Sorry
I hope nobody minds that I'm posting to my LJ more often lately.
I'm trying some homegrown aversion therapy or something. See, I've been fighting some really high levels of anxiety for the last few weeks. Fortunately, and also unfortunately, its just related my circulatory problems. My blood pressure drops and my body fires off a ton of adrenaline to counteract it. So suddenly, like being blindsided, I feel like I want to climb up the walls and then go hide in the smallest, darkest corner of the universe.
I've had problems with anxiety for most of my life. I had a worrier for a mother which certainly rubbed off on me. I went through a really rough time of it in high school and college, but once I got out of school and out of the crappy relationship I was in, things started to turn around. I sill have those irrational, anxiety-driven thoughts but I'm usually pretty quick to talk myself down.
But yeah, like I said, from a chemical standpoint its gotten harder lately. I can be curled up with a good book, a cup of tea, my favorite candle burning nearby and then just be hit with the worst feeling of panic and dread (according to my doctor, the dread feeling actually comes from the sudden decrease in oxygen flow to the brain which causes the drowning/suffocation sensation). And its so easily to give in and just curl up into a little ball of self-loathing. But I can't keep functioning like this so I'm trying to fight back.
Sitting down at a keyboard to share my thoughts has always been a huge stressor so that's why I'm writing here more. I come home from a long day at work, I eat, the food triggers a blood pressure drop, the drop triggers the adrenaline, the adrenaline triggers the anxiety and this time I force myself to type up something here. And so I write and I realize that the world won't end if I sit down at a keyboard and suddenly big scary anxiety looks kind of silly. Its like my own Patronus charm. Instead of giving in and feeling sort of crappy for an hour or two, I feel extremely crappy for five minutes and then it passes.
Ah, I'm actually feeling better already. So thanks to everyone for tolerating my daily ramblings. It really does help.
I'm trying some homegrown aversion therapy or something. See, I've been fighting some really high levels of anxiety for the last few weeks. Fortunately, and also unfortunately, its just related my circulatory problems. My blood pressure drops and my body fires off a ton of adrenaline to counteract it. So suddenly, like being blindsided, I feel like I want to climb up the walls and then go hide in the smallest, darkest corner of the universe.
I've had problems with anxiety for most of my life. I had a worrier for a mother which certainly rubbed off on me. I went through a really rough time of it in high school and college, but once I got out of school and out of the crappy relationship I was in, things started to turn around. I sill have those irrational, anxiety-driven thoughts but I'm usually pretty quick to talk myself down.
But yeah, like I said, from a chemical standpoint its gotten harder lately. I can be curled up with a good book, a cup of tea, my favorite candle burning nearby and then just be hit with the worst feeling of panic and dread (according to my doctor, the dread feeling actually comes from the sudden decrease in oxygen flow to the brain which causes the drowning/suffocation sensation). And its so easily to give in and just curl up into a little ball of self-loathing. But I can't keep functioning like this so I'm trying to fight back.
Sitting down at a keyboard to share my thoughts has always been a huge stressor so that's why I'm writing here more. I come home from a long day at work, I eat, the food triggers a blood pressure drop, the drop triggers the adrenaline, the adrenaline triggers the anxiety and this time I force myself to type up something here. And so I write and I realize that the world won't end if I sit down at a keyboard and suddenly big scary anxiety looks kind of silly. Its like my own Patronus charm. Instead of giving in and feeling sort of crappy for an hour or two, I feel extremely crappy for five minutes and then it passes.
Ah, I'm actually feeling better already. So thanks to everyone for tolerating my daily ramblings. It really does help.