baseline happy
Things are going much better, though not on paper. I'm happy in a very sane way; not in a blissful way, not in a spontaneous, inexplicable euphoric way, but baseline happy, clear and unaltered. The spurts of a fanatical, acute perception are over, and anyway I don't know how acute a perception can be when it's so fanatical. Overall I'm glad it's gone. A decrease in my obsession with my own ideas is allowing me to focus more on the lives of my friends, on my true agendas, on education, on my job(s), on David.
The great thing about youth and insight is that we have the endless possibility of changing. But this is true within the bounds of sanity. My brothers get cheated, they see black for red, and stay in a room that closes in, and my heart sinks to my gut. And initially, or for years, I've felt guilt for moving.
I won't talk about the changes I've made, both in body and mind, because it's indulgent and no one cares. I even just went too far. I don't have any friends here, I haven't in a while since I was fifteen, and should focus more on keeping an actual journal. I want to return to the sincerity of writing instead of making it into something egoistic and ugly, and I'm hoping to manage that by the end of summer.
The great thing about youth and insight is that we have the endless possibility of changing. But this is true within the bounds of sanity. My brothers get cheated, they see black for red, and stay in a room that closes in, and my heart sinks to my gut. And initially, or for years, I've felt guilt for moving.
I won't talk about the changes I've made, both in body and mind, because it's indulgent and no one cares. I even just went too far. I don't have any friends here, I haven't in a while since I was fifteen, and should focus more on keeping an actual journal. I want to return to the sincerity of writing instead of making it into something egoistic and ugly, and I'm hoping to manage that by the end of summer.