(no subject)
I took a silly personality test.
I never would have dreamed of putting stuff about it on here, but I thought that I found what I already knew about myself to interest me most.
It was a pretty in-depth one. And it had lots of categories and all this fun stuff. Anyway, at the bottom of the description, it gives you bars telling you how you scored in each separate category. I found it funny that I scored a 4 (Four) out of 100 (One-Hundred) in the Masculinity section. While I got a nice 88 out of 100 in the Femininity category. In fact, the only thing I scored lower in than Masculinity was Authoritarianism. Just barely.
Anyway, the thingy is here. That's my whole report. I think it would be fun if you took it, too. And you showed me your whole report thingy. Because it's interesting to me. :/
Okay. Um.
I don't think I'm going to write an entry.
No, I think I am.
Things have been all right.
I'm doing fairly well in school.
So far, at least.
I'm getting my work done. All of it. Most of it. The only time I haven't done homework is when I had no idea it was assigned. Once. I don't understand being old. I honestly have not grown out of being a little kid. Like, completely in the way I think. I dunno. Anyway. It's weird that I would be driving and being older than people.
I often wonder how people who are much younger than I am look at me, and I wonder if they look at me how I would have looked at me when I was young. It scares me sometimes, but I think I'm often hoping people do.
Um. Working at Good Will has been fairly nice. I'm still pretty shy around all the people there, because there's really not a single person working there who I would normally really talk to much. But I'm still friendly with everyone there, which is pretty good and stuff. I just find it hard to completely be myself sometimes.
My feet have been sweating really bad lately. I know it's kinda weird to bring it up, but my shoes have started to smell horrible. Which I'm really sad about. I mean, the whole reason I decided to get new shoes a back in like June or whenever was because my Converses started smelling really bad.
Well, they've got those Purple and Black checkered Vans at Zumiez. I could possibly buy those. Or something. I don't know, but if my shoes continue to smell, even after I try a ton of things to make them not smell, I'm gonna have to buy new ones. I can't stand my shoes smelling all the time.
That was off track. Whatever.
I can't stand the new Creative Writing teacher. I really can't. She has no personality. And she has no power to think outside the box. And she has no drive as a person. I mean, don't get me wrong, she seems to be a very nice lady. Butttt, she shouldn't be teaching a creative writing class.
Ummmm.
I have to start caring about college. Part of me hates that. That I'm not a little kid anymore. I have to be grown up. But.. I know for a fact that I am grown up. I don't know. It's like, I know that I'm grown up, and, in my own opinion, quite matured, but I still feel like I should be a little kid. I've been a kid all my life. It's what I know to do. But not anymore, I guess. It's like I've grown up an incredible amount without even noticing. I have really grown a lot in.. I don't know. Since last week. Since a year ago. Since I was actually a little kid. I think I've grown more in my entire life in the past, let's say.. Two years, than I have in my entire life all together. I really have grown to be what I like; what I am completely content with. What I never could be before I couldn't realize what I was, but what I always have been.
Does that not make sense? It makes perfect sense to me. But that's because I know me and my mind. Tell me if it makes no sense. I'm sure I could explain it much better.
Umm. I'll pretty much explain it now, I think.
I'm really happy with who I am. Really. When I was younger, I never was. I was never okay with just being.. myself. With just being Eddie. Being nice, and blah blah blah. Just three years ago, even. I wanted to be cool. I wanted to be cool and have everything. But now I know that being 'cool' gets you nowhere. And I've noticed that it's far more respectable to be able to be what you truly are.
I don't think anyone truly wants to be tough and cool. I believe people are completely insecure with themselves, to the point where they completely mask that with being tough. I think everyone really wants to be nice. Everyone really wants to be good. But people want more to fit in. And that destroys people. What I was younger, I didn't fit in most when I tried to fit in. People will make absolute fools of themselves, because they are desperate to be liked. Everyone wants to be liked. I love to be liked. I love to be cared about. But it's in realizing that it's YOU who you want to be liked, not some facade you create, that will really bring happiness and acceptance. Some people die with that facade still up as the person they were. Some people never realize that we were not meant to be that. We're all humans, and we have more intense and extravagant emotions that we were made to express. We were never made to hide them behind.. Anything.
What the hell am I saying. Why the hell am I saying what I'm saying.
I don't know. Most people probably aren't reading this.
What the hell am I trying to say.
Be content with yourself. We were all made individuals. We all think. We all have emotions. Breathe them. Be who you truly are. Being a hotshot will get you nowhere. Being a good person. Being nice. Being honest. Being caring. This will grant you happiness. The simplest animals show each other what they are feeling. Yet our complex minds, capable of feeling and expressing and understanding such intense emotions, are also far too capable of finding excuses to mask such things.
Umm.
Fuck.
I don't know what got me into that.
I'm pretty sure I'm done.
I wrote the same thing I always write, I think.
It's almost midnight, and I started this almost exactly fifty minutes ago. And I am bleeding.
Goodnight.
Edit. It's twelve twenty.
I meant to put this somewhere, but I never got a chance to, and I forgot.
I had a really nice night last night. Saturday night. Whatever. Anyway. I got out of work at around eight forty. I drove to go to Cromwell, where AJ was working at Stopnshop till around 9:30. I took the wrong turn onto Route 9, and I ended up in Higganum. I found my way back and arrived at Stopnshop around ten after nine. I found AJ inside and I talked to him for a little. I bought some chocolate pretzels, and we left there around 9:25. He told me he wanted to go over to Blockbuster and buy Nick a birthday present from there. I wanted to go to Wal-Mart for his present, so we went to Blockbuster, each bought a game for him, and then we went over to Wal-Mart, where I bought Nick a lot of pickles, and AJ got him rainbow Twizzzzlers. While we were there, Bryan called, home once again, wanting us to go to his house and stuff. I told him I couldn't. AJ told him he might be able to. We walked out into the parking lot, and we sat around for about ten minutes, talking and stuff. First about religion, because I didn't want to go to Bryan's because I knew I would end up staying there, and then I would go to church, and then I would be forced into going to Confirmation Class, which I very much do not wish to attend, because I believe it's unnecessary, and it's a commitment I am not at all wishful to make. AJ and I talked in depth about religion, and then about politics, and then about school and AJ's situation and stuff. We were both thirsty, and Wal-Mart was closed anyway. We decided to drive over to Cumberland Farms. We bought Icees and sat outside drinking them and talking more about religion and life and then about random stuff we talk about all the time; Pokemon, AJ's hideous car wreck, life, people, etc. Around eleven , we had been done with our icees, and AJ was thirsty again. We went inside Cumberland Farms, and we bought ice cream. I got Snickers, he got Twix. the ice cream ones. we went back outside, and we ate them. And we talked, and we went and bought Dr. Peppers. We finally decided we should go home. I got home around Midnight.
That's probably what I like most about AJ. Him and I can just sit around and talk for hours. It's really nice.
That sounds really dumb, now that I think about it. But it was a really nice time.
I'm really gonna go to bed now. I think. Fuck.
("CURRENT MUSIC:Paranoid Android-Radiohead")
I never would have dreamed of putting stuff about it on here, but I thought that I found what I already knew about myself to interest me most.
It was a pretty in-depth one. And it had lots of categories and all this fun stuff. Anyway, at the bottom of the description, it gives you bars telling you how you scored in each separate category. I found it funny that I scored a 4 (Four) out of 100 (One-Hundred) in the Masculinity section. While I got a nice 88 out of 100 in the Femininity category. In fact, the only thing I scored lower in than Masculinity was Authoritarianism. Just barely.
Anyway, the thingy is here. That's my whole report. I think it would be fun if you took it, too. And you showed me your whole report thingy. Because it's interesting to me. :/
Okay. Um.
I don't think I'm going to write an entry.
No, I think I am.
Things have been all right.
I'm doing fairly well in school.
So far, at least.
I'm getting my work done. All of it. Most of it. The only time I haven't done homework is when I had no idea it was assigned. Once. I don't understand being old. I honestly have not grown out of being a little kid. Like, completely in the way I think. I dunno. Anyway. It's weird that I would be driving and being older than people.
I often wonder how people who are much younger than I am look at me, and I wonder if they look at me how I would have looked at me when I was young. It scares me sometimes, but I think I'm often hoping people do.
Um. Working at Good Will has been fairly nice. I'm still pretty shy around all the people there, because there's really not a single person working there who I would normally really talk to much. But I'm still friendly with everyone there, which is pretty good and stuff. I just find it hard to completely be myself sometimes.
My feet have been sweating really bad lately. I know it's kinda weird to bring it up, but my shoes have started to smell horrible. Which I'm really sad about. I mean, the whole reason I decided to get new shoes a back in like June or whenever was because my Converses started smelling really bad.
Well, they've got those Purple and Black checkered Vans at Zumiez. I could possibly buy those. Or something. I don't know, but if my shoes continue to smell, even after I try a ton of things to make them not smell, I'm gonna have to buy new ones. I can't stand my shoes smelling all the time.
That was off track. Whatever.
I can't stand the new Creative Writing teacher. I really can't. She has no personality. And she has no power to think outside the box. And she has no drive as a person. I mean, don't get me wrong, she seems to be a very nice lady. Butttt, she shouldn't be teaching a creative writing class.
Ummmm.
I have to start caring about college. Part of me hates that. That I'm not a little kid anymore. I have to be grown up. But.. I know for a fact that I am grown up. I don't know. It's like, I know that I'm grown up, and, in my own opinion, quite matured, but I still feel like I should be a little kid. I've been a kid all my life. It's what I know to do. But not anymore, I guess. It's like I've grown up an incredible amount without even noticing. I have really grown a lot in.. I don't know. Since last week. Since a year ago. Since I was actually a little kid. I think I've grown more in my entire life in the past, let's say.. Two years, than I have in my entire life all together. I really have grown to be what I like; what I am completely content with. What I never could be before I couldn't realize what I was, but what I always have been.
Does that not make sense? It makes perfect sense to me. But that's because I know me and my mind. Tell me if it makes no sense. I'm sure I could explain it much better.
Umm. I'll pretty much explain it now, I think.
I'm really happy with who I am. Really. When I was younger, I never was. I was never okay with just being.. myself. With just being Eddie. Being nice, and blah blah blah. Just three years ago, even. I wanted to be cool. I wanted to be cool and have everything. But now I know that being 'cool' gets you nowhere. And I've noticed that it's far more respectable to be able to be what you truly are.
I don't think anyone truly wants to be tough and cool. I believe people are completely insecure with themselves, to the point where they completely mask that with being tough. I think everyone really wants to be nice. Everyone really wants to be good. But people want more to fit in. And that destroys people. What I was younger, I didn't fit in most when I tried to fit in. People will make absolute fools of themselves, because they are desperate to be liked. Everyone wants to be liked. I love to be liked. I love to be cared about. But it's in realizing that it's YOU who you want to be liked, not some facade you create, that will really bring happiness and acceptance. Some people die with that facade still up as the person they were. Some people never realize that we were not meant to be that. We're all humans, and we have more intense and extravagant emotions that we were made to express. We were never made to hide them behind.. Anything.
What the hell am I saying. Why the hell am I saying what I'm saying.
I don't know. Most people probably aren't reading this.
What the hell am I trying to say.
Be content with yourself. We were all made individuals. We all think. We all have emotions. Breathe them. Be who you truly are. Being a hotshot will get you nowhere. Being a good person. Being nice. Being honest. Being caring. This will grant you happiness. The simplest animals show each other what they are feeling. Yet our complex minds, capable of feeling and expressing and understanding such intense emotions, are also far too capable of finding excuses to mask such things.
Umm.
Fuck.
I don't know what got me into that.
I'm pretty sure I'm done.
I wrote the same thing I always write, I think.
It's almost midnight, and I started this almost exactly fifty minutes ago. And I am bleeding.
Goodnight.
Edit. It's twelve twenty.
I meant to put this somewhere, but I never got a chance to, and I forgot.
I had a really nice night last night. Saturday night. Whatever. Anyway. I got out of work at around eight forty. I drove to go to Cromwell, where AJ was working at Stopnshop till around 9:30. I took the wrong turn onto Route 9, and I ended up in Higganum. I found my way back and arrived at Stopnshop around ten after nine. I found AJ inside and I talked to him for a little. I bought some chocolate pretzels, and we left there around 9:25. He told me he wanted to go over to Blockbuster and buy Nick a birthday present from there. I wanted to go to Wal-Mart for his present, so we went to Blockbuster, each bought a game for him, and then we went over to Wal-Mart, where I bought Nick a lot of pickles, and AJ got him rainbow Twizzzzlers. While we were there, Bryan called, home once again, wanting us to go to his house and stuff. I told him I couldn't. AJ told him he might be able to. We walked out into the parking lot, and we sat around for about ten minutes, talking and stuff. First about religion, because I didn't want to go to Bryan's because I knew I would end up staying there, and then I would go to church, and then I would be forced into going to Confirmation Class, which I very much do not wish to attend, because I believe it's unnecessary, and it's a commitment I am not at all wishful to make. AJ and I talked in depth about religion, and then about politics, and then about school and AJ's situation and stuff. We were both thirsty, and Wal-Mart was closed anyway. We decided to drive over to Cumberland Farms. We bought Icees and sat outside drinking them and talking more about religion and life and then about random stuff we talk about all the time; Pokemon, AJ's hideous car wreck, life, people, etc. Around eleven , we had been done with our icees, and AJ was thirsty again. We went inside Cumberland Farms, and we bought ice cream. I got Snickers, he got Twix. the ice cream ones. we went back outside, and we ate them. And we talked, and we went and bought Dr. Peppers. We finally decided we should go home. I got home around Midnight.
That's probably what I like most about AJ. Him and I can just sit around and talk for hours. It's really nice.
That sounds really dumb, now that I think about it. But it was a really nice time.
I'm really gonna go to bed now. I think. Fuck.
("CURRENT MUSIC:Paranoid Android-Radiohead")