This hasn't happened in a while
I did one of those dangerous things the other day. I went into the scary archives that were... my livejournal.
Who would've through I even still had an LJ? Not me. Talk about how things have changed in the past 4 years. 2003... the first year of my LJ. When I was contemplating who I should date... Tina or Jill. (<-- note... both no longer important enough to use their LJ name) All the posts about how I wanted to do one thing, but was contorted to do another.
But I used to be funny... and random... and weird on LJ. Now, I don't even exist here anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'll still read everything that gets posted on a weekly basis as the wife and I are sitting on saturday mornings, drinking coffee, and checking our emails and other things on teh intarnetz. I'm still just as goofy as i used to be, just not on LJ. I think MK put it best when he said "Ben, you're the most well functioning retard I've ever met." I think he's right.
Still such a weird concept to me... I'm married.
No less to the girl of my dreams. That girl I though I could never get... should never get... didn't have a chance with. But here I find myself sitting less then two feet away sipping coffee and wallowing (like a pig in his favorite slop... not like an emo boy with no girlfriend) in perfect silence.
Currently she's still sleeping. In our bed. In our apartment.
It's perfect. The knowing of someone sleeping in your bed... where you never have to worry about them leaving you. Knowing they'll always love you. Not feeling guilty about the night before or wondering if she'll ask "so what does this mean" when she wakes up.
Shat said it best:
I've had the one night stands
Waiting for the phone to ring
The shakes of anxiety
The flacid response to nerves
The hideous revelation of character
The unfamiliar smell of breath and skin
Unexpected noises...from within
I've had it... and it sucked. It sucks compared to this.
Sure... her tummy makes silly noises... her breath may or may not smell like dirty feet that have been soaking in rotten eggs all day... her ass may be able to clear a room (or maybe it's the dutch oven effect of both of our asses in an alliance made through the night to eliminate all sense of smell we both should have)
but the noises... the breath... the stinky ass... it's familiar... and i love it.
maybe this is out of place on live journal... maybe i should limit it to friends that are married too... i don't want people to think i'm rubbing in the fact that the girl i pined for over the course of 5 years is in my bed... a person who i get to confidently label as "my wife".
i guess maybe i'm vomiting from my mouth on this because i always read how sad and scared people are... and how oft is has to do with the opposite sex. don't give in to what you think you could live with. demand the dream. i'm living proof (and i think berta could pipe in here as an example of dreams coming true too) that dreams come true.
I, myself, am at a turning point in my life. Not with girls or womenz. but with work. politics and boredom with no room to grow are probably the biggest factors. i still like what i do, i'm just not excited to do it anymore. there's no love. i go in. i do my job. i leave. whooopity ding doo. so i'm browsing. if anything, just to figure out where i stand as far as "programming capabilities" is concerned. i know i'm the best in my company... but what about compared to the rest of the world?
I miss some people. And I know that all it takes is a phone call... but calling is right in line with admitting that i'm a dick for not calling. and i hate feeling like a dick. but in the same regard you shouldn't have to call me. cause i'm the dick.
in fairness (and i've had to get this through my families head too) i'm the quintessential "newly wed". all day while i'm at work i dream about being with my wife. i hate being away from her and it's not like i'm dependent on her (and don't get psychological on my about how i'm trying to deny myself), it's just that i'm enamered with her company. being around her makes me happy. the happiest ever. and i like being happy. so being that i think about my wife non-stop, and then i get home and am a vaccum for her presense... i tend to stop thinking about other things.
yeah... like i said... in the grand scheme of things... i'm a dick.
so i think i'll take this week to call a bunch of people... if anything... just to say hi... admit i'm a dick... and leave it at that. Maybe that's all I'll do.
*ring*
you: "hello?"
me: "hi. i'm a dick. ba-bye"
*click*
that way... at least i called you.
to break things up a little... i present to you:
i stupidly marveled at my wife yesterday about how i find it so amazing that a&b and the wife and me... can do absolutely nothing... and still derive enjoyment. and lots of it.
watching rent in a completely dark apartment = fun.
Bon thinks so too. (Bon as in BonJovi... not Bonnie)
Then TGIFridays. With Sarah... who was able to not only put up with my shit... but play along. Well played, miss server. You went home very happy from our tip. Don't spend it all in one place. (i can say silly shit like that now, cause i'm married)
Workin' hard, or hardly workin'?
oooh... i hate that one.
anyway... then the wife looked at me and said, well of course you dumbass... thats what best friends are.
... oh yeah.
a&b - and - a&k... only people in our lives right now we can do nothing with... and be pee-pants happy about it.
think i'm done? NOPE!
5 years. Still to long, but seeing as finances are always a little tight upon being newly married, it has to be that said time.
5 year plan to GET THE HELL OUT OF WISCONSIN. (and yes, that is deserving of "yelling") I'm sick of this weather. sick of the state. and milwaukee is looking less and less enjoyable. it used to be a cool little city, small enough to be small, but large enough to not be too small.
but lately the racism... the people... the area... really is grating on me. wauwatosa used to be the safe ground of biggotry. i say that in the sense of:
Milwaukee = ghetto
West Allis = white trash
Brookfield = Yuppy stuck up commercialism
Whitebread Bay = Obvious.
South Milwaukee = ARRRIBA! ONDALE!!!
Cudahay = See West Allis.
But Wauwatosa always used to be undefinable like that. Until the buslines started dropping the deliquent pieces of SHIT (and yes... they are shit) off at Mayfair and they are now invading THAT part. it's like Brookfield and the ghetto had a one night stand and got pregnant with a bastard child that no one wants. Ugh... HATE IT!
So... i need out. Colorado... Wyoming... California... Somewhere west. Somewhere where everyone seems more relaxed. Laid back. Warm for more then 2 months out of the year. But not stupid ass humid warm for those 2 months. 5 years. count on it.
I'm done. The wife and I are going to attempt to aquire a Nintendo Wii today. We've been out of luck for a while... so I think today is our day.
Anyone want to come over and play with our Wii?
hehehe... play with our wii.
in conclusion... just because you don't hear from me... doesn't mean i don't think of you.
oh... yeah... one more thing...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/shankrabbit - Photos... keep tabs on me in what I'm doing in life... i usually upload pics...
Who would've through I even still had an LJ? Not me. Talk about how things have changed in the past 4 years. 2003... the first year of my LJ. When I was contemplating who I should date... Tina or Jill. (<-- note... both no longer important enough to use their LJ name) All the posts about how I wanted to do one thing, but was contorted to do another.
But I used to be funny... and random... and weird on LJ. Now, I don't even exist here anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'll still read everything that gets posted on a weekly basis as the wife and I are sitting on saturday mornings, drinking coffee, and checking our emails and other things on teh intarnetz. I'm still just as goofy as i used to be, just not on LJ. I think MK put it best when he said "Ben, you're the most well functioning retard I've ever met." I think he's right.
Still such a weird concept to me... I'm married.
No less to the girl of my dreams. That girl I though I could never get... should never get... didn't have a chance with. But here I find myself sitting less then two feet away sipping coffee and wallowing (like a pig in his favorite slop... not like an emo boy with no girlfriend) in perfect silence.
Currently she's still sleeping. In our bed. In our apartment.
It's perfect. The knowing of someone sleeping in your bed... where you never have to worry about them leaving you. Knowing they'll always love you. Not feeling guilty about the night before or wondering if she'll ask "so what does this mean" when she wakes up.
Shat said it best:
I've had the one night stands
Waiting for the phone to ring
The shakes of anxiety
The flacid response to nerves
The hideous revelation of character
The unfamiliar smell of breath and skin
Unexpected noises...from within
I've had it... and it sucked. It sucks compared to this.
Sure... her tummy makes silly noises... her breath may or may not smell like dirty feet that have been soaking in rotten eggs all day... her ass may be able to clear a room (or maybe it's the dutch oven effect of both of our asses in an alliance made through the night to eliminate all sense of smell we both should have)
but the noises... the breath... the stinky ass... it's familiar... and i love it.
maybe this is out of place on live journal... maybe i should limit it to friends that are married too... i don't want people to think i'm rubbing in the fact that the girl i pined for over the course of 5 years is in my bed... a person who i get to confidently label as "my wife".
i guess maybe i'm vomiting from my mouth on this because i always read how sad and scared people are... and how oft is has to do with the opposite sex. don't give in to what you think you could live with. demand the dream. i'm living proof (and i think berta could pipe in here as an example of dreams coming true too) that dreams come true.
I, myself, am at a turning point in my life. Not with girls or womenz. but with work. politics and boredom with no room to grow are probably the biggest factors. i still like what i do, i'm just not excited to do it anymore. there's no love. i go in. i do my job. i leave. whooopity ding doo. so i'm browsing. if anything, just to figure out where i stand as far as "programming capabilities" is concerned. i know i'm the best in my company... but what about compared to the rest of the world?
I miss some people. And I know that all it takes is a phone call... but calling is right in line with admitting that i'm a dick for not calling. and i hate feeling like a dick. but in the same regard you shouldn't have to call me. cause i'm the dick.
in fairness (and i've had to get this through my families head too) i'm the quintessential "newly wed". all day while i'm at work i dream about being with my wife. i hate being away from her and it's not like i'm dependent on her (and don't get psychological on my about how i'm trying to deny myself), it's just that i'm enamered with her company. being around her makes me happy. the happiest ever. and i like being happy. so being that i think about my wife non-stop, and then i get home and am a vaccum for her presense... i tend to stop thinking about other things.
yeah... like i said... in the grand scheme of things... i'm a dick.
so i think i'll take this week to call a bunch of people... if anything... just to say hi... admit i'm a dick... and leave it at that. Maybe that's all I'll do.
*ring*
you: "hello?"
me: "hi. i'm a dick. ba-bye"
*click*
that way... at least i called you.
to break things up a little... i present to you:
i stupidly marveled at my wife yesterday about how i find it so amazing that a&b and the wife and me... can do absolutely nothing... and still derive enjoyment. and lots of it.
watching rent in a completely dark apartment = fun.
Bon thinks so too. (Bon as in BonJovi... not Bonnie)
Then TGIFridays. With Sarah... who was able to not only put up with my shit... but play along. Well played, miss server. You went home very happy from our tip. Don't spend it all in one place. (i can say silly shit like that now, cause i'm married)
Workin' hard, or hardly workin'?
oooh... i hate that one.
anyway... then the wife looked at me and said, well of course you dumbass... thats what best friends are.
... oh yeah.
a&b - and - a&k... only people in our lives right now we can do nothing with... and be pee-pants happy about it.
think i'm done? NOPE!
5 years. Still to long, but seeing as finances are always a little tight upon being newly married, it has to be that said time.
5 year plan to GET THE HELL OUT OF WISCONSIN. (and yes, that is deserving of "yelling") I'm sick of this weather. sick of the state. and milwaukee is looking less and less enjoyable. it used to be a cool little city, small enough to be small, but large enough to not be too small.
but lately the racism... the people... the area... really is grating on me. wauwatosa used to be the safe ground of biggotry. i say that in the sense of:
Milwaukee = ghetto
West Allis = white trash
Brookfield = Yuppy stuck up commercialism
Whitebread Bay = Obvious.
South Milwaukee = ARRRIBA! ONDALE!!!
Cudahay = See West Allis.
But Wauwatosa always used to be undefinable like that. Until the buslines started dropping the deliquent pieces of SHIT (and yes... they are shit) off at Mayfair and they are now invading THAT part. it's like Brookfield and the ghetto had a one night stand and got pregnant with a bastard child that no one wants. Ugh... HATE IT!
So... i need out. Colorado... Wyoming... California... Somewhere west. Somewhere where everyone seems more relaxed. Laid back. Warm for more then 2 months out of the year. But not stupid ass humid warm for those 2 months. 5 years. count on it.
I'm done. The wife and I are going to attempt to aquire a Nintendo Wii today. We've been out of luck for a while... so I think today is our day.
Anyone want to come over and play with our Wii?
hehehe... play with our wii.
in conclusion... just because you don't hear from me... doesn't mean i don't think of you.
oh... yeah... one more thing...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/shankrabbit - Photos... keep tabs on me in what I'm doing in life... i usually upload pics...