Long, Boring Cobbled-Together Post Is Long, Boring, And Cobbled Together
ONE: For those who could see my Twitter feed earlier and were concerned about a reference to having blood all over my face, I'm okay. I didn't get hit or injured or anything; I just had a nosebleed on my break and was trying to wipe up blood without a mirror. When I did get a minute to check myself, I didn't actually have blood all over my face--just a few traces that you would have had to look hard at.
TWO: I'm really not very happy right now (don't want to talk about it, thx), so here's a bunch of unexciting non-adventures I've had.
+ I was made to take a survey at Lol-Mart the other day, which they call a Grassroots Meeting and of course my brain immediately converted it into an Assroots meeting (haha @ me). Supposedly these surveys are anonymous and the demographic information (where in the store you work, your pay scale, how long you've been with the company, &c.) is not used to identify individuals. Also, if you don't want my honest opinion, don't fucking ask me for it. I was honest, and as fair as I could be, and I didn't give them low marks on everything-however, I do not have warm and fuzzy feelings about the House of Lol, I don't feel I can have a great career there, and it wouldn't take very much to get me to leave the 'Mart. (Note to prospective employers: FIRST ACCEPTABLE OFFER, YO.)
+ Friday sucked ass. Apparently it is federal law that all Good Fridays must be foul and rainy and drizzly. Seriously, I have absolutely no memory of any pleasant Good Friday in the history of ever, even though logically there has to have been at least one. Also, the Easter Bunny was stocking up before bringing candy to children (and lolmoms) everywhere. So it was very tiring and very tedious and my last break was about 45 minutes late, which is a good way to get me pissy and cranky, especially when I'm very thirsty and my Coke is in my locker. Anyway, it's done, and I'm glad it's over.
+ On the plus side, I got to learn how to run the pay station yesterday (in a twenty-minute crash course, no less). The pay station is awesome in that I'm not actually manning a cash register, and sucks ass in that a.) customers confuse it with a real register and I have to explain that I cannot check them out, and b.) the self-check stations are rarely open because customers are asshats and insist on stealing.
+ Speaking of the Easter Bunny, one of my esteemed colleagues got to dress up in the Easter Bunny suit and have her picture taken with frightened children (and hip, ironic postmodern co-workers). I would totally have had my picture taken if I could have roped Ainsley and/or Camille into doing it with me, except the stars were not correctly aligned and our work schedules did not permit this. Unfortunately, the Easter Bunny suit was scary, rather than cute.
+ Speaking of Painsley, she had entertaining boyfriend drama of late. I ttly hang out with her for the schadenfreude. Don't worry, I'm pretty sure she knows it. (Now that she has my cell number, she is never going to leave me alone again, ever.)
+ Also I got to watch The Ten Commandments (and eat sushi, beer, and pistachio pudding for dinner. The excitement DOES NOT STOP around here). Hurrah!
+ I had a short shift on Easter, thankfully, or otherwise Beardo would have caught it between the eyes. (Beardo is my insulting nickname for our rather assy assistant manager, because srsly, either grow a beard or don't but don't just let stubble pile up without doing anything about it. Also, to probably misquote Jean Shepherd, "Historically, prisoners of war have given appropriate nicknames to their deserving captors.")
+ Also, Easter dinner! We had salmon broiled with sour cream and dill (and lemon juice)-delicious, although when I was making it the broiler went haywire and almost set off the smoke alarm. The fish was perfectly done, though! Also: garlic potato loaf, multibean salad, and sweet, delicious lemon pound cake for dessert. A+++ WOULD TTLY EAT AGAIN. :9
+ I may start snarking my vast collection of YA Poo on here, because it's something to do and I don't think anybody has snarked some of the more obscure series that I have bits and pieces of. (TEEN SHIT OF THE '80S 4 WIN.)
+ As therapy for my trainwreck syndrome, I broke with my not-watching-television tradition and tuned in to Nanny 911 the other night. Whilst flipping the dial, I accidentally landed on the Jeezer Channel, just in time to catch the first few seconds of Joel Osteen informing me that God clearly has a special plan for my life because I tuned in to the Jeezer Channel. Wow! I thought it was something to do with my flipping the dial and being drawn to trainwreck! Unfortunately, I didn't stick around to find out what God's special plan for me is. OH NOES. I hope it has something to do with Celtic mythology, 'cause I've been reading a lot of that over the past couple of weeks.
+ We have ants. We also have a special ant-crushing napkin in the kitchen, which now reeks of Raid, and we are not sure where the ants are coming from (possibly Hell) or how they got into the house. I hope to God it doesn't end like this.
+ Surely there has got to be a job for me somewhere in this worthless fuckhole of a decent-sized city. I mean WHAT. Who do I have to blow in order to get a fucking offer?
+ I forgot to what extent a single cigarette would stink up the car, even after having the windows open. Insert consequent total freak-out on realizing that Mom would be able to smell it on me, immediate change of clothes upon arrival home, etc. (The first person who fusses at me will get sworn at gratis, free, and at no cost. I really needed a cigarette.)
+ Happy belated to tiye. Hope it was fun.