Listen to Your Heart
Title: Listen to Your Heart
Authors: Clayton, Nick & Shane
Pairings: Dean/Sam
Rating: NC17
Warning: Slash, Alternate Universe, Emo Stripper Dean, references to past abusive relationship, drug abuse, suicide attempt, hurt Dean, comforting Sam
Disclaimer: We don't own any of these characters or Supernatural. No harm intended.
Summary: Dean Winchester is a troubled young man working at a strip club. Sam Colt is all set to get married and live the apple pie life when his friends take him to a male stripper as a joke for his bachelor party. Sam is instantly smitten with the beautiful exotic dancer and must make a choice that will alter the course of his life forever.
I know there's something in the wake of your smile
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yeah
you've built a love but that love falls apart
your little piece of heaven turns too dark
listen to your heart
when he's calling for you
listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye
sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile
the precious moments are all lost in the tide, yeah
they're swept away and nothing is what is seems
the feeling of belonging to your dreams
listen to your heart
when he's calling for you
listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye
and there are voices
that want to be heard
so much to mention
but you can't find the words
the scent of magic
the beauty that's been
when love was wilder than the wind
listen to your heart
when he's calling for you
listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye
Listen to your heart....mm..mmm
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye
Listen to Your Heart
You know you look exquisite tonight. Yesterday, you splurged on Mac cosmetics and glitter cause you were feeling dangerously low again. You had driven to the part of town where you could buy something that would numb the pain but you had resisted those old urges that had almost killed you in the past. Instead, you had ended up at the mall buying things to accentuate your beauty. It was, after all, the only thing you had to offer. You looked at yourself in the mirror talking in the playfully tousled golden blond hair, emerald green eyes lined in black and accented with mauve sparkle eyeshadow, perfect cupid bow lips moist with gloss and a light coating of glitter on your cheeks and chest to make sure you sparkled like a diamond under the lights of the stage. You like how the new leather pants mold over your body emphasizing the size of your package and the perfect curve of your ass. Better than mortal man deserves you think as you twirl in front of the mirror.
There have been a lot of men. They all want you but none of them ever gives you want you need. You need them to see past the beautiful exterior to the lost little boy inside who just wants and needs to be loved. You had tried to find something real for so long and you thought you had when Chase came along. It had all started out so perfect like a fairy tale romance. Then you moved in with him and .... No you can't think about that now. You are going to go out on that stage and give this guy who paid for a private dance one hell of a show. You aren't going to think about all the ways Chase broke you. You know who and what you are now. He and all the men after him have made sure of that. You're a beautiful fuck toy made to give and receive pleasure. Fuck it! It's showtime.
You stalk out on the stage eyes locked onto the young man sitting front and center. He smiles at you showing dimples and bright eyes. He looks different from the jaded horny businessmen you usually perform for. You decide to pull out all your tricks and give him something special. You perform a perfect forward flip into the splits then pull yourself up and crawl on all fours like a jungle cat. His eyes are huge as he watches you. He licks his lips nervously and swallows. You could swear he is blushing and this makes you smile. When he sees the smile he looks like Bambi caught in the headlights. You reach him and lean over the edge of the stage your eyes pulling him in like a tractor beam. When he is an inch away, you weave your fingers through his hair and stare into his eyes. He is totally captivated. You're not even sure he's breathing. You lean forward closing the distance and lick his lips. You can feel him tremble and you smile. So easy. Then you press your lips to his for just a second before pulling away. His head follows your movement but you are already dancing again and out of reach. You undulate, sway and twirl. Your back is arched and your toes pointed, as you raise your leg into the air. You hold onto the pole tightly.
His hungry eyes are raking over you, drinking in the sight of your sensual dance. You grip the pole, your body sliding around it and slowly to the floor; legs spreading apart as you glide lower. You can feel the intensity of his gaze as he watches you curve around the pole. You close your eyes and release the pole, sliding to your knees, letting the music move you. You lay back onto the stage, arms above your head like they are being pinned there. You arch your back, curl your toes and moan softly. You hear a noise from him that sounds like a whimper. You know how sexy you look this way arching and moaning, neck exposed and begging to be bitten. You know he's hard and you can feel the shift in the room from his growing lust for you. You roll on your side to look at him pouting prettily and trailing a hand down your body leading his eyes down to the obvious bulge in your pants.
He holds up a fifty dollar bill and you move towards him staring into his lust blown eyes feeling a slight sting of disappointment that he's just like all the others. They all only want one thing. You spring to your feet suddenly and pull at the waist of the leather pants in the exact spots that you know releases the velcro. You hear him gasp as you throw the pants behind you and drop to your knees in front of him wearing a purple satin thong. He pushes the bill into your thong two fingers brushing against your cock sending a bolt of electricity through your body.
“What’s your name?” His eyes hold yours as your undulate and caress yourself in front of him.
“Whatever you want it to be,” you whisper huskily into his ear. You think about asking his, just to find out something about the owner of the intense eyes trailing your every move.
You wait for a moment. No more questions. Your song will end soon. “Time’s almost up.” You stand and move back to the pole, hips swaying, perfectly shaped ass on display . “Any special request?” You take hold of the pole again and let gravity take you, as you spin around it, over and over. He doesn’t say anything, perhaps he's hypnotized by your movements. You raise your other hand and run it over your glistening chest, tracing the glittered patterns across your skin.
“You are amazing.” Soft words. “I love the way you move.”
You smile at this. The voice is nervous. He sounds sweet. “It’s what you paid to see.” You spin again and do another circuit of the stage.
“I-I didn’t. My friends did.” he stammers.
“Birthday present?”
“No um...bachelor party.”
You turn away for a moment; fanfuckingtastic you’re a joke from his friends and you were giving him all your best moves. Quickly you compose yourself, gentle movements as you rotate and roll your hips, arched steps around the stage. You jump against the pole, legs wrapping around the hard metal as you lift yourself from the floor, and let your head fall backwards. You stare at the him through upside down eyes thinking it's not his fault his friends are jerks.
You slide back to the ground as the song ends. “Congratulations,” you toss over your shoulder as the lights go down and you escape back to your dressing room.
-*-*
It’s cold as you step into the alley behind the club. You look towards the main street. It’s as busy as you had imagined, lots of people still prowling the streets as they go from club to club. You’re done for the night; glitter still clings to your skin, and you touched up your make up not even knowing why you bothered. You pull your coat tighter to yourself as you head down the darkened alley, and towards the parking lot out back.
You walk quickly across the open space; there’s only a few cars still parked there. You smile as you spot your own car beneath the only street lamp. You quicken your pace, longer steps to get out of the cold. You hear someone say 'hey' and suddenly stop.
You focus on a tall guy walking toward you. You look back to your car thinking that you should just walk away. You shift your feet nervously as he approaches you. “Hi,” you say softly as you see his dimpled smile.
“I was hoping to find out your name.” he is staring at you intently as he waits for you to speak
"It doesn't matter."
"It matters to me." he looks at you earnestly and your resolve melts a little at the puppy eyes he's giving you.
“My name is Dean.”
His smile gets wider. “Hi Dean, I'm Sam. Would you like to get a coffee?”
You consider the offer. “I shouldn’t.”
“Please?” He looks up at you, a gentle plea from behind those glowing eyes. “ You're the most beautiful man I've ever seen. I really enjoyed watching you dance.”
You lower your head and look up at him under your lashes. “I’m sure you did. Do you make a habit of asking complete strangers out for coffee, Sam?”
He shakes his head. “First time. Honest.” He smiles that smile again.
It’s getting late and you need to eat and shower. You look him up and down. You always have had a thing for lost puppies. “Tell you what. Throw in a slice of pie and I’m all yours.”
His smile widens; eyes bright. “You've got it.”
Hot caramel apple pie a la mode. God, how you love it.
You cross your legs, toe twitching to the imaginary tune in your head as you eat the luscious pie. There’s always music of some sort at the club, and it often gets stuck in your head; the music you dance to, the music in the bar itself, the music on your Ipod as you sit in the back room; a stolen moment for just you when there’s nobody’s eyes watching. Sam's amazing blue, green, gold eyes are laser locked on you. He seems to be enjoying watching you eat and listening to the happy sounds you are making. A dribble of ice cream mixed with caramel oozes down your chin. He reaches across the table and uses his thumb to wipe it away. His eyes never leave yours as he sucks the sweet nectar off his thumb. You gasp and get instantly hard thinking about how he would look licking the precome off your cock. You look in his eyes and see your desire mirrored there. You know you should leave. You know this will end in tears but he gives you that damn dimpled smile again and you are lost.
"How did you become an exotic dancer?'
You eat the last of your pie, licking your lips sensually and look boldly into his eyes. "I don't want to talk about that, Sam."
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"There's no one at home warming up the sheets for me, if that's what you're asking."
Sam sits back; his eyes are still on you, taking in every line of your face. “It's hard to believe someone like you doesn't have one, that's all.”
He says it so earnestly and looks at you with such frank admiration that you honest to God blush. You glance up at the clock. You’re usually home and sitting around in jammy pants and a t-shirt by now with a hot mug of tea or cocoa and a film.
“You need to be somewhere?” He sees you looking, watching as the second hand moves slowly around the circular face.
"No. Do you?"
"I want to be with you, Dean. I want you to come home with me." His hand is on yours and he's giving you the puppy eyes paired with the dimpled smile.
Many have desired you before. You’re a beautiful sensual creature; a siren of a kind, men wanting you with such an incredible force, willing to dash themselves on those proverbial rocks for you, and the chance to have you. You look at Sam. You don’t want that to happen to him. You know you shouldn't. He's getting married for Christ sake but you're always finding ways to destroy yourself, so you say yes. His eyes light up like it's Christmas morning and he got everything he wanted. He's definitely gonna get what he wants and more from you tonight and he knows it. You curse yourself for a fool all the whole way over to his house but it doesn't stop you from following him there.
You excuse yourself to go to the bathroom when you get to the house. You're carrying your leather man bag that is your constant companion. As soon as the door shuts, you lean back against it and take a deep breath. You know what he expects from you and you will give it to him no matter the cost. You take a deep breath and close your eyes allowing yourself to daydream that Sam is in love with you that he wants to be with you for the rest of your life. You smile contentedly at the sweet comfort of his touch and the special smile in his eyes that is only for you. You sigh softly and push off the door. You remind yourself that you're the fuck toy not the fiance. You get prepped for him, touch up your make up and put on your most seductive smile. You're going to make this a night he will never forget.
Five hours later he is spooning you in his king size bed. You are crying silently again. Hating yourself for doing this. You wait until he is deeply asleep then you slip out of bed putting a pillow in his arms to hold. You grab the clothes you folded neatly on the dresser and head for the bathroom. You clean yourself up, crying harder as you see all the places he marked you and claimed you. You pull your clothes on and head to the front door. Something makes you pause and go to the desk in the corner of the great room. You get a sheet of paper and leave him a note.
Sam, enjoy the apple pie life. May it always be sweet as your smile. Dean You place the note on the fridge with a magnet then walk away tears still flowing freely down your shimmering cheeks.
You leave his suburban neighborhood and head back towards the city. The ache inside you making you feel hollowed out. You could head to the area of town that would offer the cure for that ache. The drugs are calling you and you want to answer the call. You want to destroy what's left of you. You fell in love tonight with a man who is getting married tomorrow, no today. You can't go back to your apartment and feel that pain. It's too much and you're not that strong. You drive to Scud's house knowing you have enough money in tips to keep yourself seriously fucked up for the next week until the ache subsides.
You walk into your apartment an hour later and head straight for the shower. You have to wash away his scent before you go insane. After you put on your oldest softest tee and jammy pants. You get out the baggies you bought from Scud. Tonight, you'll take the Xanax so you can sleep. Tomorrow, you'll hit the hard stuff so you can survive the pain.
*******
Ellen knows the moment you walk in the club. Your pupils are huge and you're flirting with every man and woman in the place as you head toward your dressing room. Your make up is thick and heavy. A mask to hide the cheap ugly whore you feel yourself to be. Cas is behind the bar staring at you sadly as you put yourself on display for the patrons. Ellen and Cas exchange a look as you disappear into your dressing room.
You've stripped down to your bikini briefs when you hear the knock at the door. You yell come in and Cas is there. He shuts the door firmly behind him and walks toward you. You don't want to talk or listen so you meet him halfway, grab his face in your hands and kiss him like your life depends on it and maybe it does. Cas struggles with you, pushing against your hips. You throw your arms around his neck and wrap your leg around him pressing your heel sharply against the back of his knee. You both go down with you on top. You pin Cas beneath you and kiss him deeply grinding against him as you feel him harden against you. Cas has been your friend for years and you know you are ruining everything but it doesn't matter. Cas manages to flip you and pin your hands above your head. He breaks the kiss and stares down at you as you arch up under him seeking friction and release.
"I need you to fuck me Cas, right now!"
"Christ, Dean, what the fuck happened?"
Cas looks furious and a part of your soul withers but the cocktail of coke and E that you took makes you brazen. You shove your hand in Cas's pants, grab his cock and start to stroke him as you look him straight in the eye. He grabs your wrist and pulls your hand away.
"Stop it and tell me what's wrong!" Cas demands
"If you're not gonna fuck me, get off me!" You scream at him.
He pulls away from you like he's been burnt. The sadness deepens in his eyes as you get off the floor glaring at him. You turn and start to walk out the door in your briefs. He notices the marks Sam left on your skin as you walk away. He comes after you.
"Where the hell do you think you're going." Cas yells and grabs your arm.
"To find someone to fuck me. Now. let me go!" You try to pull away but Cas won't let you go.
"Dean, please, talk to me."
Now there are tears in Cas's glowing cobalt blue eyes. You break apart at the sight of his tears and start to cry too. Cas folds you gently in his arms and you sob against his neck."I fell in love last night."
"You fell in love? Then, why are you so messed up?" Cas asks softly.
"He got married today." It's all you can force out before the emotion overwhelms you.
"Oh, Dean, I'm so sorry."
Cas holds you tight, rocking you gently and whispering words of comfort. He makes a promise to himself to find the guy who did this to you and fuck him up bad.
You lie to Cas and Ellen telling them you took all the drugs you had. You promise them that you will go home and get some rest. The only genuine thing you say to either of them is I love you as you hug them goodbye. You stop at a liquor store on the way home and buy a bottle of champagne. As soon as you get home, you hit the shower and clean up. You gather all your important papers and put them on the kitchen counter. You want to make this as easy as possible for Ellen and Cas. You write them each a heartfelt letter and find yourself weeping as you seal them in envelopes and label them.
You catch a glimpse of yourself in an etched mirror in the living room. Your lips are still swollen from last night's passionate kisses with Sam. You trace them reverently with your fingertip and remember the electric current that ran through your body at his touch. More tears flow from a seemingly endless well as you turn away from your reflection. You pour all the pills you got last night into a bowl and carry them and the champagne to the bedroom. You prop yourself up on your lovely satin throw pillows and start to drink the champagne out of the bottle and take the pills one by one til they are all gone. Your vision narrows and you see blips of light and shadow at the edge of your vision. The world grays out and your last vision that you cling to as the abyss swallows you is Sam's dimpled smile. That is the image that will accompany you into eternity.
It's Friday night around 10:00 and the club is packed with throngs of people. Some are here to see the girls dance, some are here to see the boys dance and others are here to be seen. Sam pushes trough the door and groans unhappily at the sight of so many people. He has spent the entire day dealing with the fallout from canceling his wedding. He just wants to see you. He wants to tell you he chose you over the apple pie life. He wants to hug you and reassure himself that you aren't just a dream.
Cas watches the pale faced man with red rimmed eyes approach the bar. He looks familiar but Cas thinks, so do a lot of people.
"I need to see Dean. Is he here?" The tall man asks when he reaches the bar.
Cas's blue eyes burn into the young man, "Were you with him last night?"
"Yes, I'm Sam. Did he mention me?" The young man asks hopefully.
"He mentioned you got married today." Cas snarls muscles bunching and clenching as he prepares to launch himself over the bar and teach this pup a lesson.
"No, I didn't. I called off the wedding. I realized after last night the only thing I want is to be with Dean." Sam answers earnestly as he looks into Cas's glowing blue eyes.
Cas reads the truth in Sam's eyes and feels his body relax. Maybe, this is what Dean needs. Sam chose Dean over his carefully planned future. He was here tonight looking for Dean and his eyes lit up when he said Dean's name. Cas decided to give him a chance. He would get Ash and Jo to cover the bar and take Sam to Dean.
*-*-*-
You can feel a hand in your hair, gentle touches curling stray strands of your hair behind your ear. You slowly open your eyes and find the puppy watching you. Oh, God. You weren't supposed to wake up and he shouldn't be here.
"Dean, it's so good to see your eyes again!"
"You shouldn't be here, Sam. You belong with your wife."
"I don't have a wife. I called off the wedding. I belong with you, Dean."
He takes your hand in his and squeezes it as he stares into your eyes. You feel a sense of wonder that he did this for you. He gave up the perfect apple pie life for you. The surge of happiness you feel lights you up from the inside and he is momentarily stunned by your beauty as you smile and your eyes shimmer.
The moment passes all too quickly as you hear Chase's voice in your mind. You honestly think he loves you, Cupcake?! He just isn't done fucking you. I give him six months of pounding your exquisite ass then he'll be running back to his bitch and you'll be right back here again. The light is extinguished with his words and a cold hand clenches around your heart. Chase is right you're just a fuck toy. Men play with you and discard you and he will too. You wish you had never woken up. You close your eyes and fight back the tears.
He squeezes your hand again, "Dean, hey, what's wrong? Baby, please don't cry."
Baby, he called you Baby! You feel yourself break a little more as you realize you are going to give yourself to him for the six months or however long he wants to play with you. You know when he leaves, it will end you. You don't have the strength to survive another heart break. You pull yourself together and offer him a smile at least you can be happy while it lasts. You tell him that you'd like to get some hot caramel apple pie when they release you from the hospital. He laughs and agrees to take you there. His eyes are glowing and he keeps flashing you that dimpled smile that you can't resist.
Cas and Ellen show up a bit later to find the two of you laughing and holding hands. They look at each other and smile hugely. They always wanted to see you happy. You hug them and tell them you love them. Here, now in this moment with Sam, Cas and Ellen around you, you are happy. You don't know how long it will last but you're feeling hopeful. This one last time you'll take the chance and listen to your heart. Laying here, surrounded by the people you love, it feels like the right thing to do.