so a new beginning?
So maybe I'll start using this and for Roxi, I'll keep it open ID for now haha.
I'm not prepared for school this year. I thought senior year was supposed to be easy and carefree. My classes are impossible and stressful. I hope it's just because it's the beginning of the year and I'm not used to things yet. I already am bored with school and I didn't think I would be. I'm ready to move on, I'm sick of high school. Things just seem 10x more petty. I think part of it is because I had such an amazing summer and then I got back to school and so much seemed to change. I feel like part of my class is bored with school because they all grew up and the rest of them are just going to skip school this year.
I took a personality quiz yesterday in my favorite class and we took a "walk through the woods". One of the questions was what season are you envisioning your woods in. I saw it in autumn. Autumn was just where my attitude about everything is too. If you envisioned the season to be autumn it means that your life is exciting but winter is coming which means you are bored with a lot but are also hopeful for spring which you know is coming which will bring new beginnings. It was so true. My life is exciting, I have great friends. Ash and Kait are amazing people, I can't wait to get to know Kait better this year. But school is my winter. I'm bored with school, the drama just gets so old so fast. The fact that it already started and it's only the first week of school, makes me not even want to bother. I'm just glad I always manage to not get involved with it. Spring is on the way though. Spring is college. College is a new beginning to life, filled with new people, new experiences, new teachers, new areas, and new responsibilities. I can't help but wonder if I'm ready for it all.
Mrs.White is nothing short of amazing and I believe that if I didn't have her as a teacher this year and if I didn't have Ash in that class, I wouldn't be able to make it through the day. I feel like no matter how stressed I get in school, the moment I walk into that class it all goes away. The other day we played with play-dough. Not many classes allow you to do that. It was so non-stressful. I went with Ash yesterday and we talked to Mrs.White all X period. She's getting to know us so well and it provides some hope for me. I know that she will always be there for me if I need someone to talk to. I can't say that about too many other teachers. Yes, a lot of teachers know me, and Yes, I am close with a lot of my past teachers, but none mean as much to me as Mrs.White.
In regards to my friends. I truly do love you, just know that I'm not the same anymore. I don't care about the stuff that most people care about. If I fight with you, I'm not going to try to resurrect our friendship, just give me time. I'll move on and so will you. It's not because I don't care because I do, it's just simply the fact that I don't want to deal with drama, I've moved past all that. I feel like none of us need that added on stress. I don't hate anyone, in fact I'll be friends with anyone. Just because I haven't talked to you in a while or because all I do is say "hi." to you, does not mean I don't want to be your friend. It just means that I'm busy or don't have the time to say much more. Or maybe I'm sick of always being the one to initiate everything. I feel like my true friends are the ones I can have fun with and actually talk to online and not run out of things to say. Or the ones that call me when they're bored at work and talk to me about the bugs crawling on the floor. I love my friends, I really do. I love the ones that I can sit with on the floor and talk to about everything. Or the ones that countdown until 2:15 with me and as soon as that bell rings, they sing with me because school is done. I love my friends that can laugh with me or even at me, because they think I'm funny not because they think I'm a lost cause. I love Roxanne for staying up until 12:30 on a school night just because we had to get stuff off our chest about stuff going on. I love how, she can not listen to what other people say, and I love how she can relate to me. I love how she told me she looks up to me. It's weird to hear that from one of your good friends. I don't feel like I'm any better then her. I know I'm not any better then her. I'm just glad she wants me to help her out.
What's unreal is the fact that when certain songs come on, I might not even relate to them, although I usually can, but when they come on everything else just goes away. I lose focus on whatever I'm doing, I don't know where I am until I focus again, and I just sit there in silence, and listen to the music. It's amazing really. Music does so much to me. Infact, I'm planning a concert with Ash to raise money for the Hurricane Katrina victims. People are going to have a problem with it, I already know. I don't care, she doesn't care. We're planning it whether you want us to or not. We have it all done and now we're just waiting for it to happen. Come if you will, but don't yell at me because I didn't include you.
I'm not prepared for school this year. I thought senior year was supposed to be easy and carefree. My classes are impossible and stressful. I hope it's just because it's the beginning of the year and I'm not used to things yet. I already am bored with school and I didn't think I would be. I'm ready to move on, I'm sick of high school. Things just seem 10x more petty. I think part of it is because I had such an amazing summer and then I got back to school and so much seemed to change. I feel like part of my class is bored with school because they all grew up and the rest of them are just going to skip school this year.
I took a personality quiz yesterday in my favorite class and we took a "walk through the woods". One of the questions was what season are you envisioning your woods in. I saw it in autumn. Autumn was just where my attitude about everything is too. If you envisioned the season to be autumn it means that your life is exciting but winter is coming which means you are bored with a lot but are also hopeful for spring which you know is coming which will bring new beginnings. It was so true. My life is exciting, I have great friends. Ash and Kait are amazing people, I can't wait to get to know Kait better this year. But school is my winter. I'm bored with school, the drama just gets so old so fast. The fact that it already started and it's only the first week of school, makes me not even want to bother. I'm just glad I always manage to not get involved with it. Spring is on the way though. Spring is college. College is a new beginning to life, filled with new people, new experiences, new teachers, new areas, and new responsibilities. I can't help but wonder if I'm ready for it all.
Mrs.White is nothing short of amazing and I believe that if I didn't have her as a teacher this year and if I didn't have Ash in that class, I wouldn't be able to make it through the day. I feel like no matter how stressed I get in school, the moment I walk into that class it all goes away. The other day we played with play-dough. Not many classes allow you to do that. It was so non-stressful. I went with Ash yesterday and we talked to Mrs.White all X period. She's getting to know us so well and it provides some hope for me. I know that she will always be there for me if I need someone to talk to. I can't say that about too many other teachers. Yes, a lot of teachers know me, and Yes, I am close with a lot of my past teachers, but none mean as much to me as Mrs.White.
In regards to my friends. I truly do love you, just know that I'm not the same anymore. I don't care about the stuff that most people care about. If I fight with you, I'm not going to try to resurrect our friendship, just give me time. I'll move on and so will you. It's not because I don't care because I do, it's just simply the fact that I don't want to deal with drama, I've moved past all that. I feel like none of us need that added on stress. I don't hate anyone, in fact I'll be friends with anyone. Just because I haven't talked to you in a while or because all I do is say "hi." to you, does not mean I don't want to be your friend. It just means that I'm busy or don't have the time to say much more. Or maybe I'm sick of always being the one to initiate everything. I feel like my true friends are the ones I can have fun with and actually talk to online and not run out of things to say. Or the ones that call me when they're bored at work and talk to me about the bugs crawling on the floor. I love my friends, I really do. I love the ones that I can sit with on the floor and talk to about everything. Or the ones that countdown until 2:15 with me and as soon as that bell rings, they sing with me because school is done. I love my friends that can laugh with me or even at me, because they think I'm funny not because they think I'm a lost cause. I love Roxanne for staying up until 12:30 on a school night just because we had to get stuff off our chest about stuff going on. I love how, she can not listen to what other people say, and I love how she can relate to me. I love how she told me she looks up to me. It's weird to hear that from one of your good friends. I don't feel like I'm any better then her. I know I'm not any better then her. I'm just glad she wants me to help her out.
What's unreal is the fact that when certain songs come on, I might not even relate to them, although I usually can, but when they come on everything else just goes away. I lose focus on whatever I'm doing, I don't know where I am until I focus again, and I just sit there in silence, and listen to the music. It's amazing really. Music does so much to me. Infact, I'm planning a concert with Ash to raise money for the Hurricane Katrina victims. People are going to have a problem with it, I already know. I don't care, she doesn't care. We're planning it whether you want us to or not. We have it all done and now we're just waiting for it to happen. Come if you will, but don't yell at me because I didn't include you.