(no subject)
So it's a little past four in the morning, despite what my mother's laptop wants to say, for some reason. Anyway, I wrote this in Cape Cod.. because I'm back now and everything. I hope you'll greatly enjoy it, I think.
I'm writing this in Notepad. Kinda funny, since I never write much anything at all in Notepad. My mom got a new laptop a couple weeks ago or so, and so she still hasn't put everything on yet, so she lacks Microsoft Word, and that means that I lack Microsoft Word.
It's Thursday night. Last year at about the middle of vacation I wrote up a livejournal entry, originally not intended for Livejournal, just for myself, but I ended up deciding that I wished for it to go there. There was really not much point to it sitting on my mom's laptop. Right? Right. Anyway, I decided that I liked that. Not writing about the whole thing afterwards, but right while I'm in everything. This is pretty much the end of my vacation. I think my family's going to come back to Connecticut late Friday night, as apposed to Saturday afternoon, which I'm not incredibly pleased about, but my cousin's grandmother on the other side of the family died, and I guess my parents are going to go to her funeral or wake or something, Saturday morning. I'm not sure if I'm going to go yet. I probably will, but I never knew her much, so I dunno. I might just go to talk to my cousins and aunt and stuff, because I feel sorry for them. Anyway, this won't be read until all of that's gone past, so whatever.
But yeah. It's thursday today. I rather enjoyed this vacation, despite the fact that it went by incredibly fast. I knew it would straight from last saturday, which didn't really exist much, due to the fact that I spent a great amount of it dozing off. I knew that the fact that my sister and her boyfriend coming on WEDNESDAY, the middle of the week, would separate the week and make it seem faster. That's how I lived through school though, separating it by Wednesday, and that's how I get through it or something. Anyway, I don't quite feel like going over my entire week, everything I've done, but I should say some things I've done, yeah? Today I went golfing for the first time in about.. well, close to a year at least. I actually did rather well. I think I do better without practice, because I don't have to sit there and worry about doing certain things right and wrong, when I really know how to do everything right if I don't think about it too much. But yeah, I felt it would certainly make the day to my dad to go golfing with him. We're getting better, the relationship between him and I, but I still feel wildly uncomfortable with him compared to with my mom. But it could just be the fact that being in Cape Cod puts him in a good mood. I don't feel like talking much deeper into that though. Butum.. When we were golfing, we met this kid while we were waiting for the group ahead of us, and he decided to join us. He was a year younger than I am. Incredibly polite and nice and stuff, which I felt was really cool. He goes to a 20,000 dollar a year high school, goes to a yacht club, plays golf every day, and all this stuff. Really wealthy, which is why I thought it was really awesome that he was so nice and everything. Of course, I think anyone who's not an asshole's nice, really, but he was really polite and stuff. I dunno. Anyway.
I saw something horrifying after we were done golfing. My dad and I went to CVS to get some drinks, and after we bought stuff, my dad went over to the ATM, and I stood around, inside CVS still, and I noticed like 8 bucks or something on the ground. And I went over it, and I was gonna ask around who's it was, even though I was pretty sure it was my dad's, and some little kid with his mom picked it up first and asked her what he should do with it. The kid's mom took the money and shoved it in her purse. I asked my dad if he was missing any money, and it was in fact his. I could tell by the way it was rolled up. Eh. Whatever.
So yeah. I read Harry Potter. I liked it. I didn't like that a good part of the story was basically the Holocaust with magic, but what can I say? It was pretty good. I think part of that wiped some of my time here out, but whatever. I don't read enough anyway.
I had my parents bring me to P-town, and it was a lot of fun. My mom and I went to a lot of fun stores, my dad didn't really go in as many, and he sat down for a long time while we went and walked down the street and things. I only bought two things there, outside of tea. I bought two very nice feather boa things. And I bought a nice rainbow belt at the flea market the day before. And I got some really nice socks the day before that. And I spent a lot of money on Pokemon cards.
Big Surprise.
I didn't get much good.
Big Surprise.
I've been enjoying being all by my lonesome and stuff. There are a lot of pretty amazing people around the cape though. A lot of people who I wish I could talk to and stuff, but what am I supposed to do, just go up and start talking to random people, be like "Hey, I was walking with my parents, and I saw you, and you looked pretty amazing, so I thought I'd come talk to you." Eh, whatever. By people, I mostly mean girls. I've realized lately that, from afar, I really don't like a good percentage of males, even though most of my friends who I know in person are guys, but a lot of guys just come off as total jackasses when I look at them. But if I talk to someone for just a short while, I almost always think that the person is nice, just because that's really how I see people, honestly. My parents have been saying so much more often now that they think I'm gay, with the love for rainbows and a bit more femenimity (what?) that most guys will like to show, but the real problem with the theory is that I don't like men. I just said it in this paragraph. But hey, let people think what they want.
I had some trouble with that last paragraph, trying not to sound like too much of an idiot, but I'm sure I did. I wanted to get those thoughts out, though, and I don't think I could have very well without looking like a dumbass. Anyway.
I had a pretty amazing experience last nightt. Wednesday night. I was sitting around, and my mom and I were playing Solitaire together on this laptop here, and I told her I was gonna go for a walk, and so I went and got my phone and went on the mobile IM thing, and Monica IMed me. So I was walking around on the streets, and I was just looking down at the phone, talking to Monica, because I'm kinda slow at it, so I have to keep all my attention on the phone and texting and stuff. I looked up every once in a while, but it was really dark anyway. But I had my CD player with me, and my battery died, because I forgot to get new AA batteries, and so.. I kept walking and stuff, and my CD player went off, and I stubbed my toe and it hurt, and I walked into a fence, but anyway, then I heard waves, and I looked up, and I was about fifteen feet away from the ocean. And I barely even realized it. I mean, I think I knew where I was going, but I didn't realize it was gonna come right up on me. And I stopped and stared at it. The moon shone off of it, and every once in a while, when the clouds moved away, I thought it looked like a lighthouse, how bright it shone off. And I eventually took a step forward to find myself completely in sand. What an experience. I dropped what I was saying to tell Monica all about it, what I just said here pretty much, but it took me way long, since texting is effing slow.
Last year, I sorta felt, ignoring my friends in real life, that I missed Monica and Jill and Sarah a lot, and they missed me and stuff, but this year, I don't really feel like there's anyone who really misses me a ton, to the point where it would be really exciting for them when I get back, and it makes me feel a bit lonely. But.. I'm sure I'm just being a bad friend and forgetting about people. Hm. But that brings up another point, which I've said tons of times before, and which I should probably not repeat, especially since it makes me feel like an idiot each time I say it, but eh. Yeah. It never seems like most people really like me as much as I like them. Outside of like, hell, I think only two people, really. AJ and Zack.
I have to pee. Gimme a sec.
Okay, so I'm done peeing.
Anyway, but then there brings something else up. The fact that I hate when people try to follow me. And I'm mostly talking about Nick, now. Because I am aware that he does indeed like me a lot, but he does it the wrong way. It seems like he just wants to like.. Do the things I'm doing. Which I know is a sign of respect, which I enjoy after the fact that he was close enough to being more ready to spit at me than shake my hand at one point a few months ago, but really. I enjoy that I have a good mutual friendship with most of my friends. I mean, I like that Zack is really into music, which I like, and not as much into video games as I am, and AJ's really into video games like I am, and not as much into music. And they're just being themselves, and I like it and stuff, but with Nick, it seems like he wants to really more follow me. I mean, it's nice to know that he respects who I am so, but I mean, when I first met him, for a long time, he was just himself, and I was just myself, and we were friends. He enjoyed what he enjoyed; I enjoyed what I enjoyed. But.. I mean, I love giving people more music, but he just wants to listen to what I'm listening to. When I'm doing something he seems to recognize as pretty cool, he wishes to be doing the same. And the thing is, I think I'm a total loser for liking all the music I listen to. I don't expect people to think I'm some cool hipster kid, listening to all the music I listen to. I'd listen to more hardcore if I wanted people to think I'm cool for the music I like. I think I'm a total loser, listening to what I listen to, and hell, the kids who make the music I listen to think they're total losers, too. I like that. Creates intimacy or something. Anyway, I can't be mad at Nick. It irritates me a little that he's being like that, but he's really growing right now, even though he's over a year older than I am. I can tell he's trying to grow into his own person, because he always tells me that he was gonna do something, but thought that it seemed too much like something I'd do, or something.. Um, example, I guess, would do best here. Back about a month or so ago, before I got a sweet MySpace layout, he told me that he changed his layout, since it was really funny; black with a jolly roger as the background. And he told me that he changed it to a nice yellowey layout. It's fairly nice, I think. But he told me he found one with rainbows and stuff, and that he was gonna do that, but it seemed too much like me, and so he decided not to. So I can tell he's trying to be original, anyway. So after he told me about that, that's when I decided to finally dump the default layout and go with my sweet new one. Seemed like fun. I guess it was. Anyway, yeah. Nick's still a nice kid, and I think that after senior year, when we all go to college, it'll be good for him, a chance to meet new people, see new things, all that fun stuff, and he'll have a chance to grow more on his own.
I don't feel like writing much more, but I feel like I have more to write. I'll continue writing about things I've done here, and see where it takes me.
Um, so. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. I don't feel like I did much. I've been looking for shoes, but I'm way too picky. I wanted to get those unicorn shoes that Zack showed me, but I dunno if I'll be able to find the place in Hyannis that has them. Hell, Hyannis is big. I'll see if maybe my mommy'll take me over there tomorrow and search with me for a while, though.
I got Vectorman, the Sega Genesis game. Really high up in my favorite games of all time. I'm glad I got it.
And I got to hold a pretty mint Atari Lynx in my hand and take a picture of it. If you don't know what it is, look it up, and maybe you can see how special of a thing it is to me.
I didn't buy a lot else. I got a pretty nice frisbee for two bucks at the flea market. I got that nice Rainbow belt. I got those boas. I got some CDs. Pokemon cards. Um. Tea.
Heh. I feel like laughing. I dunno, like.. why and stuff. Probably my music. It's happy and stuff. Right now is Menomena. I burned a lot of mix CDs before I came up here. I burned various mixes for different moods.
The only mix I haven't listened to is the hardcore mix I made. I'm deciding maybe I don't really even like hardcore that much.
I like.. pop.
bleh..
I really don't know what more to write. If I keep listing shit I bought, no one's gonna wanna read anything. I know it. Who the hell cares what I bought?
I probably don't. I'm being boring now, which means it's about time I wrapped this up.
I dunno how long this is, really, because I don't have anything to compare it to, it being in Notepad or anything.
Still remember that first paragraph I wrote and all? It's probably not anywhere near as long a read as it was a type. But I enjoyed it. Time flew by. I like typing. Especially since I haven't in a long time. And know what? I've missed barely any keys (I think), despite this being a laptop, and it being that I haven't typed in a while. And that's good. It's because it feels so nice, so it's almost like I should do it really pretty perfectly. It certainly saves time on pressing backspace.
Oh, boy. Well. It's friday morning, really. I have a feeling I could be the only one alert enough to drive home really late tomorrow, so I should probably get to sleep. By the way, I've been getting up consistently before Eleven AM all vacation, and most of the time before even Ten Thirty. It's impressive to me, since I usually get up around three or so. Whatever. It's nice to see the sun rise, and I'm not about to go asleep early enough to see it rise after waking up, so I'm probably gonna get back to my normal schedule when I get back, despite how nice it feels to have a huge day to work with waking up early.
Okay, so. Goodbye. I love you. Especially for reading this. I'd imagine it's probably long. :D
Current Music: Zebra-The Magnetic Fields|Suspended From Class-Camera Obscura
The song switched while I was writing that.
And this entire time, I've been listening to my Mix of Horrifying Pain and Hate (for the World)
Which, the mood I had in mind for, was a calm, happy mood. It's one of the mixes I've listened to more. Okay. G'night.
I never re-read that. I apologize if it's horrible.
Take care, now.
I'm writing this in Notepad. Kinda funny, since I never write much anything at all in Notepad. My mom got a new laptop a couple weeks ago or so, and so she still hasn't put everything on yet, so she lacks Microsoft Word, and that means that I lack Microsoft Word.
It's Thursday night. Last year at about the middle of vacation I wrote up a livejournal entry, originally not intended for Livejournal, just for myself, but I ended up deciding that I wished for it to go there. There was really not much point to it sitting on my mom's laptop. Right? Right. Anyway, I decided that I liked that. Not writing about the whole thing afterwards, but right while I'm in everything. This is pretty much the end of my vacation. I think my family's going to come back to Connecticut late Friday night, as apposed to Saturday afternoon, which I'm not incredibly pleased about, but my cousin's grandmother on the other side of the family died, and I guess my parents are going to go to her funeral or wake or something, Saturday morning. I'm not sure if I'm going to go yet. I probably will, but I never knew her much, so I dunno. I might just go to talk to my cousins and aunt and stuff, because I feel sorry for them. Anyway, this won't be read until all of that's gone past, so whatever.
But yeah. It's thursday today. I rather enjoyed this vacation, despite the fact that it went by incredibly fast. I knew it would straight from last saturday, which didn't really exist much, due to the fact that I spent a great amount of it dozing off. I knew that the fact that my sister and her boyfriend coming on WEDNESDAY, the middle of the week, would separate the week and make it seem faster. That's how I lived through school though, separating it by Wednesday, and that's how I get through it or something. Anyway, I don't quite feel like going over my entire week, everything I've done, but I should say some things I've done, yeah? Today I went golfing for the first time in about.. well, close to a year at least. I actually did rather well. I think I do better without practice, because I don't have to sit there and worry about doing certain things right and wrong, when I really know how to do everything right if I don't think about it too much. But yeah, I felt it would certainly make the day to my dad to go golfing with him. We're getting better, the relationship between him and I, but I still feel wildly uncomfortable with him compared to with my mom. But it could just be the fact that being in Cape Cod puts him in a good mood. I don't feel like talking much deeper into that though. Butum.. When we were golfing, we met this kid while we were waiting for the group ahead of us, and he decided to join us. He was a year younger than I am. Incredibly polite and nice and stuff, which I felt was really cool. He goes to a 20,000 dollar a year high school, goes to a yacht club, plays golf every day, and all this stuff. Really wealthy, which is why I thought it was really awesome that he was so nice and everything. Of course, I think anyone who's not an asshole's nice, really, but he was really polite and stuff. I dunno. Anyway.
I saw something horrifying after we were done golfing. My dad and I went to CVS to get some drinks, and after we bought stuff, my dad went over to the ATM, and I stood around, inside CVS still, and I noticed like 8 bucks or something on the ground. And I went over it, and I was gonna ask around who's it was, even though I was pretty sure it was my dad's, and some little kid with his mom picked it up first and asked her what he should do with it. The kid's mom took the money and shoved it in her purse. I asked my dad if he was missing any money, and it was in fact his. I could tell by the way it was rolled up. Eh. Whatever.
So yeah. I read Harry Potter. I liked it. I didn't like that a good part of the story was basically the Holocaust with magic, but what can I say? It was pretty good. I think part of that wiped some of my time here out, but whatever. I don't read enough anyway.
I had my parents bring me to P-town, and it was a lot of fun. My mom and I went to a lot of fun stores, my dad didn't really go in as many, and he sat down for a long time while we went and walked down the street and things. I only bought two things there, outside of tea. I bought two very nice feather boa things. And I bought a nice rainbow belt at the flea market the day before. And I got some really nice socks the day before that. And I spent a lot of money on Pokemon cards.
Big Surprise.
I didn't get much good.
Big Surprise.
I've been enjoying being all by my lonesome and stuff. There are a lot of pretty amazing people around the cape though. A lot of people who I wish I could talk to and stuff, but what am I supposed to do, just go up and start talking to random people, be like "Hey, I was walking with my parents, and I saw you, and you looked pretty amazing, so I thought I'd come talk to you." Eh, whatever. By people, I mostly mean girls. I've realized lately that, from afar, I really don't like a good percentage of males, even though most of my friends who I know in person are guys, but a lot of guys just come off as total jackasses when I look at them. But if I talk to someone for just a short while, I almost always think that the person is nice, just because that's really how I see people, honestly. My parents have been saying so much more often now that they think I'm gay, with the love for rainbows and a bit more femenimity (what?) that most guys will like to show, but the real problem with the theory is that I don't like men. I just said it in this paragraph. But hey, let people think what they want.
I had some trouble with that last paragraph, trying not to sound like too much of an idiot, but I'm sure I did. I wanted to get those thoughts out, though, and I don't think I could have very well without looking like a dumbass. Anyway.
I had a pretty amazing experience last nightt. Wednesday night. I was sitting around, and my mom and I were playing Solitaire together on this laptop here, and I told her I was gonna go for a walk, and so I went and got my phone and went on the mobile IM thing, and Monica IMed me. So I was walking around on the streets, and I was just looking down at the phone, talking to Monica, because I'm kinda slow at it, so I have to keep all my attention on the phone and texting and stuff. I looked up every once in a while, but it was really dark anyway. But I had my CD player with me, and my battery died, because I forgot to get new AA batteries, and so.. I kept walking and stuff, and my CD player went off, and I stubbed my toe and it hurt, and I walked into a fence, but anyway, then I heard waves, and I looked up, and I was about fifteen feet away from the ocean. And I barely even realized it. I mean, I think I knew where I was going, but I didn't realize it was gonna come right up on me. And I stopped and stared at it. The moon shone off of it, and every once in a while, when the clouds moved away, I thought it looked like a lighthouse, how bright it shone off. And I eventually took a step forward to find myself completely in sand. What an experience. I dropped what I was saying to tell Monica all about it, what I just said here pretty much, but it took me way long, since texting is effing slow.
Last year, I sorta felt, ignoring my friends in real life, that I missed Monica and Jill and Sarah a lot, and they missed me and stuff, but this year, I don't really feel like there's anyone who really misses me a ton, to the point where it would be really exciting for them when I get back, and it makes me feel a bit lonely. But.. I'm sure I'm just being a bad friend and forgetting about people. Hm. But that brings up another point, which I've said tons of times before, and which I should probably not repeat, especially since it makes me feel like an idiot each time I say it, but eh. Yeah. It never seems like most people really like me as much as I like them. Outside of like, hell, I think only two people, really. AJ and Zack.
I have to pee. Gimme a sec.
Okay, so I'm done peeing.
Anyway, but then there brings something else up. The fact that I hate when people try to follow me. And I'm mostly talking about Nick, now. Because I am aware that he does indeed like me a lot, but he does it the wrong way. It seems like he just wants to like.. Do the things I'm doing. Which I know is a sign of respect, which I enjoy after the fact that he was close enough to being more ready to spit at me than shake my hand at one point a few months ago, but really. I enjoy that I have a good mutual friendship with most of my friends. I mean, I like that Zack is really into music, which I like, and not as much into video games as I am, and AJ's really into video games like I am, and not as much into music. And they're just being themselves, and I like it and stuff, but with Nick, it seems like he wants to really more follow me. I mean, it's nice to know that he respects who I am so, but I mean, when I first met him, for a long time, he was just himself, and I was just myself, and we were friends. He enjoyed what he enjoyed; I enjoyed what I enjoyed. But.. I mean, I love giving people more music, but he just wants to listen to what I'm listening to. When I'm doing something he seems to recognize as pretty cool, he wishes to be doing the same. And the thing is, I think I'm a total loser for liking all the music I listen to. I don't expect people to think I'm some cool hipster kid, listening to all the music I listen to. I'd listen to more hardcore if I wanted people to think I'm cool for the music I like. I think I'm a total loser, listening to what I listen to, and hell, the kids who make the music I listen to think they're total losers, too. I like that. Creates intimacy or something. Anyway, I can't be mad at Nick. It irritates me a little that he's being like that, but he's really growing right now, even though he's over a year older than I am. I can tell he's trying to grow into his own person, because he always tells me that he was gonna do something, but thought that it seemed too much like something I'd do, or something.. Um, example, I guess, would do best here. Back about a month or so ago, before I got a sweet MySpace layout, he told me that he changed his layout, since it was really funny; black with a jolly roger as the background. And he told me that he changed it to a nice yellowey layout. It's fairly nice, I think. But he told me he found one with rainbows and stuff, and that he was gonna do that, but it seemed too much like me, and so he decided not to. So I can tell he's trying to be original, anyway. So after he told me about that, that's when I decided to finally dump the default layout and go with my sweet new one. Seemed like fun. I guess it was. Anyway, yeah. Nick's still a nice kid, and I think that after senior year, when we all go to college, it'll be good for him, a chance to meet new people, see new things, all that fun stuff, and he'll have a chance to grow more on his own.
I don't feel like writing much more, but I feel like I have more to write. I'll continue writing about things I've done here, and see where it takes me.
Um, so. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. I don't feel like I did much. I've been looking for shoes, but I'm way too picky. I wanted to get those unicorn shoes that Zack showed me, but I dunno if I'll be able to find the place in Hyannis that has them. Hell, Hyannis is big. I'll see if maybe my mommy'll take me over there tomorrow and search with me for a while, though.
I got Vectorman, the Sega Genesis game. Really high up in my favorite games of all time. I'm glad I got it.
And I got to hold a pretty mint Atari Lynx in my hand and take a picture of it. If you don't know what it is, look it up, and maybe you can see how special of a thing it is to me.
I didn't buy a lot else. I got a pretty nice frisbee for two bucks at the flea market. I got that nice Rainbow belt. I got those boas. I got some CDs. Pokemon cards. Um. Tea.
Heh. I feel like laughing. I dunno, like.. why and stuff. Probably my music. It's happy and stuff. Right now is Menomena. I burned a lot of mix CDs before I came up here. I burned various mixes for different moods.
The only mix I haven't listened to is the hardcore mix I made. I'm deciding maybe I don't really even like hardcore that much.
I like.. pop.
bleh..
I really don't know what more to write. If I keep listing shit I bought, no one's gonna wanna read anything. I know it. Who the hell cares what I bought?
I probably don't. I'm being boring now, which means it's about time I wrapped this up.
I dunno how long this is, really, because I don't have anything to compare it to, it being in Notepad or anything.
Still remember that first paragraph I wrote and all? It's probably not anywhere near as long a read as it was a type. But I enjoyed it. Time flew by. I like typing. Especially since I haven't in a long time. And know what? I've missed barely any keys (I think), despite this being a laptop, and it being that I haven't typed in a while. And that's good. It's because it feels so nice, so it's almost like I should do it really pretty perfectly. It certainly saves time on pressing backspace.
Oh, boy. Well. It's friday morning, really. I have a feeling I could be the only one alert enough to drive home really late tomorrow, so I should probably get to sleep. By the way, I've been getting up consistently before Eleven AM all vacation, and most of the time before even Ten Thirty. It's impressive to me, since I usually get up around three or so. Whatever. It's nice to see the sun rise, and I'm not about to go asleep early enough to see it rise after waking up, so I'm probably gonna get back to my normal schedule when I get back, despite how nice it feels to have a huge day to work with waking up early.
Okay, so. Goodbye. I love you. Especially for reading this. I'd imagine it's probably long. :D
Current Music: Zebra-The Magnetic Fields|Suspended From Class-Camera Obscura
The song switched while I was writing that.
And this entire time, I've been listening to my Mix of Horrifying Pain and Hate (for the World)
Which, the mood I had in mind for, was a calm, happy mood. It's one of the mixes I've listened to more. Okay. G'night.
I never re-read that. I apologize if it's horrible.
Take care, now.