Perks of being a Wallflower
I wonder if anyone is really happy. I hope they are. I really hope they are.
I just think it's bad when a boy looks at a girl and thinks that the way he sees the girls is better than the girl actually is.
Then I turned around and walked to my room and closed my door and put my head under my pillow and let the quiet put things where they are supposed to be.
But mostly, I was crying because I was suddenly very aware of the fact that it was me standing up in that tunnel with the wind on my face. Not caring if I saw downtown. Not even thinking about it. Because I was standing in the tunnel. And I was really there. And that was enough to make me feel infinite.
Maybe it's good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there.
It's like when you are excited about a girl and you see a couple holding hands, and you feel so happy for them. And other times you see the same couple, and they make you so mad. And all you want is to feel happy for them because you know that if you do, then it means that you're happy too.
Because it's okay to feel things. And be who you are about them.
I dont know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist.
I want to make sure the first person you kiss loves you.
And I closed my eyes because I wanted to know nothing but his arms.
I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I wont tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesnt really change the fact that you have what you have. Good and bad.
I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn't try to sleep with people even if they could have.
--MaRsHa