the truth
its one of those times
where you dont know who to trust
and where you should put your deepest
thoughts hoping they wont be dug up
and peered at like some dead body.
although the sane thing is to follow and just
do what everyone tells me to
i cant, im trying, i dont even understand
what it is that im following from everyone's words.
mental frustration is clawing at my brain
my heart.. i wish i could just turn the 'off' button
so i wouldnt have to have something in use
that i dont use.
i know im not pretty,
fuck, im not even average looking.
im just trying and hoping i can make
someone laugh from looking at me
and thanking the heavens they look better .
i want to cry, i want to ball until i pass out
from crying, but my tears have to stay inside
and not come out, my voice which wants to
shout to the clouds and stars in the sky
forever locked inside the voice box, exerting
too much stress that i can feel the repulsion
from my own body.
i want to rip my voice out from my throat
i want to rip my heart out from my chest
i want to tear my eyes out from their sockets
but that's not possible.
people have been putting me down, every time
ive come close to accomplishing one little step
which is a big feat, they block my path and assassinate
what im trying to accomplish, and then stab me
so i have to take my time to recover, after doubting myself
after doubting the world
i try to go on.. i cant. i dont want to
i dont know why i was born,
i dont want to be alive
i dont have something to live for, if i died
id be one less burden to the people i live with
my death would be saving them atlast a couple 100,000$
a year, selling my things off, they could make a fortune out
of it. but i know that they would burn it.
no one wants to have any remembrance of something
that will not bring money or anything good.
as i am now,im just a twig on a branch
that is swinging on the sighs of the wind
who like a master is forcing me to bend to its will.
if i could, id like to fall into eternal sleep
and never wake up. the thought of having to
wake up to an artificial life and cruel reality
is something i will never bend to
or accept.
where you dont know who to trust
and where you should put your deepest
thoughts hoping they wont be dug up
and peered at like some dead body.
although the sane thing is to follow and just
do what everyone tells me to
i cant, im trying, i dont even understand
what it is that im following from everyone's words.
mental frustration is clawing at my brain
my heart.. i wish i could just turn the 'off' button
so i wouldnt have to have something in use
that i dont use.
i know im not pretty,
fuck, im not even average looking.
im just trying and hoping i can make
someone laugh from looking at me
and thanking the heavens they look better .
i want to cry, i want to ball until i pass out
from crying, but my tears have to stay inside
and not come out, my voice which wants to
shout to the clouds and stars in the sky
forever locked inside the voice box, exerting
too much stress that i can feel the repulsion
from my own body.
i want to rip my voice out from my throat
i want to rip my heart out from my chest
i want to tear my eyes out from their sockets
but that's not possible.
people have been putting me down, every time
ive come close to accomplishing one little step
which is a big feat, they block my path and assassinate
what im trying to accomplish, and then stab me
so i have to take my time to recover, after doubting myself
after doubting the world
i try to go on.. i cant. i dont want to
i dont know why i was born,
i dont want to be alive
i dont have something to live for, if i died
id be one less burden to the people i live with
my death would be saving them atlast a couple 100,000$
a year, selling my things off, they could make a fortune out
of it. but i know that they would burn it.
no one wants to have any remembrance of something
that will not bring money or anything good.
as i am now,im just a twig on a branch
that is swinging on the sighs of the wind
who like a master is forcing me to bend to its will.
if i could, id like to fall into eternal sleep
and never wake up. the thought of having to
wake up to an artificial life and cruel reality
is something i will never bend to
or accept.