~sigh~
Why do I always pick the losers? I spent last night talking to 2 friends I hadn't seen in days. It made me miss all the people I know that are good to me and don't try to take advantage of me. I just some how get attracted to the people who constantly abuse the fact that I'm nice and forgiving. I should really break up with Matt today, but I know I won't have the heart. I'm such a fucking missionary when I want to be. I have this ideal in my head that if others won't take care of them, who will? It gets me screwed every time. I haven't even been able to face TJ because I know he's right but I don't want to admit that. I really should just tell Matt to go find someone else to take care of him, but I can't. WHY??? I guess it's mostly because any attention is attention. I didn't really think I was that desperate but I took a step back and realized I must be. I think part of the problem is I'm so much farther ahead for my age. I'm looking for a long term relationship someone I can be with and grow with. I'm not talking marriage, but I don't want a one night stand or friend with benefits. I'm sick of that. I just want someone who will care for me the way I care for them. Someone who will ask for nothing in return so that when I do return it, they'll appreciate it even more.