Look, Ma, I'm a Real Action Hero
So this morning, when I was going to work, I pulled the door shut behind me, and the doorknob promptly came off in my hand. I attempted to screw it back on, but had no luck, and eventually put it back on and shut the storm door before I went to work.
(Any day during the course of which I have to go to Terre Haute automatically sucks. It's the land-title equivalent of "go to jail go directly to jail do not pass Go do not collect $200".)
I called m0mmy at work, and she said that since the deadbolt itself was untouched, I should be able to get back in without much trouble. By the time I came home, I was in a rotten mood (not to mention tired), and I just wanted to get in without having to climb in through a window or utterly destroy the door. I unlocked the deadbolt, which went fine, and tried to turn the doorknob a little; it wouldn't turn, but fell off again.
Lee: Fuck.
At this point, I could see the rod mechanism inside the doorknob, and thought perhaps I could turn it and open the door that way, so I tried to turn it but wound up poking it, and then heard a CLUNK! as the doorknob inside the house promptly fell off too.
Lee: Fuck.
The Podunk Princess was out in her yard and staring at me, but after all, I was holding scrap metal I could have thrown at her. Now I was in a bind: How was I to get in without a.) going in through the den window, which was closed or b.) going out to the garage, getting the axe, and hacking the holy living fuck out of the door?
The answer is obvious, and came to me like a bright ray of fuckwitted sunshine: I'd have to kick it in. Having never really had to kick down a door, I don't know how to do it properly, and probably didn't apply as much force as necessary. On the first kick, nothing happened, and continued to happen even when I tried to push it in to see if I'd loosened its resistance any.
Lee: ¡VIVA LA REVOLUCIÓN!
The door opened the second time I hauled off and kicked it harder; Mom and I were able to put the doorknob back on, thankfully, though we're probably ultimately going to have the front door fixed as well so that it also opens. I am sure the locksmith will be very interested to know why there are scuff marks on the door.
I've (sort of) survived a tornado and a jailbreak, and now I've (sort of) kicked down a door. I wonder what the next action heroine lesson is, and if I'll be required to fight terrorists or chase escaped monkeys or anything.
(Any day during the course of which I have to go to Terre Haute automatically sucks. It's the land-title equivalent of "go to jail go directly to jail do not pass Go do not collect $200".)
I called m0mmy at work, and she said that since the deadbolt itself was untouched, I should be able to get back in without much trouble. By the time I came home, I was in a rotten mood (not to mention tired), and I just wanted to get in without having to climb in through a window or utterly destroy the door. I unlocked the deadbolt, which went fine, and tried to turn the doorknob a little; it wouldn't turn, but fell off again.
Lee: Fuck.
At this point, I could see the rod mechanism inside the doorknob, and thought perhaps I could turn it and open the door that way, so I tried to turn it but wound up poking it, and then heard a CLUNK! as the doorknob inside the house promptly fell off too.
Lee: Fuck.
The Podunk Princess was out in her yard and staring at me, but after all, I was holding scrap metal I could have thrown at her. Now I was in a bind: How was I to get in without a.) going in through the den window, which was closed or b.) going out to the garage, getting the axe, and hacking the holy living fuck out of the door?
The answer is obvious, and came to me like a bright ray of fuckwitted sunshine: I'd have to kick it in. Having never really had to kick down a door, I don't know how to do it properly, and probably didn't apply as much force as necessary. On the first kick, nothing happened, and continued to happen even when I tried to push it in to see if I'd loosened its resistance any.
Lee: ¡VIVA LA REVOLUCIÓN!
The door opened the second time I hauled off and kicked it harder; Mom and I were able to put the doorknob back on, thankfully, though we're probably ultimately going to have the front door fixed as well so that it also opens. I am sure the locksmith will be very interested to know why there are scuff marks on the door.
I've (sort of) survived a tornado and a jailbreak, and now I've (sort of) kicked down a door. I wonder what the next action heroine lesson is, and if I'll be required to fight terrorists or chase escaped monkeys or anything.