(no subject)
Things I should have done.
1. Telling Jasmine to Fuck Off
2. Beating Johnalans ass on the spot
This is in the set responses for seeing the one you love the most make out with someone in front of your eyes. These are things I did'nt do. Why? I don't know. Today she told me to go away so she could fix the john alan situation. Another guy, yes, but she likes him. So I figured I have to trust her and gave her time to herself walking around her bus stop. Eventually to see the 2 of them making out in front of my own eyes. Burned into them, with HATE. Hate for her for betraying me in front of my own eyes when I trusted her and hate for him. So why is it that I did'nt do the above? Why did'nt I end it? It be so simple to end all the hurt and turn in to a satisfaction of sorts. Why?
What did I do? Walked up to them said "so your the new boyfriend..." and walked off. She did'nt follow as expected and after I took her away wouldnt let me smoke. When I went to touch her or hold her she would'nt let me. When I asked her to talk she would'nt. I did what glaston would do to get her to speak to me. For that I'm disgusted with myself. Eventually we did and after getting on the bus we were semi back to normal. It's just that, frankly after trying to keep her for going on a break with me, a half break at that. I find that after having the image of those to kissing each other burned into my eye, I find myself running from her and asking for a break instead, a real one. No contact. When everything was mine. Her lips, her touch, her love. I could trust her. But now I find myself questioning what is really mine. She has kissed him the way she kisses me. And because of that image and how real it is. I wonder if I realy should be with her. I realize I think this only because I am alone now but, in the end. This is what needs corrected. How I feel when I am not with her. Not while I am. Because If they are'nt in rhythm how can I be faithful and honest to her. How can I say this is love when all I think about when I am away from her is how she betrayed me. Can I forgive her for this? I think for that. I myself need change. So I'm on this break to change myself. The me that she has'nt seen. So that I might forgive her. And try again.
1. Telling Jasmine to Fuck Off
2. Beating Johnalans ass on the spot
This is in the set responses for seeing the one you love the most make out with someone in front of your eyes. These are things I did'nt do. Why? I don't know. Today she told me to go away so she could fix the john alan situation. Another guy, yes, but she likes him. So I figured I have to trust her and gave her time to herself walking around her bus stop. Eventually to see the 2 of them making out in front of my own eyes. Burned into them, with HATE. Hate for her for betraying me in front of my own eyes when I trusted her and hate for him. So why is it that I did'nt do the above? Why did'nt I end it? It be so simple to end all the hurt and turn in to a satisfaction of sorts. Why?
What did I do? Walked up to them said "so your the new boyfriend..." and walked off. She did'nt follow as expected and after I took her away wouldnt let me smoke. When I went to touch her or hold her she would'nt let me. When I asked her to talk she would'nt. I did what glaston would do to get her to speak to me. For that I'm disgusted with myself. Eventually we did and after getting on the bus we were semi back to normal. It's just that, frankly after trying to keep her for going on a break with me, a half break at that. I find that after having the image of those to kissing each other burned into my eye, I find myself running from her and asking for a break instead, a real one. No contact. When everything was mine. Her lips, her touch, her love. I could trust her. But now I find myself questioning what is really mine. She has kissed him the way she kisses me. And because of that image and how real it is. I wonder if I realy should be with her. I realize I think this only because I am alone now but, in the end. This is what needs corrected. How I feel when I am not with her. Not while I am. Because If they are'nt in rhythm how can I be faithful and honest to her. How can I say this is love when all I think about when I am away from her is how she betrayed me. Can I forgive her for this? I think for that. I myself need change. So I'm on this break to change myself. The me that she has'nt seen. So that I might forgive her. And try again.