The Darjeeling Limited
I finally got to open up to Susan about all the pressure and shitty treatment I've gotten from the Dance Department over the years. She responded by thanking me for my honesty. So maybe nothing will change, but at least someone knows. And I still love the Department, even with the abuse. Most of the e-mail was just me saying I don't like getting pressured into taking classes I don't want to take because they decided a long time ago that I am good at certain types of dance over others and therefore must do what I'm good at at every opportunity and never do anything else. I explained that I don't like being told before the audition how I will be cast. It was nice to be able to say something.
Last night's meeting saw the 10 or so of us (senior dance majors) discussing what this year and the rest of our lives will be like. Mostly we talked about how liminal we all are right now (which is a concept I am in love with, because I'm entirely liminal ALL THE TIME) and we also talked about how life is an oddessey were each of us has to go to several places, perhaps liking some and hating others, but everybody is constantly changing in that way. Billy called it "island hopping" saying that no adults he's ever known ever reached "the continent" and just stuck with it. Oddly enough, that seems to be very much what my dad did--deciding he was "a pathologist"--at least for most of his life. This is probably why my dad thinks I need "a career" right now and I'm just trying to figure out what I'm doing next week. I like the concept of island-hopping almost as much as liminality.
I also like the way my piece is going, even if it turns out I'm just venting frustrations about death that I wasn't "supposed" to have in the first place, because they're not "nice."
I don't like that I am sick and feel like I'm falling apart. Like I woke up in the middle of the night with excruciating pain in my toe (?!). Who does that? And I have a cold, or allergies, or somethihng and a fever on and off. Also 2 papers due Monday and another due tuesday (only for a total of 10-12 pages, but still...).
I do like the Darjeeling Limited, which I just saw, for making me feel like it somehow represented my family. I already felt this, when Katie (also known as my sister) turned to me and said "am I Francis?" (also known as Owen Wilson's character) and I hesitated for a second so she, knowing what that meant, said "I AM Francis, aren't I?" He's the most maternal brother. So I asked her who I was, but neither of us knew until we had gotten farther in to the movie. I of course am Jack (Jason Schwartzman) minus sleeping with random people on trains (though that's kind of something I wish I did more often). We knew when the other siblings got into a fight and he kept saying "stop including me!" He is the lone wolf. It's funny, because long ago the three of us took a train tour of Europe. And long ago the three of us (female) lost our mother (female) while in the movie the three men (males) lost their father (also--you guessed it--a male). I just liked it a lot, for not letting me down although I expected it would because Wes Anderson has an unusually good track record.
The plans to go to Vegas (most spicetastic, I must say) are shaping up, but expensive. The plans to visit Joe and C.C. and Liz are also wonderful, but not likely to happen, which makes me kind of sad. The plans to go to Austin are perpetually on-hold. And that doesn't bother me as much as it used to, although I still love the people, if and when they're there too.
I feel a desperation to "find someone" or at least to latch on to one of 4 or so "someones" I've picked up between states, here and there. None of them are quite right, even if they feel like they are, because the ones that are most right live in other states and I'm not going to move anywhere at least until summer.
I wonder if I only like that bartender at chili's because he doesn't go to Northwestern, meaning he might not be a total fuck-up. And because of all the people he probably sees, he still remembers when he sees me. And I know I always like that in a person.
I'm going to re-read an entire book now... hoping that will help me when it comes time to write those papers. At least it is Fun Home by Allison Bechdel which is an awesome book (read it! it's so short). Eula said she thought of me when she put it on our reading list. Thanks, Eula.
Last night's meeting saw the 10 or so of us (senior dance majors) discussing what this year and the rest of our lives will be like. Mostly we talked about how liminal we all are right now (which is a concept I am in love with, because I'm entirely liminal ALL THE TIME) and we also talked about how life is an oddessey were each of us has to go to several places, perhaps liking some and hating others, but everybody is constantly changing in that way. Billy called it "island hopping" saying that no adults he's ever known ever reached "the continent" and just stuck with it. Oddly enough, that seems to be very much what my dad did--deciding he was "a pathologist"--at least for most of his life. This is probably why my dad thinks I need "a career" right now and I'm just trying to figure out what I'm doing next week. I like the concept of island-hopping almost as much as liminality.
I also like the way my piece is going, even if it turns out I'm just venting frustrations about death that I wasn't "supposed" to have in the first place, because they're not "nice."
I don't like that I am sick and feel like I'm falling apart. Like I woke up in the middle of the night with excruciating pain in my toe (?!). Who does that? And I have a cold, or allergies, or somethihng and a fever on and off. Also 2 papers due Monday and another due tuesday (only for a total of 10-12 pages, but still...).
I do like the Darjeeling Limited, which I just saw, for making me feel like it somehow represented my family. I already felt this, when Katie (also known as my sister) turned to me and said "am I Francis?" (also known as Owen Wilson's character) and I hesitated for a second so she, knowing what that meant, said "I AM Francis, aren't I?" He's the most maternal brother. So I asked her who I was, but neither of us knew until we had gotten farther in to the movie. I of course am Jack (Jason Schwartzman) minus sleeping with random people on trains (though that's kind of something I wish I did more often). We knew when the other siblings got into a fight and he kept saying "stop including me!" He is the lone wolf. It's funny, because long ago the three of us took a train tour of Europe. And long ago the three of us (female) lost our mother (female) while in the movie the three men (males) lost their father (also--you guessed it--a male). I just liked it a lot, for not letting me down although I expected it would because Wes Anderson has an unusually good track record.
The plans to go to Vegas (most spicetastic, I must say) are shaping up, but expensive. The plans to visit Joe and C.C. and Liz are also wonderful, but not likely to happen, which makes me kind of sad. The plans to go to Austin are perpetually on-hold. And that doesn't bother me as much as it used to, although I still love the people, if and when they're there too.
I feel a desperation to "find someone" or at least to latch on to one of 4 or so "someones" I've picked up between states, here and there. None of them are quite right, even if they feel like they are, because the ones that are most right live in other states and I'm not going to move anywhere at least until summer.
I wonder if I only like that bartender at chili's because he doesn't go to Northwestern, meaning he might not be a total fuck-up. And because of all the people he probably sees, he still remembers when he sees me. And I know I always like that in a person.
I'm going to re-read an entire book now... hoping that will help me when it comes time to write those papers. At least it is Fun Home by Allison Bechdel which is an awesome book (read it! it's so short). Eula said she thought of me when she put it on our reading list. Thanks, Eula.