new RSS feed for my blog

[shalifi]

I've moved my blog to wordpress, and it has a new RSS address now.  If you'd like to follow it on livejournal, it's:

http://syndicated.livejournal.com/tobinrss_new/

Or just the username tobinrss_new.

I'm in Japan now for a month, so I'm posting new pics and what not every day.  Feel free to check it out and leave me some comments!

Comments

Connected

[great_dame]

Who knows how I sent you a letter or where to, so I’ll recap. Something had pushed me beyond my spot of observation and I think it had to do with your marriage or your divorce. At one point my jaw just sort of dropped, because I’d checked in on you and soaked in all of the engagement+ stuff…

I was actually there one night in early 2000-something when you spoke of the “on again, off again Adrienne”. And then, much later, do you remember when you went out and got you guys an air conditioner because the nights were so bitching hot? I will always remember “Cats On Adrienne”. It has a real title ring, to it.

You had been so firm in your theories though, you know? The comfort in being alone, not lonely. Personal space and secrets best kept to oneself. Etc etc. When you were moving in a different direction, I didn’t speak up - I just watched. Because you’re smarter than I am. I’ve listened to you cut my very own heartstrings down, challenging them, sizing them up, been pissed at you but come back, better for it.

(And I wondered, after your adventure was over, if it had to do with the fact that you probably offered the same hard knowledge, in your way, and if she had found it hard to take.)

Hopefully I’ve written enough over the years to get the point across, that you are significant. You talked sense when I didn’t know any and you started a snowball in my head that crushed overpowering concepts of destiny and stardust. There is the humanity of it, the chemical reactions to the pink hue in your skin and the gap in your teeth… and the special feeling that we have shared Vurt feathers, a story that not enough of the world has read. Oh, and don’t forget the Radiohead - I put those discs on, occasionally, for atmosphere, and it never starts up without a passing thought of you.

Grim Fandango, all of that Hunter T stuff you boys parodied in college (though, didn’t Spyder turn out to be much better, stronger in the end?), the tower building at your university, your goth subculture stints… Geeks on the roof in black leather jackets. The bombardment of pornography links before you went to bed at night. Your awful headache of the rental house. Wow. Your file’s more immense than I realize, sometimes (I think that’s why it hurts, when I realize that it hasn’t been updated more intimately).

Your father.

You let me know when you had tried speaking out loud, at his grave. You felt silly, for lack of a better word. I teared up when you told me because you had previously, very accurately… unveiled the time when he was dying horribly, unfairly, and the years after as you sifted through photos.

I think it’s why you cling to chrome. Robot parts. Simple sense, right answers. Painless.

I figured, if Tobin stayed through a story where someone chased after Desdemona, then of course he was going to be carried away by love at some point. And get a dog (don’t you have a boston? I do too) even though he remembered how much it hurt to lose one a long time ago.

Why didn’t you get a bulldog? I didn’t because there wasn’t one at the pet store the night I was drunk and impulsive. But you and I both love them. LovED them? Who KNOWS how much applies after time. We all evolve.

I told you a long time ago to let your hair go darker, but you insisted on going big or going home. No matter my preference, it still worked for you.

When I wrote, it was one chunky paragraph, out of sequence and raw. I babbled about how badly I wished I knew what had happened, what you’d felt, over the last few years. After all, I would never have sent you a care package (yeah, there were teas and cookies) if I hadn’t cared…

And if I wasn’t going to care, forever.