"long-awaited" update
I've been doing completely better moodwise. My new drug, lamictal, took effect. Now I have a couple of new "issues" which don't actually relate to the brain chemical problems of bipolar disorder.
I have been unmotivated to get out of bed until late into the morning (anywhere from 9:30 to 10:30 most days), though I do get out of bed around 6:30 or 7 to help get the baby ready for daycare. My entire world revolves around the TV that I watch and getting just enough done for my family and the house to keep it going (kitchen clean, dinners, laundry, some straightening up). I don't feel like putting forth the effort into finding a job when I don't know that I can handle it anyway. Yes, I used to work, single-parent, take my kids to hours and hours of activities and lessons, but my personal and working life were full of anger and turmoil. Now my life is generally happy and the only time I am angry is when my preteens act bratty or I become manic somehow. Static.
The second issue is somewhat related. I no longer care to deal with other human beings that are not my family. There are three exceptions to that rule, but I have not been keeping up with those folks as much as is decent either. There seems, from taking my history with friends of all sorts into account, to be no point in being a part of greater society. I have always just wanted that girlfriend to bake holiday cookies with, check out a thrift shop, do crafts together, talk about my day. And the few times I've found that or something similar (like online), it's generally gone wrong. And it happened now twice in the past couple of years and I feel really done trying anymore. These past two relationships were quite obviously not "my fault" in ending, but the result is what matters not whose fault it was.
I haven't posted in a long time. I know many people, such as my family, do not read in order to find out about my internal misworkings. The girls have been doing rather well in school, particularly Rebekah. Both girls are getting involved with something called "Power of the Pen" which sounds like a competition based writing activity. Rebekah might be doing Destination Imagination again this year if the team gets itself organized. They no longer do Girl Scouts. Rebekah decided a couple of weeks ago that she didn't want to do it, and Rachel's troop kind of fell apart this summer. Rachel started Cross Country, a bit late into the season, but kept up with the girls who had been training for longer quite well. She can run better than me at this point!
Alyssa is very verbal, and she's really gotten better at the gross motor skills as well. She's able to run around without falling (much). She sings along with us, she sometimes shows she can count without our prompting to at least 5, and with our help she gets to 20. It's very easy to understand what she's asking for most of the time, though particularly after I pick her up from daycare she regresses into whines and cries. She rocks with me every night before bed for at least 20 minutes, sometimes as much as 40. We talk and sing songs and listen to her Baby Einstein music. We always need to have a cup of milk or cold water, her "super-soft blanky", and then I tuck her into her toddler bed with that blanky and two others that have to be two PARTICULAR others.
I have been unmotivated to get out of bed until late into the morning (anywhere from 9:30 to 10:30 most days), though I do get out of bed around 6:30 or 7 to help get the baby ready for daycare. My entire world revolves around the TV that I watch and getting just enough done for my family and the house to keep it going (kitchen clean, dinners, laundry, some straightening up). I don't feel like putting forth the effort into finding a job when I don't know that I can handle it anyway. Yes, I used to work, single-parent, take my kids to hours and hours of activities and lessons, but my personal and working life were full of anger and turmoil. Now my life is generally happy and the only time I am angry is when my preteens act bratty or I become manic somehow. Static.
The second issue is somewhat related. I no longer care to deal with other human beings that are not my family. There are three exceptions to that rule, but I have not been keeping up with those folks as much as is decent either. There seems, from taking my history with friends of all sorts into account, to be no point in being a part of greater society. I have always just wanted that girlfriend to bake holiday cookies with, check out a thrift shop, do crafts together, talk about my day. And the few times I've found that or something similar (like online), it's generally gone wrong. And it happened now twice in the past couple of years and I feel really done trying anymore. These past two relationships were quite obviously not "my fault" in ending, but the result is what matters not whose fault it was.
I haven't posted in a long time. I know many people, such as my family, do not read in order to find out about my internal misworkings. The girls have been doing rather well in school, particularly Rebekah. Both girls are getting involved with something called "Power of the Pen" which sounds like a competition based writing activity. Rebekah might be doing Destination Imagination again this year if the team gets itself organized. They no longer do Girl Scouts. Rebekah decided a couple of weeks ago that she didn't want to do it, and Rachel's troop kind of fell apart this summer. Rachel started Cross Country, a bit late into the season, but kept up with the girls who had been training for longer quite well. She can run better than me at this point!
Alyssa is very verbal, and she's really gotten better at the gross motor skills as well. She's able to run around without falling (much). She sings along with us, she sometimes shows she can count without our prompting to at least 5, and with our help she gets to 20. It's very easy to understand what she's asking for most of the time, though particularly after I pick her up from daycare she regresses into whines and cries. She rocks with me every night before bed for at least 20 minutes, sometimes as much as 40. We talk and sing songs and listen to her Baby Einstein music. We always need to have a cup of milk or cold water, her "super-soft blanky", and then I tuck her into her toddler bed with that blanky and two others that have to be two PARTICULAR others.