the way i saw it.
didn't know what was wrong with her at the time, but my mom kept telling me that she was special. "god made her special. in the long run, she's lucky. god is trying to test all of us through her. testing her, too." so i looked at her differently from then on, more as a saint like we were taught about in catechism than a littl;e girl on a vintage schwinn, the basket full of aluminum cans, candy wrappers and a single dead bird. she was always smiling, a crooked smile that reminded me of halloween, the way little mikey carved the mouths into his pumpkins all jagged and misshapen. her eye looked like it was trying to wander off on its own and her teeth the same, coming up out from under her top lip. we rode our bikes and i din't think anything of it after mom told me she was god's little angel. we rode our bikes past dusk all up and down nottingham avenue while the other kids pointed and laughed the little laughs like hyenas, little jaws working double time. karen, the little girl, the flower, stopped her bike and started to cry. i stopped my bike, laid it on the asphalt and went over to her. i kissed her on the cheek, or tried to but she screamed and i froze because i wasn't sure what was wrong but she kept howling like i hadn't heard since uncle joe left for ireland. that was mom's name for the nuthouse, ireland. "just taking a little vacation is all." so she hopped back up on her bike and rode like the devil was gnawing at her ass. she hit a curb and came down face first shattering her two front teeth, shaving part of her kips right off, making her look even more grotesque. she moaned and cried and heaved and sobbed, snot running into her mouth with the blood. i left her there without a word, riding my bike home. it was the last time i ever saw her. my mom said that she moved away, had to go far away and i asked her if she was going to ireland with uncle joe. but she told me no, she was going to live with her grandmother. i haven't ever thought of her afte rthat until just now. i wish i hadn't tried to kiss her. it wasn't the right time.