Gender
So everyone has seen the My Son is Gay post now right? And chances are good at least a few of the people on my flist commented on it.
It's gone national. Opening up more debate on what's gender appropriate. It also has the affect of proving how big the generation gap is when there is even 10 years difference from one generation to the next.
Dr. Jeff Gardere, known according to his website as America's Psychiatrist said "It is the worst nightmare of heterosexual and gay couples to have to fathom that their child may be gay."
He's since apologized.
You know, not anywhere on my list of worst nightmares. Really. Not.
The other controversy seems to be about Mommy Blogging. That Nerdy Apple Bottom shouldn't have "outed her son". He's 5. I assume at this point, like most 5 year olds, he doesn't really know yet. Much less his mother. She showed a picture of him in his costume which led to one rant in the comments of a related news story about how the child was pressured into being feminine by his mother who clearly only approved of female friends for him and the child was conforming to his mother's wishes since he had all female influences around him.
*looks at sub-title of blog* Yep, it says Cop's Wife. Now, I know that the cop she's married to could be a woman. And they might have adopted 3 children. But really, chances are pretty good the cop she's married to is a man.
I parent a child who jumps back and forth over gender lines. I've watched my daughter get very annoyed when getting a Happy Meal and the person working the counter assumes because she's a girl, she wants the "girl toy". I've tried to get other people to write to Mc Donald's to encourage a change from "Girl or boy" toy to "Truck or Doll" which is how it rings up on the computerized registers. It's not about being a girl or boy, it's about "Hey! Hot Wheels! Cars are fun!" vs. the molded plastic dolls with molded clothing you can't even change.
She dresses like a boy with great regularity. Has no problem tying a double Windsor in her neck ties, and currently has a hair cut that makes her look like a young man when she wears her suits. For everyone who says "Well, people don't have an issue with girls wearing men's clothes" That's not true. It's not as much of an issue certainly, and they generally don't have a problem with women's clothing that has masculine styling. However actually wearing men's clothes on a regular basis appears to be something different. It's not the stigma, just nice complimentary comments like "You're such a pretty girl, why do you want to dress like that?"
She just says "Because I like it." and ignores the implication that somehow she's less pretty because she wears pinstripes and silk ties. I admire that strength in her.
It's well past time to give up gender expectations, to nurture creativity and individuality. To mind our own business, to allow people to be who they want to be as long as it isn't hurting anyone else. Both my children played with dolls, and both my children played with cars. I was lucky enough to have a mother who really believed in the precepts in Free To Be You and Me, who gave me the freedom to be myself. I'm giving my children the same freedom, to discover who they are, to be happy.
The damage those gender expectations do, to women as well as men. Men can be so afraid to do anything "girlish" and pussy is considered a serious insult. Same with terms like "you throw like a girl." Women who don't fit the expectations, who aren't pretty, soft and perfumed, find themselves rejected and frequently battle self-loathing, feeling like if they could only get it, they would find true happiness. Apparently, happiness if you're female, is falling in love. So women who aren't looking for that are made to feel as though they were less than true women.
The conversations need to happen, the debate and the communication. It's the only chance to get past this, to make people realize how ridiculous it is. How unfair, how petty, how even the "concern" people show can be a form a bullying to make people conform. We should be better than that, as people, as a nation.
Let's get rid of all the gender based insults. Of accusing women of being dykes because they are strong and wear jeans and flannel, of accusing men of being gay for getting manicures and showing emotions. Of saying things like "I cried like a girl" or "typical man" (which seems to imply stupidity). Relate to one another as people, stop putting down people who fit or don't fit societal norms. Because some of the people who don't fit do it as well, I see it with women frequently "Oh, I'm not like other women." which is a slam on a whole sex based in gender expectations. Stop it. Just stop it. The self hatred, the other hatred, the fear, the anger, just.. stop it. Please.
It's gone national. Opening up more debate on what's gender appropriate. It also has the affect of proving how big the generation gap is when there is even 10 years difference from one generation to the next.
Dr. Jeff Gardere, known according to his website as America's Psychiatrist said "It is the worst nightmare of heterosexual and gay couples to have to fathom that their child may be gay."
He's since apologized.
You know, not anywhere on my list of worst nightmares. Really. Not.
The other controversy seems to be about Mommy Blogging. That Nerdy Apple Bottom shouldn't have "outed her son". He's 5. I assume at this point, like most 5 year olds, he doesn't really know yet. Much less his mother. She showed a picture of him in his costume which led to one rant in the comments of a related news story about how the child was pressured into being feminine by his mother who clearly only approved of female friends for him and the child was conforming to his mother's wishes since he had all female influences around him.
*looks at sub-title of blog* Yep, it says Cop's Wife. Now, I know that the cop she's married to could be a woman. And they might have adopted 3 children. But really, chances are pretty good the cop she's married to is a man.
I parent a child who jumps back and forth over gender lines. I've watched my daughter get very annoyed when getting a Happy Meal and the person working the counter assumes because she's a girl, she wants the "girl toy". I've tried to get other people to write to Mc Donald's to encourage a change from "Girl or boy" toy to "Truck or Doll" which is how it rings up on the computerized registers. It's not about being a girl or boy, it's about "Hey! Hot Wheels! Cars are fun!" vs. the molded plastic dolls with molded clothing you can't even change.
She dresses like a boy with great regularity. Has no problem tying a double Windsor in her neck ties, and currently has a hair cut that makes her look like a young man when she wears her suits. For everyone who says "Well, people don't have an issue with girls wearing men's clothes" That's not true. It's not as much of an issue certainly, and they generally don't have a problem with women's clothing that has masculine styling. However actually wearing men's clothes on a regular basis appears to be something different. It's not the stigma, just nice complimentary comments like "You're such a pretty girl, why do you want to dress like that?"
She just says "Because I like it." and ignores the implication that somehow she's less pretty because she wears pinstripes and silk ties. I admire that strength in her.
It's well past time to give up gender expectations, to nurture creativity and individuality. To mind our own business, to allow people to be who they want to be as long as it isn't hurting anyone else. Both my children played with dolls, and both my children played with cars. I was lucky enough to have a mother who really believed in the precepts in Free To Be You and Me, who gave me the freedom to be myself. I'm giving my children the same freedom, to discover who they are, to be happy.
The damage those gender expectations do, to women as well as men. Men can be so afraid to do anything "girlish" and pussy is considered a serious insult. Same with terms like "you throw like a girl." Women who don't fit the expectations, who aren't pretty, soft and perfumed, find themselves rejected and frequently battle self-loathing, feeling like if they could only get it, they would find true happiness. Apparently, happiness if you're female, is falling in love. So women who aren't looking for that are made to feel as though they were less than true women.
The conversations need to happen, the debate and the communication. It's the only chance to get past this, to make people realize how ridiculous it is. How unfair, how petty, how even the "concern" people show can be a form a bullying to make people conform. We should be better than that, as people, as a nation.
Let's get rid of all the gender based insults. Of accusing women of being dykes because they are strong and wear jeans and flannel, of accusing men of being gay for getting manicures and showing emotions. Of saying things like "I cried like a girl" or "typical man" (which seems to imply stupidity). Relate to one another as people, stop putting down people who fit or don't fit societal norms. Because some of the people who don't fit do it as well, I see it with women frequently "Oh, I'm not like other women." which is a slam on a whole sex based in gender expectations. Stop it. Just stop it. The self hatred, the other hatred, the fear, the anger, just.. stop it. Please.