I like to please people....
so I guess I'll update my journal since Katie said I needed to. I've been feeling kind of blah lately. I explained it pretty well when I was talking to Jay the other night but I know I'll probably lose some of that trying to write it tonight. My last two years at UCF I probably had the largest amount of close friends I've ever had my entire life. People who when they made plans to go out I was one of the first people they thought about to call or when we were going somewhere and taking two cars people who would jump into my car without hesitation. I know it's only been a little less than two months but I already know that I'm not going to have that here. And while it bothers me because I've always had this really strong need for acceptance that doesn't always get filled, I kind of really don't care because these aren't necessary the kind of people I would want to spend all my extra time with. Why put in such an effort to get people to like you and go out and try to make friends if they aren't really the kind of people you want to be friends with. I almost feel like I want people to be cool with me because they are the only options. I mean people here are cool and nice but with the exception of Meghan and Mandy they all have traits that just annoy the hell out of me. Like I hate the fact that whenever we are out in a group the converstion always has to turn to let's talk bad about this one person because we all don't them like them, or the fact that all the guys are just so damn loud and have ego trips if they can't out do each other. It kind of sounds really stuck up but that's the way I feel. Maybe I'm just feeling like I'm not fitting in or I haven't found my niche yet so I'm making excuses to try to make myself feel better. You know that whole bit you did in the fifth grade, "Amy didn't save me a seat at our table in the lunch room today. We can't be best friends anymore." I really don't know. I keep saying that I can't wait to go back to Florida but I know that I would be going through the same thing if I were home. That's just the kind of persong I am. No matter how hard I try to change that I haven't been able to. BLAH!