Why I Hate Hipsters by Shane Chandler
I feel like there are several people in the world anymore... well... I shouldn't group ALL people in the world together in these two categories, but all YOUNG people between 12 and say, 21; anyway, all of these said people can be easily grouped into two, absolutely annoying categories. They include "Mainstream" and "Alternative." Of course, there are going to be extremists of both groups... and by "there will be" I mean "most of them are going to be." Let me tell you first off that I am in the "mainstream" grouping of people, because as insufferable as they are, they will NEVER amount to the insufferability as the MOTHERFUCKING HIPSTERS.
Okay, so let me start off with the heresy. The mainstream kids are kind of cool, but in their own minds they're REALLY cool. THAT is what makes them so intolerable. They think that everyone should dab their urine behind their ears as perfume, when really they aren't all that great. The uppermost tier of this group consits of people who are "too cool" to spell properly so that the sentance:
Would you please pass the salt?
Looks like this:
Wud u pls pas da slt?
(The inevitable hipsters responce is: Would you please pass the salt?* God, you're so stupid and you're a filthy waste of space because you actually LIKE that manufactured crap that is put out by BIG BUSINESS!, but more on that later. A hipster would also realize that the above sentance isn't actually a sentance, but a question. Because hipsters are ALWAYS right and ALWAYS smarter than EVERYONE.)
Generally, the mainstream kids are liked by everyone (but the hipsters) because they're usually funny and easy to get along with (unless we get to the upper tier of the high-school-popular-kids who are only liked by each other). With these people, you don't often have to worry about them judging you. Hipsters would feel that they DO judge you, but in fact they don't. I was a proud JRocker in high school, as I am today, not because it's "so nonmainstream lolz" but because its actually legitimately good music. No one ever judged me or called me a freak or any of that business because I liked JRock.
Furthermore, mainstream kids can range from very poor to very rich. I generally see mainstream kids as the United Colors of Benetton. There's not a WHOLE lot of discrimination amongst them because there are so many different kinds of mainstream kids (granted, if there was going to be a group TO be prejudiced, it would be the mainstream kids, but I think in this day and age it's becoming less "cool" to hate the blacks because they're black and the gays because they're gay).
But I saw an image online today that pretty much summed up why I hate hipsters.
It was some bitchy probably-fourteen-year-old girl's "about me" on either facebook or myspace and put over her words are flashing words that say "SAME SHIT DIFFERENT STEREOTYPE." This. Is. So. Completely. True. I firmly believe that hipsters (more specifically in high school than in college, but in college just the same) will sit around thinking "What can I do to make those mainstream kids hate me more? I mean after all, we don't do anything to make them hate us except for purposefully sitting around thinking of ways to piss them off and make them hate us." As if we, as mainstream kids, actually hold WBC-esque protests of being hipsters, as if they every play that big of a role in our lives that we go out of our way to piss THEM off. We, I believe, generally don't give a flying fuck what they do. It's generally THEM harassing US because we like to party, we like the songs played on the radio, and we like songs that sound like music and not like whiney bull crap (e.g. Modest Fucking Mouse).
But going back to the image I saw today. It gave a long list of reasons why this person is quote-unquote unique, like some pseudo-philosophic bullshit. She would rather wear skinny jeans and a band t than a dress. She likes shoes, but she doesn't mean Manolo's and Louboutin's she means Chucks and Doc Martins. She would rather spend her money on shows and band merch than handbags and brand-name merchandise. And when she says that music is her life, she MEANS it. She "isn't afraid" to stand up for her favorite band when they get "dissed." (That's another thing. I hate the word diss. It's so high school.) Music is also her "escape." Escape from what, hipster girl? Your mom's Volvo and your comfortably-off life in the suburbs? The fact that you have your own room and the most your mother asks of you is to clean your room every now and then? Yeah, I have those things (not specifically, mind you, but similar things), but like any NORMAL teenager/young adult, I'm THANKFUL to not be living in an insect-infested dung heap just outside of nowhere's ville. I'm THANKFUL that my parents can cook and clean and hold down steady jobs and can provide for my brother and I.
BUT, I SEEM TO HAVE GOTTEN OFF THE BEATEN PATH AGAIN.
The way that hipsters talk, like in the previously mentioned mage, makes them seem like they are deserving of some Nobel Prize for Individuality. You. Are. NOT. Special. Just because you "fight the machine" and "don't support the capatilistic consumerist society" doesn't make you special, and you're not making a difference at all. Because ONE DAY, you WILL become a mother or father. You WILL grow out of this stage. You WILL begin shopping at big name stores for things you NEED rather than what you WANT. It's called being a functioning member of society. Or, you will be a poor scum bag and live off of unemployment and food stamps. There's... no real middle ground.
Long story short, hipsters, is this:
a. You are not special.
b. Just because mainstream kids like name brand things and music on the radio doesn't make us evil.
c. Don't be a grammar Nazi, you're not as smart as you're making yourselves seem.
d. Music might be your "escape," but you don't need to defend your favorite band. They don't care that you're defending them and they wouldn't defend you. Everyone has different tastes in music, and I BET that if you left alone people who like Lady Gaga and Katy Perry, then those people would NEVER think of telling you that Mayday Parade, or whatever shitty Indie bands are "popular" right now, are terrible. And even if they do, who cares, shut the fuck up anyway.
e. Prefering clothes with ironic sayings on it or band t's over expensive clothing doesn't make you Jesus Christ. Try on a pair of Versace shoes. Tell me if it isn't life changing.
Thank you for your time.
Okay, so let me start off with the heresy. The mainstream kids are kind of cool, but in their own minds they're REALLY cool. THAT is what makes them so intolerable. They think that everyone should dab their urine behind their ears as perfume, when really they aren't all that great. The uppermost tier of this group consits of people who are "too cool" to spell properly so that the sentance:
Would you please pass the salt?
Looks like this:
Wud u pls pas da slt?
(The inevitable hipsters responce is: Would you please pass the salt?* God, you're so stupid and you're a filthy waste of space because you actually LIKE that manufactured crap that is put out by BIG BUSINESS!, but more on that later. A hipster would also realize that the above sentance isn't actually a sentance, but a question. Because hipsters are ALWAYS right and ALWAYS smarter than EVERYONE.)
Generally, the mainstream kids are liked by everyone (but the hipsters) because they're usually funny and easy to get along with (unless we get to the upper tier of the high-school-popular-kids who are only liked by each other). With these people, you don't often have to worry about them judging you. Hipsters would feel that they DO judge you, but in fact they don't. I was a proud JRocker in high school, as I am today, not because it's "so nonmainstream lolz" but because its actually legitimately good music. No one ever judged me or called me a freak or any of that business because I liked JRock.
Furthermore, mainstream kids can range from very poor to very rich. I generally see mainstream kids as the United Colors of Benetton. There's not a WHOLE lot of discrimination amongst them because there are so many different kinds of mainstream kids (granted, if there was going to be a group TO be prejudiced, it would be the mainstream kids, but I think in this day and age it's becoming less "cool" to hate the blacks because they're black and the gays because they're gay).
But I saw an image online today that pretty much summed up why I hate hipsters.
It was some bitchy probably-fourteen-year-old girl's "about me" on either facebook or myspace and put over her words are flashing words that say "SAME SHIT DIFFERENT STEREOTYPE." This. Is. So. Completely. True. I firmly believe that hipsters (more specifically in high school than in college, but in college just the same) will sit around thinking "What can I do to make those mainstream kids hate me more? I mean after all, we don't do anything to make them hate us except for purposefully sitting around thinking of ways to piss them off and make them hate us." As if we, as mainstream kids, actually hold WBC-esque protests of being hipsters, as if they every play that big of a role in our lives that we go out of our way to piss THEM off. We, I believe, generally don't give a flying fuck what they do. It's generally THEM harassing US because we like to party, we like the songs played on the radio, and we like songs that sound like music and not like whiney bull crap (e.g. Modest Fucking Mouse).
But going back to the image I saw today. It gave a long list of reasons why this person is quote-unquote unique, like some pseudo-philosophic bullshit. She would rather wear skinny jeans and a band t than a dress. She likes shoes, but she doesn't mean Manolo's and Louboutin's she means Chucks and Doc Martins. She would rather spend her money on shows and band merch than handbags and brand-name merchandise. And when she says that music is her life, she MEANS it. She "isn't afraid" to stand up for her favorite band when they get "dissed." (That's another thing. I hate the word diss. It's so high school.) Music is also her "escape." Escape from what, hipster girl? Your mom's Volvo and your comfortably-off life in the suburbs? The fact that you have your own room and the most your mother asks of you is to clean your room every now and then? Yeah, I have those things (not specifically, mind you, but similar things), but like any NORMAL teenager/young adult, I'm THANKFUL to not be living in an insect-infested dung heap just outside of nowhere's ville. I'm THANKFUL that my parents can cook and clean and hold down steady jobs and can provide for my brother and I.
BUT, I SEEM TO HAVE GOTTEN OFF THE BEATEN PATH AGAIN.
The way that hipsters talk, like in the previously mentioned mage, makes them seem like they are deserving of some Nobel Prize for Individuality. You. Are. NOT. Special. Just because you "fight the machine" and "don't support the capatilistic consumerist society" doesn't make you special, and you're not making a difference at all. Because ONE DAY, you WILL become a mother or father. You WILL grow out of this stage. You WILL begin shopping at big name stores for things you NEED rather than what you WANT. It's called being a functioning member of society. Or, you will be a poor scum bag and live off of unemployment and food stamps. There's... no real middle ground.
Long story short, hipsters, is this:
a. You are not special.
b. Just because mainstream kids like name brand things and music on the radio doesn't make us evil.
c. Don't be a grammar Nazi, you're not as smart as you're making yourselves seem.
d. Music might be your "escape," but you don't need to defend your favorite band. They don't care that you're defending them and they wouldn't defend you. Everyone has different tastes in music, and I BET that if you left alone people who like Lady Gaga and Katy Perry, then those people would NEVER think of telling you that Mayday Parade, or whatever shitty Indie bands are "popular" right now, are terrible. And even if they do, who cares, shut the fuck up anyway.
e. Prefering clothes with ironic sayings on it or band t's over expensive clothing doesn't make you Jesus Christ. Try on a pair of Versace shoes. Tell me if it isn't life changing.
Thank you for your time.