I Just Feel....(my personal rant)
STUCK. DAMMIT!!! Everywhere I turn I see everyone I know doing their own thing and I just feel stuck for some damn reason. And I don't know why. I try , goodness knows that I do, and I know that I am breaking through at some points, but its as if a weight has attached itself to me very being and decided. "lets steal a bit of her life and slow her down" *pounds fists on table in frustration* Maybe I am not doing something right or whatever. I don't know . I just want the shit to stop. NOW. and if that wasn't enough, I have my mom on my ass about her damn 25 dollars a fucking week. now I am a rational person and all that crap, but she hasn't fufilled her end of the damn bargain. she was to take me and pick me up from work , so guess who had car trouble MONTHS ago and couldn't fufill their end of the bargain? yeah, right and then she is so stupid and tries to get her husbands nephew to fix it for cheaper than the car dealership and the end result?... her car is STILL off the damn road. bastard didn't know what the fuck he was doing. just damn STUPID!!!! and I am forever scarred by her . I always knew she was unreliable, but she had to go on and prove it. as a few of you know, I needed help to pay my bill at MCC and I asked her for $150. she said she could do it and all that shit. so the DAY i need the money she oges and tells me that she had to pay her brother in law back the money from her wedding. once again stankass has interferred with something important to ME. truth is my mom got married LAST JULY. it has been almost a damn year and why is it the MOMENT i asked her for her she up and decides she has to go and pay him. HIM??!!!! he's NOT THE ONE you are bugging for 25 dollars for every week! and she is all like "if you didn't have the money i'd be accept it" yeah right! she will fucking Harass me until i give it to her. 1200 dollars a year from me .uh, no! the she goes on saying if I don't pay i don't eat. First of all, I buy my OWN damn food thank you! not the damn cardiac specials she buys! so after she set me back a week i told her that she wan't getting any money then. because she had set me back a week. causing me to be late to pay my bill. but I am glad that i payed it myself, this way i don't owe her a thing. thank the Lord and Lady. I know that she and I won't be getting along too well up until I leave again. which i hope will be soon. (brandon and I will be gone , baby!)and as of late, there has been something inside of me that has been wanting to burst open. I want to try new things and meet others like me. I want to uncover more of my inner light. I want to find that girl whose screams dampen my ears. I want to find the true...ME. and yeah, I know she will emerge to some extent. Goddess, I need Brandon to hold me...