interesting insight form the Body Language Lady
October 19, 2007
Is he really sorry or is he lying?
Filed under: celebrity analysis - patti @ 2:07 pm
Last week when I was speaking in Myrtle Beach (it’s a tough job but someone’s got to do it) my audience asked me if I had seen the video of the Michael Vick apology and what I thought. I was intrigued, as I often am, at the prospect of reading the credibility and deception cues in apologies. I believe that an apology should be given from your heart to communicate your sorrow at hurting others and your desire to change your behavior. It should not be given in a prepared statement as way or improving your public image. So when Esquire magazine called today and officially asked me to do a read of his apology. I was eager to see his behavior.
Some people assume that as a body language expert I look only at the gestures, postures and facial tics when I do a read. In fact, my audience last week asked if I turn off the sound when I am making my analysis. While at times I do hit the mute button to focus on some action or to try to get a sense the overall mood of the person I am reading or of the over all relationship between the people if I am reading a couple or a group of people. A “read” requires a careful comparison of the verbal to the physical and in this case the questions to Vicks credibility and honesty as he gives his statement.. To identify if he is truthful or lying about how contrite he really is, required an analysis of his statement’s actual words and the timing of apologetic statements, as well as the body language that accompanied them. It also involved a paralanguage analysis of the sound of his voice, its tone, pacing volume level and so forth.
To put it simply, I do content analysis, body language analysis and the analysis of the words and music of the body language together.
Even though he was speaking from a prepared statement, indeed perhaps because he was reading from a prepared statement, the content analysis was fascinating. In deception detection you want to listen to what was actually said rather than what was scripted or what the speaker merely intended to say. Sometimes the person will start to say some something and correct himself. Usually the first statement, the false start, is the truth. Or he might start to say the lie and then subconsciously leak out a phrase that contradicts what he started to say. Vick does this three times in his “speech.” In fact he even does it in his opening statement.
Vick says, “I understand it’s important or NOT important, you know, as far as what you say or how you say things…” In law enforcement interrogations this would be interpreted as him really saying, “I hope you don’t think its important how I am saying thease things and that you don’t notice because I am lying!”
He then exhibits a odd little head bow behavior that will be a pattern throughout his speech. As he finished saying that he is going to speak straight from his heart, he brings his head down and to the side as if he is ashamed, but the timing of this gesture is wrong for how you would truly show shame or embarresment. It should come before not after he spoke. When you are sincere in your feeling your body feels the emotion, shows it with the nonverbal behavior and then you say it. He says he will speak straight from the heart…then looks as if he is thinking, “Oh I have to look ashamed now. What should I do?” Then he looks down. The behavior coming after the statement, with a pause makes the head dropping motion look odd showing it likely to have been acted rather than a true expression of shame. And even more odd, as he looks down it appears as if he is looking down to read the next statement from his notes, which seems really off kilter, since he just said he just said he was going to speak from his heart. Finally, in interrogation or when answering on the witness stand, police officers and lawyers look for where the gaze of the suspect goes as they profess to be innocent. If the suspects says, “I am innocent” and immediately glances down and away, the suspect is not confident of his own innocence. We tend to hold our gaze at normal face-to-face level and hold the gaze for three seconds or longer when telling the truth. Take the famous, “I did not have sexual relations with the woman…” speech of former President Clinton. His first response after finishing that statement was to gaze down.
There is a cue that some liars give to show they know they just lied and they want to hide it. They stick out their tongue and run it from one side of the mouth to other. I call this action a “tongue eraser,” as though the tongue is coming out to sweep away the lie. Vick makes this action repeatedly, in fact over 15 times, including after every apologetic statement in his speech.
For example, in his first apologetic statement he begins by saying, “First I want to apologize (tongue eraser) for all the things I’ve done and that I have allowed to happen.” A truly apologetic person by the way would not have added the “allowed to happen” phrase that implies he feels he is not fully responsible for actions.
He then gives a personal apology to the NFL commissioner, then to Arthur Blank (the Falcons’ owner) and to Falcons coach Bobby Petrino. He blinks slowly twice before he says, “coach Bobby Petrino.” Rapid blinking before or during a statement often means a person is lying, but these slow, more deliberate blinks, before he says his coach’s name, show that he is truly ashamed of how he let his coach down. He symbolically cannot look his coach in the eye. He again follows his coach’s name and then the full, lengthy personal apology with a tongue eraser, showing that overall, he is not fully and truly apologizing.
He then says, “I am totally disappointed in myself…” and looks down in a way that does show he is disappointed and ashamed of himself. But shortly thereafter he says something so contradictory and deceptive it is almost laughable. “For one second will I sit right here, (he then corrects himself and says, “Not for one second will I sit right here and point the finger and try to blame someone else.” The truth came out in the first statement. He would like to take this moment to blame someone else. The fact that he even refers to blaming someone else and even comes back later in his speech and repeats that, “I do not blame” statement, implies that he feels others are to blame or partially to blame, and that he doesn’t feel fully responsible. A truly sorry person does not bring up blaming others at all.
Another odd juxtaposition of statements occurs when he says, “I found God…I turn myself over to God. I think that is the right thing to do, as of right now.” Implying that later, when he is not in front of the media, or later when he is out of jail he can go back to his hell bent ways?
Then the video finishes with him saying, “Once again I offer my deepest apologies.” (followed by a tongue eraser.) I know that any apology does not sit well. But I would have liked at least one of his not to be erased. Esquire asked me to rate just how sorry he is on a scale of 1-100 (so, 0% being not very sorry, 100% being extremely sorry). I think he is very uncomfortable with his situation. I think he is ashamed of how he let down his coach, I think he realizes that he really messed up his kid fan base, I think he is very sorry this happened. But I think he is only 30% truly apologetic and and in taking responsibility for his actions.
*If you would like information on how to give a true apology please go to my Web site and read my article, “How to Give an Apology”
http://www.bodylanguagelady.com/
Is he really sorry or is he lying?
Filed under: celebrity analysis - patti @ 2:07 pm
Last week when I was speaking in Myrtle Beach (it’s a tough job but someone’s got to do it) my audience asked me if I had seen the video of the Michael Vick apology and what I thought. I was intrigued, as I often am, at the prospect of reading the credibility and deception cues in apologies. I believe that an apology should be given from your heart to communicate your sorrow at hurting others and your desire to change your behavior. It should not be given in a prepared statement as way or improving your public image. So when Esquire magazine called today and officially asked me to do a read of his apology. I was eager to see his behavior.
Some people assume that as a body language expert I look only at the gestures, postures and facial tics when I do a read. In fact, my audience last week asked if I turn off the sound when I am making my analysis. While at times I do hit the mute button to focus on some action or to try to get a sense the overall mood of the person I am reading or of the over all relationship between the people if I am reading a couple or a group of people. A “read” requires a careful comparison of the verbal to the physical and in this case the questions to Vicks credibility and honesty as he gives his statement.. To identify if he is truthful or lying about how contrite he really is, required an analysis of his statement’s actual words and the timing of apologetic statements, as well as the body language that accompanied them. It also involved a paralanguage analysis of the sound of his voice, its tone, pacing volume level and so forth.
To put it simply, I do content analysis, body language analysis and the analysis of the words and music of the body language together.
Even though he was speaking from a prepared statement, indeed perhaps because he was reading from a prepared statement, the content analysis was fascinating. In deception detection you want to listen to what was actually said rather than what was scripted or what the speaker merely intended to say. Sometimes the person will start to say some something and correct himself. Usually the first statement, the false start, is the truth. Or he might start to say the lie and then subconsciously leak out a phrase that contradicts what he started to say. Vick does this three times in his “speech.” In fact he even does it in his opening statement.
Vick says, “I understand it’s important or NOT important, you know, as far as what you say or how you say things…” In law enforcement interrogations this would be interpreted as him really saying, “I hope you don’t think its important how I am saying thease things and that you don’t notice because I am lying!”
He then exhibits a odd little head bow behavior that will be a pattern throughout his speech. As he finished saying that he is going to speak straight from his heart, he brings his head down and to the side as if he is ashamed, but the timing of this gesture is wrong for how you would truly show shame or embarresment. It should come before not after he spoke. When you are sincere in your feeling your body feels the emotion, shows it with the nonverbal behavior and then you say it. He says he will speak straight from the heart…then looks as if he is thinking, “Oh I have to look ashamed now. What should I do?” Then he looks down. The behavior coming after the statement, with a pause makes the head dropping motion look odd showing it likely to have been acted rather than a true expression of shame. And even more odd, as he looks down it appears as if he is looking down to read the next statement from his notes, which seems really off kilter, since he just said he just said he was going to speak from his heart. Finally, in interrogation or when answering on the witness stand, police officers and lawyers look for where the gaze of the suspect goes as they profess to be innocent. If the suspects says, “I am innocent” and immediately glances down and away, the suspect is not confident of his own innocence. We tend to hold our gaze at normal face-to-face level and hold the gaze for three seconds or longer when telling the truth. Take the famous, “I did not have sexual relations with the woman…” speech of former President Clinton. His first response after finishing that statement was to gaze down.
There is a cue that some liars give to show they know they just lied and they want to hide it. They stick out their tongue and run it from one side of the mouth to other. I call this action a “tongue eraser,” as though the tongue is coming out to sweep away the lie. Vick makes this action repeatedly, in fact over 15 times, including after every apologetic statement in his speech.
For example, in his first apologetic statement he begins by saying, “First I want to apologize (tongue eraser) for all the things I’ve done and that I have allowed to happen.” A truly apologetic person by the way would not have added the “allowed to happen” phrase that implies he feels he is not fully responsible for actions.
He then gives a personal apology to the NFL commissioner, then to Arthur Blank (the Falcons’ owner) and to Falcons coach Bobby Petrino. He blinks slowly twice before he says, “coach Bobby Petrino.” Rapid blinking before or during a statement often means a person is lying, but these slow, more deliberate blinks, before he says his coach’s name, show that he is truly ashamed of how he let his coach down. He symbolically cannot look his coach in the eye. He again follows his coach’s name and then the full, lengthy personal apology with a tongue eraser, showing that overall, he is not fully and truly apologizing.
He then says, “I am totally disappointed in myself…” and looks down in a way that does show he is disappointed and ashamed of himself. But shortly thereafter he says something so contradictory and deceptive it is almost laughable. “For one second will I sit right here, (he then corrects himself and says, “Not for one second will I sit right here and point the finger and try to blame someone else.” The truth came out in the first statement. He would like to take this moment to blame someone else. The fact that he even refers to blaming someone else and even comes back later in his speech and repeats that, “I do not blame” statement, implies that he feels others are to blame or partially to blame, and that he doesn’t feel fully responsible. A truly sorry person does not bring up blaming others at all.
Another odd juxtaposition of statements occurs when he says, “I found God…I turn myself over to God. I think that is the right thing to do, as of right now.” Implying that later, when he is not in front of the media, or later when he is out of jail he can go back to his hell bent ways?
Then the video finishes with him saying, “Once again I offer my deepest apologies.” (followed by a tongue eraser.) I know that any apology does not sit well. But I would have liked at least one of his not to be erased. Esquire asked me to rate just how sorry he is on a scale of 1-100 (so, 0% being not very sorry, 100% being extremely sorry). I think he is very uncomfortable with his situation. I think he is ashamed of how he let down his coach, I think he realizes that he really messed up his kid fan base, I think he is very sorry this happened. But I think he is only 30% truly apologetic and and in taking responsibility for his actions.
*If you would like information on how to give a true apology please go to my Web site and read my article, “How to Give an Apology”
http://www.bodylanguagelady.com/