost in my own, “Goddamn, my ass hurts” world as I huffed and puffed along.
It was fun though, I made it a whopping 3 miles (ie: horribly pathetic for a body on wheels). My ass and…crotchal-region are killing me from the seat, which is a bummer because if I’m going to be so sore it hurts to sit, I’d rather it be from a good romp in the sack than my weenie attempts at exercise. But my Princess Ass will get used to it soon.
Here is my bad boy (from the website). I’ve named it Balthie; I’m looking into either colorful clickety-clacks for the wheel spokes, or rainbow streamers to make it super fabulous. It will be the sassiest bike on the trail.
So in an attempt to be less of a slug, I decided to start riding the paved trail I live by. I went to REI to pick out a bike, and was shocked by the prices. For what they were asking, I thought the damn thing should pedal itself along. But I figured whatever, I’m on a healthy kick, I might as well spend the money before I lose interest. I think spending as much as I did, I’m a lot less likely to give up after a month, like I usually do. This fucker was an investment.
So I took my out-of-shape ass out last night after work to bike. I remember from trying to bike years ago that I have a Speshul Snowflayke Princess Ass™, and even though it is more than sufficiently padded on its own, most bike seats still hurt. While I was at REI, I got me some fancy bike shorts, which are basically spandex nightmares with a giant cloth diaper sewn into the rump. I also bought some baggy shorts, because I have some dignity, and I’d rather keep my extra-padded ass covered, since it’s going to be right on display as I pedal along bent over my handlebars. It’s bad enough that I’m wearing shorts as it is, since I’m such a ghostly shade of pale; I might have blinded passers-by with the sun reflecting off my fish-belly legs yesterday. Not that I’d notice at the time, I was lost in my own, “Goddamn, my ass hurts” world as I huffed and puffed along.
It was fun though, I made it a whopping 3 miles (ie: horribly pathetic for a body on wheels). My ass and…crotchal-region are killing me from the seat, which is a bummer because if I’m going to be so sore it hurts to sit, I’d rather it be from a good romp in the sack than my weenie attempts at exercise. But my Princess Ass will get used to it soon.
Here is my bad boy (from the website). I’ve named it Balthie; I’m looking into either colorful clickety-clacks for the wheel spokes, or rainbow streamers to make it super fabulous. It will be the sassiest bike on the trail.