its seriously been 82 weeks since my last update...
Just a few random thoughts I wrote in my computer while my actual journal was awol:
Since I just wrote that, I have another concept for you to think over, how about coming up with a new word. Random is so overrated and overused. I need to come up with a new one.
Do I think I’m in love because I would do anything for him-- die for him. Or would I die for him because I’m terrified of being on my own again? For that matter, is anyone in love. i sometimes wonder if love is even a valid emotion. are we truthfully in love, or just glad to not be alone anymore. is there an actual tug at our heartstrings, or just weight lifted off our shoulders? not just weight, worry, fear, angst. ??
I question who I am. Who I’ve become. Why I’ve let myself get to this place. This terrible place I’m at. Where did I give up my opinions? My options? My choice? My voice? Me? When did I develop into someone I don’t even know. Where are the people I care about, that care about me? Where are those people I once called friends. When did I push them away? When did I chose all this over them? Where is my escape??
Do you ever wonder what would’ve happened if you done something differently? If you’d made a another choice than the one you did? Where would you be? What would you be doing? Would you be happier? Miserable? Would I be stuck in this stupid town, with these ignorant people? Or would I be somewhere far away, having the time of my life??
If I just called, what would happen? If I wanted all my best friends back, would they have me? Am I still the person I was then? I’d like to think so, but in truth, I know better. I know I’m not. I wish I were. I wish I could be. I wish everything was the way it used to be. Back when I knew who I was, what I wanted, and where I was going.
while posting this, i read danielles journal. its funny that after all this time, we still think the same things at the same time. i dont know if she is the same person as she used to be. i dont now who she is anymore. or atleast i didnt think i did, but apparently, somethings never change. ; ]
for danielle: i truthfully picked up the phone, considering calling you just a while ago, but figured A} it was too late. i need to go to sleep Khloe usually wakes up at like 9-9 30. B] if i did call we'd more than likely talk for hours and like i said in point A i need to sleep.
im pondering on creating a new myspace. maybe i might venture there tomorrow/...