I Totally Stole This Meme From augustuscaesar
This is my journal. I can totally do this to you if I want. It's totally under a cut so you can totally skip it if you want. I also totally abused the word "totally" in the preceding sentences, for which I apologize.
1.) How can I tell if you're angry?
In real life? You'll know. It'll be obvious that I am seriously pissed off, as evidenced by facial expressions, vigorous swearing (which can sometimes get pretty nonsensical), stomping, slamming doors, and the trail of destruction I leave in my wake (I am pretty clumsy at the best of times, but I'm much more likely to break something when I'm angry, and I'm much more likely to do it on purpose and/or not care about the aftermath).
On the Internet? You'll know. You can reasonably expect a lot of CAPSLOCK and vigorous swearing and stupid font tricks, often involving large sizes, italics, or boldface. There may also be snide remarks directed at the object of my ire.
In general, I scream a lot and lash out.
2.) How should I behave around you if you're angry?
Are you the reason I'm angry? Then fix it, and fix it damn quick. And none of this "I'm sorry you feel that way" bullshit, which is a glib non-apology that essentially suggests that I'm being unreasonable for being angry. (Not to say that this is never the case--I'm a human being like anyone else--but as I age, I am less likely to get angry with someone for no good reason.) My father was the master of this tactic and the only thing it will do is make me angry enough to fuel a small nuclear warhead. Also: if you're really sorry, then you will change your behavior, or at least make a good-faith effort to do so. You can also reasonably expect relations to be strained for a while; I have a short temper, but I also stay angry for a long time.
Are you not the reason that I'm angry? Then stay out of my way. If you try to conciliate me or make excuses for the party who is at fault, you run the risk of turning my not-unformidable fury on you. Just move along and go about your business and don't worry about it.
Are you uncertain as to whether you're the reason that I'm angry or not? Then ask. Odds are you won't be in this position, since I tend to make it very, very clear where people stand with me.
3.) How do you want me to behave when you are hurting emotionally? How is it best to comfort you?
You probably won't know when I'm hurting emotionally, not anymore. I'm done with this showing-vulnerability-and-weakness-and-indecision bullcrap; it's a huge risk for insufficient reward. I've learnt my lesson. I guess if I made a post about, say, the lolmom dying, which would be a huge event that I wouldn't just not talk about, it might be reasonable for you to infer that I was hurting emotionally.
My tendency, when I'm hurt, is to want my space so I can go lick my wounds in peace; when I'm depressed, I tend to push people away, which is kind of my way of protecting you from me. You can help by leaving me alone and not asking whether I'm okay. In general, if I don't want to talk about something, I'll say so.
4.) Are there things we should not discuss?
Yes. Lots of them. Part of this is because I need very clearly defined boundaries, and this is one way of establishing them. Part of this is because there are just things that I don't want to talk about for whatever reason--sometimes because it's old news and I've said what I have to say about it, or because I'm still processing it, or because I don't want people to know about it for one or another reason. Generally, I'm pretty clear about saying, "This is private," or, "I don't want to talk about this".
(I should note, though, that I don't keep things from people when it directly affects them: for instance, if you and I were sleeping together and I found I'd been exposed to an STD, I'd tell you as soon as I knew, because I would want to know if it were the other way around, and because it's the right thing to do. But my refusal to, say, be drawn into political discussions doesn't really directly affect anyone.)
If you get too close, I'll warn you off as gently as I'm capable of (which, in the spirit of full disclosure, isn't very). If you still keep trying to force the issue, you can reasonably expect an explosion that will make Krakatoa look like a trash fire.
5.) How should I treat you when you are ill?
GO AWAY AND LET ME DIE. Seriously, I probably just want to sleep, shower, emerge from my room periodically for food and liquids, and repeat the cycle. If, after three days, I don't emerge and the house starts to smell like something died, you're free to check in on me. But I don't want to be petted or catered to, and the extent of the attention I'd want would be for you to ask if you can get me anything from the store (if you're going anyway).
That said: I'm not a hypochondriac and most of my ailments are self-limiting or easily treated, so if I tell you to call an ambulance, I am probably running a high fever that I can't bring down, am bleeding or vomiting uncontrollably, have broken something, or can see my internal organs. So please do it. (You may need to stop me poking at my internal organs if I can see them. I have a morbid hard-on for that kind of thing.)
6.) What makes you happy that's in my power to grant you?
I'm going to gack augustuscaesar's answer here, because I can't think of a better. Showing me in some way, no matter how small, that you're thinking about me and you care about me.
7.) How would you like us to recognize your birthday?
I feel like a dick saying this so soon after my birthday, especially since I know that the people who leave messages or send things DO care, but my birthday isn't that big a deal to me, and I'd as soon you didn't. Unfortunately, my birthday is the anniversary of an extremely unpleasant event in my life (not being born), and I'm not at a point where I'm able to separate the two. Also, I don't really like to be the center of attention for any reason, even if it's positive attention; it makes me uncomfortable.
8.) Are there any standing categories of presents that would be appropriate or unwelcome?
For the most part, I will appreciate anything just because you took the trouble to pick it out; the stuff that has made me the happiest (in terms of crass materialism) has been stuff that shows the giver knows me really well. (For instance, dethorats turned me on to The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen--the comics, not the movie--and I was surprised that I liked it and a little annoyed with her for knowing I would. XD) I'd rather you let me buy my own clothes, and if you're thinking OHAI L33 READS A LOT PERHAPS I SHALL GET HER A BOOK, I'd appreciate it if you asked me what I like best to read, rather than, say, getting me an inspirational romance novel because, hey, it's a book. (I read almost everything, but I like some things better than others. Also, it's obviously very different if you're getting me the inspirational romance novel as a joke, in which case I assure you I probably will see the joke.)
Stuff that does not make a good gift for me:
a.) Teddy bears. I hate them. If there's anything more insipid, I'm curious to know what it is.
b.) I don't read or watch horror, ever, no exceptions, so books and DVDs in that genre are unlikely to be welcome.
c.) Thomas Kinkade anything. Not to my taste at all, not to mention GLURGE CITY.
d.) A subscription to the Steak-of-the-Month Club; I rarely eat red meat.
e.) Lol-Mart gift cards, for reasons that go without saying.
f.) A pet tarantula. I hate and fear spiders, and the tarantula's lifespan could be measured in seconds as soon as I realized what it was and got my ass-kicking boots on.
9.) Are there times of the year that are difficult for you? Please explain if you are comfortable.
I don't do well with my birthday or Christmas (both are the anniversary of very unpleasant events in my life), and late fall/the entire winter is generally pretty difficult for me. I don't have SAD, but when the days are shorter and darker I do get a little down, and as the year wanes, I start to feel more and more like I've wasted my potential.
10.) Are there important anniversaries in your life?
Yes, but they aren't important to people who aren't me. Nor should they be.
11.) How do I cater for you if you are visiting me?
You got a place I can lay my head, a working toilet, a working shower, and something in the fridge? FAN-TAS-TIC! Seriously, I'm not a picky houseguest; as long as you haven't got roaches crawling out of the shitter or something, I'm good.
If you want gory details, I snore so ideally this place where I can lay my head has a door that shuts. (I have no conscious control over the snoring and cannot turn it off at will. If I could stop doing it, I would, because I know it irks people. Srry gaiz.) Also, I rarely eat red meat (though pizza's not as good without meat, and sometimes I just want a goddamn burger) and would rather have chicken, fish or something meatless. I won't eat mangoes--I have no known food allergies, but X-chan is allergic to mangoes and I stay away from them in the event that there's a hereditary component there--but other than that, I enjoy produce. :D That said, if what you have is ground beef or pork, I'll eat it and shut up.
Oh, and thanks to our swell pal The Endocrine System, I am on meds that can give me some, uh, gastrointestinal issues if I make shitty food choices (or OD on produce), so it is possible that I may spring up in the middle of a conversation because I HAVE TO GO RIGHT THIS INSTANT. I'm not doing it to avoid you or get out of the conversation.
12.) If I want to contact you, how should I do it?
E-mail, AIM, or LJ comments preferred; I rarely use YM anymore. I am on Twitter and I guess that's okay, but it suffers from the inevitable downfall of text messages: I will get bored and pretend I have gone to bed because listening to my phone beep is a crazy-making ordeal. Despite galhea's best efforts, I do not find Facebook all that interesting and am rarely there; I will see things you scribble on my wall, but that's about it.
Oh, and I guess you can call me, but I'm bad at talking on the phone, at least initially.
1.) How can I tell if you're angry?
In real life? You'll know. It'll be obvious that I am seriously pissed off, as evidenced by facial expressions, vigorous swearing (which can sometimes get pretty nonsensical), stomping, slamming doors, and the trail of destruction I leave in my wake (I am pretty clumsy at the best of times, but I'm much more likely to break something when I'm angry, and I'm much more likely to do it on purpose and/or not care about the aftermath).
On the Internet? You'll know. You can reasonably expect a lot of CAPSLOCK and vigorous swearing and stupid font tricks, often involving large sizes, italics, or boldface. There may also be snide remarks directed at the object of my ire.
In general, I scream a lot and lash out.
2.) How should I behave around you if you're angry?
Are you the reason I'm angry? Then fix it, and fix it damn quick. And none of this "I'm sorry you feel that way" bullshit, which is a glib non-apology that essentially suggests that I'm being unreasonable for being angry. (Not to say that this is never the case--I'm a human being like anyone else--but as I age, I am less likely to get angry with someone for no good reason.) My father was the master of this tactic and the only thing it will do is make me angry enough to fuel a small nuclear warhead. Also: if you're really sorry, then you will change your behavior, or at least make a good-faith effort to do so. You can also reasonably expect relations to be strained for a while; I have a short temper, but I also stay angry for a long time.
Are you not the reason that I'm angry? Then stay out of my way. If you try to conciliate me or make excuses for the party who is at fault, you run the risk of turning my not-unformidable fury on you. Just move along and go about your business and don't worry about it.
Are you uncertain as to whether you're the reason that I'm angry or not? Then ask. Odds are you won't be in this position, since I tend to make it very, very clear where people stand with me.
3.) How do you want me to behave when you are hurting emotionally? How is it best to comfort you?
You probably won't know when I'm hurting emotionally, not anymore. I'm done with this showing-vulnerability-and-weakness-and-indecision bullcrap; it's a huge risk for insufficient reward. I've learnt my lesson. I guess if I made a post about, say, the lolmom dying, which would be a huge event that I wouldn't just not talk about, it might be reasonable for you to infer that I was hurting emotionally.
My tendency, when I'm hurt, is to want my space so I can go lick my wounds in peace; when I'm depressed, I tend to push people away, which is kind of my way of protecting you from me. You can help by leaving me alone and not asking whether I'm okay. In general, if I don't want to talk about something, I'll say so.
4.) Are there things we should not discuss?
Yes. Lots of them. Part of this is because I need very clearly defined boundaries, and this is one way of establishing them. Part of this is because there are just things that I don't want to talk about for whatever reason--sometimes because it's old news and I've said what I have to say about it, or because I'm still processing it, or because I don't want people to know about it for one or another reason. Generally, I'm pretty clear about saying, "This is private," or, "I don't want to talk about this".
(I should note, though, that I don't keep things from people when it directly affects them: for instance, if you and I were sleeping together and I found I'd been exposed to an STD, I'd tell you as soon as I knew, because I would want to know if it were the other way around, and because it's the right thing to do. But my refusal to, say, be drawn into political discussions doesn't really directly affect anyone.)
If you get too close, I'll warn you off as gently as I'm capable of (which, in the spirit of full disclosure, isn't very). If you still keep trying to force the issue, you can reasonably expect an explosion that will make Krakatoa look like a trash fire.
5.) How should I treat you when you are ill?
GO AWAY AND LET ME DIE. Seriously, I probably just want to sleep, shower, emerge from my room periodically for food and liquids, and repeat the cycle. If, after three days, I don't emerge and the house starts to smell like something died, you're free to check in on me. But I don't want to be petted or catered to, and the extent of the attention I'd want would be for you to ask if you can get me anything from the store (if you're going anyway).
That said: I'm not a hypochondriac and most of my ailments are self-limiting or easily treated, so if I tell you to call an ambulance, I am probably running a high fever that I can't bring down, am bleeding or vomiting uncontrollably, have broken something, or can see my internal organs. So please do it. (You may need to stop me poking at my internal organs if I can see them. I have a morbid hard-on for that kind of thing.)
6.) What makes you happy that's in my power to grant you?
I'm going to gack augustuscaesar's answer here, because I can't think of a better. Showing me in some way, no matter how small, that you're thinking about me and you care about me.
7.) How would you like us to recognize your birthday?
I feel like a dick saying this so soon after my birthday, especially since I know that the people who leave messages or send things DO care, but my birthday isn't that big a deal to me, and I'd as soon you didn't. Unfortunately, my birthday is the anniversary of an extremely unpleasant event in my life (not being born), and I'm not at a point where I'm able to separate the two. Also, I don't really like to be the center of attention for any reason, even if it's positive attention; it makes me uncomfortable.
8.) Are there any standing categories of presents that would be appropriate or unwelcome?
For the most part, I will appreciate anything just because you took the trouble to pick it out; the stuff that has made me the happiest (in terms of crass materialism) has been stuff that shows the giver knows me really well. (For instance, dethorats turned me on to The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen--the comics, not the movie--and I was surprised that I liked it and a little annoyed with her for knowing I would. XD) I'd rather you let me buy my own clothes, and if you're thinking OHAI L33 READS A LOT PERHAPS I SHALL GET HER A BOOK, I'd appreciate it if you asked me what I like best to read, rather than, say, getting me an inspirational romance novel because, hey, it's a book. (I read almost everything, but I like some things better than others. Also, it's obviously very different if you're getting me the inspirational romance novel as a joke, in which case I assure you I probably will see the joke.)
Stuff that does not make a good gift for me:
a.) Teddy bears. I hate them. If there's anything more insipid, I'm curious to know what it is.
b.) I don't read or watch horror, ever, no exceptions, so books and DVDs in that genre are unlikely to be welcome.
c.) Thomas Kinkade anything. Not to my taste at all, not to mention GLURGE CITY.
d.) A subscription to the Steak-of-the-Month Club; I rarely eat red meat.
e.) Lol-Mart gift cards, for reasons that go without saying.
f.) A pet tarantula. I hate and fear spiders, and the tarantula's lifespan could be measured in seconds as soon as I realized what it was and got my ass-kicking boots on.
9.) Are there times of the year that are difficult for you? Please explain if you are comfortable.
I don't do well with my birthday or Christmas (both are the anniversary of very unpleasant events in my life), and late fall/the entire winter is generally pretty difficult for me. I don't have SAD, but when the days are shorter and darker I do get a little down, and as the year wanes, I start to feel more and more like I've wasted my potential.
10.) Are there important anniversaries in your life?
Yes, but they aren't important to people who aren't me. Nor should they be.
11.) How do I cater for you if you are visiting me?
You got a place I can lay my head, a working toilet, a working shower, and something in the fridge? FAN-TAS-TIC! Seriously, I'm not a picky houseguest; as long as you haven't got roaches crawling out of the shitter or something, I'm good.
If you want gory details, I snore so ideally this place where I can lay my head has a door that shuts. (I have no conscious control over the snoring and cannot turn it off at will. If I could stop doing it, I would, because I know it irks people. Srry gaiz.) Also, I rarely eat red meat (though pizza's not as good without meat, and sometimes I just want a goddamn burger) and would rather have chicken, fish or something meatless. I won't eat mangoes--I have no known food allergies, but X-chan is allergic to mangoes and I stay away from them in the event that there's a hereditary component there--but other than that, I enjoy produce. :D That said, if what you have is ground beef or pork, I'll eat it and shut up.
Oh, and thanks to our swell pal The Endocrine System, I am on meds that can give me some, uh, gastrointestinal issues if I make shitty food choices (or OD on produce), so it is possible that I may spring up in the middle of a conversation because I HAVE TO GO RIGHT THIS INSTANT. I'm not doing it to avoid you or get out of the conversation.
12.) If I want to contact you, how should I do it?
E-mail, AIM, or LJ comments preferred; I rarely use YM anymore. I am on Twitter and I guess that's okay, but it suffers from the inevitable downfall of text messages: I will get bored and pretend I have gone to bed because listening to my phone beep is a crazy-making ordeal. Despite galhea's best efforts, I do not find Facebook all that interesting and am rarely there; I will see things you scribble on my wall, but that's about it.
Oh, and I guess you can call me, but I'm bad at talking on the phone, at least initially.