Baptism
I've done something horrible. I'm not sure how to respond. I never thought I would do this, nor had the personality to. It was always my one fear of what would be done to me. Yet, I did it. Again, and again, and again. In fact I'm so sick that I'm willing to sacrifice everything I'd accomplished everything I love for another chance at this teasing between heaven and hell. For one more shot. For the sake of this happiness. Was I not happy before? Was that happiness not real. Worth fighting for, worth dying for. I was past all of it, and yet... I willingly through myself back into it.
I feel complete, the good and the evil and all the better knowing that almost everything I remebered was real all along. I can no longer be everyone's angel, and I've stained myself with sin for the sake of my promise I made long ago. I'm willing to go to insane lengths to keep it now that I'm in the same situation. This is the question that faces me. Was I knowingly doing wrong for my own desires.... undoubtly. Would I make the entire world my enemy and push everyone away, yes. This is purity, I know this all to well. I know it to be real, I can smell it and touch it and taste it from anywhere. I am willing to do things for my desire that I would never do otherwise.
This purity is shared by someone else that has sinned, like me. That is willing to die for their desire like I am. Someone that is willing to fight for there dreams, the same as I. Someone that is like me. Another type of nirvana that is unbenownest to ourselves yet easily apparent to each other, evident only is the presence and absence, the teasing and the pay-off. The cruelty and blessings of god. I've thrown myself into it again, but I'm not willing to lose this time. I must win and smile.
Though I can no longer be anyone's angel but for the one like me, I accept the fact that if I need to sin again to keep this life then I would. No matter how mny times needed, I would defile this body knowing that there is someone else that would'nt let me be alone in it. This the purity of my sin. I am sick, and through this, my life means something more. My mind and body is defiled and I no longer consider myself a good person, yet I smile. I'm am not good, I am not evil, I am not the gray. I am color. I am beyond a chart, beyond predetermined possibilty, and beyond any limit set on myself previously through thought. I will conquer the world ahead of me with the one like me and I will fight againist anything that threatens this with everything I have. I am pure now. A feeling and a reponse. I am the wolf. I am the dagger. I am the flame.
I a living man have conquered the universe. Through the tainting of my mind, my soul has become pure.
I feel complete, the good and the evil and all the better knowing that almost everything I remebered was real all along. I can no longer be everyone's angel, and I've stained myself with sin for the sake of my promise I made long ago. I'm willing to go to insane lengths to keep it now that I'm in the same situation. This is the question that faces me. Was I knowingly doing wrong for my own desires.... undoubtly. Would I make the entire world my enemy and push everyone away, yes. This is purity, I know this all to well. I know it to be real, I can smell it and touch it and taste it from anywhere. I am willing to do things for my desire that I would never do otherwise.
This purity is shared by someone else that has sinned, like me. That is willing to die for their desire like I am. Someone that is willing to fight for there dreams, the same as I. Someone that is like me. Another type of nirvana that is unbenownest to ourselves yet easily apparent to each other, evident only is the presence and absence, the teasing and the pay-off. The cruelty and blessings of god. I've thrown myself into it again, but I'm not willing to lose this time. I must win and smile.
Though I can no longer be anyone's angel but for the one like me, I accept the fact that if I need to sin again to keep this life then I would. No matter how mny times needed, I would defile this body knowing that there is someone else that would'nt let me be alone in it. This the purity of my sin. I am sick, and through this, my life means something more. My mind and body is defiled and I no longer consider myself a good person, yet I smile. I'm am not good, I am not evil, I am not the gray. I am color. I am beyond a chart, beyond predetermined possibilty, and beyond any limit set on myself previously through thought. I will conquer the world ahead of me with the one like me and I will fight againist anything that threatens this with everything I have. I am pure now. A feeling and a reponse. I am the wolf. I am the dagger. I am the flame.
I a living man have conquered the universe. Through the tainting of my mind, my soul has become pure.