New Year's.

[shake_the_stars]

X-chan is leaving 2 January to spend some time with our father before she goes back to school in Hawaii. If there is one thing I will never, ever, ever forgive him for, it is this: she was within earshot (packing in the next room) during his grandstanding. She heard the whole fucking thing. She already, on some level (maybe not consciously), believes that if she isn't perfect, he won't love her and will toss her aside the way he did my mother. Even though his tirade was directed at me, not at her, it can only confirm this idea. He can do whatever he wants to me, but by God I'll gut him if he so much as looks at my sister the wrong way, and I don't care if he's the Christ Child's father.

I have plans for New Year's Eve. Specifically, I am going to find out what everybody else in the office is doing, and then I am going to see if we can't coordinate our binge drinking. I just want to get completely wasted for the first (and probably last) time in my life. I did not bring my leather pants and gold bustier from Bloomington for nothing.

My mother thinks this is a ridiculous idea and made me promise not to drive. I hope I'll be lucid enough to think of that. Frankly, I just want an excuse to get dressed up and get plastered and kiss some girl at midnight and then never necessarily have to see her again.

New Year's resolutions to follow, when I can express them coherently.