Fucking February
I swear, what is it about February?
I'm depressed, most of the people I know are depressed, hell, according to the dA blogs of people I don't know but watch enthusiastically, THEY'RE depressed.
I got some good news which means I may not be as fucked as I think I am concerning my ludicrous amount of debt, but I probably should still look into bankruptcy.
I find myself uttering the words "I want to go home" every so often. It's not conscious, it just slips out, surprising me every time. Usually it's at work, but of late it's also been happening when I AM at home.
Carli would say it's because I'm stagnating, and she's probably right, like always. But what she doesn't seem to get is that I just can't get up and go out and make some violent change in my life. Why? I can hear you ask.
Because every time I do, something ALWAYS happens to force me to change it back. I tried gettign my own place out here for a while. Sure and what happened? A string of self centered unreliable roommates who took the opportunity to fuck me over in multiple ways, from trying to take over the apartment, to ducking out on the lease, to ducking out on the lease two weeks before the rent was due, to continually not having money to which I am justly entitled. And where am I now? Moved back in with Carli because I just can't afford to live on my own.
The seizures are getting worse. I spent last Friday in the emergency room after having two of them back to back at work. The managers insisted on the paramedics, the paramedics insisted on the hospital. So six hours and one CAT scan later, I get home with a referral to a neurologist, who I still have to call. More fucking debt. Hooray.
I swear, things are rapidly getting intolerable. Something has to be done. Something has to change.
I just which I knew what it was.
I'm depressed, most of the people I know are depressed, hell, according to the dA blogs of people I don't know but watch enthusiastically, THEY'RE depressed.
I got some good news which means I may not be as fucked as I think I am concerning my ludicrous amount of debt, but I probably should still look into bankruptcy.
I find myself uttering the words "I want to go home" every so often. It's not conscious, it just slips out, surprising me every time. Usually it's at work, but of late it's also been happening when I AM at home.
Carli would say it's because I'm stagnating, and she's probably right, like always. But what she doesn't seem to get is that I just can't get up and go out and make some violent change in my life. Why? I can hear you ask.
Because every time I do, something ALWAYS happens to force me to change it back. I tried gettign my own place out here for a while. Sure and what happened? A string of self centered unreliable roommates who took the opportunity to fuck me over in multiple ways, from trying to take over the apartment, to ducking out on the lease, to ducking out on the lease two weeks before the rent was due, to continually not having money to which I am justly entitled. And where am I now? Moved back in with Carli because I just can't afford to live on my own.
The seizures are getting worse. I spent last Friday in the emergency room after having two of them back to back at work. The managers insisted on the paramedics, the paramedics insisted on the hospital. So six hours and one CAT scan later, I get home with a referral to a neurologist, who I still have to call. More fucking debt. Hooray.
I swear, things are rapidly getting intolerable. Something has to be done. Something has to change.
I just which I knew what it was.