oh yeh!
i hope everyone had a happy and safe fourth of july.
i have been so friggin busy! even when i'm not in classes, i seem to find anything and everything to keep myself busy. there are lots of potential projects that i hope will start soon (especially the ones that pay). i am soooo broke. i need a job. bad.
i attended reh for shrew last night. i think our cast has great chemistry and i can't wait to get working on this show with them. it should be tons of fun.
i was just editing (in the last few days) my bcc student films (adding credits and reformatiing avi files to mpeg files), and i had a thought. i love doing this. why dont i keep it up?! it may be difficult learning how to edit the stuff, but i manage. i think....so don't get all excited yet...that i may be calling up some old friends to do some more films with me. i really enjoyed doing the tell tale heart, and so i'm thinking i may want to do renditions of a whole collection of short stories by edgar allan poe. yup. i think i will ;)
i applied for cvs and best buy. cross your fingers for me y'all. lol. how sad is that?! well, i also met with this guy al reyes, he swears i'm a star if he's ever seen one. let's see....he's working on scripts for different indie films he wants me to do work in. Y*A*Y. he also has a small recording studio in his house, so we'll see where that goes too.
as for the guy....*sigh* what can i say?! i broke down and called him on friday night...was it? i think so. anyhow, the conversation didn't go as well as i thought it would or could. me and my high hopes again. he's just different. i know he has big projects he's working on too and he's super busy, but...well, he told me that he tends to just disappear on people (does that sound familiar my good friends?) i never realized how hurtful it is. i mean, it made me think, that's exactly what i do. god, is that what i put my friends through everytime i disappear to do a new project? i seriously have the best friends in the world. for sticking by me. anyways, back to the convo. somehow on that night, i didn't think of it like that at all. i got all huffy and upset and just took it as, my god, is this his way of finally telling me to lay off and leave him alone?! fine then. bye. good bye. good riddance. *hangs up* i didn't say it like that, but i used a line on him that someone had once used on me "i guess i'll see you when i see you" just like that. like i don't give a fuck anymore. i know guys aren't mind readers, but i think he knew when i hung up that i was fed up. it took me a few hours to blow off the steam. then i began to feel bad. really bad. i thought about my friends. and how i'd feel if one of them just said "ok denisse, go on and disppear again, just don't expect me to want to hang out when you're ready. just, fuck off" i'd be crushed! maybe he didn't care as much as i would but damn, i think i should have been a bit more supportive. i'm such a lush - i hate it! so i text him on july 4th to wish him a happy fourth and say that i wish him the best in his project and that i hope someday we'll be able to hang out.
what do y'all think? did i just give in? should i have stood my ground and just tried to get over him? because i feel like i love him more now than ever. *sigh* why does this whole love business have to be so complicated. i don't want much. all i really want is someone who is gunna love and respect me. and make me smile. and love me...alot. is that too much to ask?
i have been so friggin busy! even when i'm not in classes, i seem to find anything and everything to keep myself busy. there are lots of potential projects that i hope will start soon (especially the ones that pay). i am soooo broke. i need a job. bad.
i attended reh for shrew last night. i think our cast has great chemistry and i can't wait to get working on this show with them. it should be tons of fun.
i was just editing (in the last few days) my bcc student films (adding credits and reformatiing avi files to mpeg files), and i had a thought. i love doing this. why dont i keep it up?! it may be difficult learning how to edit the stuff, but i manage. i think....so don't get all excited yet...that i may be calling up some old friends to do some more films with me. i really enjoyed doing the tell tale heart, and so i'm thinking i may want to do renditions of a whole collection of short stories by edgar allan poe. yup. i think i will ;)
i applied for cvs and best buy. cross your fingers for me y'all. lol. how sad is that?! well, i also met with this guy al reyes, he swears i'm a star if he's ever seen one. let's see....he's working on scripts for different indie films he wants me to do work in. Y*A*Y. he also has a small recording studio in his house, so we'll see where that goes too.
as for the guy....*sigh* what can i say?! i broke down and called him on friday night...was it? i think so. anyhow, the conversation didn't go as well as i thought it would or could. me and my high hopes again. he's just different. i know he has big projects he's working on too and he's super busy, but...well, he told me that he tends to just disappear on people (does that sound familiar my good friends?) i never realized how hurtful it is. i mean, it made me think, that's exactly what i do. god, is that what i put my friends through everytime i disappear to do a new project? i seriously have the best friends in the world. for sticking by me. anyways, back to the convo. somehow on that night, i didn't think of it like that at all. i got all huffy and upset and just took it as, my god, is this his way of finally telling me to lay off and leave him alone?! fine then. bye. good bye. good riddance. *hangs up* i didn't say it like that, but i used a line on him that someone had once used on me "i guess i'll see you when i see you" just like that. like i don't give a fuck anymore. i know guys aren't mind readers, but i think he knew when i hung up that i was fed up. it took me a few hours to blow off the steam. then i began to feel bad. really bad. i thought about my friends. and how i'd feel if one of them just said "ok denisse, go on and disppear again, just don't expect me to want to hang out when you're ready. just, fuck off" i'd be crushed! maybe he didn't care as much as i would but damn, i think i should have been a bit more supportive. i'm such a lush - i hate it! so i text him on july 4th to wish him a happy fourth and say that i wish him the best in his project and that i hope someday we'll be able to hang out.
what do y'all think? did i just give in? should i have stood my ground and just tried to get over him? because i feel like i love him more now than ever. *sigh* why does this whole love business have to be so complicated. i don't want much. all i really want is someone who is gunna love and respect me. and make me smile. and love me...alot. is that too much to ask?