The times, they are a-changin
So much has happened since I wrote anything of any importance. Hah. A lot for the better, then for the worse. My circle of friends shattered into pieces. Heroin is a fucked up drug, let me tell you. It must be some amazing shit to be worth throwing your life away for. I stumbled into a relationship with an absolutely amazing girl. In no time at all she managed to strip away all of the walls I'd built and showed me the way out of the hole I'd dug myself into. I was reminded what it was like to be human again, to feel and to live. It was... amazing, for lack of a word to truly describe it. I was reminded of all of the great things to accompany the horror of being a human being, how all the pain and terror is worth suffering for the moments of euphoria in life. Now, out of the relationship, it hurts far, far more than anything has hurt in a long time. I spent nearly a week trying not to vomit every second of every day because the most important part of my life was gone. So it goes, I suppose. It was a trip, to be sure. One that I wish had not ended. So it goes.
I woke up to a shattered driver-side window a week later (this Tuesday) and some fuckhead stole my sub and amp. I hope he rots in hell after a violent and painful death. Basically life was great and now it's back to the same old shit again. A brief moment of happiness just to taunt me, more than anything, hah. So it goes.
All of my friends are leaving. One to the east coast, one to Detroit, one to California, one to drug abuse. Stability has become a thing of the past. Each day a piece of my heart is flaking away. I'll soon find out what's at the center, I suppose. Flesh and blood or steel, time will tell.
I recently (recently, hah, it was months ago. I find it very interesting how much my sense of time has changed in the last few years) read a book called Armor. One of my favorite books, basically the story of my life, not in the literal sense as I'm not a space marine hopping though a war with an insect like race et cetera and so forth, but living with the Engine as your guardian and keeper basically defines several years of my life. Highly worth a read if you ever want to wrap your head around what's wrong with me.
Driving to California next month to help the aforementioned friend move there, then flying back. God. That will be a horrific, horrific day.
Another day, another dime, and I'm waiting, just waiting, for something to fucking happen. Every day is repetition. Something needs to before I do something stupid to make something happen.
I woke up to a shattered driver-side window a week later (this Tuesday) and some fuckhead stole my sub and amp. I hope he rots in hell after a violent and painful death. Basically life was great and now it's back to the same old shit again. A brief moment of happiness just to taunt me, more than anything, hah. So it goes.
All of my friends are leaving. One to the east coast, one to Detroit, one to California, one to drug abuse. Stability has become a thing of the past. Each day a piece of my heart is flaking away. I'll soon find out what's at the center, I suppose. Flesh and blood or steel, time will tell.
I recently (recently, hah, it was months ago. I find it very interesting how much my sense of time has changed in the last few years) read a book called Armor. One of my favorite books, basically the story of my life, not in the literal sense as I'm not a space marine hopping though a war with an insect like race et cetera and so forth, but living with the Engine as your guardian and keeper basically defines several years of my life. Highly worth a read if you ever want to wrap your head around what's wrong with me.
Driving to California next month to help the aforementioned friend move there, then flying back. God. That will be a horrific, horrific day.
Another day, another dime, and I'm waiting, just waiting, for something to fucking happen. Every day is repetition. Something needs to before I do something stupid to make something happen.