The Fame - Merlin/Arthur Chapter 5

[shahrizai13]

Title: The Fame
Rating: M
Disclaimer: I don’t own Merlin or Lady Gaga’s music. BBC and Lady Gaga’s people do.
Summary: AU. After tragedy befalls during his first years in college Merlin’s perfectly planned life takes a turn for the worst. Years later he runs into an old mate who introduces him to the Prince, and possibly a new future. Merlin/Arthur also, NOT a songfic :)

Okay so basically I Love Lady Gaga, and am writing a fanfic inspired by her album The Fame, each chapter will be titled in the order of the songs. It’s posed as a challenge to whose point of view I can use and how I can write the chapters without basing it off the song too much :) so enjoy!

A/N: I am so sorry for the way late update. I tried to make this chapter awesome to make up for it. I’ve been traveling a lot this summer, and getting ready for my internship in Florida. I am working hard with my Beta so she will keep me on check and poke me to update. My goal is going to try and do it every two weeks, but I know it may change depending on how my work schedule is.

I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and thank you so much to those who’ve been reviewing, watching, given me a chance etc. lol

Chapter 5
Eh, Eh Nothing Else I Can Say

‘What have my children gotten into this time?’ Uther pondered with a hint of irritation. He had tried to continue reviewing one of the alliance proposals that had come in last week when he received an email that the Lady Katrina and Morgause had a meeting with him. He cared for the two of them deeply, but he knew that every time they paid a visit he was going to be given discarded photographs, videos, or something that involved his children running wild.

Mind you it didn’t happen too often, although lately he couldn’t say the same, but either way they were his young heirs and should have the common decency to act as such. He realized his thoughts deviated from the task at hand and slammed the papers down on his desk in frustration. He was beginning to massage his temples to calm himself when he heard a knock at the door.

“Enter.” He commanded in his smooth, cold tone.

“Your Highness, The Lady Katrina of Tregor, and her daughter Morgause of Tregor.” The guard announced as he opened the study door for the two women.

Katrina strutted in, beautiful, dominating and cool. The epitome of the reason Uther ever fell in love with her, glowing in her eyes. His oldest child accompanied her mother having a mix of the same air, but a bit gentler.

“My Ladies.” He said as he stood respectfully. “You are dismissed.” He gave a nod to the guard who returned it and walked back out.

As soon as they all felt the coast was clear, Morgause practically rushed over to embrace her father in a hug. It had been months since she was last able to visit her family without raising suspicion. Uther gave her a squeeze back, reveling in the feeling of his firstborn in his arms. Sometimes he could still remember the emotion felt when he had first held her, but it was always mixed with terrible guilt. He never enjoyed the aspect that due to his political lineage he could never give Morgause her proper place in the palace.

“My Uther, I almost saw a hint of emotion behind those ruthless eyes.” Katrina joked dryly, smirking a little at the glare Uther threw towards her.

“Katrina, beautiful and venomous as always I see.”

She gave a small chuckle as she gracefully sat on one of the couches in his office.

“So father, what did you call us for this morning?” Morgause asked as she joined her mother.

Uther let a small hint of confusion appear in his eyes before he shook his head. “What do you mean? I was given the understanding that it was you two that had business to discuss.”

“I can assure you Uther we would have no reason to stop by the palace. Your children haven’t been too wild as of late. I think that new assistant of Arthur’s is doing him well.” Mother and daughter shared a secret glance, smiling as they turned back towards Uther. The king just didn’t want to know, it was enough realizing that they were up to something … yet again.

“Well, can you explain the email I received from the both of you?”

“Can you explain the email we received from you?” The Lady’s smirk increased as Uther cringed at her evasiveness.

“I’m not in the mood for your games Katrina, what is going on.”

“Perhaps we can explain father.” Arthur interrupted as he held the door open for his sister.

“How dare you. The both of you! I am having a private meeting with the Lady Katrina and her daughter, and you barge in without my permission.”

“Oh Uther, put a sock in it, let’s hear what they have to say.” Katrina’s nonchalant tone only served to aggravate the King further.

“Fine. You may sit.”

The twins made sure to give the proper acknowledgement to Lady Katrina and their sister before sitting in the black love seat adjacent to the couch.

“Father, I want you to sit with us as well.” Morgana said meekly.

A twinge of fear suddenly struck Uther. He had no idea what his children were doing, but he knew something bad was going to come out of this impromptu meeting.

Morgana looked towards Arthur to start. “Well, we called this meeting because this group right here is the family. After our mother died … “, a pause had to be made at the painful memory mixed with the emotionality he was trying to hide. He cleared his throat to stop the tremble he felt trying to appear in his speech before continuing. “After she died, Katrina became like our second mother, who was there during some of our hardest moments. Morgause, you know that even though we may not always be allowed to see each other you are my sister and I love you.”

The two mentioned were starting to get the same feeling as Uther. This conversation was becoming more serious than they were expecting.

“Well everyone.” Morgana took a deep breath trying to calm herself, her voice shaky and eyes reddening from the pressure of holding back her tears. Arthur immediately held on to her hand, supporting her. “As you know … Gaius has put me through some tests. He’s been worried about my health and thought that it was the best thing to do.”

Uther’s cold Kingly mask immediately melted as the worried father took over. His child was starting to scare him; this was a conversation that was starting to make him lose his control. He tightened his hold on the chair he was seated in as she continued.

“I’ve been assured he’s run these tests various times, and looked at them with one other discreet Oncologist he trusts and …”

“Morgana, my child … what did it say?” Uther said as he approached her cautiously and knelt in front of her. He wiped the tears that finally spilled as he held her hand in his.

“I have Acute Myeloid Leukemia … the same thing mother had.” At this she finally let her body rack with full on sobs as she hid her face in her hands, hair falling over to hide her further.

Arthur rubbed comforting circles on her back, and whispered, “We’ll work through this, and everything will be okay.” Katrina and Morgause looked like they’d just been slapped; both unsure of how to react and which of the three would need the hug first.

The King though, at that moment felt his throne meaningless, as the ground was harshly ripped from under him. The news hit him directly at his core, he had seen his wife’s slow progression into death’s hands, and now … he may have to see his daughter in the same predicament as well.

Uther felt stunned, and stayed in place shock evident on his features as he tried to grasp the concepts. The first concept he grasped was that the tone of the room had dampened severely. The second was that he could possibly lose his child; he could lose her forever to a place he couldn’t follow. He couldn’t protect her; he couldn’t force this illness to go away. He was once again losing control, and this time … he’d be losing a part of himself he would give the throne and all his riches for.

When he finally reacted, he sat on the armrest next to his youngest daughter and held her. The tears finally breeching his own hard earned walls as a ghastly fear entered his heart.

“It’s going to be alright.” He whispered to her. Not even hearing the sound of his own voice, each sob that escaped her, hurt him more than anyone could imagine. “We’ll get through this.” His words mimicking the earlier ones of her brother, but from the families past experience, they knew those words could be as hollow as the space the Queen’s grave left in all their hearts.

Arthur watched at the all too familiar scene of his father comforting a family member who’d just received a death sentence. His jaw tightened, hands closed into fists as the tension in his body increased. The tears were at the brim of his eyes, ready to spill forward. He’d been trained as the Crown Prince for too long to let them fall. He wanted to lash out at something, this could not be happening again. Just when that last thought left his mind an itch started to appear in the back of his subconscious. A curious itch that felt both foreign and close.

Morgause had already walked towards her father and sister to comfort the two of them. Katrina had decided to give the family some space; although she was a part of it she also knew that there was a blood bond between them she would never really be a part of.
She observed the Royal Family before her taking in everyone’s reactions and assessing everyone’s needs. It wasn’t until she noticed the slow progression of high stress in Arthur’s body that she realized something in him was shifting. She couldn’t quite place the flash of need that passed his eyes. It was unlike something she was used to seeing. The only time she ever observed a look like this was when ... she let her mind stop that train of thought.

“I’m going to go see if Gaius can inform us of the treatment options.” The prince voiced, although it was unheard. In reality, he just wanted to leave the room with whatever excuse his mind could procure that would seem valid enough. His justification was unnecessary but his default was always to uphold the crown’s esteem.

He’d made it out the door when a hand grabbed onto his arm to stop him. He turned ready to unleash his rage onto someone but calmed when he looked into the eyes of Lady Katrina.

“Arthur, I know this time will be just as trying, if not more, as the last time. I just want you to realize I am here for you.”

“I’m fine Katrina, really. I just need to take my mind off of few things. I was thinking of visiting the Royal Military Academy and challenging some of the Knights in training.”

“I’m glad.” Katrina said feeling relieved at the sincerity in his eyes and tone. “I would rather hear you unleashing this energy into something positive.”

Arthur took a minute to catch her hidden meaning before becoming defensive. “I assure you ma’am, there is no reason to look after me. Your sympathies are best left to Morgana who is going to need a mother figure now more than ever.” With this said, the prince left to his chambers to have Merlin change him into the appropriate attire. This was going to be a long day; maybe he’d visit Vivian after.

~*~*~*~*

“Merlin!” Gwen whispered as he passed her carrying the remnants of Arthur’s breakfast back to the kitchens. He spotted his fellow assistant hidden behind a wall and looked around suspiciously before joining her.

“What’s wrong?”

“I was just about to ask you the same question. I haven’t seen Morgana in nearly a week; even the guards seem more vigilant. Did something happen?”

He looked at her dumbstruck before realizing all those tiny observations he’d noted did seem a bit off. “Arthur’s been acting strange too.”

“You mean it’s not just the sexual tension?”

Merlin felt himself blush as Gwen snickered. “You two were completely flirting that night.”

“One night, and I can’t live down this silly notion that Arthur and I are gay for each other?”

“Well you already were gay, but it sure explains why Arthur has never held a successful relationship thus far.”

Merlin glanced away and quickly changed the subject back “Maybe they’re just angry that Arthur’s getting more serious with Vivian?”

“I doubt it,” the brunette said as she shook her head. “Plus, Uther would just have a talk with her father if he really was that worried.”

Merlin found himself chewing his bottom lip in contemplation. A week ago, the palace had held its usual feeling of tension, but the twins always made the environment a bit more relaxed. Then all of a sudden, something changed. Morgana had started to avoid Gwen, and Arthur’s mood had taken a turn for the worse. Both assistants’ were aware that something was going on with their master’s but it wasn’t their place to ask.

“I’ve noticed my uncle working later than usual. Do you think something could have happened to the Lady Morgana?”

At this Gwen’s eyes widened, “Merlin, don’t ever repeat that statement. If the King ever heard you insinuating one of his children ill he would throw you in the dungeons.”

“What? Why? I’m just worried, she’s our friend!”

“Merlin, after the Queen died Uther has lashed out at anyone speculating on his families health again. When the press released those photos of his wife on her death bed he was about to murder all parties responsible.”

The pale assistant nodded in agreement until he realized that Gwen couldn’t have worked with Katrina during that time to find out this information. “Wait, where did you learn all of this?”

“My father used to work for the King, but it was a long time ago.”

“Why have you never told me?”

A moment of pain flashed in Gwen’s eyes. “Well, that’s a story for a different time.” She gave him a smile before changing the subject. “Merlin, can I ask you a question?”

“Anything.” He answered with a smile.
“Do you feel anything for Arthur?”

“Um … I … what?” The expression on his face went from one of confusion to one of horror and back. “I mean he’s my friend … I guess.”

“Alright.” She responded with a slightly smug smile. “Well you best get back to your duties before Arthur notices.”

“He won’t be around for a while. He went to the Academy to train some of the new knights … or beat them up pick your preference.”

Gwen gave out a loud laugh knowing full well that Merlin was right. However, this also added to the fear that perhaps her skinny friend had a point that something was wrong with Morgana. Arthur was the best Knight the Academy had ever produced, he only ever returned when he felt his world out of control.

“Well I’ll see you later tonight alright?”

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t dare leave an extra plate on the table or Kay would have my arse.”

“I’m sure Arthur would protest.” Gwen said quickly and laughed as she ran off to perform her duties, leaving Merlin with a look of embarrassment and outrage.

She couldn’t stop giggling as she made her way towards Morgana’s rooms. Even though she enjoyed the good laugh with Merlin, Gwen found herself worried. There were very few times she’d ever seen Morgana and Arthur so stressed at the same time. She sighed as she quietly paced down the hallway; she was about to knock on the door when Sir Leon stopped her.

“Gwen, Uther has called both of us to the throne room. He says it’s urgent.” She felt a quickening in her gut as she remembered that last time she had knelt before and answered to the King’s call.

“Alright, I just have to tell Morgana-”

“She’s with Gaius.” He clarified. “Come on.”

Gwen gave him a polite smile before following him. Everyone in the Kingdom knew that Uther’s summons weren’t always the most pleasant. As they went down the stairs, twisting through the many hallways, she remembered her father.

She harbored no ill will towards Uther, but couldn’t help but feel that if he hadn’t been so blinded by his own prejudices her father might still be alive. She was so lost in thought she nearly ran into Leon as he stopped at the archway that lead to the throne room.

“Highness, Sir Leon, and the Princess’s Assistant.” One of the guards announced.

“They may enter.” The commanding voice seemed to echo in the vast space that was the throne room. At one point there used to be a more gentle touch to the decorations. After Queen Ygraine died Uther ordered it’s remodeling. He didn’t want a constant reminder of why the Queen’s throne would forever remain empty. The guards uncrossed their weapons and allowed them access.

Gwen took a peek at the four Royal thrones. As long as she could remember they had never changed. The four were made out of the same wood, with similar carvings in representation of each station. Behind them was a huge pair of red, black, and gold banners that held the Pendragon family crest. Uther watched them as they made their way towards the middle of the room and respectively bowed and curtsied.

“Highness” they said in unison.

“I apologize for the suddenness of this summon, but what I am about to tell you is of the upmost importance.”

Gwen and Leon side glanced at each other as the King continued. “I also would like to stress the high regard for secrecy both of your positions are under, and if I am to ever find out that this has left the room I will not hesitate to throw you in the dungeons and have a suitable punishment picked out by Arthur.

“My Lord, you have my word as a Knight that I will not repeat our conversation to any outside of the circumstances.”

“Same as I Highness, I would not do anything to harm your family.”

Once Uther was satisfied with the answer he took a moment to compose himself as he was reminded that soon the throne to the left of his wife’s might also be empty.

“As you are both aware Prince Arthur and Princess Morgana have been rather secretive and withdrawn than is normal. In fact, I would rather say their usual penchant for getting in trouble has been severely lacking as of late. While there is a certain sense of relief, the reason for this is of a harsher nature than I was aware of.”

He stopped and took a moment to collect himself again; he cleared his throat before continuing. “The Lady Morgana, my daughter … has been diagnosed with Cancer, of the same type her mother was afflicted with.”

Leon felt his breath hitch as he heard that his favorite troublemaker was ill. He’d known Morgana since their childhood, and wasn’t sure how to react to this revelation. Gwen herself was in a state of shock. She’d heard many stories that Morgana had entrusted to her about the Queen’s illness. She couldn’t imagine the devastation this would cause to the family.

“Both she and Gaius have discussed treatment options, and they are in agreement that her chemotherapy should start soon. I am sure you two are perfectly aware of the backlash my daughter’s body will suffer as consequence of the treatment.”

They nodded in acknowledgement as each word Uther spoke made the situation more real to their consciousness.

“Leon, I have watched you grow from birth into one of the best Knight’s the kingdom could ask for. I am entrusting the charge of my daughter’s safety to you. I am aware that she will protest but from now on you are to accompany her everywhere. Even if she finds a way to sneak out you are to follow, and for once you do not have to report back about her activities unless you suspect they are a danger to her already fragile health.”

“Yes, My Lord.” He said as he stepped forward crossed one of he arms on he chest and gave a short bow.

“Guinevere, I suppose I do not have to explain to you what is expected of you. However, I do have one request.”

“Whatever it is Highness, I am the kingdom’s faithful servant.”

“I would like for you to move into the servant’s quarters next to Morgana’s room. I would feel more comfortable knowing you are at her disposal for anything she may need.”

“Of course Highness, I will make sure to move in by tomorrow in the early morning.”

“Thank you. I want you two to know that your services are greatly appreciated. I do not want to make the same mistakes I made with Ygriane.” They both heard the slight crack at the end of the King’s speech. Neither made a move to acknowledge it knowing full well the King would not want to show his weakness.

“You are dismissed.” He announced as they bowed and curtsied again before walking towards the entrance to the hallway. They had a lot to think about, and much to plan in order to make sure the duties Uther had assigned them would be done swiftly and orderly.

*~*~*~*~*

“Merlin, where are you?” The tone at the other end of the line suggested that somehow he was in trouble once again.

“I’m cleaning your room you prat!” The assistant couldn’t help but be snappy, how was he magically supposed to know what Arthur was talking about? He had barely said a word to Merlin in the morning, other than the usual insults.

“You were supposed to come pick me up!” Arthur felt a tension headache from the sheer annoyance his assistant was causing him. “I left word with Leon that you were supposed to come get me at promptly one o’clock. What time is it Merlin?”

“Um … well it’s …” He quickly searched for a clock in the room not able to find one.

“It’s past one.” He said sheepishly.

“Past one.” He heard Arthur repeat with a hint of snark in his tone. Merlin swore he could see the sarcastic smile that was appearing on the Prince’s face. “It’s three thirty Merlin! Bloody Three thirty! I am tired of coming up with excuses for you! I’ve had to sit here for two fucking hours waiting for my assistant to finish what ever you were bloody doing. All the while dealing with knight after knight wondering if everything is alright!”

“Arthur it wasn’t my fault Leon did-”

“No, Merlin. You’re fired! When I get back home you had better be gone. I should have known better than to hire you. The only thing you’re good at is stripping!”

Merlin felt the words hit him hard. Strangely enough, he couldn’t understand why it hurt more to know that Arthur was firing him, than the insult that had just been thrown at him. However, he wasn’t going to be fired without a fight.

“Fine, you pompous, self-righteous arrogant Bastard! I’d rather shake my ass for perverts than work for you!” Merlin was only able to hear Arthur’s scoff before punching the button to hang up. He felt livid, and wanted to punch something like a certain blonde prince, or destroy everything in Arthur’s room. The only thing he was able to do at the moment was drop what he had just been working on and run.

Arthur on the other hand, was suddenly struck with what exactly he’d just told his friend. “Damn it!” He yelled in the hallway as he turned and punched through the emergency fire hydrant’s glass box. There were a string of curses that followed as his hand started to throb from the impact.

A couple of the already knighted assistants heard the commotion and ran from the main office into the hallway to see the prince clutching his bloodied hand.

“Prince Arthur, are you alright sir?” The bald, dark-toned man said as he rushed over.

Arthur looked up and recognized who it was immediately. “I’m fine Percival. Just … get someone to replace the fire hydrant.”

“But Highness.” A younger looking one started, he had a tan complexion with dark curls that were cut close to his head. “Your father will-”

“Sir Owain … my father is not to hear about this. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes sire, but-” He was stopped as Percival placed a hand on his shoulder and shook his head.

“You have our word sire. Is there anything you need?” He said to calm the glare the younger knight was already receiving.

“No, I needed a ride but I decided to walk instead.” He made his way towards the exit leaving the Knights with a worried expression. They knew their Prince was perfectly capable of taking care of himself. It just happened to be that all throughout practice they noticed how merciless he was with the ones who were still in training. That usually meant that something serious was occurring in the Royal Household.

Arthur’s mind had completely forgone the reason he could only drive anywhere. As soon as he’d been a block away from the training campus he heard the clicking sound of a camera in front of him.

He had no idea why this seemed to extract his temper quicker than it normally did, but he found himself grabbing hold of the small man, ripping the camera out of his hands and smashing it on the ground.

“Leave me alone.” He growled out dangerously.

“You’re going to have to pay for that!”

“I don’t care! Send the bill to the palace, but if I see you again for the duration of the day I will lock you up in the dungeons. You can write that in your silly magazine.” He shoved the man away from him as he made a run for the next street. He knew full well another one of those vultures had probably captured that moment on film somehow, but today he had bigger problems to worry about.

By the time he’d reached his destination he’d swallowed his pride and hailed a cab. The last time he’d ridden in one the driver took a picture of him approaching Vivian’s apartments at an inappropriate hour. The picture had caused an uproar, which in turn brought King Olaf of a small satellite country to confront Uther on his son’s actions. It had taken a week before they were able to calm Vivian’s father. It didn’t help that there were other compromising pictures of Vivian and him when they’d gone out.

He ended up changing the driver twice when he noticed they were trying to take a picture of him and the bandaged hand. He was about to get to Vivian’s apartment complex when he spotted another camera stalker. The fury that the sight brought him gave him the extra push to garner the energy to make a run for it. He knew he was safe in the apartments since only the powerful were allowed in there.

“Highness is everything alright?” Martin was the security guard that had become accustomed to Arthur’s visits.

“I just need to see Vivian.”

“She left Sire. She will be back soon; I can let you in if you need to relax. She gave me the order to allow you up.”

The prince couldn’t help but feel a sense of shock. As much as he cared for Vivian he realized that she was not the type to show her affection. This small inclusion into her life caused some of the apprehension to dwindle.

“Thank you that would be nice.”

Martin immediately led him up, and even asked one of the maids to leave a first aid kit in the room. Arthur had forgotten about his hand, he figured he’d become immune to the pain. Though he could feel the uncomfortable sensation of some of the shards still inside.

He decided to re-wrap his hand so he could shower first. He would deal with the glass and cuts later. Immediately the tension in his body lessened as his muscles made contact with the warm water. He thought about the events of today and how he’d taken out his anger on everyone around him. He hadn’t meant to, but this situation was causing him to relieve memories he’d been forced to dig deep within himself.

He carefully washed his body and hair with the hand that wasn’t hurt. The small pain he felt from that hand gave him a sense of what an idiot he’d been. There was also the situation with Merlin. He really hadn’t meant everything he’d told him, but he was just so frustrated. It wasn’t an excuse, but he hoped that somehow Merlin would forgive him.

He’d just wrapped a towel around himself when he heard the front door open. “Arthur?” he heard Vivian call.

He quickly walked out to greet her. “I’m over here.”

“There you are.” She raised her eyebrow at the state of undress he found himself in. “Arthur Pendragon, at the rate you’re going I expect you to be towel-less the next time you come by.”

He smirked at her reply, knowing full well she was referring to the last time when he’d also been practically naked. “Well … I might just surprise you one of these days.” He countered as he walked over to give her a kiss. She responded by deepening the kiss and entangling her body in his.

“Vivian.”

“Hmm?” She responded being that her mouth was busy suckling down his neck.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Aw, but Arty we were having so much fun.”

“I know, but … I did something stupid.” He started as he walked away from her, animating the conversation with his hands. Vivian gasped as she finally noticed the wrapped hand and the blood specks on it.

“Arty what happened to your hand?” she questioned worriedly.

“It’s just a scratch.”

“Oh thank goodness, you had me worried for a moment.” She gave him another smile and led him to her bed, since the room was connected to the bathroom. “Sit down.” She motioned as she took her own spot on the mattress. “Now, tell me what happened.”

“I … I fired Merlin today.”

“Who?”

“My assistant.”

“Oh Arty, why are you feeling so down because of that. He was an idiot anyways, and don’t forget how he treated me that one time.”

“No, Vivian. This is serious. I was a prat, just like he tells me all the time.” He didn’t understand why he suddenly became so defensive of Merlin.

“Arthur Pendragon you have no right to feel ashamed. What ever you said he probably deserved. Besides, he’s only an assistant. It’s not like he really matters.” She rolled her eyes as she began to give him a massage.

“What?” Arthur asked a little outraged as he stopped her hands and turned to look at her.

“He’s a servant Arthur. They serve; they don’t question, or have an actual place. I thought your father should have taught you that.” She couldn’t help but scoff at the idea of Arthur being worried about that imbecile.

“He’s not just a servant, he’s my friend!”

“This just confirms it.” She screeched as she jumped off the bed to get in Arthur’s face. “I’ve noticed a shift in you ever since that day he insulted me. He’s trying to seduce you isn’t he? Trying to corrupt you with his homosexual ways.”

He didn’t understand what happened, but those words caused him to snap in a way he hadn’t felt since long ago. “You listen to me Vivian.” He whispered gravely as he grabbed hold of her wrist. He held on so tight he could feel the glass embedding deeper and causing his hand to bleed again. “If you ever speak like that about Merlin again I will not hesitate to have you banished, no matter the political consequences.”

“How dare you threaten me Arthur Pendragon, and all for that little Fag! I deserve more respect than that!” Their shouting was getting so loud it he wouldn’t be surprised if her neighbors could hear them.

“Merlin is my friend, and he’s bloody been there for me more than you. You, who deserves about as much respect as a lying, cheating, whore!” His neck snapped back from the force of her slap.

“I would have thought you had forgotten.” She had tears at the brim of her eyes ready to spill. “What happened with Valiant was a long time ago, why can’t you forgive me still?”

“You’re right.” He didn’t know why he agreed. He felt far worse than he had when he’d arrived.

“What?” she asked incredulously. She had never heard Arthur admit a mistake in all her years of knowing him.

“You’re right.” He whispered hurriedly again as he started to put his clothes from the afternoon back on again. “I should go.”

“Arty … no wait. Please stay.” She said calmer, realizing that something was very much wrong with the Prince. He was always a knight through and through; he lived the code to the epitome, so his outbursts had to do with something else.

“I can’t. I’ll see you tomorrow for brunch at the palace.” He gave her a tender kiss as she nodded.

“Yes, tomorrow.” She gave him one last forgiving smile before he grabbed his keys, wallet, and walked out the door.

‘What did I just do?’ Arthur pondered as he started walking in a random direction. It was already nightfall by then, so he wouldn’t have to be worried about being recognized as easily.

‘I’m such a fool. I should have never talked about Valiant, that was years ago.’ He could feel the guilt setting in deeper; mixing in with all the other negative emotions he’d been dealing with since Morgana told him about her illness. It had been years since some of these issues had been brought up; having to deal with them again was frightening in many ways the Prince didn’t want to accept.

He’d wandered for a good while, taking the back alleys in attempts to keep himself scarce to the public. The only people who ever really roamed in these areas during the night were those from the underground life, people like druggies and prostitutes. He was very well acquainted with these alleys. He slipped through with ease, his memory recalling every twist and turn. It was almost like learning to ride a bike again. Just a few years ago, this had been his haven for escape.

He barely noticed when he’d entered a familiar building, went up a familiar elevator, and walked down a very familiar hallway. His mind was still reeling, and sense of direction still on autopilot when he realized where he was. He didn’t react until he heard the sound of the doorbell, followed by the noise of a door being unlocked and a very upset looking Kay from the other side.

“I’m sorry, what do you want Highness.” The last bit was so harsh Arthur had to internally cringe.

“I need to speak to Merlin.”

“Seriously Arthur, don’t you think you’ve done enough damage for one day?”

“I’m not here for that, I want to apologize. Where is he?”

“I don’t know if I’m inclined to tell you.” Kay gave him a look that mocked every tiny detail of Arthur.

“This isn’t even your apartment!” He replied outraged.

“Well, since Lance wanted a solo evening with Gwen I’m going to say it is tonight.” Kay was about to slam the door in his face but he held it open.

“I need to talk to him, it’s important. I don’t know who else to go to.” The last part was said so dejectedly a small part of Kay calmed down.

“Fine, he’s in his room. If you make him cry again, I’ll break you. I don’t care if you were Uther Pendragon himself, that kid in there is one of my best friends.” With that he left into the living room again to give Arthur some privacy.

The blonde found himself nervous now that he was standing in front of Merlin’s bedroom door. How would he even start, he wanted to apologize, but he wanted to see the idiot for other reasons as well, he just wasn’t sure what. He inhaled deeply before knocking on the door.

“What’s up Kay?” the pale man said as he opened the door slightly. He stopped as soon as he realized who it was. “Oh, wrong person, sorry no prats allowed.”

“Merlin please, I need to talk to you.”

“I’m sorry Highness; I thought cheap whores like me weren’t allowed to even glance at your pure visage.”

“Merlin, stop being an idiot I didn’t mean what I said.”

“No I’m pretty sure you did. Now if you’ll excuse me, this prostitute needs his beauty sleep.”

The raven-head was about to close the door again but was thwarted once again by his former employer.

“I’m sorry. Okay? I didn’t mean it. I was just so angry.”

“Alright, apology accept, now get out.” He responded so pointedly that Arthur was about to reconsider.

“Please, I just need to talk to you.”

“Yes, but I don’t want to talk to you. Being that this is my house I’m going to guess that I can decide whether or not I feel like it. Oh, look at that I don’t.”

“Merlin just hear me out-”

“One chance, one excuse.” Merlin waited with an expectant look on his face.

“I … I’m thinking of breaking up with Vivian.” Even Arthur had to flinch at how fake that was.

“Wow Arthur, sometimes in wonder who the idiot really is.” With that Merlin slammed the door, and the sound of the lock being placed made the prince panic.

“Fine. I’ll tell you, I’ll fucking tell you.” Arthur was shocked at the level his voice had raised to, “Morgana’s sick, she’s dying Merlin and I don’t know what to do. She has what mum had, and I … I can’t deal with this. I need you.” He said the last part so softly, and could feel the stress lessen from the honest moment he’d shared with Merlin.

He was about to turn and leave when he heard the sound of his assistant’s door open. Recognizing the invitation, he walked in and shut the door behind him. Merlin was still in the same clothes from earlier. The Prince could only guess he’d come straight home to mope. Merlin could be such a girl sometimes, but he wouldn’t be Merlin if he didn’t act that way.

“Arthur.” The prince looked up shocked to see the thinner man’s piercing blue eyes in front of him. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I … I don’t know. She’s my twin, if I’d told you it would mean this is all real. I don’t want it to be real Merlin.” He felt his voice give and finally start sounding unsteady.

Merlin sat him down, joined him and just sat there ready to listen to anything. Arthur knew that he just wanted to be there for him. He felt his heart swell as he realized how important his assistant had slowly been becoming for him. He’d never felt so calm, and secure since his mother died … not even with Vivian.

“I can’t lose her. I could barely handle when my mum … when she passed. God, why do these things have to happen?” He finally felt the tears fall, and he found that once he revealed to Merlin what was happening he couldn’t stop. He told him about his mother, the effect it had on his family and hinted at his drug abuse. He told him about the letter, the treatment options and the way that Morgana was taking it. By the time he was done it was late, and he’d exhausted himself in many ways.

Still, he was in awe of how patient Merlin had been. He just sat there, listened, comforted and given him the right advice during the appropriate moments. He didn’t realize when Merlin had circled his arms around him in comfort, but once he felt Merlin’s warmth and affection he found he couldn’t tell remove the source of his console. When had Merlin become such a constant in his life?

“Arthur, we’ll all get through this together. I promise I’m not going to leave you … even if you did fire me and call me a whore.” The blonde couldn’t help the bark of laughter that escaped him at Merlin’s dramatics.

Merlin himself found the prince’s amusement infectious and began to laugh with him as well. It was nice; to have Arthur there sober and so open with him. It had been a while since he’d thought the Prince saw him as a friend. He’d been so cold and temperamental, but now he knew the reason why and was easily able to forgive and forget everything for Arthur.

“What would I do without you?” the prince asked, smile still in place.

“We both know the answer to that, die of boredom.”

“Very true.” There was a moment of uncomfortable silence before Arthur finally broke it. “Do you think I could spend the night here? I just … I-”

“Of course Arthur, I’ll just sleep on the couch.” Merlin got up to get ready for bed but Arthur stopped him.

“No … we could … we could share your bed?” he suggested awkwardly. “I just don’t want to be alone.”

Merlin took a moment to gape at Arthur, a million thoughts floating in his head. What would be the repercussions of this decision? What if Arthur found out he was attracted to him? Could he share his bed with the Prince and not think anything of it?

“Of course if you’re don’t feel comfortable …”

“No.” The slight look of dejection became apparent in the sea blue eyes of Arthur. “No, I mean I’d feel completely comfortable … er… well I mean … it’s just, I wouldn’t mind.” Merlin rubbed the back of his head wincing a little at how retarded he’d just sounded.

“Alright.” Any feelings of weird were thrown out the window when he noticed the blonde’s smile. Merlin felt himself melt a little inside before searching for pajamas that could fit Arthur.

“I think I’ll have to find some of Lance’s because well …”

“You’re too skinny?” Arthur suggested, internally snickering at the blush that appeared on Merlin’s high cheekbones.

“Right, I’ll be back.” He rushed out of the room stumbling on some of the mess in his room on the way. He waltzed into Lance’s room forgetting there would be a disgruntled Kay waiting for him.

“Well?” Merlin couldn’t help the extreme reaction of surprise causing him to drop the pajama drawer on his foot. “Kay? What are you … oops sorry.”

“Merlin why is Prince Arthur still here?”

“Funny story, he’s spending the night.” He quickly cleared his throat as he ran around trying to put everything back in order.

Kay let out an exasperated sigh, not surprised at all that things turned out this way.

“Well if you’re going to let him share your bed, make sure to take care of his hand.” He said matter-of-factly.

“What?”

“He has an injured hand. It was the first thing I noticed when he walked in. From the looks of the horrible bandaging I would say he hasn’t taken care of it.”

“That idiot!” Merlin started raving about how inept the Prince could be at times as he ran out in search of the medical kit. The bartender couldn’t help the fond smile as he heard the fussy mother-hen tone Merlin’s voice took hold of.

“Fools rush in.” He muttered silently before shrugging and settling himself back in the bed.

Merlin had just made it back with a pair of pajamas in one hand and the med kit in the other right when Arthur had decided to remove his shirt, exposing his toned upper half. The assistant couldn’t help but stare, his eyes raking over the god-like body before him. He was awakened from his trance when Arthur turned at smirked at him.

“Like what you see?” he joked.

“Er … what? Um … no, I mean of course you are nice … er for a guy … I mean.”

“It’s alright Merlin. Just don’t molest me in my sleep, otherwise, I really don’t care.”

“Um …” Merlin just nodded, finding it hard to get his speech back. “I’m going to change in the restroom. He announced, before leaving Arthur with Lance’s sleep wear and scurrying off, med kit still in hand.

‘What a dumbass.’ Arthur thought affectionately as he started to dawn the silk black pajamas. ‘But he’s my dumbass …’

“What the hell!” he murmured to himself as he realized what he’d just thought.

He didn’t know how to feel, because lately he’d been having these strange notions quite often. He was noticing how Merlin was the only person in a long while that had the ability to make him genuinely smile, other than his family of course. His mere presence was always a soothing factor to Arthur, and he’d never felt this way before about anyone. On the few days Merlin had to call in sick, Arthur remembered his worry, and impatience at when he’d get to see his slightly useless Assistant waltz into his room as if he’d owned it. All these things were falling down to one idea, an idea that Arthur was in no way ready to accept, but an idea nonetheless that he strongly wanted to act on.

“I almost forgot let me see your hand.” Merlin ordered as he came back into the room wearing a large t-shirt and plaid pajama bottoms.

“Merlin, those are your sleeping clothes?” A golden eyebrow rose a little at how silly his friend looked.

“Well I’ve been wearing this since high school. Why wear something else when this is perfectly suitable?” Arthur just shook his head as he sat down and let Merlin inspect his hand.

“You pulled quite a number on yourself didn’t you?” The tone of admonishment was as clear as day. Merlin really was Gaius’s nephew.

As Merlin worked to remove the shards of glass and clean the wounds they once again found themselves in silence. However, there was a strange tension hanging in the air that wasn’t helped by their close proximity. Arthur noted how soft and efficient Merlin’s hands were compared to his rough ones from his weapons training. He started to wonder what it would be like to feel those hands on his body, but thankfully stopped that train of thought when Merlin started to put away the materials and close the kit.

“It should heal well, they weren’t too deep. You’re lucky you didn’t get an infection with how poorly you took care of that Arthur.”

“Yes mother.” He replied as he settled himself on one side of the bed.

“You are so lucky that what little wages I get for being your slave was at least enough so upgrade my twin to a full.”

“I suppose I am.” He gave one last smile before his eyes slowly started to shut, the weight of today’s events causing sleep to come fast.

“Good night Arthur.” Merlin whispered as he turned off the lights and climbed in next to his master.

The next morning proved to be hectic. Somehow during the night Arthur had ended up on top of Merlin, which in turn caused the Assistant to snuggle closer to Arthur for warmth. Somehow the overlarge shirt had fallen off one shoulder giving the Prince an interesting view when he awoke.

Arthur’s vision was still the slightest bit blurry and bloodshot from the breakdown from last night, but he was quite sure that there was something strange on Merlin’s chest. There was an interesting deviation in color extending from his neck to around the middle. His normal paleness was slightly pink and raised. He found himself running a finger down the disfigured skin to realize that it was a scar. Merlin had been fatally wounded at some point in his life. He took a moment to look closer and saw smaller scars that had blended into Merlin’s skin so well you’d have to be in Arthur’s current predicament to notice them.

He didn’t understand what it was, but something in him raged at the thought of someone hurting his assistant. Again, those possessive thoughts, his assistant, his friend, his Merlin, it was both confusing and made sense at the same time. His curiosity caused him to take hold of the ridiculous shirt and start pulling it up to expose more of his flesh.

“You know, just because I’m not allowed to molest you doesn’t give you the right to be hypocritical and molest me.”

He was pulled out of his concern as he looked into the sleepy blue eyes staring at him curiously.

“Merlin what happened here?” Arthur asked as he trailed a finger over the scar again. He never expected the reaction it would cause as Merlin flew out of the bed, knocking him off in the process. He’d never seen someone cover himself up so quickly or look so un-eased before.

“I … it happened a long time ago. Um … do you want breakfast cause you know I could get Kay to make you some?”

“As comforting as it is to know that I will not have to ingest your pathetic attempt I’m fine.” He stalked closer to Merlin and glanced at the area the assistant was trying to hide. “I want to talk about this later.”

“Arthur it’s nothing.”

“Merlin those kinds of scars don’t appear out of nowhere.”

“Maybe I don’t want to talk about it so drop it! Just because you’re the Prince doesn’t mean I have to go around explaining everything to you.” He poked Arthur in the chest enunciating every syllable.

There was a passing moment that either of them could take advantage of as they stared. It was almost like a challenge to see who would close the distance between them first. Arthur found himself raising his hand about to touch Merlin’s cheek when he snapped out of it.

“I’m going to the palace. I have to take care of something important.”

“I’ll let you change.” Merlin walked out of his room when the heavenly aroma of fresh brewed coffee and Kay’s breakfast caught his attention. His stomach gave a loud growl reminding him that he hadn’t eaten since lunchtime the day before. His feet had already started to walk in Kay’s direction by the time his brain caught up to his actions he was already staring at amused looking grey eyes.

“So how was it?” The slight tint of perv to his intonation was evident to Merlin.
“Shut up!” He whispered. “It’s not what you’re thinking.”

“Just drink your coffee Merlin.” Just as he had taken a sip Kay added “You two would actually look good together. You’re both pretty despite being blokes”

Merlin had a huge spit-take spilling coffee everywhere at the same time. He was drenched and could feel the burn. Right when he looked at his most silly, Arthur walked out to bid them farewell.

“Merlin I thought the mental affliction joke wasn’t real.” Both blondes laughed at Merlin’s expense, who could only glare in response. “I’ll see you at the palace. Thanks Kay.” He gave them a nod before leaving before it was too noticeable he’d been gone the whole night.

“I’m going to say you two have got it bad.” The darker blonde was met with a playful hit from the currently drenched Merlin.

“Are you crazy? What if he’d heard you!”

“Merlin, you two were practically eye-fucking each other.”

“How would you know?”

“Trust me I would know. He’s got his charm I could see why you’re so infatuated.”

“I’m not infatuated. And … I thought you didn’t play on my field?”

“I never did clarify to you or Gwen which one I played for.” Merlin agreed looking at Kay expectantly. “Ah, well. So, how well endowed do you think Sir Prince is? Cause I’m betting-”

“Fuck you Kay!” Merlin muttered as he threw a piece of croissant at him.

“Not thanks but I’m sure Arthur wouldn’t mind.”

“Why does everyone keep saying that?!” He felt exasperated.

“Well Merlin, when you come home one day with that satisfied look on your face, and that reassurance in your aura I will get to say I told you so.”

“Ha. How cute.”

“Admit it though, you’re in love. I’d never seen you so crushed when he fired you.”

“I … I can’t fall in love with him Kay.”

“Merlin if you’re going to go on about social status-”

“That among other things.” He said as he absent-mindedly rubbed the scar.

“Does it have anything to do with those scars you’ve never wanted to explain?”

Kay didn’t miss the flash of hurt, and misery that accompanied Merlin’s answer. “Look, I’ve got to get ready. I think Arthur’s going to have some sort of Royal photo shoot or something.”

Kay watched Merlin walk away, feeling more confused than ever. Gwen was right, as well as they knew Merlin … there was so much mystery surrounding him. He could tell that something horrible happened to him, but Merlin was the type who didn’t want to be a burden. Even if his own burden was stopping him from being as successful as everyone knew he was capable of.

~*~*~*~*~

“Oh, Arty I was so worried when you left so suddenly!” Vivian exclaimed as Arthur walked out onto the veranda that gave a beautiful view of the royal gardens.

“I’m fine Vivian.”

“Well I’m glad. I was so upset by what you told me last night. Then I realized something had to have bothered you because you would never talk to me that way.”

Arthur gave her a small smile before pulling out her chair so she could sit. “Do you find everything alright?”

“Of course, I mean how many people can say they get to dine like a princess other than you and your horrid sister.”

Arthur’s jaw tightened at Morgana’s insult. “Excuse me Vivian, but Morgana is the Princess of this country, save your negative comments.”

“I didn’t mean to offend you. It’s just that she’s always been so rude, and uncouth. I would expect better behavior from Royalty. I mean I would know, and then all those fake illnesses she used to come up with in High school.”

“You know very well her health has always been hard on her.”

“Arty don’t tell me you’re going to believe her? She’s always been a conniving bitch, I hate to open your eyes about your family but if anyone is the lying, stealing, cheating whore it’s her.”

Arthur rose, and hit the table so hard all of the dishes shook. “Vivian if you ever speak that way of her in my presence again I will not hesitate to deport you back to your insignificant country.”

“You wouldn’t dare. England wouldn’t be anything if your family members weren’t the High rulers over all of Albion.”

“Then I am going to have to ask you to leave before I do something I may regret later.”

“Arthur Pendragon, if you kick me out we are through.”

“Fine then, that’s perfect actually. I was going to break up with you anyways. Guards.”

“What? But Arthur.”

“No Vivian. We shouldn’t have been together in high school, and we are still in the same predicament now. The only thing our relationship had going for it was the sex.”

“Why I have never.” He felt her slap him in the same area as she had the previous night. It caused him to groan slightly since his cheek was still feeling a little sore. “If I ever find out you left me for another you are going to pay.”

“Well that’s part of it. Goodbye.”

“You’ll come back to me Arthur, and when you do you’ll regret breaking my heart!” She ignored the guards who’d immediately arrived at the Princes call and stormed out of the palace. Just as she left Merlin had been walking towards Arthur to see if he needed anything.

“If he left me for you, I will not rest until I’ve had my revenge.” She whispered her threat so quietly that even Merlin almost hadn’t heard. He stared after her for only a few more seconds before approaching his Prince.

“What was that all about?”

“We’re through. I couldn’t keep lying to myself.”

“Are you alright?” he always found his assistants worry so endearing.

“I am now.” He gave Merlin his trademark, reassuring smile before grabbing hold of his arm and pulling him into the castle. “Come with me,” was his only warning.

Merlin was a bit confused but figured it had to be something important. They hurried in the main hall, up Arthur’s star case. Turned into one hallway, passed the stairs that lead to the bottom guest rooms and up another one before they arrived at the Princes’ hallway. He continued to pull Merlin’s thin frame along until they were inside his chambers.

“Arthur what is goi-” His question was cut short as the Prince crush his lips against his Assistants. The tension that had been surround them, slowly dissipating as Merlin’s body went from rigid shock, to a relaxed acceptance. “Oh.” He said as Arthur let them up for air.

“Is this … is this alright?” he asked as he brought his hand to the paler man’s cheek in a sweet caress.

“You’re not drunk are you?” Arthur looked confused before he let out a beautiful laugh that brightened Merlin’s day.

“No, I’m completely sober. This is real.”

“Well alright then.” He responded as their lips met once again. Arthur found himself embracing Merlin. He took in all the different sensation, his taste, his scent, and his feel. This was Merlin, his Merlin. There were no more excuses; no more reason’s to keep denying that he was utterly in love with the man he was currently holding in his arms. He also had no doubt that his assistant was feeling the same.

*~*~*~*~*

There were very few people Morgana had informed about her first round of chemotherapy. Gaius obviously knew since he would be accompanying her to the hospital Dr. Riagan was in charge of. She told Gwen so she could accommodate the room in case she had any of the after effects, and was accompanied as well by Leon who wouldn’t let her out of his sight lately.

“Honestly Sir Leon, this was unnecessary.”

“My Lady, I feel more comfortable knowing that you will have at least one non-medical person attending you.”

“It’s just chemotherapy Leon, it’s no that big of a deal.” She said as she glanced out the window. ‘I wonder how Mordred is doing?’ she found herself wondering.

“My Lady I still think it’s in your best interest to-”

“No, you mean my father ordered you to stalk me … figures.” She said when she found the affirmation in Leon’s gaze.

“Lady Morgana I don’t mean to offend by my presence.”

“Well, it’s too late for that. We’re already here.” She gave him a hard stare that mimicked her father’s before getting out of the vehicle. Gaius just stared between the two preferring not to comment.

“My Lady.” It was Dr. Riagan who was once again outside to greet her. “It’s so nice to see you. I wish they were under different circumstances though.”

“Thank you doctor, and even if these weren’t the circumstances I would have made sure to visit again I assure you.” She gave the older woman a hug, remembering the moments before her mother’s vitals took a turn for the worst how she had comforted her then.
“Please, call me Nimueh. I think we’ve known each other far too long. I will not be your attending doctor so we can do with the informality.” The Brunette gave her hospital’s newest patient a sincere smile before greeting Sir Leon and Gaius.

“Dr. Emrys, how do you do?” Leon and Morgana couldn’t help but notice the colder tone she greeted Gaius in.

“Dr. Riagan, it’s nice to see you are still practicing.”

“Yes. Well, no thanks to you.” She gave him one of the fakest smiles Gaius had ever seen before urging them all to enter the hospital.

Since they had been in a separate hospital from the children’s Morgana was sad to learn she most likely would not able to visit them. She was warned about symptoms that she might begin to feel even before she finished her first round of chemo. She felt a flutter of nerves, knowing full well that this was the big step into fully accepting what was happening to her.
She was scared when informed by Gaius that they would have to apply a catheter to her chest in order for them to reach one of her bigger veins. She felt tears at the brim of her eyes when she realized that this was it, this would be the mark that she was ill.
Although, the procedure was a bit painful mixed with discomfort, she was able to handle it. She was secretly grateful to have Leon with her, though she was too proud to admit it. This was going to be a harder first round for her than she realized when she’d prepped herself that morning.

“You ready?” Gaius asked as he hung one of the two bags that were connected to her tube.

“Yes.” Her voice was slightly cracked and a bit uncertain, but if she was going to go down, she would fight this illness until she had nothing left in her. She felt Leon squeeze her shoulder lightly to remind her that he wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon.

“I’m going to go discuss some things with Dr. Riagan; I’ve been consulting her since she was your mother’s doctor as well.”

“Thank you Gaius.”

“No need to child.” He gave her a kind smile before making his way towards Nimueh’s office.

“You’re going to be alright My Lady?”

“I’ll be fine Leon.” She took a deep breath before relaxing into the chair she was sitting at. “I can’t imagine you would want to wait here for five hours.” She said cheekily.

“I am here for you My Lady. I would be here even if your father had not assigned me this task.”

“You tell all the sick girls that?” She gave him her trademark eyebrow, as if challenging him.

“No, because I don’t care about them the way I care for you … in the most respectable sense.”

She found herself shocked to hear his revelation. She’d always been close to Leon, which was half the fun of planning her great escapes. “Well, how bout a round of chess?” He smiled at her before bringing another chair closer to hers along with the side table. He’d brought the old case they used to play with knowing full well something like this would happen.

It had been a fairly good game so far with Morgana winning. Leon kept assuring her that he was not going easy on her, and even had to take long moments of contemplation before making his moves. However, as their second game started to approach the almost three hour mark of her chemo she felt the first wave of nausea hit her.

“Oh, give me a moment.” She said as she leaned back on the chair closing her eyes.

“Lady Morgana, are you alright?”

“Yes, I just … it’s passed.” She once again went to mover her queen but dropped it on the board knocking some of the pieces down as she reclined on the chair again. Her body was definitely not as ready for the shock of chemo as they had previously thought. She curled up slightly hoping the nausea would end.

“I’ m here Morgana.” He heard the Knight whisper as he held her hand, letting her hold onto it as tightly as she needed.

“I would normally have kicked your ass by now. However … thank you.”

She looked up at him with a pained smile that he returned. The worry never ceased for the duration of the chemo. Everyone could already tell that these months would be rough on everyone.

…..

A/N: Alright, now it is up to me to keep up with my every two weeks promise. I just have to share this since this is a tribute fanfic to Mother Monster … I’m going to go see her in Dallas in two days! Please review or comment if you have a chance!