Happy 10th Birthday Logan
Hey!~
Today is my son, Logan's birthday.
Logan would have been 10 years old today. I can't beleive he's been gone 9 years now.
It kills me that I miss these times with him. I wish things would have been different. I wish he was here with me, with us. He has a little brother and sister that will never know him. I know he is an angel watching over all of us. I know he is with my Dad, Chad;s Dad and our Grandparents. And I can't wait for the day when we can all be together again!
This is also a very lonely path to be on. I often feel as though I'm in a "grief/pain bubble" every day, looking out at the rest of the world as it passes by, wishing I had my son back and could join them.
You would of been ten, we know your kisses are heaven sent. your mother and I remember back when you were first born the immense love we felt but also the sadness of what happened with the cards we were dealt, When you left us I felt like I was emotionally inside an enclosed tent of darkness with no way out, thankful to be blessed with a stout heart I eventually grew stronger and ripped that place apart escaping that dark fate only to try and create happiness again within me and your mothers life us beating all the odds and strife we made it my beautiful wife. We always think of you with love and sentiment, in the beginning it was hard to move on with positive intent. Days were spent thinking of you every moment time was an illusion when dealing with the constant conclusion of your death left me spiritually wreaked being the underdog against evil it seemed one sided, blinded by pain barley holding on to staying sane I was in an endless down pour of emotional rain. only tears filled my blindness as I yelled and screamed in silence. Looking back time almost stood still when you passed as if I was looking through a mask behind a sheet of thin glass enough to think I could break through and move on but strong enough to keep me trapped at the moment so I had to stay patient and postpone it.
With life's toughest trials one can face losing a child, feeling spiritually erased inside nothing but immense darkness to collide against. This left a chip on my shoulder it felt like for a time I was carrying a huge boulder stacked on my back, at times I thought I was going to break I knew laying down would be a spiritual mistake so I kept pressing through until I blew a whole outside the other end of that dark tunnel because I refused to bend. Thinking back I can't believe your mother and I made it through it all, knowing that when you fall you can get back up again and mend, since than time has seemed to of gone by so fast with having your little brother and sister to chase after. My days are filled with lots of love and laughter. Just wish I could hold you physically once more id pick you up high and let you sore with the beautiful sky above the both of us smiling . Id watch you above me as you smiled looking down id fix any frown before lowering you gently to the ground, like a prince with the most beautiful crown. In another life my son will all be together having fun, until than I know your watching from up above with nothing but pure love shining down chasing any darkness from around. I'm grateful and blessed for the life I have and will make the most of every moment with your mother, little brother and sister. This might be the last poem I ever wright personally to you son, who knows but all never forget you or lose site of the important things in life like my children and wife. All the poems I've ever wrote I quote, never took death well and through my writings all let my stories unfold because i'm just an old soul. All let it be told what happened until I fell its the last chapter. Maybe i'm done with the portion of this book in life, or I might take another look one day. Love you always Logan, your father.
You can vist Logan's memoral page & wish him Happy Birthday by
lighting a candle in his honor. I'm sure he would like that.
http://logan-stclair.last-memories.com/
Today is my son, Logan's birthday.
Logan would have been 10 years old today. I can't beleive he's been gone 9 years now.
It kills me that I miss these times with him. I wish things would have been different. I wish he was here with me, with us. He has a little brother and sister that will never know him. I know he is an angel watching over all of us. I know he is with my Dad, Chad;s Dad and our Grandparents. And I can't wait for the day when we can all be together again!
This is also a very lonely path to be on. I often feel as though I'm in a "grief/pain bubble" every day, looking out at the rest of the world as it passes by, wishing I had my son back and could join them.
You would of been ten, we know your kisses are heaven sent. your mother and I remember back when you were first born the immense love we felt but also the sadness of what happened with the cards we were dealt, When you left us I felt like I was emotionally inside an enclosed tent of darkness with no way out, thankful to be blessed with a stout heart I eventually grew stronger and ripped that place apart escaping that dark fate only to try and create happiness again within me and your mothers life us beating all the odds and strife we made it my beautiful wife. We always think of you with love and sentiment, in the beginning it was hard to move on with positive intent. Days were spent thinking of you every moment time was an illusion when dealing with the constant conclusion of your death left me spiritually wreaked being the underdog against evil it seemed one sided, blinded by pain barley holding on to staying sane I was in an endless down pour of emotional rain. only tears filled my blindness as I yelled and screamed in silence. Looking back time almost stood still when you passed as if I was looking through a mask behind a sheet of thin glass enough to think I could break through and move on but strong enough to keep me trapped at the moment so I had to stay patient and postpone it.
With life's toughest trials one can face losing a child, feeling spiritually erased inside nothing but immense darkness to collide against. This left a chip on my shoulder it felt like for a time I was carrying a huge boulder stacked on my back, at times I thought I was going to break I knew laying down would be a spiritual mistake so I kept pressing through until I blew a whole outside the other end of that dark tunnel because I refused to bend. Thinking back I can't believe your mother and I made it through it all, knowing that when you fall you can get back up again and mend, since than time has seemed to of gone by so fast with having your little brother and sister to chase after. My days are filled with lots of love and laughter. Just wish I could hold you physically once more id pick you up high and let you sore with the beautiful sky above the both of us smiling . Id watch you above me as you smiled looking down id fix any frown before lowering you gently to the ground, like a prince with the most beautiful crown. In another life my son will all be together having fun, until than I know your watching from up above with nothing but pure love shining down chasing any darkness from around. I'm grateful and blessed for the life I have and will make the most of every moment with your mother, little brother and sister. This might be the last poem I ever wright personally to you son, who knows but all never forget you or lose site of the important things in life like my children and wife. All the poems I've ever wrote I quote, never took death well and through my writings all let my stories unfold because i'm just an old soul. All let it be told what happened until I fell its the last chapter. Maybe i'm done with the portion of this book in life, or I might take another look one day. Love you always Logan, your father.
You can vist Logan's memoral page & wish him Happy Birthday by
lighting a candle in his honor. I'm sure he would like that.
http://logan-stclair.last-memories.com/