In Which The Magun Backfires (Now With More Fistulae)

[shake_the_stars]

This is, basically, a giant brain dump, because I can't be arsed to post on a regular basis. For that, I apologize. Perhaps I will manage to get my shit together by January.

l33: L33 HAS HAND-EYE COORDINATION SUPERIOR TO THAT OF A BRAIN-DEAD ZOMBIE AND CAN HOLD ON TO THINGS
The Universe: ERROR

Comments

[shake_the_stars]

When I was growing up, fluffy little seahorse, Elmo wasn't on Sesame Street very often (I watched the cool old-school episodes with Grover and that). My favorite character as a kid was Oscar the Grouch; I had a stuffed Oscar toy that I dragged with me literally everywhere. If I forgot him at the library or something, it was Srs Bsns. I think I grew up to identify with him a little too well.

Because your old seme loves you very, very much, and enjoys anything you write even if he is crap about commenting on it to let you know this, he thinks you should steel yourself and write him some Vader fic. Or I will continue to hold your Christmas presents hostage. ^_-

I'd be changing my first and middle names, after I paid down my debts (so it doesn't look like I'm trying to dodge creditors). At this point, it seems to be pretty much a foregone conclusion that I'm going to do it; life is too short to use a name I don't like. I'll be retaining my full first name as a middle name, since I find it far less heinously offensive that way (and also to avoid causing too much dissonance for people who know me by that name), but I'll have a new first name. (You can still call me Lee. ^____^ The lolmom went all "lol srry wil stil call u by original naem :< ", but in fairness, if I changed my name to Robert or Gerald, she'd still call me by my original name.) I have no beef with my surname, and the last thing I want is more paternal wank anyway.

(Every time I happen to catch The Empire Strikes Back, and Luke is all NOOOOOOOOO, I'm like, "Yeah, man, I know. That's how I felt when I found out, too." Except I'd almost rather have Darth Vader for a father, because he at least knew what he was about.)

I didn't know you wanted to change your name too. Remember that when lily-white girls choose Japanese surnames, they look like weeaboos. ^_-

I never subscribed to Cosmo, though from time to time I would occasionally buy an issue. This shit stopped when I opened it to an article stating that women should never display anger (trufax). Also, if you are going to advertise SHOCKING AND TABOO ACTS in your fine publication (suitable for wiping asses everywhere), perhaps the acts you describe should be shocking and taboo. When someone says "taboo", I think "massive incestuous orgies". I think "llama feces". I think "800-pound quadruple amputees farting in bathtubs full of blue Jell-O". I do not think "what-what-in-the-butt", which, while I personally do not find it particularly entertaining (for me, it falls into the category of Acts That Are Sexy To Think About But That I Refuse To Actually Perform), is not shocking or taboo to me.

I like Allure, but that's largely because it doesn't take itself too seriously and it skips straight to the beauty advice and the latest colors and toys without any of the other crap I don't want. Also, some of their essays are quite thoughtful.

COSMO HATEFIC Y/Y.

[duokinneas]

Hell, even when I was little, Grover, Cookie Monster, and Oscar got more screentime than that fuckface, Elmo. He's taken the show over and I wish Sesame Street would create a spin-off for him, so he'll stop fucking up my favorite childhood show. >_< Fucking ICK. Do. Not. Want. Do want more Oscar. I loved Oscar, but my favorite was probably Grover.

Oh, man, you don't want to read my attempts. I mean, for someone who wants Vader tattooed on my body, I can't write him. He's too epic! I need to find someone's fic that makes him act epic, too, instead of just being an angst monster of epic proportions.

I'm saying a hearty "amen" to your, "Life is too short to use a name I don't like." I think your solution to the problem is a clever way to solve the obvious issue of people saying, "But I know you by X Name, so I'm going to keep calling you that!" (I'll be honest, I'd call you whatever you asked, but I'll always think of you as Lee. Just like I try to distance myself from my name, but you're always free to call me by my name because that's how you know me.)

(Is it sad that, much as I love my dad and have resolved most issues with him, I would love to have Vader for a father? Vader, not Anakin. Anakin, interpreted in canon, scares me. At least if Vader had shit with you, he brought it to your face - or your hand. He didn't start paternal wank. And he ultimately kills the Emperor for his son! That's paternal devotion, man.)

I'm not changing my last name to any weeaboo-ass shit. I have some ideas, but my last name change will have to wait until I find a name that I would like to give to a dynasty of cats.

If you don't mind me being nosy, what are you considering changing your first name to?

I haven't seen them say anything about not displaying anger, but I've seen plenty of, "THIS IS SO DIRTY, OMG" moments that are actually about girl-on-top positions instead of missionary, and I'm like, "Honey, that shit stopped being shocking in 1985." Shocking is cannibal porn and snuff films and the aforementioned 800-pound quadruple amputees. Shocking is the end of 1 Guy 1 Jar. Shocking is not masturbating in front of "your man." **pukes**

Agreed on the what-what. D: I find it interesting in a, "I will not engage in this act, ever," sense. The same sense that allows me to visit "alternative" sites like Gurochan. o_o

I stopped subscribing to Cosmo at first because they recycled the same sex tips issue after issue, and for someone ordering the magazine for the beauty tips, it wasn't worth flipping past all the substandard sex and relationship advice. Plus, when you're reusing those tired old standards, you're not bringing anything new to my fanfic-writing table, and I have no interest in continuing to even glance at the increasingly large sex and relationship sections of the magazine. So Cosmo and I broke up. Since then, every time I flip through an issue, I see idiotic advice telling women to maim themselves in the name of beauty, and giving vague, unhelpful commentary on our already misunderstood bodies.

I've never tried Allure. I love beauty magazines, but I only love ones that have makeup and beauty advice that I can use. A lot of what I know, I've figured out on my own; I would like a resource that gives me new ideas, and Cosmo is not it.

COSMO HATEFIC TIME. I'm going to have to work it into another fic. Write a whole fic about two characters ripping on Cosmo. XD

[shake_the_stars]

I don't even get where all the Elmo love comes from. Dude, he isn't interesting. He doesn't do anything. What about him is so fascinating that he has legions of drones to do his bidding? (Hmmm, maybe that was the point...)

I think the lolmom might have my old Oscar doll somewhere. I know she still has toys I played with as a toddler, which she was apparently hiding in the basement because she was afraid I would throw them away. (She had reason to be afraid of this. I am not sentimental about some parts of my childhood, which was simultaneously wonderful and awful.)

I so want to find an RPG where I can play him. With my luck, because I sure can pick 'em, I'd draw the attention of every Mary Sue within a three-mile radius. (The Dark Lord notes your insignificant boobies without much interest. Don't think you won't face disciplinary action for unapproved cleavage modifications to your uniform after we settle some Rebel hash.)

My beef is, with my hated full name, that people assume I use a monosyllabic nickname (I do, but not the ones they're assuming), and they often decide to call me by these monosyllables without having the decency to ask first. Do not want. I'll be changing my given name to Leah and using my hated full name as a middle name (both to avoid causing dissonance for people who know me as that name and because I find it less horrible for me personally as a middle name), so you can still call me Lee. ^____^

(At least Vader had charisma and persuasion going for him. Plus, he was way sexier as Vader than as Anakin. Also, my father would never kill his boss for me. His powers are weak.)

I cannot take the Gurochan and the really extreme shit; I find it unsexy and thus avoid it. I'm not even interested in looking at it to see what it's about. There are things that I already know I don't like, and I don't need to see it in order to make this judgment call. Yes, I am close-minded. (And I'm somewhat jaded, because I don't find BDSM particularly shocking, but that's more or less guaranteed to french my fries; not many people consider their own tastes to be extreme or taboo. Though I guess for most people, bondage is "the fuzzy play handcuffs" and nothing deeper. Yukichi and I know better. ^_-)

Yeah, I have to read Cosmo as comedy or I'll become enraged by it. You know me. I'd suggest you at least give Allure a try--pick up a few issues at the library or the store, and see what you think. I'm partial to it.

I wish to see this fic, and will not allow you to jump on my bed until you write it. XD