Trading Spouses, Dark Jedi Mind Tricks pt 1
There are several things I know to be fact: Google boy is a doofus(3rd paragraph, more on this at another time), rum is the best alcohol-hands down, ome geek is going to correct my star wars title(well fuck you), and when christianity mixes with schizophrenics hilarity ensues.
Things start out with music straight out of halloween with aggressive bass notes. Instantly I know these ppl are crazy. Ah the Perrins, a simple Louisiana family, very "christian-minded". And we meet mamma Perrin(Magaret) who looks like Big Mamma Grape(BMG) from What's Eating Gilbert Grape. During first introductions she comes across as fairly normal, despite the hugely abnormal gap in her teeth. Next comes her husband, a very passive person, who says he is the "handy man, pool boy, yard boy, trash and stuff, uh... I myself have only had one sexual partner in my life, and that's my wife, not that that's anything to be proud of..." you said it all right there. Cut to BMG demanding he fix this and do that. He does it, of course, whatever it takes to make her happy. Ashley(23) is the eldest daughter who bosses her younger sister(Brooke) constantly. Brooke is the youngest daughter(13, I think), who is a sweet girl possibly the only normal person in the family. She tells the camera she is constantly being yelled at by her mom and sister while pity me music plays in the background. I feel for you brooke, seriously. Punch your sister in the mouth, let out some of that angst. And then we have Ashley's daughter(7, probably) who is adorable. Hopefully she doesn't end up anything like her grandma...
BMG is rocking on the porch, "thank you Lord, I really felt you last night..." where is the FCC-- blantantly eroto-theistic-philia. Come on. She declares she can hear God, no shit- I call it my inner dialogue but whatever. "Dear jesus, I forgot something.. please help me remember! Thank you lord." Ok, so God is basically 411 for the fucking dumb. Good to know. We used to electroshock people like her, whatever happened to that? Less God talking and more electricity I say.
Happy la la music plays as the camera pans across a pond and a show a white hippie commune. Across the screen it says the Flisher Family, and then you see a lava lamp. Uh-oh, I smell hippies. The Flisher mamma says she doesn't believe in living a conventional lifestyle, "I'm a spiritual person, I'm very open minded to a lot of different non-traditional things"
Ok, I'm going to take a moment and reflect on the abuse of the phrase, open-minded. A catch phrase for the majority of new-agers. Because you have whacked out beliefs, does not make you open-minded, it makes you naive. Furthermore, because you subscribe to these beliefs, you are not superior to others because you allow yourself to believe crazy bullshit. If I believed charles manson was a God, and you dismissed that belief are you then close-minded to my vastly open minded mindedness tremendous belief in the deity that is Chuck?
Moving on, she believes in astrology, feng shui, and past life regression. She has been a certified hypnotherapist for 15 years. I think at this point, she isn't a con artist, she genuinely believer her own Bullshit. Whatever. She is person who likes to connect with people, that's cool. I don't. Now she is in a session with a client and what shows up but dowsing rods. She shows the client how to use them: hold them out and repeat, yes-no-yes-no, and they spin in circles. Our poor client has problems, hers are not spinning, New Age Woman(NAW) shows her again how it is supposed to work, presto it works. Fucking Magic or leading the witness....you decide.
Cut to NAW's husband, Chris, who is an astrologist. NAW and Chris run a national radio show. Congrats. He is happy that NAW is an aries, otherwise her vagina would be a penis and they could no longer be together. Plus I think she would devour babies or some shit like that. Actually, I'm making stuff up that is a lot more intersting than what is actually said.
Ok, I'm stopping for tonight. Whenever the show cuts to a commercial we see a preview of the end of the show where BMG flips out about the Flisher's constant abuse of the Dark-side. The clip they show is awsome though. Stay tuned to read my review of their edited version of BMG losing her mind. Good stuff.
Things start out with music straight out of halloween with aggressive bass notes. Instantly I know these ppl are crazy. Ah the Perrins, a simple Louisiana family, very "christian-minded". And we meet mamma Perrin(Magaret) who looks like Big Mamma Grape(BMG) from What's Eating Gilbert Grape. During first introductions she comes across as fairly normal, despite the hugely abnormal gap in her teeth. Next comes her husband, a very passive person, who says he is the "handy man, pool boy, yard boy, trash and stuff, uh... I myself have only had one sexual partner in my life, and that's my wife, not that that's anything to be proud of..." you said it all right there. Cut to BMG demanding he fix this and do that. He does it, of course, whatever it takes to make her happy. Ashley(23) is the eldest daughter who bosses her younger sister(Brooke) constantly. Brooke is the youngest daughter(13, I think), who is a sweet girl possibly the only normal person in the family. She tells the camera she is constantly being yelled at by her mom and sister while pity me music plays in the background. I feel for you brooke, seriously. Punch your sister in the mouth, let out some of that angst. And then we have Ashley's daughter(7, probably) who is adorable. Hopefully she doesn't end up anything like her grandma...
BMG is rocking on the porch, "thank you Lord, I really felt you last night..." where is the FCC-- blantantly eroto-theistic-philia. Come on. She declares she can hear God, no shit- I call it my inner dialogue but whatever. "Dear jesus, I forgot something.. please help me remember! Thank you lord." Ok, so God is basically 411 for the fucking dumb. Good to know. We used to electroshock people like her, whatever happened to that? Less God talking and more electricity I say.
Happy la la music plays as the camera pans across a pond and a show a white hippie commune. Across the screen it says the Flisher Family, and then you see a lava lamp. Uh-oh, I smell hippies. The Flisher mamma says she doesn't believe in living a conventional lifestyle, "I'm a spiritual person, I'm very open minded to a lot of different non-traditional things"
Ok, I'm going to take a moment and reflect on the abuse of the phrase, open-minded. A catch phrase for the majority of new-agers. Because you have whacked out beliefs, does not make you open-minded, it makes you naive. Furthermore, because you subscribe to these beliefs, you are not superior to others because you allow yourself to believe crazy bullshit. If I believed charles manson was a God, and you dismissed that belief are you then close-minded to my vastly open minded mindedness tremendous belief in the deity that is Chuck?
Moving on, she believes in astrology, feng shui, and past life regression. She has been a certified hypnotherapist for 15 years. I think at this point, she isn't a con artist, she genuinely believer her own Bullshit. Whatever. She is person who likes to connect with people, that's cool. I don't. Now she is in a session with a client and what shows up but dowsing rods. She shows the client how to use them: hold them out and repeat, yes-no-yes-no, and they spin in circles. Our poor client has problems, hers are not spinning, New Age Woman(NAW) shows her again how it is supposed to work, presto it works. Fucking Magic or leading the witness....you decide.
Cut to NAW's husband, Chris, who is an astrologist. NAW and Chris run a national radio show. Congrats. He is happy that NAW is an aries, otherwise her vagina would be a penis and they could no longer be together. Plus I think she would devour babies or some shit like that. Actually, I'm making stuff up that is a lot more intersting than what is actually said.
Ok, I'm stopping for tonight. Whenever the show cuts to a commercial we see a preview of the end of the show where BMG flips out about the Flisher's constant abuse of the Dark-side. The clip they show is awsome though. Stay tuned to read my review of their edited version of BMG losing her mind. Good stuff.