a somewhat pessimistic entry
All I did yesterday was think about death. Not suicide death by an outside force.
I guess it all kind of started when I heard this little girl screaming from pain as they were walking her away from what was the most horrible accident I've seen. It wasn't some "I'll be fine in five minutes let me cry this out" it sounded like she couldn't do or say anything but it because it was exactly how she felt. The kid in the other car was my age and his car was face down in a ditch him just looking baffled and probably bleeding. I drove the rest of the 15 minutes home in shock asking myself why I didn't do anything to help them, trying to convince myself I couldn't.
The next day came and I got sick again, this will be the 2nd or 3rd time in the past month or month and a half. I ws trying to come up with reason I keep getting sick and found none. Then this lady at my work said I could have menenjitis or however you spell that, I didn't believe her but it got me thinking crazier. Then I started wondering, if the doctors put a timeframe for my life what I would do with what I have left. The letters I would have to write saying goodbye to the people I love, telling people I love them. Who I would give what to. Wondering if I would call people to tell them of my unforgiving fortune or letting them hear through the grape vine. I was even going so far into detail wondering how each person would take it, and what I might say in those letters. I don't think people think like that much and I guess that car accident put me in another place yesterday. It got me all out of line because the person in one of those car could have been me but I took a side road that adds a couple of mintues. I ended with the thought that if I had to die to let some other learn what they need to I would, I am fully content with my life and where I am at in it. But don't think like thats realy going to happen, I mean I just hate being sick.
I guess it all kind of started when I heard this little girl screaming from pain as they were walking her away from what was the most horrible accident I've seen. It wasn't some "I'll be fine in five minutes let me cry this out" it sounded like she couldn't do or say anything but it because it was exactly how she felt. The kid in the other car was my age and his car was face down in a ditch him just looking baffled and probably bleeding. I drove the rest of the 15 minutes home in shock asking myself why I didn't do anything to help them, trying to convince myself I couldn't.
The next day came and I got sick again, this will be the 2nd or 3rd time in the past month or month and a half. I ws trying to come up with reason I keep getting sick and found none. Then this lady at my work said I could have menenjitis or however you spell that, I didn't believe her but it got me thinking crazier. Then I started wondering, if the doctors put a timeframe for my life what I would do with what I have left. The letters I would have to write saying goodbye to the people I love, telling people I love them. Who I would give what to. Wondering if I would call people to tell them of my unforgiving fortune or letting them hear through the grape vine. I was even going so far into detail wondering how each person would take it, and what I might say in those letters. I don't think people think like that much and I guess that car accident put me in another place yesterday. It got me all out of line because the person in one of those car could have been me but I took a side road that adds a couple of mintues. I ended with the thought that if I had to die to let some other learn what they need to I would, I am fully content with my life and where I am at in it. But don't think like thats realy going to happen, I mean I just hate being sick.