Change Your Mind: How Soon Is Now?
Title: Change Your Mind (Chapter One)
Author: shakealittle
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Alex/Addison
Disclaimer: I own nothing
===
“Sad veiled bride, please be happy.
Handsome groom, give her room.
Loud, loutish lover, treat her kindly,
although she needs you more than she loves you”
===
- The Smiths
CHAPTER ONE: I KNOW IT’S OVER
It opened with, ‘Dear Addison and guest.’
There was nothing like a wedding to really reinforce the fact that Addison was all alone. If she’d been paying attention, she would’ve realised that it had been coming along time ago. Feelings of loneliness started creeping up on her when a certain husband’s absence compounded over time. Leaving her stranded, she’d found a temporary solution in Mark, which ironically left her even more alone than before.
But it was just now, as she sat at the reception with the only thing accompanying her being the daiquiri she held in her right hand, that she could really acknowledge there was no Addison and Derek, no Addison and Mark, not even an Addison + 1. She sat alone at her designated table, fiddling with her napkin that she must’ve refolded at least 20 times tonight. ‘At least the night’s getting better,’ she tried to reassure herself. The only thing more humiliating than sitting at a vacant table is sitting with 20 unknown people, listening to yourself as you try and decorate your life story as though it were something worthy of their attention.
She scanned the hall which had suddenly turned into a dance floor of happy couples because only couples dance to, ‘The way you look tonight.’ Oh and those drunk enough to forget they don’t have a significant other. ‘In fact, it seems like some have even forgotten they have both a left and right foot,’ Addison sniggered to herself as she observed an intoxicated Mark attempting to dance.
‘Oh god, I hope they don’t play our wedding song,’ Addison thought. She rolled her eyes in contempt as she realised just how quickly the thought had popped into her head. It was those kind of moments, those kind of associations which were making her life difficult. They had become a reflex. Objects and habits were constantly triggering memories of the past, which of course, made her reflect on the present and that made for a depressing comparison.
She took the napkin off her lap and placed it on the table. She decided to stand up because the least she could do was try to blend herself in the festivities. Addison integrated herself into a dark spot which she’d suspected wouldn’t light up every 5 seconds. For every song that was played, she’d pass the time by hoping that maybe it would be the last song for the night. When ‘Somebody Told Me’ ended only be followed up by ‘How Sweet It Is,‘ she became anxious again. She fidgeted with the brim of her glass, sipping the liquid inside it to free her mind momentarily. Then she felt a body approach her.
‘I’ve decided I’m standing next you for the rest of the night.’ Alex asserted.
She didn’t even have to glance in the direction of the voice, she could notice that impudent voice a mile away. ‘And why would that be, Karev?’ Addison asked vacantly, awaiting the punch line.
‘I look less awkward standing next to you,’ Alex said through his smirk. It was her red dress which had initially caught his attention. It was well fitted, which he had expected, and cut off at her knees, revealing her long legs. Her hair had waves through it tonight but the rest of her didn’t look as vibrant and relaxed as her attire would otherwise suggest. Dr Montgomery looked displaced, which he found odd. He thought something as dignified as Cristina and Burke’s wedding would be her element.
‘So it’s that obvious?’ Addison enquired, a little disappointed but not surprised that her façade was easy enough for Alex Karev to detect.
‘Yep.’ Alex replied without hesitation. Addison looked back at him and cracked her first smile for the night. She could see why he was feeling out of place. His pants were a little too short for his legs and his hands were stuffed in their pockets. His tie looked like it was suffocating him and the way his neck would try to readjust it every so often implied that it was doing just that.
‘I thought you would be the guy who took full advantage of the open bar. ’ Addison said, relaxing herself into the conversation as she sipped her drink . She had expected to see Alex just as intoxicated as Mark. Even though they seemed to be having their differences at the hospital, she thought the alcohol would subside those feelings just for tonight. Right now, Alex should’ve been collaborating with Mark, doing their best drunken rendition of the nut bush.
‘Definitely not. I’m not going to get loosened up so I can be manipulated into dancing tonight. Plus, I want to get the hell out of here as soon as possible and that requires me driving not waiting around for a cab,’ he said in an easy manner.
‘So you’re not a dancer then?’ Addison said, her smile appreciating his frankness.
‘I don’t do dancing and I don’t do formals. Wedding’s are the worst. All this emotional and fluffy stuff..’
‘Yeh,’ Addison agreed, suddenly looking disengaged.
And it was only until then, when Addison glanced in the direction of Meredith and Derek as she talked, that he realised what had been troubling Addison tonight. She’d been playing the strong, independent woman a little too convincingly at the hospital for him to realise that she was still hurting. Gone was the Addison who gave as good as she got. Gone were those snarky, condescending tirades of abuse.
‘I don’t know if I should be mad at him for moving on or mad at myself for not doing the same,’ Addison said with a hint of resignation, vacantly assessing Derek’s mood, a polar opposite to hers.
Alex didn’t have the words when he saw the tears well up in her eyes. He rarely did. All he could do was wrap his arms around her, letting her tears dampen his shirt as she hugged into his chest. She clung onto him as though it was something she had so desperately needed but had never been offered. He placed a kiss on the top of her head with a little hesitation, hoping the gesture would bring some comfort to her restless mind. ‘God, what has he done to you?’ Alex whispered into her hair.
He pulled from their embrace to meet Addison’s eyes. They were searching his as if they held an answer and he decided to grab her hand, pulling her away from the dance floor.
Once they stepped outside the reception, they were greeted with the cool drift of the evening air and he placed his jacket over her shoulders. Away from the scrutiny of the guests, he then wrapped his arm around her waist, slowly navigating her to the steps at the front of the building.
They both sat on the steps in silence, basking in the fact that the noise from the hundreds of guests, the vibration of the floor and the intensity of the lights were all numbed down.
‘Thank you,‘ Addison said, breaking the silence.
‘No problem.’ Alex said, reassuring her that she didn’t need to feel the embarrassment that was giving her cheeks a flushed red colour at the moment.
‘To think that you’re supposed to be my help,….’ she continued, hugging his jacket.
‘You’ve got stop that. You say it like it’s some sort of obligation. It’s not. It’s ok, really. It’s all good’ Alex said genuinely.
‘Okay, well thank you,’ she said, jabbing him in the stomach, his speech picking up her spirits. They shared a smile before Addison’s smile dissolved again.
‘You really thought I was doing this for your sake? Me? You are the excuse I need to leave this wedding-thing‘. Alex said, holding her hand as he stood up.
‘Come on, I’m taking you home,’ he said, pulling her hand, hinting for her to get up.
‘Alex, you’ve done more than enough. I’ll call a cab, it’s fine,’ she said, still sitting on the concrete step.
‘Do I have to go through this with you again? You are wearing my jacket. If I leave you, you’ll have my jacket….and if I leave you without the jacket, I’ll get worried that you’re going to be cold. So come on, Dr…’
‘Addison‘, she interrupted. Convinced, she slowly let the tug of his arm pull her up.
‘Addison, see, I told you the whole world revolves around me,’ Alex winked at her as he guided her towards his car.
Author: shakealittle
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Alex/Addison
Disclaimer: I own nothing
===
“Sad veiled bride, please be happy.
Handsome groom, give her room.
Loud, loutish lover, treat her kindly,
although she needs you more than she loves you”
===
- The Smiths
CHAPTER ONE: I KNOW IT’S OVER
It opened with, ‘Dear Addison and guest.’
There was nothing like a wedding to really reinforce the fact that Addison was all alone. If she’d been paying attention, she would’ve realised that it had been coming along time ago. Feelings of loneliness started creeping up on her when a certain husband’s absence compounded over time. Leaving her stranded, she’d found a temporary solution in Mark, which ironically left her even more alone than before.
But it was just now, as she sat at the reception with the only thing accompanying her being the daiquiri she held in her right hand, that she could really acknowledge there was no Addison and Derek, no Addison and Mark, not even an Addison + 1. She sat alone at her designated table, fiddling with her napkin that she must’ve refolded at least 20 times tonight. ‘At least the night’s getting better,’ she tried to reassure herself. The only thing more humiliating than sitting at a vacant table is sitting with 20 unknown people, listening to yourself as you try and decorate your life story as though it were something worthy of their attention.
She scanned the hall which had suddenly turned into a dance floor of happy couples because only couples dance to, ‘The way you look tonight.’ Oh and those drunk enough to forget they don’t have a significant other. ‘In fact, it seems like some have even forgotten they have both a left and right foot,’ Addison sniggered to herself as she observed an intoxicated Mark attempting to dance.
‘Oh god, I hope they don’t play our wedding song,’ Addison thought. She rolled her eyes in contempt as she realised just how quickly the thought had popped into her head. It was those kind of moments, those kind of associations which were making her life difficult. They had become a reflex. Objects and habits were constantly triggering memories of the past, which of course, made her reflect on the present and that made for a depressing comparison.
She took the napkin off her lap and placed it on the table. She decided to stand up because the least she could do was try to blend herself in the festivities. Addison integrated herself into a dark spot which she’d suspected wouldn’t light up every 5 seconds. For every song that was played, she’d pass the time by hoping that maybe it would be the last song for the night. When ‘Somebody Told Me’ ended only be followed up by ‘How Sweet It Is,‘ she became anxious again. She fidgeted with the brim of her glass, sipping the liquid inside it to free her mind momentarily. Then she felt a body approach her.
‘I’ve decided I’m standing next you for the rest of the night.’ Alex asserted.
She didn’t even have to glance in the direction of the voice, she could notice that impudent voice a mile away. ‘And why would that be, Karev?’ Addison asked vacantly, awaiting the punch line.
‘I look less awkward standing next to you,’ Alex said through his smirk. It was her red dress which had initially caught his attention. It was well fitted, which he had expected, and cut off at her knees, revealing her long legs. Her hair had waves through it tonight but the rest of her didn’t look as vibrant and relaxed as her attire would otherwise suggest. Dr Montgomery looked displaced, which he found odd. He thought something as dignified as Cristina and Burke’s wedding would be her element.
‘So it’s that obvious?’ Addison enquired, a little disappointed but not surprised that her façade was easy enough for Alex Karev to detect.
‘Yep.’ Alex replied without hesitation. Addison looked back at him and cracked her first smile for the night. She could see why he was feeling out of place. His pants were a little too short for his legs and his hands were stuffed in their pockets. His tie looked like it was suffocating him and the way his neck would try to readjust it every so often implied that it was doing just that.
‘I thought you would be the guy who took full advantage of the open bar. ’ Addison said, relaxing herself into the conversation as she sipped her drink . She had expected to see Alex just as intoxicated as Mark. Even though they seemed to be having their differences at the hospital, she thought the alcohol would subside those feelings just for tonight. Right now, Alex should’ve been collaborating with Mark, doing their best drunken rendition of the nut bush.
‘Definitely not. I’m not going to get loosened up so I can be manipulated into dancing tonight. Plus, I want to get the hell out of here as soon as possible and that requires me driving not waiting around for a cab,’ he said in an easy manner.
‘So you’re not a dancer then?’ Addison said, her smile appreciating his frankness.
‘I don’t do dancing and I don’t do formals. Wedding’s are the worst. All this emotional and fluffy stuff..’
‘Yeh,’ Addison agreed, suddenly looking disengaged.
And it was only until then, when Addison glanced in the direction of Meredith and Derek as she talked, that he realised what had been troubling Addison tonight. She’d been playing the strong, independent woman a little too convincingly at the hospital for him to realise that she was still hurting. Gone was the Addison who gave as good as she got. Gone were those snarky, condescending tirades of abuse.
‘I don’t know if I should be mad at him for moving on or mad at myself for not doing the same,’ Addison said with a hint of resignation, vacantly assessing Derek’s mood, a polar opposite to hers.
Alex didn’t have the words when he saw the tears well up in her eyes. He rarely did. All he could do was wrap his arms around her, letting her tears dampen his shirt as she hugged into his chest. She clung onto him as though it was something she had so desperately needed but had never been offered. He placed a kiss on the top of her head with a little hesitation, hoping the gesture would bring some comfort to her restless mind. ‘God, what has he done to you?’ Alex whispered into her hair.
He pulled from their embrace to meet Addison’s eyes. They were searching his as if they held an answer and he decided to grab her hand, pulling her away from the dance floor.
Once they stepped outside the reception, they were greeted with the cool drift of the evening air and he placed his jacket over her shoulders. Away from the scrutiny of the guests, he then wrapped his arm around her waist, slowly navigating her to the steps at the front of the building.
They both sat on the steps in silence, basking in the fact that the noise from the hundreds of guests, the vibration of the floor and the intensity of the lights were all numbed down.
‘Thank you,‘ Addison said, breaking the silence.
‘No problem.’ Alex said, reassuring her that she didn’t need to feel the embarrassment that was giving her cheeks a flushed red colour at the moment.
‘To think that you’re supposed to be my help,….’ she continued, hugging his jacket.
‘You’ve got stop that. You say it like it’s some sort of obligation. It’s not. It’s ok, really. It’s all good’ Alex said genuinely.
‘Okay, well thank you,’ she said, jabbing him in the stomach, his speech picking up her spirits. They shared a smile before Addison’s smile dissolved again.
‘You really thought I was doing this for your sake? Me? You are the excuse I need to leave this wedding-thing‘. Alex said, holding her hand as he stood up.
‘Come on, I’m taking you home,’ he said, pulling her hand, hinting for her to get up.
‘Alex, you’ve done more than enough. I’ll call a cab, it’s fine,’ she said, still sitting on the concrete step.
‘Do I have to go through this with you again? You are wearing my jacket. If I leave you, you’ll have my jacket….and if I leave you without the jacket, I’ll get worried that you’re going to be cold. So come on, Dr…’
‘Addison‘, she interrupted. Convinced, she slowly let the tug of his arm pull her up.
‘Addison, see, I told you the whole world revolves around me,’ Alex winked at her as he guided her towards his car.